Wrong Hospital Niko Bellic
By: Sorren
Part Nine
Niko lie awake. He couldn’t sleep. For the past two hours he had found himself staring up at the barn roof. Brucie snored loudly by his side. Rainbow wasn’t here. She had decided to sleep at her own place tonight.
He couldn’t help but feel that something was wrong. Somehow, he had been transported here. He had no idea how or why, but there had to be some reason. Then somehow Roman had ended up here. Then Brucie of all people.
Niko wasn’t much of a person to go seeking out the bad side of things; but he couldn’t help but wonder. What if he and his friends weren’t the only ones that could end up here? What would happen if Liberty’s more corrupted began to show up here? These were ponies. They had no means of defending themselves. He doubted more than a few of them even knew what death was.
Niko was on edge. These were ponies. And it seemed a little awkward, but his friends too. He didn’t want anything to happen to them. They weren’t like people. People were mean and brutal. No matter what, humans would find a way to fight. Humans would hate and kill each other just for being different.
Niko couldn’t deny it. He had done a lot of killing in his life. Not because he wanted to, but because he had to. For his country. For his safety. For peace.
Ponies did not fight. They did not have wars. They were all nice to each other. All that radiated from the little colorful creatures was kindness and joy. Even the mean ponies were nice. The meanest pony here could easily amount to the nicest person in Liberty City.
He sat up. There was no point in trying to sleep anymore. Bright moonlight filtered into the barn from a window in the hayloft. “Ponies,” he muttered. Niko chuckled lightly “So much better than humans. I do not care if there is no cheap American television or fast food."
Niko pushed himself to his feet and walked to the barn door. Leaving Brucie and his raucous snoring behind, he set out into the cool night air. Despite the weather always seeming to be nice in Ponyville, the nighttime air had a biting chill to it. Niko hugged his jacket close to him and set off for a destination he did not yet know.
A white flash emanated from somewhere near the edge of the Everfree forest. Niko stood, wondering whether or not to investigate. He figured ponies didn’t have many things that would be able to create a bright white flash of light. Of course he would have to go investigate it.
Niko set towards the spot where he was pretty sure the flash had been. As he neared, the sound of movement could be heard in the undergrowth, behind a patch of trees.
“What the fuck did you do!?” said a panicked voice.
A much deeper, worried voice replied. “Man don’t point that shit at me!”
Niko crept closer, avoiding noisy patches of undergrowth that could signify his presence.
“Where the hell are we?” the first voice insisted.
There was an awkward silence between the two men. Finally, the deeper voice replied with heavy exasperation and irritation. “Man, does it look like I know where the fuck we are!?”
“You’re a drug dealer. You’re supposed to know about this shit.” The lighter voice replied. Niko figured he was most likely Caucasian.
The so called ‘dealer’ struggled for words, in shock from the sheer arrogance of the other man. “When does me being a drug dealer make any o’ this shit make sense?”
Niko crept around a tree to spot the two arguing men. One was a rather husky black man. The other, a white male, dressed in punk clothes and a black hoodie. He held a shaky pistol in his hand, directed at the black man, who’s hands were poised in the air.
The gun wielder’s back was to Niko. He stepped out from behind the tree and slowly crept towards the two arguing men. The husky man spotted Niko over the gunman’s shoulder and his eyes widened. Niko held a finger to his own lips to signify the man stay silent.
“You did something weird to me,” the white man growled.
“Hey man,” the other replied. “You need to calm down.”
Niko was now right behind the gunman. “Don’t you know you should not point guns at people?” he asked casually.
The hoodie clad man jumped and attempted to turn the gun on Niko. Almost casually, Niko grabbed his wrist and twisted it. The man cried out in pain and fell to his knees, dropping the pistol. Niko gave a hard shove that sent the man sprawling on his chest. He bent down and picked up the dropped weapon.
“Now I have gun,” he declared with a threatening tone. He pointed at the man still on the ground. “Now get up and go stand next to big man or I will use gun.”
The thick black man lowered his hands and stepped forward. “Hey man, thanks. I thought that—”
Niko trained the weapon on him “You too burger shot!”
The man’s jaw dropped. He looked around in confusion. “The fuck is this?” he asked angrily. “I thought you was savin’ my ass.”
“No,” Niko corrected condescendingly. “I am wondering just why the hell you are here.”
The dealer spread his arms. “Me too!”
The punk stepped forward intimidatingly. “Just who in the hell do you think you are!? I should—”
Niko trained the pistol. “You, shut up. I am talking with burger shot.”
Niko gave an exasperated sigh and looked the two men over. “Okay, we are going to play game.” He stared at the two menacingly. “Game is, you walk ahead of me and I tell you where to walk. If you do it wrong, I use gun to help you. Understand?”
They both nodded.
Niko motioned towards the barn in the distance. “Go,” he instructed. They complied and set off. Niko walked five feet behind them, pistol at the ready.
“Where are we?” the man with the strong resemblance to Biz Markie asked.
“A place you should not be,” Niko replied flatly.
The two stopped in front of the barn door. Niko prodded the hoodie punk with the pistol “Open it.”
He complied. Niko led them into the barn and closed the door. He reached up and lit the oil lantern that hung from one of the rafters, casting dull yellow light around the barn.
Brucie still had not moved. Loud snores came from his curled form as be burrowed his head into an improvised hay pillow.
“Brucie, wake up,” Niko called out. “We have visitors.”
Brucie sat up with a grunt, blinking sleep from his eyes. A few stray strands of hay clung to his mostly hairless head. His gaze fell on the new arrivals and his expression darkened. “Niko man, what the hell is this?”
Niko shook his head. “I am not sure. Liberty City scum?” Niko kept the weapon trained, pondering the two men in front of him. “Go get rope,” he told Brucie.
The punk dresser glared at Niko. “Hey man,” the black man stated. “I’m just a dealer. I do what I gotta’ do.”
Brucie hurried over to a trunk against the far wall and began to dig through its contents. A moment later, he emerged with a coil of rope.
Niko exchanged the gun for Brucie’s rope. “Cover me,” he told Brucie. “If they move to fast, shoot them.”
He walked over to the two men and tied them together at the waist, much to their indignation. Then he tied their feet separately together.
The punk dresser pulled angrily on the ropes. “Can I ask why the fuck you’re tying me to this fat bastard?” he asked with sarcastic anger.
“Because,” Niko replied, finishing a knot. “I do not want Liberty City scum walking around in Ponyville. It will end badly.”
The dealer shot Niko a look over his shoulder, his face contorted in disgusted confusion. “Ponyville?” he asked with condescending criticism. “What kinna’ shit you on?”
“What are you going to do with them?” Brucie asked, lowering the gun.
Niko shrugged. “Leave them in the barn and tell farmpony not to open door.”
Niko looked down at the two angry men, tied up and lying on the floor. “We have problem,” he declared.
Brucie looked up. “Problem?”
“They will not be only ones,” Niko stated matter-of-factly. Brucie just raised an eyebrow. Niko sighed. “I came to Equestria somehow, then Roman, then you, now them. There will be more soon. Watch, it will happen.”
Brucie scrunched his brow. “That sounds like it could be a bad thing.”
Niko nodded solemnly. “Could you image how bad it would be if some of the bad people from Liberty got here?”
Brucie shot him an understanding look. “The ones from Liberty, yeah.”
Niko sighed. There was nothing he could do about this. Slowly, he turned to Brucie. He had an idea. “Brucie?” he asked.
Brucie tore his gaze away from the two angry men to peer at Niko. “Yeah?”
“You seem to know everything about ponies,” Niko stated. “Is there like, head pony I can talk to or something?”
Brucie nodded almost immediately. “Yeah dude, that’s Princess Celestia.”
Niko shot him a flat look. “Princess Celestia?”
“I’m not joking,” Brucie persisted. “She’s the princess of Equestria. She runs everything.”
Niko rolled his eyes. “Okay, how would I speak with Princess Celestia?”
“Talk with Twilight,” Brucie replied simply.
Niko nodded. He set off towards the barn door.
“Where’re you going?” Brucie asked.
“To see Twilight,” Niko replied over his shoulder. “Watch our new friends while I am away.”
“But Niko,” Brucie protested. Niko waved his arm in a sign of dismissal and left the barn.
* * *
“Twilight!” Niko called, banging on the door of the tree house-combo-library-thing. The walk from Sweet Apple Acres to Ponyville had taken less than an hour and the moon still shone brightly in the sky. “I have to speak with you! It is important!”
The door flew open to reveal a very annoyed looking lavender pony. “Can’t you ever talk to me during the day?” she asked with heavy exasperation. “This is a library, not a check-in-any-time-you-want motel.” The purple unicorn sported bags under tired eyes and her two-toned mane was disheveled from sleep.
“Tell him to go away!” Spike called from within the domain. “I haven’t gotten a full night’s sleep in days!”
“What do you need Niko?” Twilight asked, trying her best to sound eager to help. “And where’s Roman?”
“Roman found way back to Liberty,” Niko replied
Twilight looked curious. “Well that’s odd. How’d he do that?”
Niko shook his head. “I do not know.”
“Oh, well here, come in,” Twilight added generously. Niko ducked through the doorway into the house. He heard Spike’s indignant groan from upstairs. There was really nowhere for him to sit so he plopped down in the middle of the floor, propping his feet and resting the crook of his elbows on his knees.
Twilight addressed him with forced patience. “Now what was so important that you couldn’t wait until daytime to tell me?”
Niko thought a moment about how to put it. After some thought, he started. “Have you noticed how people keep magically appearing here?”
Twilight nodded. “Of course. They don’t come here too often. But when they do, they always seem to find me to talk to of all ponies.”
Niko continued. “Well I think it is becoming big problem.”
Twilight furrowed her brow at him. “Why’s that? Humans haven’t ever done much harm here.”
Niko dismissed her comment with a wave. “Here is where we have problem. I am from Liberty City. Roman is my cousin; he is also from there. Brucie got here yesterday with a whole car. And now, just an hour ago, two people I do not know appeared at Applejack’s farm.”
Twilight frowned. “Where are they now?”
"Tied up in Applejack’s barn.”
The lavender unicorn maintained her curious gaze. “Why are they tied up?”
“Because they are bad people,” Niko replied. “This is why I am worried,” he added. “Most people in Liberty City are bad. And if some of those bad people get here, we will have big problem.”
She nodded. “Okay? So what do you want to do?”
Niko rubbed his chin. “Friend of mine told me that you can talk to Princess Celestia. Can we take the problem up with her?”
Twilight pondered the thought for a moment, rolling her eyes to the top of her head. “I don’t think she’d appreciate me sending her a letter in the middle of the night.”
Niko groaned. “But it is important.”
Twilight shot him a look that suggested he was a child begging for food in the grocery store. “Honestly, how important can it be?”
Niko stood up. “You want to see how important this is?” he said irritably. He reached into his jacket pocket and pulled out the pistol he had seized from the hoodie-punk. “See this?” he said, brandishing the weapon.
Twilight looked skeptical. “Yeah,” she said slowly.
Niko pointed to a stack of books in the corner of the library. “Watch books,” he commanded.
He took quick aim with the pistol and fired. The weapon discharged loudly and shards of paper flew like party confetti. The stack toppled over, scattering hard back books across the floor.
Spike bolted down the stairs like a purple blur. “What happened!?” he asked urgently.
Niko tucked the weapon back into his jacket pocket. “It was just little demonstration.”
Twilight ran over to the toppled stack of bucks and pulled out a shredded hardback. “What the hay was that!?” she balked. “You put a hole right through ’Caneighdia: A History.’ I was hoping someday somepony might actually want to read that.”
“That… is a gun,” Niko said, putting as much intimidation in his voice as possible. “Almost every person in Liberty City has one of these. Some of them have even bigger ones. More bad people, with guns, will end up here; and they may not like ponies.” Niko motioned towards the shredded book Twilight levitated by her side. “Guns will do that to ponies too. Now do you see problem?”
Twilight’s jaw dropped. “Yeah,” she murmured, eyes lost in thought. “Spike,” she said commandingly. “Take a letter to the Princess.”
Spike, who had been heading for the stairs, stopped to look back at her. “Right now?”
Twilight trotted up to the baby dragon and waved the book in his face. She shot Spike an urgent look through the hole in the center. “Did you just see that?” she said insistently. “This is urgent!”
Spike held up his hands. “Alright, alright.” Spike ran over to a nearby desk and produced a quill and scroll. He dipped the quill in the inkpot and poised the utensil over the paper. The baby dragon rolled his eyes up to look at Twilight, such as an important interviewer would do.
“Dear, Princess Celestia,” Twilight started, trotting back and forth around the room. The baby dragon began scribbling furiously on the paper. “I have caught wind of an upcoming crisis. The details are extensive and would be much easier to explain in person rather in forms of a written letter. I would like to schedule a chance for us to speak as soon as possible. It is unknown to me when this upcoming crisis may occur but I can assure you that disaster may be imminent.” She paused for effect. “Your faithful student, Twilight Sparkle.”
Spike made an over exaggerated movement of dotting the last sentence and looked over the scroll approvingly. “And done,” he declared.
Twilight nodded. “Good, send it.”
He watched as the little dragon raised the scroll, and to Niko’s surprise, breathed a heavy wisp of green flame on it. The scroll went up in smoke.
Niko raised a confused finger and pointed it at Spike. “What?” he asked confusedly.
“That’s how he sends letters to the Princess,” Twilight clarified. “it’s a lot faster than letting the mail ponies get around to it.”
Niko was still slightly confused, but nodded. “So it is kind of pony e-mail?”
Twilight sat down and looked at Niko ponderingly. “What’s so bad about humans?” she asked. “So far, the one’s I have met haven’t been too bad. Sure, they’re always strange. But you’re talking about other humans as if they’re all scum.”
Niko thought a moment about how to reply. “Liberty City is different from other places. It is filled with worst kind of people possible. There are hundreds and hundreds of drug dealers. There’s thieves, criminals, murderers…” Niko hesitated. “I do not know of way to describe to a pony what those people do.”
Twilight listened intently as he spoke, her impression both intrigued and worried. Niko continued. “Humans, will hurt other humans for being different. They will do the same to ponies.”
Spike interjected. “There’s no way anyone can be that bad, even a human. Even if they are weird and crazy, but not like that.”
Niko leveled his gaze with the baby dragon. “Trust me; I know what I am talking about.”
“How are you so sure?” Twilight asked, a prying tone in her voice.
Niko hesitated. “Because,” he finally answered. “I used to be like them.”
Twilight’s eyes widened in surprise. “Did you… kill people?”
He exhaled deeply. Niko met the unicorn’s gaze and gave her a single, slow nod. “I am not proud of it. It is one of the many things I wish I had never done.”
Twilight shuffled her hooves nervously. “Well, you don’t seem like that now.” She cast a nervous look around. “Isn’t that right Spike?”
Spike, who had been pretending to intrigue himself with something on a bookshelf, looked up. “Yeah, right.” He went back to pretending to focus.
Twilight rolled her eyes. “Well thanks for the support, Spike.”
Spike didn’t look up. “Don’t mention it.”
Twilight turned her gaze back to Niko. “If you really do know what you’re talking about, and I’m pretty sure you do. Then we need to find a way to prevent this. This could be a major—”
Niko held out his hand in a gesture for silence. He dug in his pocket and removed the phone. “Hello?” he answered.
“Niko, it is your cousin!” came a familiar cheery voice.
“Hello Roman,” he replied. “How are things going back in Liberty?”
There was a moment of silence on the line. “Niko,” Roman said seriously. “You are not going to believe this.”
<= Sorry about the long wait for so little chapter. I have been very busy lately with a lot of other stories and some stupid thing called life. I'll try and pick up the pace in the future.
~Sorren
Cliffy
CLIFFHANGER
Now I wait
OH SHIT SON! Shit just got REAL. So what? Ponies are popping up in liberty now or something?
Let me guess, Dmitri is involved in Roman being serious and is somehow related to the people in Liberty ending up in Equestria?
Darn cliffhanger. Well at least Roman is still in Liberty.
I cannot wait to see what is in store for the rest of the story
Excuse my rare swearing, but...
DAMMIT DAMMIT SON OF A BITCH CLIFFHANGERS!!!
...Ponies aren't going to start appearing in Libert now, are they?
and now we play, the waiting game.....
“Niko,” Roman said seriously. “You are not going to believe this.”
*Chapter ends on that cliffhanger*
i1145.photobucket.com/albums/o516/catbushnell/tumblr_m18zz8luw31r17g1r.gif
Freaking cliffhangers
twenty bucks Celestia's in Liberty. thirty that a pony ended up there and is now dead. or captured.
NIKO IS GOING TO RIP OFF ALL OF THEIR FUCKING HEADS!
“So much better than humans. I do not care if there is no cheap American television or fast food.
> Missing the end quotation mark.
“Why are you tied up?”
> Should be "Why are they tied up?" unless Niko somehow got tied up while I wasn't paying attention.
Fuck yo cliffhanger shit!
I wonder if that murderous man-child that Niko gives rides to will appear? Anyway, I'm glad you continue capturing Niko's canon mindset of "good heart caught in bad place."
“You seem to know everything about ponies,” Niko stated. “Is there like, head pony I can talk to or something?”
Oh god, here it comes.
Brucie nodded almost immediately. “Yeah dude, that’s Princess Celestia.”
...
Niko shot him a flat look. “Princess Celestia?”
...BWAHAHAHA [translation: Nope, couldn't keep a straight face]
HAHAHAHAHA [translation: Reading it in his voice just adds on to the hilarity]
On another note, it looks like Niko's finally trying to piece things together. I'm sure a princesses/Brucie collaboration is in order, if you know what I mean.
PS: I love the nickname Niko gave the dealer.
Well, Time to put that gun to use.
Bloody rain be comin' this way soon!
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lol.
The "random humor" tone this story started out with is gone, isn't it? Just, please, don't forget that the hospital staff know what guns are.
I'm actually very surprised that Twi doesn't know what a firearm is if a human showcased them the wring way before Niko came, but it's not unbelievably absurd, so it passes.
To avoid this kind of awkward moments, I suggest you re-read the chapters you published, man.
There was a moment of silence on the line. “Niko,” Roman said seriously. “You are not going to believe this.”
"I no longer have the urge to constantly go bowling, and there is ponies in Liberty City."
550563 Thank you, fixed.
550799 I know what I wrote in the frist chapter. If you remember. I never even planned on taking this beyond a three or four part. I think I'm alllowed to break some of my own rules. They are ponies, are you going to try and understand them?
Oh, and, really? how long can I base my story off of meta humor and getting ponies drunk? There has to be some purpose apart than just plane sillyness.
Damn it! Cliff hanger.
Good chapter my friend, it looks like some serious stuff is about to go down what with P. Celestias involvment and Romans unkown suprise.
Looking forward to what happens next
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO dat cliffhanger, curse you mortal!
Whats gona happen next? ponys in liberty city? that would be funny.
“Niko, it is your cousin!” came a familiar cheery voice.
“Hello Roman,” he replied. “How are things going back in Liberty?”
There was a moment of silence on the line. “Niko,” Roman said seriously. “You are not going to believe this.”
"What is it cousin?"
"I'm ending on a cliffhanger."
"Ah screw you cousin."
Jokes aside, the plot thickens!
Pony in Liberty City? That would be a big crisis.
Dude that is one hell of a brutal cliffhanger for us readers.
I like where this is going.
Also
CLIFFHANGER!
There was a moment of silence on the line. “Niko,” Roman said seriously. “You are not going to believe this.”
"what is it, cousin?" niko asked worriedly.
"All of the bowling allies are closed down!"
DUN DUN DUUUUN
Lol well can't wait for the next one!
agh! a cliffhanger!
you devil.
551151 Jesus effin' Christ, man, way to take a comment as an offense!
I was just observing that the humor had dried out a little; I do know a good long story isn't made of laughter alone, any good comedy film can attest to that. It was a statement, not an accusation.
And the bit about the continuity break was an advice. I know I hate to break continuity when I write, and was just trying to help.
God damn you cliffhanger!!!!! DDDDAAAAAAMMMMMMNNNNN YYYYYYYOOOOOUUUUU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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I take it, *puts on sunglasses* that you are a little unhappy with me. *smiles menacingly* Come at me bro. *Starts epic matrix battle scene*
552555 And yet nopony got my Canada joke.
Foul jedi, the dark side of the force is much stronger!
troll.me/images/american-psycho/ive-had-enough-of-these-fucking-cliffhangers-thumb.jpg
Cliffhanger...
We meet again.
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*Puts on sunglasses*
Let's go, then.
*The song Navras from The Matrix starts playing*
553197 *ultimate 14 way battle starts between Sorren and all the Cliffhanger haters.*
*five minutes of state-of-the-art CG animation later, battle ends with Sorren holding piece of re-bar screaming up into the rain.*
553212
*I get up with half of my body missing and blood pouring out*
...Good show, my friend.
*Dies*
553218 *wins*
553220You win this time, Sorren, but I'll be back! (I hope...)
A first I thought Roman was going to say:
"Niko, Cousin! Let's go bowling!"
But then I read it.
BLOODY CLIFFHANGERS!
I think I'm reading with the wrong accent, but it makes the story better.
why are so many people mad about the cliffhanger, its not that bad, geez
not trying to be rude or anything but i think this chapter could have waited a little longer for a bit more to read, it's about quality, not quantity
I so like how Niko demonstrates how serious the situation can be especially with a gun.
Goes to show how serious this story is going to lead.
555699 And you look right over the canada joke.
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Oh....
Is that a good thing?
556123 No, it's not *supersadface*
Oops....
Want me to take the comment away?
556144 Lol no. I just like making Canada jokes. I like Canadians but they are such an easy target. "Caneighdia: A history." I was making a total canada joke there.