REWRITTEN
-I've added about 2,000 words overall to the story, and clarified some issues that people had.
Two parents are forced to give up their child, leaving her to the fate of an orphanage with a dark secret. Every day is a struggle when the place you live crushes your hope further each day.
/> Gilda always gets all of the flak from writers, so I thought I'd write a story that gives her a lighter side, and perhaps explains why she is the way she is. Also, please give me all the feedback you can! Suggestions, comments, concerns, and questions are all welcomed!
EDIT: I changed the cover. It no longer uses the same cover image as Feathers.
Chapters (8)
That was awesome, a nice work of art. A nice in-depth view into Gilda's background history, Khorosho I say! And you claim to have speed-written this? I'd like to see what you can do if you take your time!
379240 If you'd like, check out One By One! I worked on this in the course of several weeks!
379240
And thanks, by the way!
Nice story.I've always liked gilda stories beause in the show shes portrayed as a total asshole and i think if i got trolled THAT hard like gilda got by pinkie, i would have been more than pissed.
Didnt spot any major mistakes so good work!
379444
Thanks! Every bit of feedback helps!
It's generally awkward to use comparisons in a story when one of the characters being compared isn't actually in the story. So comparing Buck to Big Macintosh wouldn't be a good move unless Big Mac was actually there.
379593
Yeah, I meant to fix that, but I haven't gotten around to it (School and all that), but now that you mention it, I'll fix it now. Other than that though, what was your opinion of it?
379607
Your story was fairly good, although it was quite brief. That can be a good thing, but you tend to gloss over critical details. Apparently you were going for portraying some degree of racism between ponies and griffons, but aside from a couple of lines, you don't really build it all that much into the context of your story itself. The conflict feels a little forced at times and Gilda's expulsion at the end comes off as rather nonsensical for a single act of violence that, all told, was quite restrained. If you were hoping to portray the Warden as racist or intolerant, you probably should have spent more time building that into the story before the climax hit. Otherwise, the timeline between the trauma of losing Buck and getting expelled should probably have been drawn out a little more to give Gilda the time to engage In a proper downward spiral.
Otherwise, this story is quite good. It's an interesting take on where Gilda's anger and feelings of attachment come from. Given how you've written this, I can easily see Gilda switching her attachment from Buck to Rainbow Dash, which gives rise to the problems that occur within the actual show. You do an excellent job illustrating the feelings that Gilda is wrestling with and they come off quite clearly. Work on building your setting and context a little more and you've got yourself a winner.
379707
Yeah, I can see what you're saying. Thanks for the feedback! I'll make sure to fix those things when I'm able!
Some nice ideas, but I have some suggestions (not meant to be mean, or anything).
I realize you did this over a brief period of time, but it really feels like its the kind of story that needs to be drawn out for a longer stretch of time. After all, you're attempting to summarize a character's entire life and 5,614 words isn't enough.
If you'd like to do a short story on the matter of Gilda's background might I suggest you write something focusing on one particular event in her life? That way you won't have to sit and try to punch out an entire memoir, but can still give your own "what if" story on Gilda's development. That is if you have any interest in returning to her.
Also: The fact that all your chapters are center of the page is sort of distracting. Unless its poetry I'd try not to do that.
380033
I'm working on extending the length. Unfortunately, I'm working under a tight time frame, and will not be able to do anything with it over spring break. I'll be abroad.
380040 Perfectly understandable. I'm currently doing my own fic attempting to dig into what made Gilda the way she is (although I'm doing it more indirectly since mine takes place after the episode).
I think what is most helpful for any writing is to just write down ideas in a journal or notebook. Just write random situations or pieces of dialogue with original, or fandom characters (if its fanficition) and just really get a hang of stepping into their shoes (metaphor shoes in this case, of course). Finding an aspect that you can relate to in the character is most important. Once you got that down writing them becomes easy and the only challenge will come from creating new situations.
Good luck!
380062
Yeah, I can see what you're saying. That's what I did with One By One. That's also probably why I was able to stretch it to 11,600 words
Other than the length thing (which was already mentioned), I might suggest doing something with the format. It took me a little while to get used to everything being centered like it is right now.
Good story otherwise, i love a good Gilda fic
Well done, you've improved quite a bit. I like your integration of racial tension into the context of the story. I especially like how you make the Warden's racism come off as well-meaning and patronizing. That particular brand of racism is especially insidious as it arises from a desire to help that is colored by the belief that the one being helped is in some way inferior, which makes it difficult to spot at times and can even make the one fighting against it look like the bad guy. Thus, it sync's perfectly with the Warden's confusion over what Gilda might be upset about. Very good work.
384561
Thank you! I knew that simply having the Warden be a blatant and intentional racist against griffons would add little to the story overall, so I'm glad you noticed! Thanks for the feedback