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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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Hello. I've finally gotten around to checking this out in its entirety, starting near a month ago. Having gotten much useful feedback from you on another site, I figured trying to return it. And I don't regret reading this.
Now this is impressive. From the beginning is a situation cataclysmic enough to warrant the scope and length of the story. The ensuing results, along with the various insights to the individual and group inter-workings, emotions and mentalities that follows (including beyond the main characters) shows the works of something well-thought and skillfully arranged.
I like how each location has it's own aura – the citizens within them have it, and coupled with the natural and artificial constructions around them give something teeming with it's own unspoken history, like a living figure (with the exception, perhaps, of Fillydelphia due to it's scarce description in comparisons). Manehatten stands out strongest in this aspect to me.
Each side character is a potential great story in themselves (I still finding myself in some fascination with the Manehatten arsonist and Fillydelphia mayor), and it interests me which of them will recur and their purpose. Of all the characters, the brooding stoic Octavia stands as the favorite and most singular to me. Spectacular job crafting her.
I would also single out 'Eyes in the Sky' as possibly the best written chapter thus far, in the way it was structured, how it was handled. I especially liked the dimension and lore it added.
Sparsely, some passages seem typed in drudgery to me, but the story generally resonates with enthusiasm, with minimal typos and with occasional moments of real metaphor/simile ingenuity.
If there's an overall impression it's that the whole thing is almost unrelentingly dark, and I don't say this as a bad thing. I believe it's almost always realistic – emotionally – and down to earth as to how such a vast problem (mixed with the many others) would be handled by these characters. Your world-building is phenomenal, and the pacing of the character and plot developments highly laudable. The web of interrelations across so many characters and all the potentials are a delight reading, and pique my interest for future chapters. Reading your blog, it almost boggles me that this was all laid out before it was posted.
I haven't read much other long adventure fics, so I can't make much comparisons there, but in relation to a lot of the site, this certainly deserves more commendation. Keep up the great job!
One of the first things I noticed when I was reading this fic was that it was situated in gritty version of equestria, not a darker one mind you just grittier. By that I mean is that is certainly wasn't aftaid to get is hooves dirty while diving into the thick of things.
The version of equestria contained with in is like looking out a window that hasn't been cleaned in 10 years, the usual shine of the world has dimmed a little and I won't lie I had to fight though the first 50000 words as it reminded me a little of "Background pony" you see the characters interacting and while few fics seem to go beyond that this one does, you can see the consequences of there actions even if you don't see them until much later when they spiral out of control in a flaming train wreck followed by damage control. The locations are give a detail and lore that few fics can match and I was on the edge of my seat while reading this (took me 2 whole days to read this)
Over all a 9.7/10 not perfect but worth the time to read if you enjoy seeing character dynamics at play.
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Hot damn, it means a lot to me, what you say! I won't lie, it's tough sometimes to keep cranking out chapters with zero feedback, so I really appreciate the time you took to read it and write all that out. I've been very careful during the planning and writing of this thing, and have nearly a full notebook of notes, maps of cities, a day-to-day calendar of events, and even a little concept art. The country's inner workings are something I pay a ton of attention to, so I'm glad that's coming across.
Octavia was almost my favorite to write, but Colgate beat her out in the end. You'll see why as things progress. 'Eyes in the Sky' was actually a real pain in my ass; switching into the mindset of an actual goddess is not an easy task for me. I agree with you, it's one of my favorites too, but golly, what a ride.
Thanks again for the comment, and favorite, and watch. It's particularly meaningful to me because of my history with you; you're a writer whose opinions I respect a good deal.
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Thanks a bunch, for the comment, fave, and watch! I'm flattered as hell that I had you on the edge of your seat for that marathon of reading. Like I said to Lasthorizon, it's rough sometimes to go with no feedback, so things like this get me pretty pumped up.
The grittiness is something that has given me pause at various times. "Am I being too dark with this?" I'll ask myself. "Am I losing too much canon character for the sake of some tragedy?" Believe it or not, this was actually twice as edgy in the first draft, at least. In the end, I figure, if I treat the characters with the respect they deserve, and keep things as accurate and down-to-earth as I can, then a good deal of grit, or edge, or darkness, or whatever you want to call it will be forgiven. I'm glad you got around to enjoying it, though I wonder why you chose to fight through the first fifty-thousand words. Were I in your position, I'd probably throw in the towel by that point, if I'm honest.
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Well as I said the hard patches in the story are really what sold me. I dislike reading the same story again and again and the big uh oh (I say this because I dont spoilers) that is kinda the heros fault is not something that is done much. Anyway I shared it with a few people. Though finding your story was hard. I only found it completely by surprise in a group that I have never heard of. You might want to see about adding it to more groups so it shows up in more feeds so you can be a more seen.
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Also. I read a lot. I could have finished this in a day but I wanted to enjoy it.... But the first 50k works was more of a shock. Imagine you walk into candy store, you look around. There are sweet things and bright displays and everyone is hap- but wait? What is this? This empty corner is filled with bittersweet things. That is what the first 50000 words where like.
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Ah, I gotcha. The beginning is very much intended to let the reader know, on no unclear terms, what I'm all about as a writer and what kind of situations the characters will be dealing with. One of my favorite scenes to write, actually, was that confused sequence of action and reaction at the end of chapter two. You can probably see that one thing I like to play with is the difference between actions and their moral implications, and it has definitely led to some interesting things, not all posted yet.
I've tried to find more groups, and maybe I'm just bad at it, but it seems like there aren't many that are appropriate for this story. That big fat "mature" tag complicates things on its own. If you have any suggestions for groups where this might fit, I'd be happy to hear them.