Chapter 5
"Surprise!" Pinkie Pie threw her front hooves up, tossing an improbably large amount of streamers and confetti into the air. "Oh man, I'm glad I got here when I did, or else you would've gone to sleep! And then I would've had to come back in the morning and surprise you then, and that's what got us into this trouble in the first place!"
"What are you doing here?"
"What's it look like, silly?" Pinkie Pie beamed, "I heard you've been down and sad all day, so I decided to throw you a surprise party! Or, well, a surprise private party. It's just the thing you need!"
"A private..." Twilight squinted at Pinkie Pie, making more details out in the relative darkness. "Are you wearing fishnets?"
"Yep! I got them in Appleoosa! You like?" Pinkie giggled. She rolled to the edge of the bed, adopting her best approximation of a pin-up pose. This lasted for maybe three seconds before Pinkie Pie lost her balance and toppled to the floor. "I'm okay!" she said, laughing.
Twilight just shook her head. It didn't make sense; more often than not, Pinkie Pie (along with everypony else in town) went without clothing at all. The mere addition of a few scraps of satin fabric shouldn't have made her nearly as scandalous as she did.
"Look, Pinkie-" Twilight finally said, "I don't think you should-"
"Oh! Oh! I almost forgot to give you your present. It's a naughty teddy!"
"A...what?"
"Right here!" Pinkie Pie pulled a white box from under Twilight's bed, and foisted it upon her. Twilight blinked a few times, and slowly undid the red ribbon holding it shut.
There was a small stuffed bear inside.
"Oh, he looks cute, but he misbehaves a lot! Or should it be mis-bearhaves? Either way, he tried to eat all the chocolates before you got here!"
"There's chocolate?"
"Of course! Its a party! There's always chocolate!" Pinkie Pie thrust another box into Twilight's hooves. "And don't worry, I even included a little chart so you can tell which candy is which without having to bite halfway into them first only to find out that one of them's like mint creme or something. Or maybe you do like mint creme, which means you'd be okay, but it's still kind of a gamble, y'know? And I know how much you don't like chaos and confusion even though you hang out with me and Rainbow Dash and everypony else all the time."
"That's...very thoughtful of you, Pinkie."
"Oh, no it isn't! I barely thought about it at all! I just kind of got the idea in my head so I went ahead and did it and now we're here!"
"You know, that explains a lot," said Twilight.
"Anyway!" Pinkie Pie pulled a pair of wineglasses and a bottle from somewhere, and poured accordingly. "You look more confused than cheered up right now, but that's alright! Just relax, have a drink, and then we can-"
"No." Twilight said.
"Oh, not thirsty? That's got to be a first! Well, I guess I can't blame you if you just wanna skip to the-"
"Not that," Twilight said, and drained the wineglass in a single, unladylike gulp. "It's...it just doesn't make any sense. This morning, you said I'm not you're type, and now you're..." Twilight searched for the right word to figure out just what Pinkie Pie was doing. She failed to find it, and settled for saying,"now you're here."
"You say that like it's a bad thing!"
"It is!" Twilight shook her head, and pushed away from Pinkie. "I mean, I'm flattered, I am, but you're doing this for the wrong reason."
"I'm doing this to make you smile, Twilight. I can't stand seeing you sad, so I'll do anything to make you happy. Anything." Pinkie Pie struck another pin-uppy pose. She did a little better this time, hanging off of Twilight's bedpost for a few long moments before her grip faltered and she toppled to the floor again. "Feeling better yet?"
"No." Twilight sighed, "look, you said it yourself this morning. I'm not your type, and you don't think of me like...ah, that. You're obviously just trying to please me, but it's not...well, it's not genuine. I'm looking for love. Not pity." Twilight sat down, and breathed in deeply. "Well, I was, at least. I think it'll probably be better if I just stop looking. I mean, why would anypony want to be with me? Honestly, that is, not out of some misguided desire to...help."
"Why? Why not?" Pinkie Pie said, "seriously, Twilight, I think you need to go look in a mirror! You're totally cute in an adorkable kind of way and you're always good to all of your friends and you're really the smartest pony I know and smart is kind of sexy and you're really good at magic-"
Twilight blinked, epiphany striking her. "Pinkie, that's it!" she cried aloud, and shook the pink pony by the shoulders. "You're a genius!"
"I am?"
"Of course! Why didn't I think of it earlier? I've been doing this all wrong! I don't need matchmaking, and I don't need pity sex...what I need is magic!" Twilight leapt from the bed, levitated the barricade from her bedroom door, and dashed down to the arcane section of the library.
"Uh, Twilight?" Pinkie followed, furrowing her brow in concern, "you're not gonna do something crazy like make a love potion, are you? 'cause I'm pretty sure that'd end really badly. Or, oooh, you're not gonna get all creepy and make yourself a boyfriend out of like spare parts or something, are you? 'cause I saw that movie and it was really creepy. Especially the part with the lightning and the cackling and stuff."
"Making somepony love me through a love potion would be immoral and wrong, Pinkie. So would be creating some sort of animated love-golem...thing." Twilight nodded, falling comfortably back into 'lecturing,' mode. "Besides, I just don't have the proper materials here."
"Oh, okay." Pinkie Pie said.
"But, what I do have is a small selection of divination spells!"
"You mean like fortune telling? With crystal balls and fancy cards and hoof reading?"
"Not quite," Twilight Sparkle said, laying a magical tome out on a reading stand. She paged through it, finally finding the spell she was looking for. "Precognition is hard...and dangerous. Remember all the trouble I went through when I came back from the future to tell myself not to go through all the trouble? Closed time loops and paradoxes are...tricky. Thankfully, that's not what we're dealing with. Instead, I'm going to make an adjustment to an existing dowsing spell- so this time, instead of finding gems or water, it's going to find somepony who could love me."
A slightly mad gleam shone in Twilight's eyes as she began to lay out the necessary components for the spell: paper, ink, candles, a mirror, and so on.
"Uh. Are you sure that's a good idea?" Pinkie Pie surprised herself as she provided the voice of reason.
"Nope!" Twilight said, "but, desperate times call for desperate measures! Or maybe just desperation calls for...more...desperation! Either way, I'm gonna find my special somepony, and there's nothing that can stop me!"
"Uh, okay?" Pinkie offered, "but, um, you've got that crazy look in your eye that you get whenever you're going to do something that you have to tell Princess Celestia about in a letter afterward."
"I do not have that crazy look in my eye that I get whenever I'm going to do something that I have to tell Princess Celestia about in a letter afterward! I have that crazy look in my eye that I get when I'm about to be absolutely brilliant and then I will tell Princess Celestia about it in a letter afterward!"
"Okay, you've lost me," Pinkie Pie said, "why don't we just settle down and have a few drinks and talk this out?"
"NO." Twilight Sparkle said, "this is the only way!" She pulsed magic through her horn, and the components of her spell began to glow. Even while she had to concentrate on the spell, Twilight found the willpower to explain it to her friend as it played out. "You see, Pinkie, it's simple! Based on a psycho-magical profile of, well, me, I can tap into the Loom of Fate, and work out a pattern from there. And if I apply that pattern to the ink, it should sketch out a drawing of the one pony who could POSSIBLY love me, and therefore I will know who it is and then I can go find them and we will kiss and hug and it will be the best thing ever!"
"Well, it beats the personal ads in the newspaper." Pinkie Pie deadpanned.
"Stand back!" Twilight said, "because this is the good part!" She squinted her eyes shut, and focused her not-inconsiderable will into the effort. Her horn pulsed, her body shook, and the spell began to work its magic.
A stream of ink streamed its way out of its pot, like a cobra rising from a basket. It swayed back and forth in midair, and then pounced upon the blank page. The ink splattered, and streamed out onto the paper. The black liquid curled and twisted about. Twilight squinted her eyes, and looked at the emerging picture. Big eyes. Curly hair. Sunny smile.
"Pinkie Pie?" Twilight said.
"Oh look, it's not done!" Pinkie threw one hoof across Twilight's shoulders, and pointed with the other.
Sure enough, the ink continued to stream across the page. The image of Pinkie Pie was evident enough, but another pony materialized next to her. Short mane, wings, a roguish smirk-
"Rainbow Dash?" Twilight blurted, "but that doesn't make any-"
The ink didn't listen. As soon as it scribbled out Rainbow Dash, it showed Rarity next. Then Applejack. Fluttershy. Spike. Celestia. Luna. Somepony in a wizard hat. Applebloom. Scootaloo. Sweetie Belle. Big Macintosh. Cheerilee. Carrot Top. Ditzy Doo. Roseluck. Four Color. Benchpress. That one brown pony with the hourglass cutie mark. And so on. Soon enough, Twilight couldn't even name the multitude of ponies sketched out on the page.
"But...that doesn't make any sense!" she said, backing away from the expanding collage, "this spell was just supposed to find that one rare pony who'd love me! Not..."
"Oh! Don't you see, Twilight?" Pinkie Pie smiled, broadly. "It's perfect! Because, if you think about it, you've saved all of Equestria, and twice. And even if most ponies are pretty dumb, there's still a lot of ponies out there that somehow or another realize all the hard work you've put into making sure all of us don't die! When you think about it, it's simple! Everypony loves Twilight Sparkle!"
"You're not just saying that to make me feel better, are you?"
"Nope!" Pinkie Pie pointed to the parchment. "See for yourself! You did it with your magicky whatchamacallit! Now will you just relax? You're a really neat pony and I'm sure you'll have some wonderful storybook romance with some lucky pony, but you just have to let those sort of things come to you."
"Like...how you came here?" Twilight said.
"Sure!" Pinkie Pie said, "that is, if you still want to. I mean, what's a little fling between friends?" She winked. "Y'know I love a good time."
Twilight bit at her lower lip, and finally shook her head. "No, Pinkie. I'm...well, I'm tempted, but I don't want to jeopardize our friendship with...complications, y'know? Besides, I don't think I'm ready for just...flinging anything. Sorry."
"Don't apologize!" Pinkie Pie smiled, "I mean, when you really think about it, I'm not your type." She winked.
"Wait. I have a type?" Twilight said.
"Sure you do! We just don't know what it is yet. But, I think we've got a good idea of where to start..." she looked at the ink picture of dozens and dozens of ponies. "Hey, that guy in the corner looks pretty cute."
Twilight laughed, and slumped back to a sitting position. "After all the trouble I've been through today, I don't think I'm gonna start asking anypony out anytime soon. Getting too...focused on that sort of thing is what got me into all this trouble in the first place. I was just coming off to ponies as desperate, and they could see it, and that meant they'd reject me and that just made me more desperate and...well, it's like you said, I've got to let these things come to me naturally."
"So now what?" Pinkie Pie said. "Should I go?"
"Well," Twilight looked out the window, and yawned, "it's late, and you went through all this trouble...tell you what, if you'd like, you can stick around for, like, a slumber party? Y'know, between friends?"
"That's a great idea!" Pinkie Pie beamed.
"But this time, why don't you sleep in the guest bed?"
Also LikedSimilarAuthor
- Tumbleweed · 5.7k words · 344 8 · 6.4k views
- Tumbleweed · 11k words · 416 13 · 8.2k views
- Tumbleweed · 1.3k words · 317 12 · 11k views
- Tumbleweed · 8.7k words · 140 2 · 2.8k views
- Phil the Time Wizard · 15k words · 184 5 · 4.6k views
- Thecrazyrabidfangirl · 3.8k words · 333 13 · 18k views
- DawnFade · 18k words · 652 27 · 14k views
- Donnys Boy · 3.5k words · 425 6 · 7.2k views
Stats
Page generated in 0.166 seconds
Total duration
992 users online
182,380 hits today, 2,244,100 yesterday
FIMFiction
My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
Designed and coded by knighty & Xaquseg - © 2011-2024
Follow & Support Us
Support us
SubStar
Chat!
Discord
Follow us
Twitter
MLP: Friendship is Magic® - © 2024 Hasbro Inc.®
Fimfiction is in no way affiliated with or endorsed by Hasbro Inc.®
Nooo don't tell me it's over I'm enjoying this way too much for it to end
this was a nice story
Still has incomplete tag? Story looks like it is wrapping up. Ah'm so confused.
But please, don't be the end. That would be the. Worst. Possible. THING! 
There is no better metaphor for the problem of humanity's needs than pity sex. It's short term comfort seeking at the expense without regard to possible long term consequences.
Actually, this is how I predicted this chapter would go. Pinkie hears that Twilight was having issues with her lack of a love life and Pinkie goes to cheer her up. I'm not disappointed, though.
MOAR PLZ
...Sooo... does this mean there's not going to be any Twipie?
...Drat... double drat.
Oh well, can't wait to see what Twi ship is setting sail.
So, there's going to be more? So it could still be salvaged? I like that.
"About to be brilliant"
"Loom of Fate"
Even if it wasn't intentional, you just referenced, or at least brought to my mind, two of my favorite things outside of ponies- Dr. Who and Exalted. >w< Add to that the fact that adorkable Twi craving love, hugs, and kisses is beyond cute. You, sir, win 1000 internets.
I love how non-badly that spell went, it was actually kind of touching.
"I'm okay!" she said, laughing.
No, Pinkie. You're not okay!
And that... makes sense, why the others would love her. Keep up the great work, Tumbleweed!
Aww, this was sweet. Way to go, Pinkie Pie. I'm impressed that you were able to make this chapter a bit serious and a lot heartwarming without losing any of the comedy. Nicely done!
She rolled to the edge of the bed, adopting her best approximation of a pin-up pose. This lasted for maybe three seconds before Pinkie Pie lost her balance and toppled to the floor. "I'm okay!" she said, laughing.
There is absolutely no reason for anyone, anywhere, to not be in love with Pinkie. I mean, really.
Uh, okay?" Pinkie offered, "but, um, you've got that crazy look in your eye that you get whenever you're going to do something that you have to tell Princess Celestia about in a letter afterward."
"I do not have that crazy look in my eye that I get whenever I'm going to do something that I have to tell Princess Celestia about in a letter afterward! I have that crazy look in my eye that I get when I'm about to be absolutely brilliant and then I will tell Princess Celestia about it in a letter afterward!"
I'm sorry, but I do not believe Twilight and Pinkie when they say they're not each other's types, because they are pretty much perfect right here. Seriously, though, they've got such a great comedy duo dynamic throughout this whole chapter.
Somepony in a wizard hat.
Buuuuuuuuuurn. Hee.
"And even if most ponies are pretty dumb, there's still a lot of ponies out there that somehow or another realize all the hard work you've put into making sure all of us don't die! When you think about it, it's simple! Everypony loves Twilight Sparkle!"
D'awwww! Pinkie started this whole mess, but at least now she's the one to fix it. It's full-circle. I like it. Self-fixing disasters.
The line with the fishnets and the ones where Pinkie fails at posing made me lol. ^^
But more importantly, d'aww. This chapter had all of the best stuff in it. Especially the unexpected moment where Pinkie deadpanned - there should be more of that!
That was a great story.
Now I totally want to see the results of the dating duel, and if Rarity was successful in charming Applejack or not.
Wait, that actually was the ending? Lame. Here are my problems with this ending:
1. The story as a whole sounds like it's saying that Twilight isn't desirable as anything more than a good friend, with her being friend zoned by everyone (the spell didn't help). Also, "adorkable" is an incredibly back-handed compliment. If your girlfriend asked you to list all the things you like about her, would you put "adorkable" on that list? Assuming you have any understanding of women at all, the answer is going to be "no."
2. It promotes the "girl looks pretty and lets the guys come to her" social norm, which sucks for both men and women.
3. The ending was unsatisfying. If you asked somebody why you can't find a date and they answered by telling you not to worry and that you're still a good friend, would you be satisfied? I'm not saying you should've shipped Twilight at the end, but I do think a story like this deserves an ending that answers her original questions.
So yeah, I hope you plan on expanding Twilight's very relatable problem in another story, because you have the potential to make it awesome.
You are my new favorite writer. I don't even know if I should qualify that with "of pony fanfiction."
OK, I almost flipped when Benchpress (aka Roid Rage aka Snowflake
) had his eloquent monologue.
Also, nice touch with the nerdy guy from Hurricane Fluttershy.
Very cute. nicely done stuff n_n
Regardless of whatever else comes along, this will always be one of my go-to stories for when I need a good laugh. It's easy to read, easy to remember, and just good old-fashioned fun without delving too far into shipping, filthy humor, or fluff. The chapters are long enough without endlessly dragging on, and the pace is just right. And finally, it's easy to relate to; after all, who hasn't had those moments of self-doubt and self-pity after striking out in the wonderful world of dating? And ultimately, sometimes we need to be reminded of how blessed we really are, even if we don't have a very special somepony.
TL;DR: I like this story. A lot.
I'm half surprised luna didn't show up
Your story made me laugh a lot. So has thanks here is a music video may it return the favor.
You know, I saw a comic the other day, with Rarity in it. The author comments said the idea originated from when his friend asked him, if he were required to have sex with one of the Mane Six, which would he choose? And though the comic clearly did not come directly out of the question, nevertheless I thought, "Rarity? Really? Obviously Pinkie is the correct answer." And then I remembered to specify "assuming it was just once, and not a long-term relationship."
An excellent little fic... I loved that "d'aww" ending, very show-appropriate
Also, I don't know which Doctor your Doctor is supposed to be (I know Doctor Whooves is Tennant-inspired) but I could not help reading him in Eccleston's voice.
2418263 considering how manic it was, along with acknowledging River as his wife, it's Matt Smith.
Poor little twilight, don't worry I'm sure someone will love you someday. Even if your flanks are a little scrawny... and sometimes you can be boring... and you'd rather read books than well just about anything else... what was I talking about again. Forget it, anywho nice story mon frere
ObNitpick: That only works for extroverts (who interact with a lot of people in their daily lives). For introverts, you really do have to go out there and constantly make efforts to meet new people, rather than waiting to run into them by chance. They won't run into you if you're a hermit.
It took me about a decade of waiting to clue in to that. Hopefully Twilight will be wiser.
That said, well done; this was an amusing story with a side of warm fuzzies. A pleasant read!
someone please write this premise out as a twidash where rainbow and twilight falls for rainbow while rainbow tries to get her hitched. i would do it myself, only, you know, i suck at writing
Now I'm wondering: who is the pony that Pinkie pointed out in the picture? ('Cause knowing Pinkie, that WILL be Twilight's ultimate love)
I reviewed this story as part of Recommended Stories #9.
You can find my review here.
I just reread this story and it still makes me smile and giggle, and it has a lovely bit of heart at the end of it.
Thank you for having written it.
Thanks for the fic!
Tons of friends - no true love. It is somehow... I don't know... Depressive.