Chapter 2
Twilight supposed it did. After eating the orange and drinking down a tall glass of water, she felt remarkably refreshed. She wasted little time in finding the very valuable and scientific second opinion that would definitely put her mind at ease. After all, Twilight mused, this was just a matter of etiquette- and who better than the most refined and cultured pony in town to answer her questions? Twilight rapped gently on the door to Carosel Boutiqe. "Er, hello?"
"Oh, Twilight!" Rarity said as she opened the door, "what a pleasant surprise! What can I do for you today? Oh! I know! You can come in and take a look at some sketches I've been working on- I'm sure you'll be absolutely dazzled." Rarity fluttered her eyelashes at Twilight Sparkle. If the designer felt any aftereffects from the previous night's revelry, she certainly knew how to hide it
"Er- maybe next time?" Twilight managed, "Right now, I just kinda wanted somebody to talk to."
"Something bothering you, darling?" The white unicorn bit at her lower lip, concerned.
"No." Twilight Sparkle said. "Er...yes. Maybe."
"Oh? Do tell!" Rarity leaned in. "Let me guess- you just got caught up in the moment last night, didn't you? It's practically tradition in most weddings. Which, I might add, is a bit ironic. After all, the ceremony's devoted to commitment, but it's also inevitably responsible for a rash of one night stands. But, philosophizing aside..." Rarity nudged Twilight, "Who's the lucky colt? It wasn't that pony with the hourglass cutie mark you've been pining after, was it?"
"There wasn't any colt-" Twilight Sparkle began.
"Gasp!" Rarity said the full word, "a mare, then? Must have been inspired by the bridal couple. Good for you, Twilight! So, who did you-"
"No, wait-" Twilight shook her head, "You got it all wrong! Pinkie Pie stayed the night at the library and-"
"Pinkie Pie?" Rarity sputtered, "But you're not her type!"
"That's what she said!" Twilight said.
"Now's not the time for jokes, dear."
"That wasn't a joke. That's what Pinkie Pie actually said." Twilight frowned.
"Oh? What's the problem, then?"
"That is the problem!"
"It is?"
"It is!" Twilight said. "It's just, uh...y'know. I don't want to have a fling with Pinkie Pie. I think. it's just...well, how come she doesn't want to? What's wrong with me?"
"Oh, Twilight! There's nothing wrong with you, per-se. I mean, admittedly, you could stand to do more with your mane, and your flank is a tad...less full than most ponies tend to prefer, but those are just minor things! After all, you're smart and charming and in possession of a scintillating personality- that is, when you're not sequestering yourself for research for days at a time, or being pedantic to anypony within hearing distance...but those are minor, minor things!"
"They are?"
"Of course! You can't blame Pinkie Pie for having her own...predilections, you know. Everypony has them, whether they admit it or not."
"Heh, I guess you're right. So what's your...predilection, then? Well-bred unicorns with deep pockets?"
"Twilight!" Rarity said, "I am insulted that you would accuse me of something so base! I am insulted, and scandalized. It's a good thing we're such good friends, allowing me to so graciously look past such poorly chosen words."
"Oh! Sorry!"
"Don't worry, Twilight. Thankfully, our friendship's deep enough that I can easily forgive you." Rarity turned her nose up in haughty indignation. "I also rather understand where you're coming from, as...there was a time when you could describe my preferences as such. But that was just a foolish, girlish desire formed from the reading of too many cheap romance novels. Now, I've...broadened my horizons."
"You have?"
"Of course! I've been reading different cheap romance novels! Why, did you know there's a whole sub-genre devoted to stories out on the frontier? It's like Appleoosa, just with more...dramatics. It's fascinating! All rough canvas and soft gingham. Oooh!" Rarity shivered. "So now, I'm dreaming of a more...down to earth sort of pony, you know. Somepony strong. Daring. Honest. Somepony who shall sweep me off of my hooves and carry me off into the sunset. Somepony quiet, but well spoken nonetheless. Perhaps even somepony with an appropriately rugged hat." Rarity fanned herself with one hoof.
"Uh." Twilight said as the pieces began to fall into place, "you're not talking about-"
"Big MacIntosh?" Rarity said, "well, I must admit he looks like he should be gracing the cover of one of those tawdry romances, but every time I so much as mention him, Applejack gets all huffy and reminds me he's apparently involved with that one mailpony. Honestly, Twilight, you would think that the older sibling would be the more protective one."
"Well, it's not like Applejack needs much protecting." Twilight said.
"Too true!" Rarity laughed. "Sometimes I wonder if she's just being...quarrelsome, just on principle."
"You two do argue a lot." Twilight said.
"Mmm. I suppose we do, don't we? It's...surprisingly enjoyable, honestly. All in good fun. Or, ah...mostly in good fun. I suppose it's just more of a challenge, to get a pony as stubborn as her to admit how absolutely stunning I am." Rarity preened, and pushed a lock of her hair behind her ear.
"Psh. 'S more challengin' ta get ya ta stop talkin', more like." Applejack trotted in through the open door and glared at Rarity.
"Applejack! Were you eavesdropping?" Rarity spun about.
"Nope. Why, was there somethin' you're 'fraid I was eavesdroppin' on?"
"No." Rarity said, flatly, "but if you're through interrupting, I don't suppose you'd care to enlighten Twilight and I as to the exact reason for your visit?"
"'m here for my hat."
"Your hat?" Rarity blinked, "Just, ah, why would your hat be here?"
"'cuz ya stole it."
"And why would I do that?"
"'I reckon it was 'cuz you was drunk."
"Applejack!" Rarity gasped. "How could you say such mean, uncouth things about me? After all, don't you know, a Lady of my standing doesn't get drunk, darling."
"Coulda fooled me." Applejack leaned in, glaring at Rarity.
"Oh, I admit, I did have a few drinks at the reception." Rarity gestured airily with one hoof. "But that was all."
"More than a few, iffin' ya ask me." Applejack said, flatly.
"Yes, well. I might have gotten caught up in the moment, and who could blame me? Even still, a Lady does not get drunk. I was merely...flush, that's all."
"Flush? Whassat mean? Ya didn't get sick in the bathroom after I left, didja?"
"No no no!" Rarity said, horrified. "Not that sort of...flushing. More like a blush, almost. Just without the embarassment. Flush, blush, you get the idea, don't you?"
"Uh, I guess. But flush or blush or whatever you were, ya still stole my hat. That were my pappy's hat, n' I'm gonna need ta get it back."
"Well, I couldn't tell you where it is, but I'm sure it's around here somewhere..." Rarity trailed off.
Applejack narrowed her eyes. "You tellin' me ya didn't just steal my hat, ya done went n' lost it?" She planted her hooves defiantly, as if preparing for a brawl.
"She's not saying that at all!" Twilight Sparkle stepped between Applejack and Rarity before further mayhem could ensue. "She just, uh...misplaced it, that's all. Here, I've got an idea. Just let me get a hair from your mane, Applejack- I'm sure there's a hair or two stuck to the inside of your hat, and I can use the symbological connection between the pair in order to establish a thaumaturgical link, at which point it'll be simple enough to establish a dowsing cantrip, and-"
"Oh, here it is." Rarity levitated a familiar brown cowpony hat out from behind her fainting couch. "Sorry, Applejack, I can't imagine how it got there." She placed the hat back onto Applejack's head, then started fussing with it in order to get it at just the right rakish angle. Applejack pulled in a deep breath, and endured the little indignation.
"Perfect!" Rarity said, and took a step back, "now then, Applejack, since you're here, you can help me help Twilight."
"Twilight needs help?" Applejack perked up, her earlier dourness forgotten now that she had her hat back. "Shoot, y'all know I'll always pitch in for anythin'-"
"Perfect!" Rarity clapped her front hooves together, "you see, Twilight's having romantic problems-"
"'cept that." Applejack added on.
"Really, Rarity, you guys don't need to worry about me," Twilight said, "I'm fine. Honestly. I mean, I don't even have any romance to have problems with."
"And that's the problem!" Rarity said. She looked on Twilight with a somewhat pitying look. "Why, you didn't see her earlier, Applejack. She was absolutely devastated. You see, Twilight's thoughts strayed to more amorous places last night, but simply lacks the confidence to get out there and get herself romantically entangled. And what better to give her confidence than a makeover!" Rarity savored the 'm' word with obvious delight.
"Oh no, there's no need for that." Twilight said.
Applejack nodded in agreement. "I ain't sure iffin' we're the best folk ta be helpin' Twilight with that sorta thing in the first place."
"Oh posh, Applejack! If not, us, who else? I, of course, will not only make Twilight a new and alluring outfit, but I'll teach her how to wear it, to the point where you won't even think about how plain and boring she might've been before."
"I'm plain?" Twilight said, frowning, "and boring?"
Rarity ignored the questions. "And you, Applejack- why, you're vital too! As your voice of down-home honesty will no doubt provide some vital nugget of wisdom that will allow Twilight to realize her true inner beauty. That, or you can introduce her to one of your many, many cousins." The white unicorn circled around Twilight, eying her in the manner typically reserved for sculptors and large chunks of marble. "Mmmm, yes. I can work with this. It'll be challenging, but there's potential." She murmured to herself as she rubbed at her chin.
"Ya ain't listenin', are ya?" Applejack frowned. "I mean, iffin' ya want some nugget of wisdom, I think you're forgettin' somethin'."
"And that is?" Rarity didn't bother to look back at Applejack as she reached for her measuring tape.
"When's the last time either of us had a date?" Applejack said.
"Oh." Rarity set her measuring tape down. "Well-"
"Gettin' Spike to do chores for ya don't count." Applejack added on.
"Hmf." Rarity wheeled around and glared at Applejack. "I suppose if you're going to be...pedantic, it has been some time. BUT." She held up a hoof. "My own, ah...dry spell, as it were, is entirely a matter of choice, I assure you. After all, I've my career to attend to. Why, if I did make it a point to be even more fabulous than I already am, I wouldn't get anything done! The line of suitors at the door would be entirely unmanageable."
"Iffin' you say so." Applejack said. Her lips pulled up into a wry smirk.
"I do say so!" Rarity said, perhaps too quickly, "why, if I put my mind to it, I could have any pony in town wrapped around my hoof!"
"Iffin' you say so." Applejack pulled the brim of her hat down, not bothering to look at Rarity.
"I do, in fact, say so!" Rarity turned her back on Applejack in turn. "In fact, I will do better than saying so, I will prove it so."
"N' just how're you gonna do that?" Applejack drawled.
"Dinner, at eight!" Rarity said, even if her tone made it sound more like 'Pistols, at dawn!'
"Er, wait-" Twilight began. Both of her friends ignored her.
"Shoot!" Applejack yokeled, "Issat it? You're makin' alla this fuss over me?"
"Fuss? Oh no." Rarity angled her nose up higher, just a fraction. "I'm just proving a point."
"Yeah, well. I don't reckon you're gonna be provin' much of anythin' anytime soon." Applejack said.
"Don't doubt me!" Rarity said, "I will charm your socks off!"
"Ha!" Applejack shot back. "Joke's on you. I ain't wearin' any socks!"
"Well, that's a pity, as you'd look absolutely darling in a nice set of stockings!"
"Maybe I don't wanna look darlin'!"
"Maybe I do!" Rarity said.
"Wait, you want me to look darlin', or you wanna look darlin' yourself?"
"BOTH." Rarity said, and turned around.
"WELL TOO BAD, 'CUZ ONLY ONE OF US IS GONNA BE THE PURDY ONE!"
"I DON'T CARE BECAUSE WE'RE GOING OUT ANYWAY AND IT. WILL. BE. MAGICAL."
"FINE!" Applejack shouted. By this point she was nose to nose with the white unicorn.
"FINE!" Rarity leaned forward as far as she could without gouging some important chunk out of Applejack's face.
"WHY'RE WE YELLIN'?" Applejack said.
"I DON'T KNOW!" Rarity shot back.
A brief silence fell over Carousel Boutique, and Applejack and Rarity backed away from each other like boxers returning to their respective corners.
"Hey, wait a tic." Applejack glanced around. "Where'd Twilight go?"
Twilight Sparkle frowned, mulling over what she'd learned. If Rarity was to be believed, all a girl had to do was sit around and look pretty enough in order to get that special somepony to come sweep her off of her hooves. It struck Twilight as a very passive way of going about things, but for some reason metaphors involving bees, vinegar, and honey came to mind.
Regardless, Twilight realized, nopony had come to her. This either meant she hadn't been waiting long enough, or she simply wasn't that enticing. Most logically, she realized, it was the latter. Rarity was right, Twilight decided. She was plain and boring. And who would want anything to do with that?
Twilight lowered her ears and held her head low. She sighed, the sad sound entirely out of place on such a lovely spring day in Ponyville. Pinkie was right- Twilight wasn't her type. Twilight, in fact, wasn't anypony's type, she realized. Nopony would be coming to sweep her off her hooves anytime soon, and probably not ever. There might be certain advantages to spinsterhood, Twilight decided- though she wasn't sure of what they were. A lack of distraction, at least, would allow her to get a great deal of research done.
Twilight was mulling over potential long-term projects when a multi-hued streak of speed incarnate slammed into her.
"Hey!" she said, turning head over flank a few times before she came to a halt- and found herself peering up at Rainbow Dash. "What do you think you're doing?"
"Twilight!" The pegasus' eyes were wide open in a shocked, worried expression. "You've got to help me! It's an emergency!"
"It is?" The unicorn scrambled to her hooves in a moment. "You know I'll always be here to help you, Rainbow Dash. What do you need?"
"Twilight." Rainbow Dash's voice broke, and she reached out to grab her friend by the shoulders. "This is really, really important, and I don't know any better way to say it..."
"It's okay," Twilight tried a reassuring smile, "you know you can say anything to me, Rainbow Dash. We're friends, right?"
"Okay." Rainbow Dash pulled in a deep, steadying breath. "Twilight Sparkle, will you marry me?"
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*blink blink* Bwhahahahahaha!! Okay. Neither me, nor Twilight saw that one coming.
omgosh I need the rest of this
Dat cliffhanger
("Twilight was mulling over potential long-term projects when a multi-hued streak of speed incarnate slammed into." missing a 'her' at the end perhaps?)
I also didn't expect the continuity from the "Friendship (With Benefits) is Magic" story
Keep it going
DUN-DUN-DUUUUUUUNNNNN!!!
I believe the proper phrasing here is Lolwut.
Oh RD and your jokes. You so silly.
Great chapter.
Dashie:
Twilight:
So some RariJack and a bit of TwiDash from left field?
....
Carry on.
Didn't see that coming.
What a twist
Okay, that last line came out of nowhere and got me. Excellent job sir.
So, RariJack and TwiDash? Yes, yes, please proceed. 
... AND?!
Mmm... makes sense to me. Rainbow Dash did catch the bouquet and logically is the next to get married.
i1.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/original/000/200/296/Waht%20a%20twist.jpg
you deserve this two-fold
ok have to say that sent me for a loop...... maybe two
I can honestly say I did not see that one coming. Will be eagerly awaiting next chapter. Also, this Rarity and Applejack shipping better develop into something, that would make me a very happy reader. It nearly broke my heart when Rarity mentioned big mac instead
ApplejackXRarity and a marriage proposal? This is getting good!
Best chapter ending EVER.
I continue to love the dialogue you write for Rarity (for all of the characters, really, but especially for Rarity). The entire scene where Rarity and Applejack agree to a date via arguing was funny as all get-out.
Where's this going? a green card wedding... hey alright.
.......whhhhhhhhhhhhaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa? Lol
[Of course! I've been reading different cheap romance novels!/i]
Rarity, never change!
Best Rarijack
So who wants to play "Count How Many Times Rarity can Insult Twilight in a Single Chapter?"
Wut?
COMEDY! GOLD!