Somehow, Sweetie Belle and Celestia get swapped! Now, the Cutie Mark Crusader must run a country, and Celestia must learn to be a filly. Can the two get back to the lives they are supposed to live?
Chapters (1)
- Member Since 18th Dec, 2013
- offline last seen May 30th, 2014
Alison909
I'm Alison. I'm a pegasister, artist, and writer. I like MLP:FIM, the Beatles, Lord of the Rings, and reading.
Alison909
Joined 18th Dec, 2013 ·
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Not bad!
Well this was cute and funny
Okay, the final paragraph is giggle-incuding
3947308 Thanks!
3947471 I'm glad you liked it!
The idea for your story is interesting, but there are some points you should improve:
First, Sweetie Belle and Celestia get used to their switched roles way too quick. They doesn't seem to have the smallest issue with it that they became swapped. Especially that Sweetie Belle just raised the sun and flew like she always did that gives the impression that nothing special happened to them.
Then, it seems odd that Celestia doesn't recognize Applebloom and Scootaloo and that she doesn't know Sweetie Belle.
It's hard to believe that she don't knows them even when their big sisters are Mane Six members.
Then the letter that Twilight writes to Sweetie Belle. That Twilight would write such a letter just for fun, just to make the princess giggle, seems not very justified and is off for her. I guess you couldn't come up with a better idea to inform Sweetie Belle about it that the same happened to Celestia?
And then, at the end, everyhing get's wrapped up too quick. Twilight believes everything too quick and her explanation that the minds of the other ponies in Equestria were manipulated too will not followed further, Twilight doesn't mention if their minds are normal now or not.
Also, the end with Sweetie Belle that suddenly wakes up and has the cutie mark from Celestia doesn't make sense for the story and comes out of nowhere and seems forced into it to have a mysterious end.
And it would be also good for the story, if there would be an explanation for it, how that all could happen.
These are things you should work on for this story.
3981264 Thanks for the comment. Although at first your critique almost made me want to delete my FimFiction account, it soon motivated me to think of ways I could fix the issues you mentioned. Now I just need to find some time to get these ideas on paper.
4008992
Oh, I was afraid that it would have that effect.
But I didn't know another way to say it, without making it sound less seriously.
I'm glad that it could motivate you at the end!