Forgotten Legends
Joined 11th Nov, 2013 ·
Offline
Also LikedSimilarAuthor
- Forgotten Legends · 1.8k words · 10 10 · 569 views
- Forgotten Legends · 11k words · 12 7 · 617 views
- Forgotten Legends · 3.3k words · 12 5 · 713 views
- Forgotten Legends · 1.1k words · 19 11 · 871 views
Stats
Page generated in 0.134 seconds
Total duration
946 users online
284,546 hits today, 2,591,549 yesterday
FIMFiction
My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
Designed and coded by knighty & Xaquseg - © 2011-2024
Follow & Support Us
Support us
SubStar
Chat!
Discord
Follow us
Twitter
MLP: Friendship is Magic® - © 2024 Hasbro Inc.®
Fimfiction is in no way affiliated with or endorsed by Hasbro Inc.®
Seems sassy, I might have to partake.
3882792 this story is based off of Amnesia: Justine. Cadance is Justine and the three suitors are the ocs;
alois is a unicorn pony
Basile is a Earth Pony
Malo is a Pegasi
What a great story!
3883603 I want to know i should do something go to my newest blog post to fin out what
3883610 Okay!
amazing! seems just like the actual amnesia!
3885455 this one is based off of Amnesia Justine Version
I'll read this sometime tonight! I'm getting a rabbit in a few minutes!
3892236 okay
3892240 See Ya later!
Meh, *yawns*
The story is in review session, now.
The story itself, has a lot of issues, issues that I went through before during my first time at writing, don’t worry, you will get there. The issue is pretty self-explanatory, if you read it yourself. Overused lines, similar sentences without creative juice, and a touch too bland. I mean, like the sentences and everything, you didn’t do anything really innovative, Grim has taught me something that I will soon be conveying through my stories. Basically, what he said is that don’t be too descriptive, but just be creative enough to keep the flow running smoothly, your story runs down because it re-explains things that no one needs to know because we already knew from the first time you mentioned the said topic! Some will like it because they won’t give a shit, some will hate it for this reason, and unfortunately I have to abide with the latter. I already talked you before on your Apple Cider fic, and the problems are still the same.
Look at me, dude. Look at me, I’m your friend, so please consider this review as me being a friend and not a jackass. The problems are quite manageable, and I know you sound a little jacked because I mention this as a problem, but hear me out, your sentences are somewhat similar to what I went through a couple months ago, around November exactly. It just takes fucking stupid practice, yeah I know, I’m still bloody there, dude. I’m working like you to rectify that bullshit problem, but it can be fixed. Just practice, your real issue is that you seem to not think as you write, it sounds good in your head, but think of what the viewers are going through as they trudge through your moderate story?
The storyline is perfect, great for the feature box, and fast and easy to amass thousands of followers, if executed perfectly. Which, you didn’t really do at all, the passion was there, the drive was there, the characters were there, the setup was exuberant, and the Claustrophobic feel was all there man, Ace for you! But, in general, the grammar could’ve been better, the story first of all, was too damn short, here is some advice, no one, or a small amount of people actually care for chapters under a 1,000 words. It just speaks lazy writing, and a sheer knack for unfinished product. I’m not sure what was in your head, but overall, it was not a positive edition, the endings were okay, I didn’t overtly mind them, well no, I lied, I’m sorry about that actually, really, but I never read the endings. I’m your friend, so I won’t lie. But the way it was going, just felt too damn Saw related, I mean, everything there was practically ripped off of Saw, I understand influences, but there is a thing such as influences and just ripping off, and you perfected the latter unfortunately.
The text was okay, I mean, the conversations themselves weren't bad, but needed some refining, like major refining. But they were okay enough to pass a novel piece if written by someone extremely popular, which sadly you are not there yet, so ridicule is most likely the approach you will receive.
Overall, my review score is 3/5.
3895275 meh, doesn't bother me
3895279
Than you will never learn your true craft in writing, man.
3895298 no what I meant is when someone bitches in the comments on how I should pick what to write my stories on.
Well... that was.... weird.....
Night