Under a Grey Sky

by Achaian

Interlude: Contemplations

Interlude

Contemplations

It was a more convenient, quicker ride than her last few that took Ditzy out of the mountain’s rocky cradle and toward the lolling plains that composed her home. In another day she would face trials and the unknown. For now she reclined against the fading light; Ditzy held soft by the window of the traincar.

In her mind she approached the mountain of events, deep and tall beyond her sight, and felt her mind run through by shivering worries aplenty.

I can’t let all of this… there’s not…

Shaking herself, Ditzy wrung the tension out of her body like a soaked rag with a few steps around the vacant car, achieving a moment of clarity.

What can I deal with? What can I plan for? I’ve been shut down by my own worry too much. I lost the point of even caring about things at all! It wasn’t by letting myself spiral that I got myself across the country. It was because I took a stand against everything that raged in and outside of me.

Ditzy stopped by the window and tapped on it absently, her inner industriousness awakened. Bright-eyed, she had at once forgotten all that came before, if only for a few moments.

“How many days has it been?” Ditzy wondered aloud in a half-mutter, adding up events and strange nights in her head. When I got on the train, it was Sunday. The next morning I ran into Capp, and it was that night that I found the falls, and the next day… that all started…

“Today is Sunday.” It’s been a week… has it only been a week?

Well, I guess the vacation is over, Ditzy thought, a crooked grin crossing her face. It was an odd feeling for her, to suddenly wrestle control over her flagrant self, but she dwelt not on it. She was not cured, but neither was she buried, and in that strange freedom of the moment Ditzy asked questions of herself and kept her calm.

If I’m going to be out gallivanting to who-knows-where, then I’m going to have to take care of Dinky somehow. Ditzy had burned through favors like dry kindling to get her week off on short notice, and as she walked the length and breadth of the car she knew without thinking that she had no desire to burden nor rely on others even more with something so precious.

Ditzy had halted in mid-step in meandering walk. She had the odd suspicion that something had changed, but brushed it off and returned to her thoughts.

It’s been a week...

Yet of all the miles and trials Ditzy had endured, she could not make herself move from the thought that it had only been a week. It was astounding. She marveled at it, and mentally agape she realized how tired she was. Ditzy wondered if there was enough of a journey left to—

“Miss?”

The door ajar, the conductor stood watching her.

“The train's been docked for some time. Do you need help with your things?”

Ditzy shook her head no; she felt not even a murmur would be appropriate. Looking around again as if she had just arrived in the car, she collected her few things, harried by thoughts like songbirds at night, and exited.

~~~~~~~~

The orange-purple horizon lay thick as Ditzy saw her house. She breathed and stopped, the rich sight prompting a deep exhalation.

She had a feeling of the full circle, an overpowering sense of the forces of life that had uprooted her, planted her again, and were soon to rip her up and launch her into the unknown again. It coalesced in her breast as a freeing of tension and petrified her sight as the weight of the moment impacted her. The glimpse into infinity was breathless, but it was only for a moment, and soon the slow cascade of colors returned. Fading, fading, the colors dripped away...

~~~~~~~

Now came night, the seeing time, where the lack of one sense stimulated the others, heightening the weary mind through the blurring of all things. Ditzy had only a few minutes to drop her things inside the door before it was knocked on, revealing a concerned Twilight accompanying a quiet, afraid Dinky.

She was looking for me all day thinking I was here.

The sight sent a wrack of pain shooting through Ditzy’s whole body like a fork of lightning, intense and scarring. Without words, Ditzy hurried to embrace her distraught child, fiercely keeping her close and barely aware of Twilight looking at her with an indecipherable expression.

“Thank you,” Ditzy managed to reply after a few breathless moments.

Twilight’s expression didn’t change. She walked past Ditzy and Dinky, the daughter’s eyes shut tight, and after a few more moments caught the edge of Ditzy’s glance and motioned to another room.

Ditzy carried her daughter up the stairs.

“You said you wouldn’t go.”

The words stung.

Ditzy held her daughter for another minute, then put her down: she was getting bigger and Ditzy was tired in body and soul. With a look straight into Dinky’s eyes, Ditzy said “I’m sorry I was gone today. I really am. Something came up, and I couldn’t come back. Get ready for bed and I’ll tell you about it, ok? I might have something you’ll like to hear.”

With a hopefulness tempered by the loneliness of the day—so strange for Ditzy to see in her child—Dinky nodded and wandered off.

Once again alone, Ditzy’s long exhalation turned into a sigh. Twilight… oh, how will I ever explain this to her? At least I’ll be out of sight and mind when this passes. Hopefully she’ll forget until we come back, and by the end of that I’ll probably be able to explain some of it. Eyeing the stairs with tired twofold trepidation, Ditzy pressed on and prepared herself for the frustrating questions she knew were coming. Down the stairs and toward the living room that now echoed with a memory of years passed, Ditzy’s temperament convulsed and her motherly woes turned to motherly protectionism, and by the time she stood before Twilight she was hard-set and ready to speak.

“I know what you’re going to ask,” Ditzy began, her expression and tone an intricate mix of pain, defensiveness, pleading, and slight anger. “You’re wondering where I was, what I was doing. What it has to do with my time away and this thing I wouldn’t tell you about. You know that I would never choose to leave Dinky like that.”

Ditzy stopped for breath, and Twilight replied cautiously. “I didn’t come here to accuse you of anything. I’m just wondering what would make a friend of mine do something they would never do and if I can help.”

“I can handle myself, and some things will only make sense if they’re explained later.”

The whole or half lie did little to convince Twilight, and Ditzy could see her doubt and questions nagging behind the weak disguise.

“Dinky and I are going to travel for a little while,” Ditzy added. “I promise it will make sense after we get back.”

After a moment’s hesitation Twilight responded encouragingly. “If you think so, I trust you. Just remember that if you need anything, you have us to help you and Dinky, even if we’re miles away.”

Ditzy nodded and murmured her thanks as Twilight left.

~~~~~~~~

On Ditzy’s return to her room, she found that Dinky had already scrambled up into her mother’s bed. Neither mentioned it. It went without saying that they would not stand to be separated tonight. Dinky watched as Ditzy collapsed into bed (she hadn’t bothered to clean herself nor perform any other nighttime ritual) and lay flat on her back, spread-eagled in the mostly-covering dark. Awaiting something, Dinky eyed her mother. After a short moment, she poked Ditzy. Both were well aware of the promise Ditzy had made.

Full-on exhausted, Ditzy stared at the ceiling.

“Dinky… would you mind… you would like to go on an adventure?”

~~~~~~~~

Ditzy was on the brink of sleep. The issue was decided; Dinky lay warm and asleep against her, a warm and reassuring presence. The last thought that crossed her mind before it drained into blissful oblivion was this:

The servants of Luna; to think I told Dinky… that’s what they were… that’s what we are now.