“Um...” Maybe I should try just telling the truth instead of running this time, I thought. I certainly couldn't outrun Dash, but she wouldn't have an easy time transporting me against my will. “I was brushing a leaf off your face.”
“Uh huh.” She sounded incredulous. “Mind telling me why I'm in this bush? I've got a splitting headache,” that made two of us, “and I can't remember much from last night... you didn't happen to see a gray coated, blond maned Pegasus nearby, did you?” she queried, staring at me intently.
I was in luck, it looked like Rainbow didn't remember much from last night yet. Traumatic amnesia, though, is usually temporary. I had to think quick. On one hand, I could make something up, we'd part ways amicably but later she would remember or be reminded that she had been trying to apprehend me and dislike me some more. Especially if she remembered the Soren trick I pulled on her. On the other hand, was Dash. No literally, she was still on my hand. The other option, though, was man up and come clean, explaining why we were here and why her friends wanted me captured. What would happen from there was her call.
“I haven't seen any gray Pegasi today, no. As for why we're in the bush, that's a longer answer.” I broke eye contact, looking off to one side. Our faces were still only inches apart, and it was more than a little strange. “First, though, can I have my arm back?” I indicated it by giving it a slight tug.
“Oh, sure.”
I felt her slide off of my arm and sit up. In my haste to make my bid for freedom, I had forgotten that Dash seeing more of me than my face could pose a problem. There was no time to correct my error.
“Whoa. Dude,” a very surprised Dash said. Points for observation, she hadn't missed the half foot elephant in the room. “I'm flattered, really, but I don't swing that way.”
I hastened to cover up as her words sunk in. Didn't swing that way? Connecting what I thought were two dots, I hesitatingly put my thoughts into words. “That would explain why you called me Pinkie Pie earlier when you kissed me...”
Dash went from amused at my apparent interest to doing her best Big Macintosh impression in no time at all. Her face was crimson, like a freshly picked apple.
“H-how did you know I dreamed about kissing Pinkie!” she stammered. “Are you some kind of dream spy?”
Well, my life was over anyway. Might as well dive in with both feet. “I didn't know about your dream until just now. All I knew is that you said the name 'Pinkie Pie' and then kissed me in your sleep, but now I know the whole truth!” I was reveling in the freedom that only death row inmates have. “Dash has a crush on Pinkie Pie!” I did my best impression of a schoolyard taunt.
I received a hoof to the chest for my efforts.
“Oof!” I grunted at the blow, clutching at the impact site. Never taunt a girl wearing steel horseshoes. I'm pretty sure she bruised a rib.
“You dummy! I didn't mean I was into mares! I mean, Pinkie's cute and all, don't get me wrong...” Rainbow seemed to realize that she wasn't making her case very convincing. “I like colts! I just don't like...” she looked at me with a hint of mild disgust, “xeno colts.”
“What do you mean, xeno colts?” I asked. My devil-may-care bravado had been replaced with complete confusion.
“What do you mean what do I mean? You're obviously a xenophile,” she said, waiving a forehoof indicatively at what my hands were hiding.
“I am not! It was just... really intimate,” I parried.
“Oh please,” Dash rolled her eyes. “So you're saying that all it takes to make you excited is a kiss and a hug? It doesn't even matter who or what it's from? That's silly.”
“No it's not. It's a natural reaction,” I defended myself.
“If it's a natural response, then wouldn't it be the same way for me?” she countered.
“How do you know you wouldn't react the same way? I bet you would.” If I couldn't prove my innocence, I would just take the focus off myself.
I didn't mean to turn it into a competition.
“I would not! Watch.” With that, Rainbow Dash pounced me, knocking me flat on my back. Her front hooves were planted firmly on my chest as she planted her lips firmly on mine.
My eyes went wide, but she didn't notice; hers were closed tight. She leaned into the kiss, and I had no choice but to lie there and take it. I couldn't pull away because the ground prevented it, and my hands were occupied covering something that certainly wasn't pulling away.
I closed my eyes and saw the images from my dream rushing through my mind's eye. Her contented smile as we washed the dishes. Hiding her face behind a hoof in embarrassed gratitude as I served dinner. The feel of her coat and the sound of her sigh as we lay in front of the fireplace. All of it came back to me with her kiss. I knew it was a dream, but... every dream starts somewhere.
The kiss had started off as just a pressing of lips, but as it wore on, Dash seemed to be getting more enthusiastic. She took her hooves off my chest one at a time, slipping the shoe off each with their respective back hooves. They both landed with a muffled thud, hard steel impacting soft soil. The first hoof to return found its way back to the ground, insistently pushing one of my arms aside. Its fetlock tickled the side of my chest. The next hoof to return resumed its former perch on my chest, but it did not stay put.
Rainbow ran her free hoof along my chest. It wasn't an entirely new sensation. Rarity had been doing something similar the day before, but Rainbow's hoof was entirely different. It still felt like the world's largest fingernail on the edge, but the sole of her hoof was much, much softer than Rarity's. Even the prim and proper Rarity had been unable to hide the callouses from walking around on the ground. Between flying most of the time and wearing shoes, Rainbow's soles were left as soft as the clouds they were used to, and her exploratory hoof caressed my chest like a warm summer's breeze.
I brought my arms up, taking her head in my hands. I felt her tongue flick lightly over my lips, a request for more. I pushed her away gently, and she broke off. Her eyes opened, staring into mine. She couldn't make up her mind about where to focus, though, and her gaze flicked back and forth between my eyes, as if searching for something.
Still panting slightly, catching her breath, she whispered, “You might be onto something here.”
I opened my mouth to say something, but she cut me off with a ferocious kiss. Her eyes were screwed shut as she focused on the feelings of my lips against hers. I ran my hands through her mane and over her ears, and I could feel her twitch every time I brushed a sensitive spot. The restless hoof ceased its wandering, electing instead to press down firmly to hold me still, as if I were a prize in danger of being stolen away.
It wasn't long before I felt her tongue against my lips again, but this time it didn't hesitate at the gate. The writhing muscle forced my lips apart, questing for a taste of the mouth they guarded. As soon as she had gained entry, Dash wasted no time in surveying her conquest, running her tongue to the back of a set of molars and slowly working her way forward, examining each and the mouth around.
Though it had caught me by surprise, this second kiss was no less pleasant than the first. Dash's initiative and aggression were new to me. And I was liking it. In her movements, Dash's wings had spread a bit from her sides. This had happened earlier when she stood up, but, unlike before, she was making no effort to refold them. With every shift of her weight and plunge of her tongue, her wings rose a little higher.
Suddenly, she stopped moving entirely, completely frozen and eyes wide with shock. Her tongue was still inside my mouth, resting on one of my canine teeth; a terrifying thing to a natural prey species, canines are purpose built for rending flesh. Her breathing picked up pace. It went from slow and heavy to quick and shallow. Dash was scared. Huge, beautiful blue wings framed her figure, having finally spread to full extension as her fight-or-flight reflexes took hold.
I let go of her, hoping she would calm down. Almost as soon as I had, her tongue started moving again. It glided over my incisors as Rainbow's eyes slid shut. Her breathing had slowed, but it was still faster than it had been. She sounded... excited.
Not content with letting Dash do all the work, I started fighting her for control of my mouth back. My tongue ran along hers, under one side. Dash shivered and pulled her tongue back reflexively, and then I was in. Her mouth was like nothing I'd felt before. It was almost the same as a human mouth, but with a couple notable differences. The strangeness of her teeth struck me first; there was a small gap where canines should be. I later found out this is where a bit could be fitted, but at the time I just knew that Dash's gums were ticklish there. Her cheeks tightened into a grin under my hands, and I could feel the stuttering of suppressed laughter in her breathing. My attention was pulled away, though, when I felt Rainbow shifting her weight.
Her front hoof pressed a little harder on my chest for an indiscernible reason. Indiscernible, that is, until I heard the thump of a horseshoe hitting the dirt. It was followed shortly thereafter by its twin. That second hoof, though, did not rejoin its twin off to my side. Instead, it found its way to the opposite side of me, inside of pastern to outside of my thigh. Rainbow Dash was straddling me.
My higher brain functions began returning to me; their clamoring warning finally reached the forefront of my mind. They said to me: “It's been fun, but things are getting out of hand. You should probably put an end to this.” Another voice was still calling to me, but that voice spoke from between my legs and used no words. With a great effort of will, I resolved to listen to the voice of reason.
The matter was taken out of my hands in a mere matter of moments, though, as a voice came ringing out from nearby. Or maybe “squeaking out” would be more accurate.
“Rainbow Dash?” came the meek voice of Fluttershy. “Are you around here?”
At her voice Rainbow Dash's head was instantly away from mine, eyes wide and ears at attention. Lucky for the two of us, Fluttershy most likely didn't know which bush we were in. She might not even know for sure that we were here.
“I thought I heard your voice, and Twilight said this was the last place she saw you...” Fluttershy mumbled. I could hear her hoof falls now, crunching the leaves on a path that would take her straight past Rainbow's and my hiding spot.
“I've gotta go,” Dash whispered under her breath to me. She had misjudged her volume, however. A yellow head and pink mane poked into the brush we were hiding in.
“There you are, Rainbow. I've been...” Fluttershy trailed off as her eyes took in the scene. As she took in more of the scene, her eyes grew wider and wider. Rainbow straddling me. My arms around her neck. Her wings at full-mast. Something of mine at full-mast. Dash's tail raised over her back. The stray saliva around our mouths. The horseshoes on the ground.
As quickly as she had arrived, Fluttershy suddenly retreated, blurting, “I'm so sorry I didn't mean to interrupt anything so I'll just be going now, OK? Bye.” The sound of her retreating wing beats told us we were alone again.
Rainbow Dash cleared her throat. “I've just remembered something I have to do,” she began as she quickly stepped off of me and to the side, trying not to meet my eyes. “Just so you know, I didn't like that at all. Don't get the wrong idea.” She was betrayed by her tail and wings. Dash tried to steal a glance in my direction again. I was still staring at her, though, and I met her gaze immediately. When she realized I'd caught her looking back at me, she quickly turned away and sprang out of the bush with a jump and massive beat of her wings.
I lay there for a moment, still slightly stunned by recent events. It was time to start putting two and two together again, and get the blood back to my brain where it belonged. This way, it could keep me out of trouble instead of getting me into it.
Twilight Sparkle, for all I knew, was still hunting me with unknown intentions. I'd seen the spell she was using to try and capture me in action, and it was not a terribly “I want to be your friend” spell. Well, maybe it was, in a sense, but not the kind of friend that I'd be comfortable as.
Rarity was likely still incensed at me for tricking her into picking up a crotch-smeared doll of her friend with her mouth. Help was unlikely from that direction.
Rainbow was probably as confused as I was about where we stood. She would probably get more confused if she remembered last night, too.
Fluttershy was... I didn't know if I could handle trying to explain what had just happened to her, since it, in fact, had been exactly what it looked like.
That left Pinkie Pie and Applejack. But I still had no idea where Sugar Cube Corner was, or where Sweet Apple Acres was, for that matter. It was still fairly early in the morning from the look of the sky, and this bush was proving to be unusually warm. My quest, I decided, could be postponed for a couple hours as I caught up on some sleep. It turns out that concussed sleep is not terribly restful.
I would soon find out that sleep in a Pinkie Pie-accessible place is not terribly restful, either.
Ch 6 Author's Note:
You remember way back in Ch 2 where I wound up saying "hopefully this is as close to clop as it gets"? Looks like I lied.
Oh and look, I'm alive and I updated! What is the world coming to? I'm kind of ashamed, I had most of this written for a very long time, and then a combination of writer's block, life, and writer's block delayed the last ~500 words for nearly a month. Oi vei.
As always, don't forget to leave a thumb and comment!
Hehehe, as I recall. Isn't there a full hardcore clop version of this story? I think it's time that got an update by now too.....heheheheheeheh.
Or not.
That was amusing. Surprisingly hot for a scene with Rainbow too.
This is getting good
Oh please let all the misunderstandings be cleared in the end T.T
And concerning this scene just now... I think it's okay if Rainbow admits having made out with him, and not being raped or sth like that.
Anyways, great chapter and glad you finally updated! ^.^
Poor guy.
Looking forward to seeing what comes next!
Nyuuu! Come back Rainbow Dash! Cooooome back!!! *chases*
One picture summarises my reaction to the situation that Sam is in:
i0.kym-cdn.com/entries/icons/original/000/004/077/Raisins_Face.jpg
oh god... this is horrible!
but so goooood....
goddamnit. moar plz.
Wow... That did not go like I expected at all.
I can't stop laughing for God sake
Some people may not like this chapter. (You know who you are) Some people may like this chapter. (Me gusta.) Some people may wish for more.
Me?
I'm just surprised I took the time to read anything on this site...
I lol'd.... and fell off my chair.
You know that nightmare where you have to give a big important speech, and you get up to the podium and you realize you're naked?
This story is the fic version of that. With ponies.
le me: *sees title*.........
(sings out loud in crouded class)
BUTTERFLY IN THE SKYYYY~
I CAN GO TWICE AS HIGHHHHH!
JUST TAKE A LOOK
ITS IN A BOOK
A READING RAINBOWWWW!
IIIIII CAAANN GO ANYWHERRRE!
JUST TAKE A LOOK
ITS IN A BOOK
A READING RAINBOWWWW!
You know, despite the sauciness, I'd say this last chapter redeemed the story for me. Don't get me wrong, I love the comedic elements of "accidental pervert" and the horrible miscommunications that keep it up, but it does start to get tiring when it happens with every single character interaction. Also, I'm insanely jealous of any human character who gets to, uh, pet- touch- INTERACT with Rainbow Dash. Because she is Best Pony. And SHE'S MINE! YOU CAN'T HAVE HER! *Is tasered and dragged away in a straightjacket*
Gotta say, Dash becoming even more, uhm, "interested" upon detecting that humans eat meat just seems so in character for her, since she likes to live dangerously. Certainly fits into my headcanon of her. Not that I think of such things... often...
Anyway, in all seriousness, gotta say this story is interesting and I would like to see more. Also, Sam needs a towel if he wants to be a hoopy frood.
PUT MOAR STORY ON PLEAZE!!!!!!!!!! I'ZE NEED MOAR TO LIVEZ!!!!!
That was quite nice
and funny.
I get it Braille as in teeth
Well, I had fun pre-reading this chapter.
I then had fun re-reading this chapter.
When are you going to update the next chapter.
Also, why don't you talk to me anymore?
lol i love that show ........ and why dont you talk to that person anymore!!!............. lol the story is great! hope this means more up dates sooner cause if got to wait another month its goin to kill me.
668907
'You remember way back in Ch 2 where I wound up saying "hopefully this is as close to clop as it gets"? Looks like I lied.'
Make it clop. No one likes a tease. You're writing is just too damn good.
(I don't even clop but I enjoy clop-fiction since I mostly come across really well written ones. This being on the brink of being one itself.)
more pleasE?
669607
There was a version of this story that was written specifically as clop, by the same author I think. I'm pretty sure the author was trying to keep the two separate, with this one being a bit raunchy but not explicit, whereas the other one was full-on sex.
I'm happy to read a new chapter and very grateful.
But there's an issue which me suddenly bothered when I read the last part.
Did Sam get something to eat since he stranded in ponyville?
Maybe because I read it before dinner time.
The whole time I was reading this, The song "I like my sex remix" by Dj Dela was playing on my iTunes. surprisingly fitting.
No! I ran out of chapters to read!
Awkward situations rock!
oh gawd fluttershy you poor thing.
t3.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcT_0AVaRCxn62CUXkGvvyVk8x2WnwfUyxX02EXZ-qjSZedkMxIqTHaOlYET7Q
Oh hey, I go to sleep for a couple measly hours and suddenly 20 comments.
668970 669607 669682
I can neither confirm nor deny the existence of such a story. If such a story existed, it would most likely be updated soon.
669134 669185 669205
The reaction I was aiming for. I'm glad, too, having been staring at this chapter for a month or so, I had started to doubt if it was any good. Like how if you say a word too many times it stops making sense. Sense sense sense sense.
669357
Oh stop whining, you. Just because I wasn't at my computer during the day of your silly-ass British timezone doesn't mean I'm not talking to you.
OK... I was very surprised at the direction you took with this one. I have never thought of mlp in a sexual way at all nor did I expect you to take that route... but I somewhat shamefully admit that I found it strangely exciting, of course it didn't help that dashie is my favorite pony. Please include more updates soon, I have to know how the story ends!
671374
I've actually been in the process of trying to dredge up the ending I had come up with from the dregs of my memory; it's been a while since I've been able to think about what happens past this chapter. I was seriously stuck on how to pull this chapter off in a way that readers could say, "I guess that's not too weird. I think. Maybe." I thought I'd hinted at the sexual awkwardness of Sam's situation with Rarity's chapters, though. Had Sam been clothed, this would not have been nearly as awkward.
As for strangely exciting... that was a goal. It was fairly deliberate that what made Rainbow Dash attractive to Sam was not how she looked, but rather how she acted and what she did, emphasizing the things that are the same from humans or intelligent ponies: touching each other, breathing each others breath, and RD undressing. I could claim it's some big message about beauty being more than skin-or-fur-deep, but it's not nearly as well thought-out as that.
670699 Well, KEEP ON DRAGGING US IN THIS DIRECTION!!!
We demand it.........
...
...
...
... waitwut
WHOA! Whoa whoa whoa... whoa.
Whoooooaaaa.
Suddenly. Confused.
I think this now more romance orientated than it was comedy. Since when... how did the.. I don't even.
I feel like I'm really missing something critical. It's like prior to the dream everything was all normal, like show-level normal. Then, after the dream, it becomes some guys crazy-ass fantasy.
I liking the story, don't get me wrong. I just have absolutely no idea how to interpret what just happened.
Gah.
rockbeyondbelief.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/03/my-brain-you-have-failed-me1.jpg
I'll just keep reading. Can't see this ending happily for the guy though.
673886
Head injuries, bro. Head injuries. That's my story and I'm sticking to it.
673990 Sorry If I sound like I'm complaining. I'm just crazy
I feel a bit ashamed that i had to read the comments to get the joke in the title, but what a brilliant one it was. Loving the story so far, actually building up for the comedic moments is well done, and also, great descriptive work.
Keep up the good work, and I feel obliged to go
MOAR!!!!
674222
> Braille, a tactile writing system for the blind.
> Reading, in the sense of taking in new knowledge
> Reading Rainbow Dash by Braille
> Getting to know RD by feel
i c wat i did thar
Many laughs were had in this story
Yeah this chapter was a bit more intimate than the last, but as it was already said, it'd be a bit boring if every character had a misunderstanding with the main character... also, it's RD there. Why doesn't it really surprise me that she is the one who'd do this
Anyway, great story, really can't wait for more
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF.
As far as I've seen, you are overly fond of cliffhangers. And I love it.
Fav'd
671445
Well I must applaud your creativity and writing prowess, this has certainly been a clever and somehow surprisingly unpredictable story so far. I am currently in the process of helping a friend write his first fic, and have been contemplating making a contribution of my own. I feel as though I should give back to the community since I have been freely enjoying everyone else's hard work. I think a small contribution is the least I can do. I eagerly await the climax to this interesting tale and look forward to seeing where it will go. Thanks for taking the time to write, I for one certainly appreciate your efforts.
The Likes have been doubled!
I mean, seriously, before the update this one had like 91 of those? More or less.
A testament of the quality writing itself, and enjoyed this a lot too. You been watching Love Hina anime huh?
I'm having fun with this, but please don't listen to Link02, for clop there's the clop version. I don't want to have to jump paragraphs that I'm not going to read to have a laugh with your story. Lastly and more important, it's your decision.
why is rainbow dash wearing shoes?
676170
Aha, I'm glad someone asked. The way I see it, Earth Ponies, Unicorns, and ground-bound Pegasi, like Scootaloo and Fluttershy, walk around on their hooves all day, giving them the type of callouses on their soles that a wild horse would have. RD, however, being a cloud-born Pegasus, wouldn't have these callouses, as she spends as little time walking as possible. To protect her soft feet when she's on the ground, she would wear shoes like we do to protect our soft feet. Most importantly for the story, though, she's wearing shoes because undressing is sexy. It just happens to be a talking pony taking off horse shoes in this case...
676256 id say those reasons are good enough for me, but just for the record: i wouldnt call Fluttershy ground-bound pegasus, i would only call pegasus who actually really cant fly ground-bound like Scootaloo
I keep grinning like an idiot when reading this... Why?
so much awkwardness! keep it coming!
Fluttershy you dang c*ckblocker!
670699
If such a story did exist it would be a shame if it went ages without updating
When they started kissing it was funny. When they kissed again and kept going I got a mental picture of Sam happily smiling while digging a hole. Smiling, as the edges of the hole became taller and steeper, until the point of collapse. When his brain was warning him that the fun needed to end I pictured a man wearing a flashing trafic cone on his head, jumping up and down while waving red flags a shouting.
wtf am I reading