The mud beneath me was not as unpleasant as it could have been. I appeared to have landed in a patch that was still warm from the recently concluded sunny day. The air, though, was still chilly, doubly so without any clothing to speak of. The only protection against the oncoming cold of night was the Pegasus straddling my gut.
“Ha! You should have seen the look on your face, bub,” Rainbow Dash taunted me. As she leaned down to deliver her lines right in my face, her stomach came to lie against mine. It was like someone had placed a furry heating pad on top of me. I was torn, the warmth was dearly appreciated in the gathering gloom, but the intimate personal contact was a bit much. Especially with how much my biology had been betraying me lately.
“It was priceless, your eyes got huuuge!” she said between fits of giggling. Giggling which gently bounced her on top of me, rubbing our stomachs a little more. I just had to not think about it too carefully, and try and get myself out of here. There were at least three ponies that I knew of that might not be aware of my transgressions yet, and could calm my persuers.
But first I would have to get away from Rainbow Dash, fastest flier in Ponyville and first rate defier of aerodynamic physics.
My planning and fortitude came to an abrupt halt, however, as I felt what Rainbow was doing with her tail. It was flicking back and forth, almost wagging. The sensation was like being tickled with feathers, only the area being tickled was not so much ticklish as it was excitable.
Some of my problems were certainly growing, but others had failed to materialize. Trying to get a glance around my captor, I managed to catch sight of Carousel Boutique. Though, you could easily rename it Houdini's House at this point with the way it was decked out. Every window was barred, the doors were boarded over and chained shut, and the whole thing was draped in more chains and padlocks than I could shake a stick at. And with Dash's belly grinding and tail antics, I had quite a stick to shake.
While I was distracted, the Pegasus had continued talking. She did not seem to have noticed that her cavalry wasn't going to be arriving any time soon, though. Now would be a good time for an escape attempt.
“Oh my gosh, is that Soren?” So sue me. I played the “look over there” card.
She was instantly off me and in the air. “Ohmygoshohmygosh!” she rapid fired, her face lighting up. I started to get to my feet, looking in my line of retreat to see if the towel had ended up anywhere nearby. It, of course, had not.
“Wait a second, where'd he go?” Dash scanned the darkening sky.
“I'm sure I saw him. I think he went behind that big cumulus in the distance,” I knew I would feel horrible about this later, but I just needed to get some distance from my pursuit right now. I could apologize to Rainbow later... right after I made my apologies to Twilight and Rarity. I didn't know if I would get the chance without outside intervention, though. Twilight had confirmed my suspicion that capture at her hooves would leave me without an opportunity to speak, literally.
My former captor, oblivious to my scheming, bolted off into the night for the cloud I had indicated. With any luck I could be out of sight by the time she got back... but with how fast she was getting to that cloud I might not have much time. Maybe only fifteen seconds worth. Though with how much time I was spending thinking about that, it had probably chewed five seconds.
I wasted no more time, and put my feet in motion for the park I had been running towards. I had to abandon my towel, but hopefully the next pony I was looking for would take my nudity in stride. She certainly took everything else with an even keel. Perhaps, though, “even” was a bit generous. “Consistent” was probably more accurate, and “consistently hyperactive” took it all the way from accurate to “apt”.
I had to find Pinkie Pie. The foliage around the park edges would make a good screen to try and spot Sugar Cube Corner from, and I began a circumnavigation of the park forthwith. I crept as carefully as possible, making sure the coast was clear in all directions before darting to the next bush. A quarter of the way around the park and twenty bushes later, I still hadn't seen the bakery.
I began looking about for any sign of pursuit or observers. Just as I was about to make the dash, I spotted Dash circling in the sky above me. I had almost not seen her through an overhead oak. I waited a little longer for her to leave line of sight and then made my attempt at the next outcropping of shrubs.
After regaining cover, I continued my pattern. I inspected the visible buildings, looking for anything that looked like it came out of Hansel and Gretel. Not seeing my goal, I began looking for observers again. The light had faded substantially now, but nopony had come to light the street lamps in this area of town yet. As a result, I was having trouble making out anything that wasn't silhouetted against the sky. I wagered, though, that this would cut both ways and made my way to the next bush.
The extra concealment of darkness was a great boon, and I made it to bush twenty three with no issues. I could make out very few buildings by this point, and even less of the roads, making it my shortest stop yet. I proceeded into the night to try and reach my next hiding spot, the fourth since having spotted Rainbow Dash.
It was not meant to be, however. As I was making the transition, a light in a nearby window flicked on, bathing me in lantern light. This was all my pursuer needed.
“Oh no you don't!” came Dash's battle cry. Since spotting her at bush twenty, I had only made it three bushes farther. A meager fifteen percent.
I accepted my fate and braced for impact. Rainbow was not expecting this, however, and misjudged her tackle. Our heads made contact with a sickening thud, and we both fell into the dense shrubbery I had almost made it to.
As my world went black, only one thought went through my mind: ouch.
After getting up late, Rainbow Dash had wished me farewell and soared off into the brilliant mid morning sun. She spent a good deal of her morning training for an upcoming Wonder Bolts tryout to be held the following month. She practiced the Buccaneer Blaze, the Fantastic Filly Flash, and a couple more that she had yet to name. She worked up quite a sweat with her practice, and it glistened in the sunlight.
She stopped practice around midday, grabbing a quick lunch. She rested on a cloud in the lazy afternoon sun, chewing on her sandwich as she watched the town below go about its business. Finishing her sandwich, she rolled onto her back, shifting her attention to the errant small clouds drifting across the sky. It looked like the cloud factory had some time before it would be ready for the night's storm, so she let herself doze off, cradled by the cloud's soft cotton.
She was woken by Pinkie Pie passing by, and they spent some time catching up and shooting the breeze. Dash had to let Pinkie know that she had weather duty tonight, so she wouldn't be able to go pranking. It did not stop them, though, from devising a few clever schemes to be carried out at a later date. Having kept an eye on the sun and sky, Dash noticed it was time to go off and assemble the evening's thunder storm. She said her goodbyes to Pinkie, then took off at top speed to the cloud factory.
It was busy and hectic work. Rainbow had to coordinate dozens of Pegasi and half a dozen cloud machine crews, and not all of the Pegasi or crews entirely listened. By the skin of her teeth, she kept the crew from messing up the storm beyond repair. The repairs, though, would take a highly skilled hoof that only Rainbow Dash could provide. She lowered her flight goggles and set to work, getting the thunderheads properly repositioned and the gaps in the cloud cover filled. Eventually, everything was to her satisfaction. The storm work had partially washed her from earlier, but the lightning so close at hoof had left the smell of ozone clinging to her mane and tail. With the thunderstorm fully underway, she flew home.
Getting back to the smell of cooking pasta, her favorite dinner at the end of a long day, she followed her nose into the kitchen to find me hard at work putting the finishing touches on the sauce and garlic bread. She asked what she could do to help, but I told her that I was essentially done; all that was left to do was serve and I was not going to let her do that. This was my treat to her, after all.
I had set up the table in the dining room with our best table cloth and place settings. A candle stood lit in the middle of the table flanked by two wine glasses, and a bottle of her favorite white zinfandel sat in an ice bucket nearby. As we entered the dining room, I put a classical violin piece on the turntable. She made her way over to the table, and I pulled her chair back from the table for her.
“You don't have to do that for me,” she said, blushing slightly.
“It is my pleasure, Miss Dash,” I replied with a shallow bow.
I served up the dinner with all the chivalrous grace I could muster. I ignored her bluster that she didn't need all this “girly stuff”, her bashful smile betrayed her true feelings. I knew she liked being treated like a Princess if it was just us, when there was no one to impress. She had already made a lasting impression on me.
Dinner proceeded marvelously. My cooking was, if not the best, well executed and nothing was botched. Rainbow humored me, and lauded it with compliments, even though I knew full well it wasn't my absolute best work. We compared notes about our days, commiserating each others defeats and celebrating each others victories. We talked about her newest trick, and I offered what pointers I could and all the encouragement under the sun. I had learned early on that Dash was shaken fairly easily, but could do anything if she had the support of a loyal friend.
Some time later we finished the bottle of wine, and I bussed the table. Or tried to, Rainbow insisted on helping even though I had made it clear that tonight was my treat to her. I didn't mind, it meant I got to spend more time with the mare I was crazy about. We washed together, I scraped and scrubbed and she dried and stored. Every time I passed a dish to her, she made a point of brushing her hoof against me. I almost didn't want to let go of them, just to feel her touch a little longer.
After the dishes were cleaned and the leftovers tucked away in the fridge, we retired to the living room. I lit a fire in the fireplace, and we both sat on the rug in front of it. We watched the fire crackle, felt its relaxing warmth. Outside, the storm raged futilely against the roof and windows, unable to touch us in the safety of each others arms. With my arms wrapped around her, my face was full of her polychromatic mane. Every breath I took brought the light scent of sweat and ozone. The fragrance fit her perfectly, it was the fragrance of a talented, hard working mare and one I had come to recognize and love as hers.
As the fire burned lower and the rain hammered down its steady pattern, I felt Rainbow's breathing grow deep and slow; she had fallen asleep in my embrace. I lay content, watching the fire burn down, feeling the rise and fall of Rainbow's chest. Every breath brought her smell, and reassured me of her presence even as I closed my eyes.
Sleep found me shortly thereafter, holding my Rainbow Dash close.
I came to, disoriented and in pain. Around me was dense undergrowth, too thick to see through. So thick, in fact, it had almost proved to be a tent of sorts. There was a lot of warm air under the leaves, more than I would have thought my body was capable of sustaining. Wondering at my luck, I remembered why it was so warm in here as the reason shifted sleepily beside me: I wasn't alone.
Rainbow Dash was curled up in my arms, still asleep, playing the role of little spoon. My face was full of rainbow colored hair, and every breath carried its smell. The scent was of wind-dried sweat and ozone. It was far different than Rarity's carefully perfumed aroma, but the smell of work and lightning fitted Rainbow Dash well. Laying here like this with Dash, I could still feel my dream. It felt like it would be so right to just lean in and kiss her...
“What am I thinking?” I said. Too late, I realized I said it out loud. I felt a change in the breathing of the pony in my arms. One of her back legs twitched out, and the opposing front leg followed suit. Like she was trying to trot in her sleep.
“Mmm, not yet Pinkie. I'm still exhausted,” Dash mumbled, rolling over to face me. She draped her top hoof over me, her bottom leg folded up against her body. I was now staring directly at her face, mere inches between us.
“Uh,” I tensed, not sure of what to do.
“Go back to sleep, Pinkie” Dash murmured, still not opening her eyes. She scooted a bit closer and planted a kiss on my lips. My eyes went as wide as saucers, but she didn't seem to notice that I was not her pink friend. As the kiss lingered, I began wondering why she wasn't pulling away. I noticed, much to my chagrin, she had fallen asleep again.
I broke the kiss and pulled back a bit to look for some way to extricate myself from the situation. I would have to do it soon, too. The morning condition that many men experience was approaching, hastened by the closeness and unexpected intimacy, and there was not enough room between us to ignore it for long. My recent dream did not help matters. It had left me viewing Dash in a decidedly romantic light, and I needed to get away to clear my head.
I took my free arm and carefully lifted her forelimb off my shoulder, folding it gently back beside its twin. I delicately slipped my captive knee and calf from between her rear cannons, taking care to avoid brushing her hocks or fetlocks too much. I was free now except for one arm, which was trapped underneath her.
I was running out of time, though. There were only a few moments before Rainbow would be woken to an unwelcome pressure, so I thought fast. I shifted my lower body away from her, pivoting on my earthbound shoulder. It bought me time, but also brought my head closer to hers. From this distance I could see every detail of her face, framed by her disarrayed, bright-hued bangs. Her nostrils flared slightly with every inhalation, and every exhalation tickled across my face. Her eyes were twitching slightly beneath her eyelids, the only sign of activity on her otherwise serene face.
Since first hearing of clop, I had sworn to never think of ponies in a romantic or sexual light, but between Rarity and Rainbow Dash I was having a hard time sticking to that promise. The face in front of me begged to be held and protected. It was the face of a vulnerable Rainbow Dash, who was normally brave and brash but was now calm and tranquil.
I reached a hand up to brush a fallen leaf off her cheek. As I made contact with the short, soft blue fur of her face her eyes snapped open instantly, wide awake.
“What in the hay are you doing.”
Buck me.
Chapter 5 Author's Note
And so continues Sam's abuse and unintended teasing at the hooves of Ponyville's mares!
The dream sequence was originally much shorter, but I realized that with a little work it could be a short story of its own. You can find that short story here. I wrote the dream because I felt I wasn't being creative enough with torturing my protagonist. I've run him through plenty of physical teasing, but hadn't really done anything to tease him emotionally yet.
Let me know what you think in the comments!
cool
Cool story bro
384496
...you live under a bridge, don't you
384501 hay my roof cost millions of dollars how much dose yours cost
384504
Dude... you must be like, RICH or something...
384545 Well i apperently live under a bridge and bridges are verry expensive so if i live under a bridge said bridge would be my roof
This is full of "Oh, sh*t!" moments, and it's great!
I really, really love this story. Plenty of amazingly funny moments in the writing all the way through, and the little dream sequence at the end here was adorable as hell. Rainbow's my favorite pony, too, so it was especially heartwarming for me.
...That said, I would NOT want to be Sam right now. XD
...Well, alright, maybe a tiny bit.
You've earned yourself a favorite, my good sirrington!
You know. I really, REALLY, like the way this is written.
Just thought I should tell you. Not to mention Sam and Rainbow is cute as buck. I don't even care. They knocked each other out. Hawt... No, wait...
385170 385181
Thanks for the compliments! It looks like you had the reaction I was going for, of "it's almost desirable to be in Sam's shoes" (or, since he's having problems with decency, bare feet). And thanks for catching that stuff in ch 3. This is what I get for reading too many second person stories and trying to write without an editor.
385208
You're just trying to butter me up so I do another AR chapter out of this, aren't you?
385457 Well, ill be honest, that was not my intention. But the result is definitely favorable.
I lost it at "morning condition"
Excellent chapter. Such mean and hilarious abuse HA!
384553
WOW! You must be like super-duper-ultra-ginormous rich! You can build really expensive bridges AND pay for all the equipment AND all the hourly wages (assuming you had hired help). I bow down to your glory!
385736
Don't be fooled, he's just a politician. The tax payers built his bridge. He probably had them build a bridge because a house doesn't survive angry citizens trying to drive over it.
385752 holly crap that was funny
sooo wait are rainbow and pinkie JUST freinds because sleeping together and than kissing as if its normal well i dont know about you but that is more than just freinds in my book.
386092
Was wondering when someone would comment on that. It will be explained why she did that, no worries.
"... than I could shake a stick at. And with Dash's belly grinding and tail antics, I had quite a stick to shake."
You should feel awful for writing that. I could have choked.
...do it again.
You forgot quote marks for that last line.
386230
I'm glad you liked it! I was a bit nervous about that line, I thought it might be dancing a little too close to the mature line, but I went with the old adage: "never cut funny"
386332
Ha! That would belong in the mature version. Unintended double entendre is best double entendre, though.
Amazing story lol I'm really enjoying it so far.
What Can I say? More?
CAN SOMEONE TELL ME WHY RAINBOW DASH IS ALWAYS FIREFLY IN THE FANFICS?!?!?!
391955
"Lauren Faust stated that her [Firefly's] personality is the basis for the Friendship is Magic incarnation of Rainbow Dash." I've never watched anything with Firefly in it, and fan fiction requires authors to fill in holes in what we know of how a character reacts... so if it seems like I've filled in Firefly responses that must mean I'm on the right track?
edit: seems rbd's name is being replaced with Firefly for April Fool's.
391999 That's a good way to tick people who are too serious off.
392275
Maybe I should write an actual Firefly fic...
392277
385457 I'm with Kintra
392937 389109
More is in progress. I had all the free time in the world... until I actually started doing something that people would want done promptly, and then all of a sudden life, thousands of it.
That last line...
Well thanks for suggesting this to me ponyaddict. I have to admit though the "Oh look another awkward situation with Sam," is beginning to get a bit stale.
400837
Ya, I was actually looking at ideas earlier today on how to get things to move faster and looking at how I wanted to wrap up the story with a good laugh. Part of chapter 5's dream sequence was to break up the monotony of awkward things happening, and throw in a Dash of sweetness in an otherwise sadistic fic. Now, I still used it to be sadistic to the protagonist, but still. He was happy for a while, even if it was just a dream.
401695
Pacing is important, I just think that particular shtick is about run out. If this keeps up it's going to become Love Hina in Equestria . I'm just interested to see where you go from here and what your plans for this story are. It's fairly well written though and kept my attention so I'll follow this. Good job PA.
402601
I still have yet to get my hands on that anime. I have heard that I need to watch it multiple times but always seem to forget to do anything about it when I actually have time.
402607
Ugh, in my opinion you do not need to watch it. That one is perfectly fine to miss as far as I'm concerned.
402607
The thing about Love Hina is that the story starts off from a misunderstanding, and the main character places himself in a handful of misunderstandings in his first encounter with the other characters, including one of the characters accidentally groping his "manhood".
403261
...in other words I've written it without ever having seen it? Troubled minds think alike, I suppose.
403293
Pretty much
The main character (male) arrives at his aunt's old place to act as the new manager. He decides to take a bath, but is disturbed when one of the girls staying there walks in on him. Because she's not wearing her glasses, she can't see that he's a "he", and gets in with him, and accidentally gets a handle of his goods. She flips out, he runs off in a towel, and proceeds to run into the other four or five members of the household in embarassing fashion without any sort of explanation until after they capture and beat him.
So... yeah.
You pretty much nailed it
450898
Both are still in progress, and Rude Awakening has priority. Awakened Rudely follows the encounter sequence of this story. Chapter 6 of this is kicking around at about half done.
Have to admit, your writing style is pretty darn good.
463716
I blame Pratchett and Adams, mostly.
nice story really funny i gotta feel bad for the guy though i would of just stayed and explained though
511675
As would I, but that doesn't make for good comedy
511720 very, very true that is my friend.
I require more, or I shall Lancer someone up in here..... this doesn't give me a hard on but.... I like it as if I did.
Chapter 5:
A question should end with a question mark, not a period.
oh dear...
1437054 in this case, a period is kinda fitting. Just think about it!
:)