How does a business stay open when it only seems to have one regular customer(two if you count that there are times when she might send her number one assistant instead of going herself) and four or so mares that simply spend an hour or so there to drink tea every other week? Well that's the mystery surrounding Quills and Sofas. A mystery Twilight Sparkle has no intention of unraveling. Her line of questioning involves the highly secretive Mares' club that meets in the establishment every other week, “The Sisterhood of the Couch and Quill.”
The answer is certainly not something she would have ever expected considering the collection of mares belonging to the club. Two were among her closest friends, another was a rather famous musician from Canterlot and the last was a somewhat vision impaired mailmare. What was this strange collection of ponies doing in a secret club?
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After three years of inquiry, being denied answers from two of her closest friends, and being crowned an alicorn princess, Twilight finally has the opportunity to learn the Sisterhood’s secrets by way of a rather unexpected royal invitation.
Though the Sisterhood will have their hooves busy with more than one new inductee, both of which are likely untrustworthy. Which is odd considering the Sisterhood is an anti-terrorist organization that has existed in secret for nearly fifteen hundred years and tasked by a very young Princess Luna to protect peace and freedom for all citizens at any cost including the use of deception, violence, and outright murder when the need arises. However a little over a thousand years ago Luna might have had more problems than the history books were allowed to reveal. Problems that could harm her more than she realizes.
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Inspired slightly by a comment I made on a work by Shadow_Wolf. Check him out he’s got some good stuff.
The cover art is a collection of vectors I found scattered around the internet and a night sky pic. I put them all together into the picture, but let’s get started with giving credit where it’s due
The Derpy vector comes from http://mandydax.deviantart.com/art/Derpy-Vector-Inkscape-Palette-Tutorial-Link-285938116
The Fluttershy Vector cane from http://ihazacheezburgr.deviantart.com/art/Angry-Fluttershy-Vector-260507697
Chrysalis came from http://awesomeluna.deviantart.com/art/Queen-Chrysalis-vector-svg-included-342678929
Pinkie’s art was from http://xigger.deviantart.com/art/Pinkie-Pie-Vector-286203665
Octavia was found here http://kooner-cz.deviantart.com/art/Octavia-Classy-258205887
And the background came from http://www.flickr.com/photos/dominic_kamp/3495695552/
Props to all those involved, spread some of the love their way.
all in all an interrresting prologue In my opinion, enough to make me want to read the next chapter. but one thing you might need, is a prereader of some sorts. here´s what I found on my first readthrough:
it´s actually a statement that she questions it, so the question mark kind of questions that she´s questioning why said pony is there in short, just replace it with a dot.
double 'if'
you forgot the starting quotes for the speech there
nurses
forgot the spacing
I guess you missed the color coding, but not sure
two thirds of
looked was the word that you where searching I guess
again this color coding thing, but this time oposite
I am extremely confused.
That's not necessarily a bad thing, though.
Also, you used the word 'hands' in the description.
3832442 Holy crap... yeah you are right I do need a proofreader... I figured I missed some stuff but everything there is so damn obvious... well it was late last night. So proof reader and no more posting stories late at night when I"m crazy tired. Thanks for the bit of proof reading you just did.
3832456 Confused works... I think... I don't know, I'm so confused.
Also thanks for catching that in the description. Here I thought I was doing so well keeping hands out of places that hooves should be... Like I said in another comment I need to stop posting these so late at night... and a proofreader would not be the worst kind of person I could find.
3832919 It's actually one of the hardest things to do myself. I can't tell you how many times I've caught myself writing it.
I'll be perfectly honest. This chapter was actually much less confusing than the first.
Btw, I would just ditch that author's note at the beginning. Tell people your story sucks, and they'll think it sucks. Tell them it's confusing, and they'll think it's confusing. Side stories, no. Don't do them. The storytelling so far is fine. The history bit was about the right length, and hit the right notes, more or less. Any more details and you'd rob yourself of the opportunity to bring up random bits of history as the story goes along.
If you really have that much of a history to tell, that it necessitates a side story, I would simply weave it into this story. Bit by bit. Just a little in each chapter, a sort of 'oh btw Twilight, did you know that...' type of thing. Relate the historical events to the current events. That will provide a lot of story material that you'd otherwise be putting somewhere else. Like not in this story.
Also, I'd like to announce that this is officially the first fic I've ever read that has made Fluttershy out to be schizophrenic. Ingenious, I might add. I could argue that she's not, but I'm afraid that said debate would go on forever.
Oh, and you don't need a prereader. Most of my stories (including my two featured ones) were never edited or preread by anyone. Your writing is decent and your grammar and spelling are 98%. An extra read-over or two and that'll be fixed.
surely* That's the only thing that stuck out. A couple missing punctiations and the like, but nothing serious. Again, just read it over a couple times, that's what I do.
Aaaaaaand...
3934012 Yay not as confusing...
Yeah you're probably right about the beginning note... This is my first ever fanfic, so I figure as I write more I'll get into a better swing of things... but so far so good... I guess.
That is a much better idea than I had going for telling history. I was really excited about what I was writing but it was getting out of hand. I was focusing too much on the extra bits and not enough on the actual story... sure it means that I lose four and a half thousand words, but I don't think it was a total waste, I got to practice writing, and I do still have it as a base to work off of.
Fortunately the schizophrenic Fluttershy argument can be summed up easily enough if I get people on my case about how Fluttershy isn't actually like that, "It's an alternate universe fic darlings. While I don't believe that means I can run rampant I do afford myself a little leeway in how I represent the characters." And then because we are all rather nice people at heart, they would be entirely understanding... or not I don't know for sure. Also it's the first fanfic I've read with a schizophrenic Fluttershy too.
Oh but that 2%...well really that's not that bad all things considered...
Well that one spelling error has ended my foolish ideas of being a writer... As I have shamed my ancestors I must commit ritual suicide... I'll be fine in a couple days but if you need anything just let me know... but seriously that's pretty good... I go fix it now.
Thank you Mister Johnson.
3934323 Well, believe it or not, some people will get uppity about the Fluttershy thing. Though you are right, AU tag. Nuff said.
Hell, I get uppity about certain things. I think everyone has that one tidbit of headcanon that is so ingrained into them that they will fight to the death to defend it.
3937621 I choose to not believe... just like I don't believe in postage stamps and aardvarks... personally I think I would be fine with it though. I never expected to please everyone and I'm just happy that I at least have a few people who want to see more.
I suppose that kind of makes me an exception to the rule then. I do have my set of headcanons, but if given proper evidence I can see myself willing to change any of them... well except one... but its just a joke headcanon. Which means anyone who tries to argue seriously against it really is wasting their time.
3942222 See? Even you have the one.
3942733 No, I just... meant... crap you're right.
3942783 Hehehehe.
Hahahahahaha!
MUAHAHAHAHAHA!
I will watch this and see what it does.
3999891 Thanks, I might be inspired to write other things right now, but I will finish this.... eventually.