The Ballad of Hunter Stokely

by Roy Macintosh

The Super Theorist: Roy Macintosh

Author's Note:

Be warned, this contains strong language and mild violence. Viewer discretion is optionally advised.

Hey everybody, I'm the name in the title. I'm a cartoon enthusiast, artist, and thousand dollar playboy. With this, I've decided to make a mini-series of analytic discussions expressing cartoon topics that are, in hindsight, bullshit. I would like to thank Penn & Teller for the inspiration. Live and learn, people. Enjoy.

HOLD IT, YOU UNORIGINALLY PIXELIZED MOTHERFUCKER! What is it now, MLP fandom? YOU ARE NOT, REPEAT, NOT GONNA TALK SMACK ABOUT OUR ROYAL TWILIGHT SPARKLE OR I'LL SHANK YOUR ASS A NEW HOLE! I thought you hated Princess Twilight when she first appeared? THAT WAS THE 20 MINS OF THE THIRD SEASON, NOW WE'RE FOCUSING ON HER DUMB ASS CASTLE AND IF PINKIE PIE WILL EARN SOME WINGS. One, the latter will be pretty sweet. Two, I'll call the Frozen fandom of Tumblr to kick your ass if you dare mess with me. YOU WOULDN'T! I've got connections, fandom, just try to stop me. YOU WIN THIS ROUND, ROYAL MACINTOSH, BUT I'LL BE BACK! I'm sure you will, but now I've made my standing clear, let's continue.

Yes indeed, I'm talking about My little Pony; the show that, like the media, has fucked up America's shadow. To be specific, I'm talking about Princess Twilight Sparkle; mainly her appearance and her purpose during the 4th season. I'm discussing this because Twilight Sparkle is like Katara from the Last Airbender. She's a character I feel is growing strong and developing into a character I want to succeed. I'm not saying the rest aren't, I'm saying she's developing not only as a hero, but as a dedicated individual. And with being princess, I found something strange enough to finally call the 'Bullshit' card. I'm talking about the 4th finale, where Twilight is now the "Princess of Friendship". As soon as that became canon, it didn't feel right. Then a logical string of questions started flowing through the mind, and then it finally happened. "Holy shit, Pinkie Pie deserves to be a pegesas!" OK, that wasn't my first thought, but make it happen DHSEX! I finally came with the new thought: "Twilight Sparkle should have never became a princess in the first place."image

Hold up, Twily, I'm not hating you're new digs. I was and still am excited for the new responsibilities she'll have. It's just the fact of her being princess during the fourth season is/was off-putting and eventually useless until the finale. The reason I'm talking about this is because you give her a royal title as princess and Twilight had almost nothing to show for it. The Nostalgia Critic was right on this saying that the princess title is there just to make her cute and elegant. But before we talk more on the topic, pissing off a possible percentage of you, let's discuss an alicorn, since that's what she basically became.

The term alicorn actually originated from western Europe and ancient Iraq, meaning a portmanteau, or combo, of an unicorn and Pegasus. Most of the concept from the term means a winged beast (W.B. Yeats) or a representation of evil. In my definition, based on the cartoon itself, it doesn't mean being the arc of becoming a goddess (because that's what they basically are), but becoming a higher rank of the natural status quo of the pony world. While all three types of ponies equally share the same level of power (don't ask why, that'll be a pain), an alicorn beats the numbers by mastering all three abilities of the population. This means that being an alicorn can be the best thing that can ever happen to you. (In dumbed down terms, "Fuck all ya'll. Alicorns made this town. Now where's my big ole beer?) Others would want to be you, and you're the most powerful of ponies entirely. Then again, does adding the princess title make you any awesome and possibly important?

Did I convince you about best princess? With that said, let's try finishing this arguement. With what I said before, did making Twilight a princess from the 3rd finale really made any difference? Granted Twilight did earn becoming an alicorn, after all she's done to help the world around her, but why make her a Princess? You might say: IT IS SO THE POPULATION OF CANTERLOT CAN CELEBRATE AND APPRECIATE HER NEW TITLE, DUH. Becoming an alicorn is awesome enough to celebrate and appreciate with the more challenges and new experiences to come. Then you might say: HOW WILL YOU EXPLAIN "TWILIGHT TIME"? Remember that she's the most powerful of all Ponyville, that could explain the purpose of those young paparazzi fucks trying to milk off her popularity. BUT WHAT ABOUT THE EPISODE "TRADE YA"!? It's already known that becoming alicorn is because you've earned it academically and emotionally, so Twilight must have the knowledge and courage to earn her ceremonial role in the episode. In other words, almost nothing would change. EQUESTRIA GAMES?! OK, Twily is already friends with all three goddesses, so getting special seats with the ladies isn't wrong. You don't need to be princess to get a little special treatment from your own friends, right? THE 4TH PREMIERE?! Like I said, nothing would really change. From my third counterattack, she's earned a higher status than the rest of her friends, so that can explain the tensions without changing too much of the episode. As for Twilight being apart in the celebration, it too is called asking for participation. Celestia could've asked Twilight, since she CAN fly AND use magic, to participate in the ceremony. Etc. and Etc. So that's all the rebuttals- HOLD ON, ROYAL! WHAT ABOUT THE 4TH FINALE, YOU CARTOON SADIST?! That, I'll explain in my conclusion.

As for the finale, I'll say that that is debatable. The only thing that I would see changed is the whining princess song at the beginning. I mean, Twilight would question the purpose of becoming alicorn if it doesn't have as much meaning as the other goddesses, and she would want to be more than just a magic wielding, sky soaring, super saiyan badass. That, especially at the end, would then give way for her to become princess, because it will then have meaning. She, after kicking Tirek's ass with her friends, can then become Princess of Friendship. I'm sorry, but this is the other reason why I thought the Princess shtick was quite bull. Sure the title is "Friendship is Magic", but that doesn't mean the word has to be used every time. There's another word that could've been used to make Twilight's title more significant: unity. Unity means coming together as a whole. That's the theme for the entire show, and yet they have to use simple words like friendship. I not trying to overreact on this, but I'm saying that there could have been some changes to give the show a little mature and uplifting spirit in it. What I'm trying to say is that during the 4th season, Princess Twilight shouldn't have existed; just make her alicorn Twilight instead. It would've gave people less to complain about, and less to think about it in the future. Just saying.

I might not be the first to discuss this, but I don't know about any of that. I might also sound like a guy that's ranting over nothing (Not true, for I actually have the life and self-control bundle), but I just thought some knowledge should come to light. I don't like to obsess about cartoons, even if I'm a cartoon reviewer. I like MLP as much as any other guy or lady, and I mean that with respect. As said, Princess Twilight Sparkle was coined too early and the title was just there for the fandom to complain and the character to look even cuter. I don't mean to hate or criticize Princess Twilight, I'll say again, but I'm stating that they should have done it differently. Being a princess is not a bad thing, like the new NC said in one of his editorials, but it shouldn't be something that just says it and doesn't mean it. I will say for the fact that I'm indeed hyped about the challenges the "actual" princess will go through, but please keep the spoilers away from me. I'M BACK, MACINTOSH, AND I BROUGHT THE FANS OF GAME OF THRONES AND ADVENTURE TIME COMBINED! OK, I have the fans of WOY and Scott Pilgrim (don't ask how) on my side, bring it! Sorry folks, I have arrogance to deal with. I hope you liked what you read and if you have any questions, don't be afraid to ask. I'm Roy Macintosh, Love and Peace. WANDERERS AND PLAYERS, ASSEMBLE!