The Ballad of Hunter Stokely

by Roy Macintosh

First published

While vacating, two friends are seperated and must get back together before evil rears it head.

When Octavia and Vinyl are on vacation, things go well. One night later, Octavia has a hellish hangover on her and Vinyl has gone missing. Now braving into the new city, the mare must get to her friend before something happens. Unfortunately, there is a notorious street gang with a vengeful leader on the loose. Now she must bare her strengths and wits to get the job done in one simple day.

Vinyl y Tavi

View Online

Starring DJ Pon-3 and Octavia

By Raditz Taco and Roy Macintosh

As we start this adventure, Vinyl and Octavia arrive in Rio with their stuff packed on Octavia’s back. Huffing and complaining, Octavia asks “Why did come here of all places?” “I told ya we were going to the Casco Del Caballo to perform for all the grand foals and sweet mares!” “I don’t-ungh-think we’re upright to perform for these nati-” Vinyl quickly stops her and says “SSH! Don’t say that about the ponies or they’ll take you down.” “Oh, sorry. Well I don’t think we are capable of performing for these pony folk. Our taste in music is way different than there style.” “What are you talking about, Tavi? We can’t just stick to our own shtick all the time. I say we should go down to their level and give them a shot of our killer style.”

Therefore, they finally arrive at their motel, and Vinyl decides to head to the Casco to inform the owner. Meanwhile, Octavia decides to rest with a nice nap and a box of wine. Seven hours later, Octavia wakes and sees that Vinyl hasn’t come back. She heads down to the place and sees a riot inside.

“Oh, I know who started this…” and she heads in. As soon as she enters, it’s rampaging like gangbusters. One pony’s doing the cancan, two ponies are leg wrestling, and there was an elephant in the room, literal. An axe nearly got Octavia by the neck, and she started sweating bullets. She frightfully looked for Vinyl while avoiding the shotgun mime ponies. She finds Vinyl drunk off to her hooves yet can perfectly do hip-hop DJ with samba. Octavia was amazed and the crowd loved her. Octavia talked with the bartender. “What’s the deal with her?”

“Oh she’s a dynamo here. Let’s say she turned up the biggest night of this year. Do you know her?”

“Yes, for she is my roommate. I am Octavia Melody and we were actually performing at the Casco Del Caballo for tonight.”

“Ah, you’re Octapony! What a great partner you got there. She brought the light to the place and I bet you’ll do great too.” Smiling anxiously, she says with unlikely glee, “Well I’m sure I can put on a good show with my friend.” Octavia sits at the bar and thinks this thoroughly. “I’m not fit to do this. I know only classical music and they will boo me instantly. I’ve got nothing compared to Vinyl. I must think of something to open the audience.” She thinks up of what to perform while getting a couple drinks.

Cutting to 2 A.M., we see Octavia lying in front of the place. She gets up and the lights are dim in the place. She also sees the bartender and goes in to find out what happened while her hangover.

“Hello again, can you tell me where my friend is?”

“Oh yeah, you went loose and brightened up the stage! You were dancing like it the 70s, you and your friend were cutting loose on the turntables, and ya even fought the elephant in the room. I would also like to say nice brunette.” Octavia found a mirror and saw her hair cut to her neck. She reacted accordingly, “OOH MY GOSH!” “Yeah, you betted a tank in hoof-wrestling and won.” “What do you MEAN I WON?!”

“You betted your hair if you beat him.” “Where did Vinyl say she was going?” “Said she was heading to Carnival today. It’s happening up north.” So Octavia heads out, but first a question. “Wait. Why did you say I was good at the music? I don’t know much about your pony’s style.”

“Well good mare. We are musicians of techno, salsa, house, and hip-hop. We are masters of the urban music. All you need to know that we love the upbeat and spicy melody. Right, Ms. Melody?” “Yes, thank you.” So Octavia decides to head for the carnival.

Exploring up the ways, Octavia seeks Vinyl and then encounters a strange griffon. “Beware thee who possess the purple treble. Watch out for those who bring their white face. They can bring zaniness all over the place. So take bite of this basil and don’t tear. They will find you a curse and face proper fear.”

“I don’t know. This sounds suspicious. How do you know this will work?”

“Oh, trust me and you’ll see. Do this and you’ll do a good deed.” “Alright I’ll do it. They won’t hurt me, right?”

Yes, he says. So she eats the three leaves the griffon gives to her and she gives the griffon some change. “Bless you, miss. Go forward and rein your peace.” So Octavia continues on to a dark alley and finds a white light. Then more lights appear and one pony shows his face. Then he and other ponies come out of the shadows. “The white faces from the griffon’s tale,” she thinks.

The first pony says, “We are the Ponawockaz and you seem like a good friend.” Another tells, “You look like the kind that plays the games and knows the rules.” Octavia bears her little amount of strength and tries standing her ground.

“Please, I don’t want any trouble. I’m just looking for a friend of mine.” Then the leader says, “Well don’t be crass. We’ll just take what is yours and then we’ll just give you a show of the century.” He pulls out a knife and Octavia shrivels in fear. Octavia says with terror, “Oh please, just let go by.”

As soon as she spoke, Octavia’s breathe soothed into the noses of the Ponawockaz, and then they start to shake. “This…smells…familiar!” “BASIL!” The ponawockaz run away with one of them hit by a pass by cart. Octavia is shocked turned angered that they left him lying there. “Are you okay, sir?”

“I’m alright, madam. Just get out of here. I’ll just join the group later.” “No, you need help and I got the supplements. Just please let me help.”

“Okay, just stop talking. Your basil breathe is strong.” “Sorry.” So Octavia uses some herbs from her collar and she feeds him a basil leaf. “Well I apologize for what my colleagues have done to you. I only follow orders.”

“I see. But what is wrong with ponies having basil around Ponawockez?” “The boss, Rainblood, is allergic to basil and the slightest touch can paralyze him. Nobody knew the secret since those who hinted would be silenced.” While helping the brown colt, she uses this to her advantage. “Do you know where Carnival is being held? My friend is supposedly there.”

“Who is this friend?” “I won’t give you the name, but she’s a white mare, with red eyes under glasses and mixed blue hair.” “You mean the ultimately awesome DJ-pon3.” “Yeah, that’s her.” The colt agreed, “Oh, she was great and her drunk run with the bartender was extraordinary!” “When did that happen?”

“Last night and we were there. She was a riot and she said something about impressing a friend of hers.” Octavia has a shock of relevance, “For a friend of hers,” she thought, “What is Vinyl thinking now?” This made Octavia go into a forceful yet resourceful mode. “Where did ‘the ultimately awesome DJ Pon-3’ say she was going?” “I can’t tell you, missy,” says the Ponawocky. “Oh, so you don’t want me to tell your boss that you had basil?”

“Oh, please no. He’ll make me suffer a seven-staged torture including something from a video.” “Then tell me where she is. Please.” “Sh- she just said she was going to Carnival, that’s all.” “Thank you.” As Octavia gave the pony a little pack of herbs and starts to head off to carnival, but first a question. “I’m sorry, but I completely forgot about your name.”

“It’s-um-it’s Cyan Tora, or just Tora.” “Well, I’m Octavia and thanks for your time,” and she walks away. “No problem,” says Tora.

As carnival is about to start, Octavia continues her search for Vinyl. “Pardon me, mistresses, can you help me find a mixed blue haired pony?” Oh, you mean DJ Pon-3. Yeah, she asked someone to get under the stage.” Octavia questions, “Under the stage? Why und- oh course, special entrance!”

Octavia searches for the biggest stage and finds the largest stage at the end of the line. She rushes over there and slides under the stage, where she finally finds Vinyl at her silver turntables. “YO, Tavi! You’ve been gone for the whole day. Where have you been?”

“WHERE have you been? I got a hangover. I nearly got mugged and I was looking for you!” Vinyl scratched her head saying, “Didn’t you get my message? I was heading out to Carnival for another gig. I gave it to the bartender since I knew you’d investigate stuff after waking.”

Octavia starts to question, “Did you encounter the Ponawockaz?” “Yeah, and someone said those guys were awesome! Then again, they never showed themselves until that night.”

“Wait, didn’t you say to someone that you were trying to impress someone?” “Uh yeah, the audience.” “No, someone that is special.” “Yeah, I know the audience is special. You don’t have to nag me on it, Tavi.” Octavia loses her tiny smile, “Oh, sorry for bothering about that. Good luck, Vinyl.” “Thanks, Tavi.” “No problem. Sigh.” She leaves from the stage with a face as dry as cauliflower. “I knew this wasn’t for me,” Octavia says with depression.

As carnival begins, the clowns party through the streets, lively floats glide through the air, and Pinkie Pie roams with the big top performers. Octavia, instead of having enjoyment, sits in the sidelines. Then, the sound stands still until a good beat arises. Steadily and lifting, the beat rises and rises until POW! The tempo boosts, the volume grows, the treble flows along with the bass, and all is going as planned. Vinyl starts scratching those records and the people are reveling in the music. Then after a couple songs, Vinyl makes an announcement.

“HEEEY everybody! Your DJ in da house and I gotta new song for ya. This goes out for a special type of people. A friend of mine. Give a shot-out to my bestie, OCTAVIA!” Octavia looks up in shock, “Vinyl, for me?” There is a cello beside the mike. Vinyl points her hoof out, and Octavia takes it up. They start to sing together. They strike a grand finale and the ponies cheer. As soon as they finish, the platform descends and the Ponawockaz are waiting for them.

“I see you’ve found your friend, and we found you.” Rainblood says with a smirk. The two stood in shock, well Octavia mostly and Vinyl going heh. “Hey, Rainblood! How are things with the gang?” Then Rainblood’s smirk turns to disgust, “Enough of your games, Vinyl! Where is the money?! Stop stalling.”

Octavia looks solely at Vinyl with concern, “What money is he talking about and how much?” Vinyl tries remembering and looks calmly serious, “Well, I made a bet with Rainblood to go on a cider run and get to twelve taverns without collapsing and I failed. How much is giving $700 for every tavern I didn’t get. I got to the 2nd place before losing, so that’s $7000.” Octavia was so outraged, on the inside. Gritting her teeth she said, “I’ll deal with you later. As for you, Rainblood, we can compromise about this situation if you just don’t do anything uncouth.”

Rainblood becomes tempered, “No more stalling! You got a job so you must give me something! Or do you want a new stereo with your grave?” Octavia pulls herself together and grabs some basil from her satchel. Rainblood looks in sudden fear, and then smiles quaintly. “I knew it would come to this, so I came prepared.” He pulls a trigger out. “Look up and you’ll see some weird looking bricks. These bricks are full of nitrogen and gunpowder, a good recipe. If you don’t have the best excuse for why you can’t provide just 7000 dollars right now when you clearly have a job, I can’t do anything else but blow you up. Boom!”

Octavia starts to sweat, but then she sees Cyan and gains a little confidence. “Listen Ponawockaz, you got to understand that Rainblood won’t help you succeed in life. This colt is willing to kill for less annual minimum wage for a potion maker. Is that what you want?”

One of the henchpony steps up, “Rainblood helped out when we had nothing to live. You have no power over him.” “He’s afraid of basil! Does that tell you how ridiculous that sounds? He’s no leader as much leading all of you to doom. You don’t have to follow us, but find your own path to self-production.”

Rainblood gives doubt and mocks, but the members start to think. One by one, they walk over to the two musicians, leaving Rainblood alone. “Are you kidding me? You’re not seriously taking their side after ALL I’ve done?!”

Vinyl steps up to him, “You’re kidding? You are putting them in danger for a desperate move. Is that how you want to help them, chance their lives?”

Rainblood, still remaining calm, “It’s not taking a chance, we were gonna leave before we’d blow you up and no one would die. C’mon guys, am I right? Why would I try to destroy our team?” One henchpony stands up to him and says, “Whether or not we are on your “team”. There is a limit to our loyalty, and this is so pushing it. I speak for all of us when we say that we quit!”

“AGREED!”

Astonished by the final decision, Rainblood starts to sweats even more and takes a few steps back. “We-Well it seems you’ve won that round. B-but I haven’t lost yet, u-you know.”

The rest begin to fear, but Octavia starts to question. “Hold up, now. The bombing is a fake. Those bricks are just cement and concrete. You have no threats on us, do you?”

Rainblood is stunned still, and drops the trigger. “How did you-”

“No pony with a killer device should ever have low confidence in going along with his plans.”

Rainblood grits his teeth and pulls out his knife. He tries to attack Octavia, but Cyan dashes forward and kicks Rainblood straight to the face. Rainblood howls, “It’ll take more than your love taps to harm ME!” Rainblood goes for Cyan, and Cyan tries dodging as best as he can. Octavia then grabs the basil and spits it right into Blood’s throat.

Rainblood stops at first, a rash rings up his throat, and he starts to choke. Vinyl goes up to the choking fool and clops him right in the neck. He spits the herb out and gains his breath.

Rainblood weakly speaks, “Please *KACK* *COUGH* *COUGH* *HACK* accept my thanks and I-” Vinyl scoffs, “Yeah, yeah. We get that cliché already. Gentlemen, would you mind taking him away from here.” “Yes, maim.”

The five henchponies grab Rainblood and take him out from downstage. “Please, let me go! I promise I’ll be more compassionate with my friends.” “YEAH, RIGHT!”

Octavia goes over to Cyan, where she sees a wound on his chest. “Oh my. Do you need some medicine?”

Cyan takes a deep breath, “No, I’m good. It’s not deep so some bandaging is all I need. I do thank you for helping us escape Rainblood’s control. We would have done something, but he always found a threat against us. Whether it is blackmail or death, we couldn’t take him on easily.”

Octavia had a sigh of relief, “Well, I do hope you have a future here in Rio.” Vinyl snickers at her thought, “Hey Tavi, this is Rio. Anypony can make a dream real in this type of town. If not, there’s also Canterlot and Ponyville.”

Tora smiles a bit, “Thanks, Vinyl. Coming from you, I think I might become a busker for now. I always was intrigued in music and I can play a sax like Coltrane.”

“There you go, and let nothing stand in your path. Peace with you, dude.”

Octavia blushes a bit as she says, “Well Cyan, this is goodbye. I hope you make a good living with the others.” Cyan shrugs his“We’ll be fine. We haven’t done anything too criminal, so we can lie into earning decent jobs. Enough about us, you two enjoy your vacation. You can find me in Manehattan for a visit.” The two lastly says, “We’ll keep in touch, Cyan." Cyan gives the two a hug, and he walks out the stage with a tiny smile.

Finally, Octavia pulls out a black bottle from her satchel. “You might like this drink. Special with its tanginess.” The DJ grinned heavily, “Ms. Melody, you’ve read my mind.”

“Not hard to do, I suppose.” Octavia really just wanted a simple night, so she threw the risks under the rug. Therefore, after all this craziness, the two head back to the bar. When all is said and done, the two go one big drinking run. As the two raced through the streets, they sang a chant after leaving the bars. They sang this throughout the whole night.

“For the flow of RIO!”

The Super Theorist: Roy Macintosh

View Online

Hey everybody, I'm the name in the title. I'm a cartoon enthusiast, artist, and thousand dollar playboy. With this, I've decided to make a mini-series of analytic discussions expressing cartoon topics that are, in hindsight, bullshit. I would like to thank Penn & Teller for the inspiration. Live and learn, people. Enjoy.

HOLD IT, YOU UNORIGINALLY PIXELIZED MOTHERFUCKER! What is it now, MLP fandom? YOU ARE NOT, REPEAT, NOT GONNA TALK SMACK ABOUT OUR ROYAL TWILIGHT SPARKLE OR I'LL SHANK YOUR ASS A NEW HOLE! I thought you hated Princess Twilight when she first appeared? THAT WAS THE 20 MINS OF THE THIRD SEASON, NOW WE'RE FOCUSING ON HER DUMB ASS CASTLE AND IF PINKIE PIE WILL EARN SOME WINGS. One, the latter will be pretty sweet. Two, I'll call the Frozen fandom of Tumblr to kick your ass if you dare mess with me. YOU WOULDN'T! I've got connections, fandom, just try to stop me. YOU WIN THIS ROUND, ROYAL MACINTOSH, BUT I'LL BE BACK! I'm sure you will, but now I've made my standing clear, let's continue.

Yes indeed, I'm talking about My little Pony; the show that, like the media, has fucked up America's shadow. To be specific, I'm talking about Princess Twilight Sparkle; mainly her appearance and her purpose during the 4th season. I'm discussing this because Twilight Sparkle is like Katara from the Last Airbender. She's a character I feel is growing strong and developing into a character I want to succeed. I'm not saying the rest aren't, I'm saying she's developing not only as a hero, but as a dedicated individual. And with being princess, I found something strange enough to finally call the 'Bullshit' card. I'm talking about the 4th finale, where Twilight is now the "Princess of Friendship". As soon as that became canon, it didn't feel right. Then a logical string of questions started flowing through the mind, and then it finally happened. "Holy shit, Pinkie Pie deserves to be a pegesas!" OK, that wasn't my first thought, but make it happen DHSEX! I finally came with the new thought: "Twilight Sparkle should have never became a princess in the first place."image

Hold up, Twily, I'm not hating you're new digs. I was and still am excited for the new responsibilities she'll have. It's just the fact of her being princess during the fourth season is/was off-putting and eventually useless until the finale. The reason I'm talking about this is because you give her a royal title as princess and Twilight had almost nothing to show for it. The Nostalgia Critic was right on this saying that the princess title is there just to make her cute and elegant. But before we talk more on the topic, pissing off a possible percentage of you, let's discuss an alicorn, since that's what she basically became.

The term alicorn actually originated from western Europe and ancient Iraq, meaning a portmanteau, or combo, of an unicorn and Pegasus. Most of the concept from the term means a winged beast (W.B. Yeats) or a representation of evil. In my definition, based on the cartoon itself, it doesn't mean being the arc of becoming a goddess (because that's what they basically are), but becoming a higher rank of the natural status quo of the pony world. While all three types of ponies equally share the same level of power (don't ask why, that'll be a pain), an alicorn beats the numbers by mastering all three abilities of the population. This means that being an alicorn can be the best thing that can ever happen to you. (In dumbed down terms, "Fuck all ya'll. Alicorns made this town. Now where's my big ole beer?) Others would want to be you, and you're the most powerful of ponies entirely. Then again, does adding the princess title make you any awesome and possibly important?

Did I convince you about best princess? With that said, let's try finishing this arguement. With what I said before, did making Twilight a princess from the 3rd finale really made any difference? Granted Twilight did earn becoming an alicorn, after all she's done to help the world around her, but why make her a Princess? You might say: IT IS SO THE POPULATION OF CANTERLOT CAN CELEBRATE AND APPRECIATE HER NEW TITLE, DUH. Becoming an alicorn is awesome enough to celebrate and appreciate with the more challenges and new experiences to come. Then you might say: HOW WILL YOU EXPLAIN "TWILIGHT TIME"? Remember that she's the most powerful of all Ponyville, that could explain the purpose of those young paparazzi fucks trying to milk off her popularity. BUT WHAT ABOUT THE EPISODE "TRADE YA"!? It's already known that becoming alicorn is because you've earned it academically and emotionally, so Twilight must have the knowledge and courage to earn her ceremonial role in the episode. In other words, almost nothing would change. EQUESTRIA GAMES?! OK, Twily is already friends with all three goddesses, so getting special seats with the ladies isn't wrong. You don't need to be princess to get a little special treatment from your own friends, right? THE 4TH PREMIERE?! Like I said, nothing would really change. From my third counterattack, she's earned a higher status than the rest of her friends, so that can explain the tensions without changing too much of the episode. As for Twilight being apart in the celebration, it too is called asking for participation. Celestia could've asked Twilight, since she CAN fly AND use magic, to participate in the ceremony. Etc. and Etc. So that's all the rebuttals- HOLD ON, ROYAL! WHAT ABOUT THE 4TH FINALE, YOU CARTOON SADIST?! That, I'll explain in my conclusion.

As for the finale, I'll say that that is debatable. The only thing that I would see changed is the whining princess song at the beginning. I mean, Twilight would question the purpose of becoming alicorn if it doesn't have as much meaning as the other goddesses, and she would want to be more than just a magic wielding, sky soaring, super saiyan badass. That, especially at the end, would then give way for her to become princess, because it will then have meaning. She, after kicking Tirek's ass with her friends, can then become Princess of Friendship. I'm sorry, but this is the other reason why I thought the Princess shtick was quite bull. Sure the title is "Friendship is Magic", but that doesn't mean the word has to be used every time. There's another word that could've been used to make Twilight's title more significant: unity. Unity means coming together as a whole. That's the theme for the entire show, and yet they have to use simple words like friendship. I not trying to overreact on this, but I'm saying that there could have been some changes to give the show a little mature and uplifting spirit in it. What I'm trying to say is that during the 4th season, Princess Twilight shouldn't have existed; just make her alicorn Twilight instead. It would've gave people less to complain about, and less to think about it in the future. Just saying.

I might not be the first to discuss this, but I don't know about any of that. I might also sound like a guy that's ranting over nothing (Not true, for I actually have the life and self-control bundle), but I just thought some knowledge should come to light. I don't like to obsess about cartoons, even if I'm a cartoon reviewer. I like MLP as much as any other guy or lady, and I mean that with respect. As said, Princess Twilight Sparkle was coined too early and the title was just there for the fandom to complain and the character to look even cuter. I don't mean to hate or criticize Princess Twilight, I'll say again, but I'm stating that they should have done it differently. Being a princess is not a bad thing, like the new NC said in one of his editorials, but it shouldn't be something that just says it and doesn't mean it. I will say for the fact that I'm indeed hyped about the challenges the "actual" princess will go through, but please keep the spoilers away from me. I'M BACK, MACINTOSH, AND I BROUGHT THE FANS OF GAME OF THRONES AND ADVENTURE TIME COMBINED! OK, I have the fans of WOY and Scott Pilgrim (don't ask how) on my side, bring it! Sorry folks, I have arrogance to deal with. I hope you liked what you read and if you have any questions, don't be afraid to ask. I'm Roy Macintosh, Love and Peace. WANDERERS AND PLAYERS, ASSEMBLE!