UNREAL: United Nations REcon & AssauLt team

MUNREAL: The Journey Continues
MLP: FiM
Dark
Adventure
The sequel to the first UNREAL story. UNREAL stands for United Nations REcon & AssaLt team. Jacob Maller, a member of UNREAL, is on a quest to find the Bearers of Harmony to help regain the freedom of ponykind...
Gore
Human
Alt. Universe
OC
Main 6
Zorphius · 2.8k words · 6 6 · 98 views

UNREAL: United Nations REcon & AssauLt team

This story has been marked as having adult content. Please click below to confirm you are of legal age to view adult material in your country.

Confirm

Comments ( 9 )

Viewing 1 - 50 of 9
- Newest First
- Oldest First

Basic Information

Basic Information #1 · Jan 18th, 2014 · · · Chapter 3: Welcome to Equstria ·

Lol, it's me again. I just read a good deal of your story. And all I got to say is not bad, not bad at all. Just don't let the dialogue seem to endless and bland. Try adding a bit more emotion or tone with how the characters communicate. It will really help the reader visualize the whole picture and play it in their own heads. Interpretation is a big part of writing and you got to make sure the reader can follow your idea while still forming their own opinions.

still your idea is pretty original and I want to see where this story goes.
ts2.mm.bing.net/th?id=H.4741980142897581&pid=15.1

Zorphius

Zorphius #2 · Jan 18th, 2014 · · · Chapter 3: Welcome to Equstria ·

3805048 Yeah, I run out of verbs for what the people do, and end up using the same verbs over and over again.
images.sodahead.com/polls/000528083/polls_OoGMYnQcWn_i_am_not_a_crook_1_2351_693_poll_xlarge.jpeg

Basic Information

Basic Information #3 · Jan 18th, 2014 · · · Chapter 3: Welcome to Equstria ·

3805267 Well when you get stuck, you can just hop on the interwubs and google some tone and mood words for dialogue. You'll be surprised with what you find.

Abramus5250

Abramus5250 #4 · Feb 9th, 2014 · · · Chapter 9: Just My Luck ·

This story has been officially reviewed by the Blunt Reviews Group.

i123.photobucket.com/albums/o282/Abramus5250/badge_zpseaf496af.gif

Golden Skies

Golden Skies #5 · Feb 9th, 2014 · · · Chapter 1: I'm Jacob Maller ·

So, just curious. How closely is this supposed to resemble the actual United Nations? Based on what I've seen, it doesn't seem like it follows the procedures of the UN I know, but then again it is set in the future.

Mosqueefo