a very good story

Interesting prologue. I'll definitely be reading into this to see where it's going.

I did manage to find a typo, if you don't mind me helping. "Bye Granny Smith, bye Big Macintosh, by Apple Bloom!"

I approve of you. Keep it up.

Beautiful story! I enjoyed reading it. Must say, I've never read a 2nd-person fic before, but I'm glad I read this. You have a lot of talent!

Allow me to correct one final typo. Applebloom's line: “Do... Do I have to call you ‘big sis’ now two? Or...” Think it's supposed to be too.

Cheers man.

Bravo good sir!

Ahahaha! Oh man, I've got this big stupid grin on my face and a warm fuzzy glow inside from just reading this.

Reminded me of watching this: www.youtube.com/watch?v=VU-mPOrVUYs#t=1m18s

All it needed was an 'and they all lived happily ever after' to it :)

Why do i say Blendy's words out loud trying to sound Jamaican...

KILLER SHARK? REALLY!!!! Bud, I live off the coast of California AND I volunteer at the Aquarium of the Pacific and do you know what? Sharks kill 1-2 people per year! Thats less the the number of deaths caused by: hotdogs, dogs, cats, falling out of bed, getting hit by lightning, Airplanes, Vending machines (people knock them over when trying to get a snack out), rock concerts, deer, hippos, eels, shopping on black Friday, and just about every kind of death in the world.

Now do you know how many sharks are killed per year by mankind? Somewhere in the range of 26 million to 75 million annually!!! Also, sharks have the most awesome life cycle compared next to the sea jelly. (the correct name of the jelly fish) Sorry to be so nit picky but when you life by the ocean and care about it, it really ticks you off when someone portrays an awesome creature in a bad light. I will go back to reading now...

>>1595415954

Whoa, sorry to offend. I just figured that ponies weren't exactly on top of the food chain and sharks would fall under the same category as manticores, hyrdras, and other meat eating predators, i.e. a threat. And when you've got four kids splashing frantically and (I hate to spoil it, but it helps hammer home the point) one of them bleeding, they'd seem like a good target for a great white. Once again, sorry to offend. I understand where you're coming from, so don't think I'm being callous. I appreciate and respect all forms of life.

Yeah...after venting I seem kinda obsessive....I guess you could technically bring in the sea ponies from the past seasons and talk of the sharks imprinting on the pony figure...(which would be similar enough to real life sharks and surfers (they look like seals from the bottom))  As for the great white comment, most shark attacks are actually cased by Tiger sharks and Bull sharks (or at least the ones close to shore that have turned out fatal) Also while its true that blood attracts the sharks, they are normally scared off by the big humans in the water. Anyways, I finished the story. Great as always blah blah blah. Also nice California Description! (really only downtown LA is like that. beside the occasional gang, most California Cities are fine as long as you stay out of "that area" ) But you did have a point about how violent our city can be though I would have mentioned the pollution here....(its why our sunsets are so beautiful) that's a more annoyance than the gangs most of the time. And lets see here....wow, you nailed that comment with the griffon head on! Most of the young adults here (the screwed up ones mind you, the rest of us are really nice) are even more raciest.

Anyways, great story, cant wait to see your other work when it comes out....oh and curse you for getting me into good romance stories!!!

>>1596615966

Heh, glad you liked it. And as for the sharks being scared off by big humans in the water... We're dealing with ponies, remember? I doubt ponies in Equestria kill sharks in the numbers you described and they wouldn't be scared off by a creature much smaller than them. And it's great to see that I managed to nail down some aspects of California (Coltifornia) in my fic. I was mostly going off of what Sublime sang in their songs and a little research. And what's so bad about good romance stories? :P

True, but it's more about the vibrations they make in the water. As for romance, I have nothing against it (except for twilight...stupid vampire) but I find it half disturbing that we are writing romance about ponies on a tv show. Well it's better than clop Fics... Oh right! An the other half, I am amazed that people not only have time to become a fan of the show AND write believable romance stories (though i feel your pinkie one was kinda forced). I mean just look at this crazy fandom! Half of me is proud  (my little dashie, the viynal scratch tapes, etc) and the other half is horrified (cupcakes,  clop Fics, grimark stuff) ah well...I guess that means we appeal to everybody? (including the sick minded...) now then....

CONFOUND YOU WRITER!! I HAVE HOMEWORK TO DO!!!!!

I read Blendy's words as Little Jacob. These are really good.

I'm like crying man. This one is probably my favorite yet! Keep it up brony!

So good. Amazing job with this.

>Insane Clown Ponies

haha oh wow

Another Great story like the other 4

I am quite curious to know if your doing stories for Fluttershy and Twilight as they're the last 2 of the Mane 6 for you to write stories for. As far as i've gathered Twilight has a "Weirdo" that she has around, although apparently sullen about him not giving her Pet name, also i do remember something about Clover which apparently is a drug of so form in this universe . As for Fluttershy all i've gathered is that she has a Writer Stallion but that's just what i remember from from a paragraph in Freudian Slip (Love the title btw )

Can't Wait for them if they are coming though!

"I LIKE THIS ONE!"

ilaughedmorethanishouldhave.tiff

Seriously, though, Granny Smith is awesome in this series.

Lol a wingie

I loved that last line made me cry with joy it's stuff like they hug them there home there home and there loved

So .. Twi isnt called Honey-bun at all?

And Fluttershy got a letter-friend?!

.. and .. amazing story, like always!

No commets

>>2137021370 XD yea lol

your works.....always....leave me speachless...and 900% happier :'D Thank you!

Y U NO HAVE 5.0!!!! U deserve one!

I can't believe nobody's commented on this little point:

How did the CMC find their way onto that beach!? I hope the inevitable CMC story includes an explanation :P

I wonder what AJ would think if she found out the shark 'you' bucked was after her sister...

>>2137021370

That is something you whant to check

how sad that a grown colt still makes fun of other ponies for who they love (i mean their a filliy foller or colt cuddler)

Well i say it but my friend's know i'm playing around as well when they do that to me

BROHOOVE YOU SEDERVE IT AND5/5 STAR'S

>>1570315703

i know right?

Whihuhuuhuhhhhbuhhuhhuuuuhahhaauabhhhhhueehheueuheue wat?

JAMECAN EEE! lol, my friends immitate an african or jamaican voice all the time and it's funny as HELL XD.

Waguan EEeeEe!

I'm gay. Not really.

Oh shi-

Waguanwat?

A... Wingie? XD Nice... Have to admit, it's going to be hard to read this when 'I' am a mare, but it's only fair to the few female readers out there! You're certainly done plenty of other second pony fics, so... XD Ahhh... This is going to be... Interesting...

... Sounds like SOMEPONY has a stalker... >.>

O.o

FFFFFFFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU-

Wait, there's still a few more chapters... *Swallows hard* T-there might still be a chance for a happy ending... Right?

Hrmm... Was it this after this story that I had to read something else to read your next story, or... *Thinks* Oh well! ON TO THE NEXT STORY! ~ALLONS-Y!~

omg you are so good at writing second person fics... I love this... well on to your other stories...

Just out of interest, have any of you read the bonus chapter?

I like the fact that its in a mares perspective.

Finally, I was wondering when our comrades of the female part of the population would get a 2nd POV fic.

This is going to be fuuuuuun indeed.

Whhaaa!? Does she do that everytime? Oh Celestia...

A 2nd person story...

Set in a tropical setting...

With Applejack...

And the protagonist is a mare...

It's like it was made for me!

Wait, I forgot something...

You shipped my second most favorite pony with my least favorite pony

>>8114881148 FUCK I FORGOT! Damn it. Fuck. Shit. Tits. I missed it. Now I'm ahead of the story, and, just, FUCK! Thanks for reminding me :|

>>8114881148 Okay, just finished. Nothing to serious from the main story line, so I was really TO far ahead, but I'm going back to chapter four and post a comment so people know there's a 4.5 that contains some good stuff in there. Very nicely written. Good job you two.

Here. Go to this, it's an extra chapter that's linked in the description. It's picks up were this one left off, and leads into a steamy love scene. https://docs.google.com/document/d/15CjK0lq4kjq3FBIIbcFo8kaMxk-VdJeq62wOv2yKeBU/edit?hl=en_US    It doesn't have any of teh MAIN story, but it's very nice. I think you guys should ttly read it.

>>103721103721

Nevermind my comment. I've read 'Freudian Slip'. I thought you shipped RD with Doctor Whooves...

a wingie? LOL

well she can't really talk of a boner ;D

Applejack grimaces as she begins to put two and two together. “You… You really didn’t just eat that again, did ya?”

Applejack bitchin' about uncouthness? OHMYGOSHOHMYGOSHOHMYGOSHOHMYGOSH

while i did enjoy the story a lot, some of the things in here like: "somebody call 911" really took me out of it.

did enjoy it though keep it up

>>1595415954 dude im the same when it comes to science or math. 5 hour lectures kinda stick even when in a brain dead state. good story though

Lol is the the 'vacation' that Fritz told Applejack to go on in Freudian Slip?

I enjoyed reading this story, and I will likely read it again at some point in the future.

It's nice to see a female perspective 2nd person shipfic, and I'm fairly certain this is the only one I've ever seen.

I noticed a few minor errors while reading (mostly typos), but I'll give you the full five stars for a job well done.

Looking forward to new installments of Purple Haze. Keep up the good work!

>>1570315703

Image: http://t.qkme.me/3f.jpg

Dun dun dun

>>126707126707

I thought of that too. It certainly seems like it.

Hello Mr. Creeper, So far i've read Freudian Slip and Purple Haze ( well whats there ) and i gotta say i love your work. Keep it up. The drama in your stories is so funny and so unexpected. In short, please keep writing this is pure gold.

Dear Mr. Creeper,

Another great chapter. I love your cliffhangers (On the finished stories that is ;) ) The entire Sublime concert was excellent. You seem to be a man (or woman) of many interests and tastes, it really shows in your stories. Keep up the stellar work.  

Dear, Mr. Creeper

Another fine chapter. If theres one thing i love about your stories it has to be your "second pony" characters. They make me laugh with their quips, jokes, and how they relate to their Mane Six counter part. I also loved how Apple Jack was innocent. Many d'awwws were had. Good work.  

Dear Mr. Creeper,

Great story. Overall. Seriously. The Asimov/Wells time travel theory? The Lord of the Flies? Brave New World? All great references. Ponies at the carnival? Why haven't they done this in the actual show? Amazing from start to finish. Please keep writing.    

Awesome story. Favorited.

Hmm, it seems that I'm into ladies.

Welp, nothing's changed, just the parts .

Micky...

LIKE A BAWSS

But seriously, you write good.

Hmmmm, I find myself as a mare and cannot complain.  It's like I have multiple personality disorder; which I don't cause that would be plain crazy.    You think I'm crazy AJ?    How can you be unsure, either I'm insane or I'm not; like how some people will talk to their couch or something.    You're saying I am crazy?    RARITY, you stay out of this.

If I had wings right now...

Image: http://iambrony.jsmart.web.id/gif/files/dashlooking_400.gif

Damn website logging me out.

You hug Violet back. “And I like how you’re always looking out for me. What did I do to deserve a friend like you?”

“You challenged me to a race around the beach for an ice cream sandwich.”

(Totally got an ice cream sandwich, oh yeah.)  

Pinkie Pie is married now?  So that means so is Dash, and Twilight is with that Cloverhead.  This timeline is starting to confuse me.  

>>293929293929

Wibbly wobbly, timey-wimey.

Okay, due to the fact that Coffebean just posted the smut chapter of this story on FiMFiction, I'm rereading this story.

Some things, which are screaming their way through my retinas to my brain, are the many punctuation mistakes. The funny aspect about that is that they are not misplaced commas, no, they are simply forgotten dots. Cast a glance through your chapters, you missed plenty of points.

I was too lazy to point out some (normal ones like typographical or minor grammatical) mistakes in the other chapters I've already reread so far, so I'm sorry. But something I definitely want to point out for this chapter is this:

“If I was ready, I could have gone longer. [...] breast stroke.”

Decide which Conditional Clause you want to use. Either you write:

"If I had been ready, I could have gone longer."

Or simply

"If I was ready, I could go longer."

But well, it's just something minor.

>>1504615046 I know what you mean. I have that same feeling and am grinning like an idiot.

sequal

Very cute ending. Is there I sequel?

Uh huh hu huh... Wingie...

That was so COOL!

again I love your work!

Second chapter in and I'm loving this. I honestly feely a little pervy right now but you know what? On to the next chapter!

Gott ich diese Serie lieben, sind Sie ein sehr guter Schriftsteller, und haben mir ein paar kleinere "nickt", in mein neuestes Geschichte setzen, "nickt" als Referenzen, wenn das ist in Ordnung

Well, either I'm concussed or in love, both seem to be equally likely at this point. Onward!

K. I've read most of your fics, and as far as I can tell, you are into swing music, a wide range of books, and a whole spectrum of things that I like. You sir, are a pony of good taste. I commend you!

well, i was definatley suprised at "me" being a mare, but its nice to see someone erm...hmm, i guess "tending" for lack of a better word to the female side. but it would have been better if you kept the whole gender thing more of a generic thing. but none the less, I SHALL READ ON!!!

I really love how all of your 2nd person stories connect to each other in one way or another. Great job on this one.

Overall, it was what I think is your best sensual fic, love how Applejack was so innocent. However, I am in a bit of conflict with your portayal of the shark, but the thing that irritated the most was your spelling of "bury" (burry in your fic)

"Oh wowie wow wow! I didn't know you were gay!" Ladies and gentlemen: Pinkie pie's mastery of tact and diplomacy.

Excellent story. I enjoyed every chapter, granted this was a little odd for me myself being male, mostly I'm just happy to have found a good second person fic about Applejack. This has definitely earned its spot in my favorites. I will definitely have to look at your other fics, now.

Am I supposed to know why the CMC and another me (the colt) are on the island? Has it been covered in another story or is a sequel and explanation still on the way?

>>575508575508

It's for a future story.

Well.

Well, well, well.

That was fantastic. I really liked this fiction.

Definitely a new perspective to see things from, and not in a bad way at all.

few grammatical errors but nothing that detracted from the story.

This being the second fiction of yours I have read I think I like it better than your RDxDoc one. so, this takes its place as my favorite.

Well.

Well, well, well.

That was fantastic. I really liked this fiction.

Definitely a new perspective to see things from, and not in a bad way at all.

few grammatical errors but nothing that detracted from the story.

This being the second fiction of yours I have read I think I like it better than your RDxDoc one. so, this takes its place as my favorite.

Must read more!, the only stories left for me is purple haze and by the fireplace

I'm crying! (At the last part)

A rolling wave of heat begins to make its way up your neck until your entire face is beat red.

I didn't know heat could be so violent!

>>109099109099 wait, you do you dislike? RD or Whooves?

>>616179616179

Whooves.

Bow Chica bow wow

I have the silliest grin on my face right now

I loved this story!

-Glassed

100th comment! Lol, anyways, all silliness aside, this story was AMAZING! Now I have to finally get around to reading the rest of your stories...

Image: http://dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/misc_Rainbow_dealwithit.png