Guardian of the Everfree
Chapter 1
The day had started out normal, great in fact. That is if you count getting woken up in the middle of the damn night by fucking mortars launched by fucking sheet heads great. But I digress, thats not the main point in this story. This is just how it begins.
I felt as though I had just fallen asleep when the first klaxon went off. We all knew what it meant. I was only eighteen; fresh out of high school. The 2014 class of Trinity High School, Louisville, KY. I had joined the Marines as soon as the school year was over. And then got shipped out to this God forsaken hole in the middle of the desert. Or, as it is more nicely known, Afghanistan. And that is why I find myself here. I; Dante Thomas McClure, in the middle of Nowhere, World. I expected this though. So here I am fighting against a bunch of hiding sheet heads launching explosives at us. Wearing my MARPAT, along with a gasmask. C.O. had told us that now when ever we go into combat to wear them as those fucking sheet heads had been launching chlorine gas. With my M4A1 rattling off rounds like no one's business, along with my M9A1 hanging limply to my side ready to be put into use if need be. My trusty Gerber LMF II ASEK hanging right beside my sidearm. My A.O. thankfully not getting hit by mortar rounds. That is until Murphy decided to fuck me over.
I had just been there, firing off round after round, when I heard the whistle. I knew what it was and managed to look up. But I would never be able to get out of the way in time. Time seemed to slow, the mortar round hanging there like it was trying to troll me. And then time sped back up, and the mortar round landed a little ways off to my left hand side.
The pain I experienced made me wish I was dead. I managed to slip my St. Michael's necklace out of my shirt and held onto it as I slipped into complete darkness.
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The next thing I heard after my brain started to turn back on was the kind of silence that you only get in a forest. Painfully loud but creepily silent as well.
I finally managed to get my eyes open. And saw nothing but lush greenery... Wait a minute, What?
I did a double take and indeed I was in a forest, and not in a desert. I did everything I could think of. I hit myself, slapped myself, pinched myself. I felt it all and I was definitely alive.
Well there goes my great and normal day.
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After waking up I decided to take stock. One pack loaded with standard issue stuff, check. One M4A1 with ten thirty round mags. check... Wait, what? Ten mags? I had used five of them when I was hit by the mortar. You know what? I don't care. One LMFII ASEK, check. I had pretty much everything. So, what would I do now? Look for civilization. I checked the compass I had and started heading North.
After what felt like hours of walking, I came across a river. It was small, but it was definitely a river. I started heading upstream. After what felt like more hours of walking I came upon a house. It was not what I was expecting.
The house itself looked like someone had carved out a tree and put a house in it. The tree was still alive. The roof was the greens of the tree. The door looked like it was partitioned in the middle. Sort of like a horse’s stable door. The worst part about it? The ungodly amalgamation of animals around it, there were otters standing next to beavers, a bear next to foxes, foxes next to mice, dogs next deers. It looked like someone had thrown me into the Bambi universe. In all honesty, I wanted to puke at the scene in front of me. Then, something came out of the house.
I say something because this thing was not a human. It looked like a large dog. Then it looked in my direction, thankfully the bush I was behind hid me well. I could now get a better look at it. This thing definitely had equine features. Trust me, I’m a professional Kentuckian. But despite having equine features, it was so unnatural. Its mane and tail was pink, the body was yellow, and upon it’s stifle was a mark. More specifically three pink butterflies. My mind was screaming at me that none of this mattered. What did matter however, was that it was living in a house for God’s sake.
I turned away and was about to make a get away. Back into the forest, but then I ran into something. After tumbling over, I righted myself and saw another one of them. Damnit. This one was purple with a tricolored mane and tail. This one also had a mark on it’s stifle. The mark was a six sided star. That wasn’t all though. Oh, no. The Universe decided it was going to bitch slap me again. The bitch slap? This one had a damn horn. A horn. So now I’m confronting a four foot tall unicorn that looks like its angry. And now that I was so close, I made note these thing’s faces do not look equine at all. In fact, the faces look humanoid.
Back to the point, this unicorn looked angry. Or atleast it was trying to. Honestly, its bug eyes and other features were making it a bit hard to take this thing seriously. It looked angry for about another twenty seconds, until I swear I could see a lightbulb appear above it’s head. Honestly, I should’ve bolted right then and there. But unfortunately I didn’t. It shot a beam of light at me which was moving too fast for me to dodge. It hit my chest and in all honestly… I barely felt it. It felt like I had put on a bunch of padding and a baby had lifted a bat that also had padding on it and tried to hit me in the chest. That is how painless it was.
I looked to the thing’s face and could tell from the expression that that was not what it was supposed to do. So what did I do? I took it as a cue to retaliate. I raised my M4 and fired to left of it. It was far enough that in order for the round to hit it, it would have had to a full canter to the left. But it was close enough to scare the living hell out of it. After that I took off running.
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I finally made it far enough into the forest. How did I gauge that? I couldn’t hear a horse galloping and my sixth sense for these kinds of things.
I looked around, making sure that there weren’t more of those horse things. It wasn’t late, but I didn’t want to get caught with my pants down. I had a plan already. Sleeping on the ground is too dangerous, so I will make a tree my bed for the night. But first I would need a fire. I collected a bunch of dead tree limbs and stones. I arranged the stones in a circle and put the dead tree limbs in the circle I then took the flint that was in my LMFII and took the blade and struck it. Thankfully, it took the first time and pretty soon I would have a nice roaring fire. Feeling hungry, I pulled my pack from my back and pulled out a random MRE. I had enough for a week, if I liked having one square meal a day that is. I opened the MRE, beef with rice, and started munching. While chowing down I reflected the events of the day. Met alien horses: normal, got attacked by said alien horses: normal, retaliated against said alien horses: normal, MRE tasting like shit: not normal.
I crawled up into the tree and secured my pack to the branch next to me by snapping the sternum strap and waist strap closed around the branch, my pack now hanging up. I took my safety harness and wrapped it around the limb I was lying on. That way, if I fell, the rig would catch me. I rested my rifle on my lap with the sling wrapped securely around my chest. Ready to be used to defend myself. I then promptly fell asleep.
Cool, putting it on read late for now!
I like what you have here, just be careful about the facts. Afghanistan is primarily mountains, while Iraq is the "Sandbox"; Iraq is the more arid landscape.
More details would also give a better picture of the environment and characters. Maybe a brief physical description of your character? Or introduce his personality?
You can easily do it next chapter or the chapter after, but this would give the story a little more life and personality. So keep going, and have fun with your first story here!
3723760
Thanks
3723768
Thanks. Kind of surprised I didn't remember or know that. Not sure which. However, this is the equivalent of Dante writing a book. And there is also the shock. The "Hey, I was in Afghanistan, but now I'm in this forest. And this sure as hell isn't Afghanistan." He will though explain himself.
3723798
Awesome, can't wait!
MRE tasting like shit: not normal
This man needs to see a doctor now.
3725090
Meh, probably. He has odd taste buds. Unfortunately, he isn't going to get the psychiatric help he needs for being clinically insane.
3725201
I thought insanity was a requirement for being a Marine.
Also, modern MREs actually taste good thanks to the thousands if not millions of US tax dollars invested into making better MREs. [insert politically charged joke here]
3725348
Actually, you're right.
I'll raise you one. Did you know the Army wanted to put caffeine in their MREs. I mean into the food.
3725408
No I didn't know that.
Now I can't get the image of Army personnel ordering decaf MREs out of my head.
3725425
I would have to order decaf. I can't have caffeine.
3725441
Fun Fact:
The main reason I know MREs taste good is because my dad grew up eating military surplus K-Rations.
It's also how I know they last forever since my dad grew up in the 60s.
3725460
Ooh, if I remember correctly, I think my dad survived on C-rats in Vietnam.
He was part of the winning of the hearts and minds part of the Vietnam Campaign.
3725495
My Grandfather (1916-2007) served in the South Pacific in WWII as Captain of an Army tug boat.
3725495
Video Relevant:
3725514
Dad was Marines sometime in the 70s. My grandfather was an engineer with the Navy in the Pacific in WWII. A lot of other guys in my family are vets. Hell, theres one that's still in. My brother in law commands and LAV. I think my cousin is a gunner on a Stryker in the Army. Cousin was a Engineer with the Corps stationed in Egypt on a sub (He wanted to go to Afghanistan, but the Corps refused to put him in country.). His sister was going through Corps basic. She broke her hip however and was medically discharged. Their brother in law was also in the Corps. One of my Uncles was an engineer in the army when they were doing atomic testing on Japanese atolls(islands). He was, unfortunately, affected by the radiation and had to have the glands that produced saliva taken out. Another one of my Uncles is in the National Guard. Ugh, too many relatives to think of. My head hurts.
3725580
Wow.
3725598
I know. And that's my mom's side of the family.
3725460
It's funny, you hear how MRE's taste like shit in books and such, yet when you try it, it's quite nice.
3726525 It's probably because they leave whoever has to eat them (no choice on the matter) more stuffed and dried out than if they ate raw straw.
3725201
Don't worry, auntie pinkie pie will help :3
3726525
3727109
More likely it has to do with the "quality" of rations up to WWI.
3725608 Dude whats your name, I'm in the 2016 class at Trinity! Go Shamrocks!!
3725580 Is Dante Thomas your real name or is it a reference to Trinity's Dante and Aquinas house?
3730818
Well, Dante was inspired by both Dante house (My house!) and the author. Thomas was coincidental. That was my Grandpa's name.
And to answer your first question, I'm class of 2017.
3732141 Dante house, you sleeze. Becket for life (:
3732785
Dante has more house cups. :)
3732844 oh yes, how is the house cup going this year. I am attending a different school this year (boarding school in Tennessee)
3733669
Well Aquinas won ROCKin.
You are off to a good start.
I like the flow of the story. No sentence fragment and run-on sentences.
Your story seems believable, I can really feel like I am in the shoes of your OC.
I really hope you do good on this story because this has potential.
Hate to say it but no US service uses the H&K. Usually the M9 beretta or (for some Marines, the MEU(SOC) 2012 reissued 1911)
Beyond that, decent so far other than moving fast.
Lol Murphy.
So I'm finally getting around to reading your story.
Now for a bit of critiquing, slow the pace down, take more time to describe the events with more detail and such. As it is, it's a little too fast and bare, otherwise okay.
Oh, and a little bit of repetitive word choice with "honestly" or "in all honesty" popping up a little too often.
Otherwise, the start is started.
Oh. And this.
Must be opposite day.
You need to learn how to use sentence fragments to your advantage. The ones I've seen in this story are all pretty artless, and they'd be much better if presented as actual sentences or grafted onto adjacent sentences. Sentence fragments have their place, but that place isn't generally where you put them.
http://grammar.ccc.commnet.edu/grammar/fragments.htm
Towel heads not sheet heads
Does he have any grenades, flashbangs?
4041033 It is not opposite day... It may or may not be, but you'll never find out will ya?
a badly written novel.
let's me give you an example:
do you think it's possible for a single man with modern weapons to take down a single medieval europe by himself? no?
what's about victorian-era nation then? no?
if so, then how can he take on equestria, an empire that engulf the continent, a magical nation with common technology at least equal to victorian-era?