Well in the future, Ponyville is still remembered. The ruins are right there for anypony who wants to see them, after all. And sure, there's a lot about Ponyville that's been forgotten. Its name, for example. But Fluttershy's transformation to batpony and back is still remembered. And so are the other consequences of Twilight's spells.
This is the story of how Ponyville ended.
This was written for the Writer's Training Grounds #001 on Equestria Daily. I suspect that's only barely good enough of a reason to overcome my aversion to sharing my writing, so please try not to be too harsh in your (hopefully constructive) criticism. I'm skittish.
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Dun dun dun! Very nice :D It's refreshing to read a story from the perspective of an unobtrusive narrator- lends a nice air of mystery to the story. I also like how you focused on the implications of Twilight's spell- take away their desire for apples, they'll hunt for another food source (muhaha). Not to mention that it was the world's most stupid spell to begin with (was she trying to wipe out the entire faction of the bats through starvation or something? Silly Twi XD
) Lovely moral, good execution! I can empathize with that aversion to writing, sometimes it's painful to even write something, let alone get around to reading what you've written, but as far as I'm concerned you've got nothing to worry about. Have a thumbs up :D
3711294 Thanks for your comment! It's the nicest thing anybody's said about my writing in years. Also the only thing anybody's said about my writing in years.
But seriously, I'm incredibly glad to have evidence this isn't going to be a disaster. I've been trying to get myself to stop worrying about this all day.
Freakin love this story. Very well done!
This story is just amazing!
I haven't read all of the 85 fanfictions that were written for this event, but your idea is probably the most creative and innovative one!
You took the "Twilight's spell gone wrong" idea to a level in which whole Ponyville was destroyed, everypony died or was turned into a vampire pony, you told the story from the future, in which nopony knows exactly what happened, and you even hinted on it, that there is more to come when the vampire ponies return eventually, ruled by their vampire princess Fluttershy!
This is amazing!
And you really have an aversion of sharing your stories and are skittish about that?
I can't believe that!
You're story is incredible, go out and show your talent more!
3802456 You know what they say: you are your own harshest critic. And I don't see myself going so far as to consider myself talented in the near future. I'm sticking with "adequate" for now. But that doesn't make me any less flattered by your high opinion.
One thing, tough: I was aiming for the implication that Twilight was the princess mentioned, but that the narrator didn't believe there was ever an alicorn princess living in Ponyville, and that's why he called her a unicorn and didn't think the vampires had a princess. Was I too subtle with that?
3810200
To be honest, yeah, I think so.
And your sentence confuses me.
You say that you didn't think the vampires had a princess but the narrator says at the end clearly that the vampires got their own princess.
And since Fluttershy was the first vampire pony it's much likely that she became their princess.
Or did you mean it that way, that Twilight was bitten and became their vampire pony princess?
3810504 The narrator said that there are those who believe there is a vampire princess, but that he does not think they're right. And I was aiming to imply that Twilight had become a vampire and was preparing to one day lead the vampires against her former home. However, due to the scarcity of records about Ponyville, there is no solid evidence that there was ever a princess living in Ponyville who could have been turned.
Really, even as a vampire I can't imagine Fluttershy being a leader.
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I see.
I interpreted it that way that the threat still persists, in the form of the vampire ponies and their princess in the Everfree Forest, that prepare themselves for attacking the ponies once again, but that nopony believes it, thinking that it's just a legend.
I'm glad that I was right with that interpretation.
And I can see Fluttershy as a leader of the vampire ponies.
Assuming that they are half animals, because they originated from vampire fruit bats, and because Fluttershy is good in dealing with animals, plus the addition that it's said that vampires are also good in dealing with animals, the vampire ponies would probably follow her.
That was a good story.