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The History of the Pony Universe

This is my first fan fiction, so please give constructive criticism. I have been told that I write like a dictionary. This is simply a logical summary of what I believe to be how it all started universally. It starts with Discord creating Equestria to be used for his own amusement. He isn't being controlled by anything. Celestia creates order. Life is created.

Chapters (1)

Comments ( 4 )

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SomeForeignGuy

SomeForeignGuy #1 · Mar 14th, 2012 · · ·

*It is known that as a last and very chaotic turn of events, Discord's brain was linked to all human culture and ideas.

Industrial

Industrial #2 · Mar 21st, 2012 · · ·

Very interesting, blending story telling with a bit of a history lecture. Definitely tracking this.
i3.kym-cdn.com/entries/icons/original/000/002/252/me-gusta.jpg

ponyaddict

ponyaddict #3 · Mar 21st, 2012 · · ·

You've definitely gotten the setup out of the way nicely. Discord's puppet master feels like it needs a little fleshing out, but I'm sure you'll be getting to that. Also the line separating Chaos the primal force and Discord the Draconequus is a little fuzzy here for me, I don't know if that was your intent, though.

Don't feel bad that you've gone a thousand words without dialogue, but do be cautious of it. I would point to Genesis as an example of this being OK when you're telling a creation myth; Genesis 1 is just God talking to Himself. But once you have more than one character, Celestia and Luna in your case or God and Adam for Genesis', you have to make sure you get to the dialogue in a rather speedy fashion.

Let's see how you do with the next one. :)

Silver Cloud Drifter

Silver Cloud Drifter #4 · Mar 22nd, 2012 · · ·

Hmmm. Very interesting. It kind of has a feel of the Book of Genesis in the Bible. Are you a catholic? I'll be tracking.
By the by, would you mind taking a look at my story? Seeing as we're both starting out here? Also, I started a group called Rookies on the Rise, and I was wondering if you might like to join. I'm attempting to gather new authors here to post their stories in the group so that other members might see them. So, could you please consider joining? You'd be a nice adition to the team, or group I guess.
Keep on writing!