clonedbrony2
Joined 17th Dec, 2013 ·
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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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Could use a grammar boost, but not too shabby. Keep at it.
@clonedbrony2...
Not really my cup of tea for fan-fictions, but I do have a friendly point-out for you...
The correct naming is Apple Bloom (two words), not one word. This is unlike her sister Applejack (one word).
Also, the Big Mac's proper (full) name is Big McIntosh (exactly as the actual apple cultivar is spelled), not Big MacIntosh (as in the Apple Computers brand).
:bigmac: ->
4287389 Not my cup of tea either, just wanted to give it a try.
Thanks for the correction.
Ahh, reviews~
Applejack and Applebloom eh? hmm, never seen that but I like it :) very nice work on this my friend.
You did a very god job on this and you got their accents down pat X3 hehe I love those country accents on girls. legit.
And I ship this, I legit do. You wrote hits very well and portrayed the characters well my friend, nice work on this.
Well, I hope you decide on a second chapter, or perhaps a sequel to this, for I will read it :)
Keep it up, your friend.
~Dustchu
4325797 Thank you for the comment.
Yes, haven't seen Apple BloomxApplejack, so I decided to give it a try.
I had originally thought of writing a few more chapters. Around the end were they say that they won't keep it a secret. Well, things happen.
I will give it some thought, but not yet.
4330873
You're quite welcome once more my friend :)
Well it's quite the interesting pairing I would say, and I gotta say I love it ^^ you wrote it well.
Oh really? hmm, well I wish you luck with your thoughts :)
Keep up the fantastic work ^^
Best AJxAB fic ever
This was... fine. I'm sure someone's already pointed out the numerous English mistakes, but what really got to me is that I didn't understand the characters. Like why did Apple Bloom go to AJ's room naked when she got such a negative reaction from her earlier? It didn't make a whole lot of sense. Also, it would have been best to keep the whole story in AB's point of view, because I had no clue that AJ recoprocated the feelings at all, and it got confusing. The reader should know what the character that they're following is thinking and feeling.
The clop wasn't bad; it was just like all the other clop I've seen. To be honest, it's really difficult to write in general, so I can't be too judgemental. Human clop has a distinct advantage over pony clop, though -clothes. AB has never seen her sister naked, and vice versa. They should have really relished seeing it for the first time. I felt like more could have been said. I want to really feel the taboo in incest stories. I want the characters to actually react like they're fucking family members they've known since they were in diapers. That's where the real excitement comes from, but the characters need to be realistic and relatable to get there
I understand this was supposed to be a quick, stupid clop story, but it could have been really good if it had been longer and a little more effort put in.
K. Obligatory comment is done. Time to drink.
4468210 Thanks for the comment. Yeah, this story could have been better. I will try harder with whatever I write next.
I have seen the light. I now know of a new ship. I must search for this ship even if it takes me to corners of the interent. My journey begins may the emperor protect my crusade for clop.
Actually I REALLY would like to see a few more chapters of what I myself consider one of the best fics, emotionally-wise, I've ever read on this site. But of course I'll understand if this was supposed to be a quick try-out, just disappointed...
4468210 For the first part of your comment, about AB's reaction, I totally understand her: I'm sure I'd have done the same, so that reaction, to me, seems realistic enough. Despair can push you very far.
"Feel the taboo"? What taboo, Incest? I don't see nothing that I'd categorize as "taboo" here, just a bit unusual. I found the characters relatable, and even realistic.
To me, this was just a materpiece. Nothing, from the grammar, to the plot and beyond, seemed the slightest bit off, and I enjoyed this fiction more than I thought possible.
If you wish to explain your points, I'll be more than eager to have the explanation of your different points. Not saying that you're a bad reviewer, far from that, you're more than probably better than me at that. I however am curious as to what disturbed you, besides the plot and grammar.
.....
I love how she’s trying to reason with herself and say she’s doing to j-jack aka the most not mlp name ever
I can’t......breathe.......I’m dying of laughter
I’d be in shock too if my sister was rubbing to me
Poor applebloom
I feel so weird for liking a romance scene for incest....
I think you meant what she started
Big Macs like it’s cool as long as I don’t hear it
Perfect ending
Overall rating a 5/10 (I enjoyed when I read it but I don’t think I’ll read again)
Incest rating 8/10 (one of the only incest ones I like)
Comedy 6/10 (mostly cause the ending)
And lastly romance 6/10 (it’s good but a bit rushed and incest)