They say that the end of one thing, is only the beginning of something else.
Three friends have lost everything they hold dear, and their lives have been forever altered. Lost, and with no where else to turn, they set out, plunging head-first into the great unknown. Their journey will take them near and far, across great plains and soaring skies, over hills and valleys, through dungeons deep and caverns old. They shall venture across all Equestria and beyond in their unceasing quest to find what has been lost to them, and do what must be done.
But they shall not be alone. Beings both strange and ancient have begun to stir, and the golden age of peace and harmony Equestria has known for the last thousand years may be coming to an end. Pieces of an immortal game older than time itself have begun to move, and the stakes may be the fate of Equestria itself.
They say that the end of one thing, is only the beginning of something else. When one chapter of your life ends, another begins. Who knows what will be written there?
Alright, you've got me. Let's see what happens.
The premise was nice. Pacing was handled well, and information was delivered near-seamlessly. You've earned a fave, my friend.
Let's see if it turns into upvote...
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Okay. You've got me.
Let's do this, Honki de iku ze!
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Just going to state this now: If I didn't like what I had already read, I would not put the effort into pointing out the errors that I come across. You have me interested thus far. You've earned a fave and a like.
(INCOMING [Moderate] WALL OF TEXT!)
Just an overall note; you seem to try and add way too much information to each sentence, as well as breaking the thoughts in awkward ways. For example;
This could be broken up into a couple of sentences. At least in my eyes it reads awkwardly as it is.
(Not the first instance I'd seen, just one where I happened to be on the page.)
The main thing I noticed throughout the rest was just run-ons in varying degrees. But overall, nothing too bad. I would be happy to go through and make note of anything else, but I'd have to do it sometime later.
Keep up the good work! I want to see where you go with this.
~~Sparky
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Thank you for catching all that, I don't know why I didn't see it myself. The pitfalls of being your own editor, I suppose. I've done my best to go back and correct the errors you've pointed out to me. Your assistance and enthusiasm is much appreciated.
~Signed, InfiniteBrony
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Which never works out well.
I know exactly what you mean. My problem when I try to edit my own stuff usually ends up being I never get anything written because I try to edit as I go.
Anywho, as I kind of, vaguely, stated previously, I will probably go back over this tomorrow after work. Have a good one, Infinite!
~~Sparky