I love the story but Jesus Christ that was probably the quickest clop I've ever read. I didn't even have the time to get hard by the time it was over. Please work on making the clop more realistic and drawn out. Also, my inner grammar nazi is screaming to me at the lay/lie issue; when there is no direct object, use lie. The past form of lie depends on it's meaning; if it means to lie down (as it does in this case), then it is lay. If it means to tell something untruthful, then it is lied. Other than that, good job; I can't wait for more!
I find myself agreeing with Tony on this. Your clop scenes seem very rushed. I feel like you could either drop the clop and focus on the crime thriller story, or put some more time into the clop parts, give them some care, make them juicy.
That's not to say you have to make the story okay for everypony, or whatever the lowest rating is, if you drop the clop, but if you're going to be so rushed about it, you may as well leave it suggested, and let the reader take it there in their own minds.
I mean, I'd probably be really into this story, if it didn't feel so "on-the-fence" about whether to be a clopfic or not.
I am starting to lose interest in this story, I came for the comedy and art theft, not the overly used clop I keep having to skip over because it takes away from the story, and personally clop just isnt my thing
I love the story but Jesus Christ that was probably the quickest clop I've ever read. I didn't even have the time to get hard by the time it was over. Please work on making the clop more realistic and drawn out. Also, my inner grammar nazi is screaming to me at the lay/lie issue; when there is no direct object, use lie. The past form of lie depends on it's meaning; if it means to lie down (as it does in this case), then it is lay. If it means to tell something untruthful, then it is lied. Other than that, good job; I can't wait for more!
4166185 i always ask this when i see sex tag with a story "Will one of them get knocked up?
I find myself agreeing with Tony on this. Your clop scenes seem very rushed. I feel like you could either drop the clop and focus on the crime thriller story, or put some more time into the clop parts, give them some care, make them juicy.
That's not to say you have to make the story okay for everypony, or whatever the lowest rating is, if you drop the clop, but if you're going to be so rushed about it, you may as well leave it suggested, and let the reader take it there in their own minds.
I mean, I'd probably be really into this story, if it didn't feel so "on-the-fence" about whether to be a clopfic or not.
I am starting to lose interest in this story, I came for the comedy and art theft, not the overly used clop I keep having to skip over because it takes away from the story, and personally clop just isnt my thing