When actor Zachary Smith finishes his latest movie, he decides to retire for a while. But just when he thinks he can relax, he gets sent through a rift in space in his sleep. But, the life of Zachary or "Flare" is not done. He can't help but wonder if there was another reason he woke up there. Follow him as he survives in the colorful, laugh filled, somtimes dangerous land known as Equestria
Note: Some ideas you may notice seem familiar, dont worry, i am not trying to copy. If you find an idea that seems relevant to yours, again, I am not trying to copy. This is just my first story.
Chapters (3)
Boring, with the ridiculous idea of Equestria = afterlife.
You rush too fast to introduce and describe your OC.
And the MC is bland and unrealistic, he die, got changed into some creature and how he react ? " Aaaaaah " and then he already know how to move and don't question anything at all.
I agree with the Master Story tellers here... I have two words that could assist - Story Progression.
And I thank anything that you guys post. Yes this is my first story and yes i know it does need work. Anything helps as far as critisizm or compliments, and i will go back to edit. Thanks again
Wouldn't he have some difficulty moving when he's a pony? 2 Legs doesn't make it easy on 4 legs...
I went and rewrote some of this chapter, hopefully it's not as rushed. I'll try to have the next chapter explain some things
Again, I appreciate feedback.
Look good but to me the chapter is two short
>>TheSpanish07
I am waiting for my proofreader to respond. I'm getting some help with the beggining. I'm just not used to writing much fiction
I like
3543688
thank you
be very careful with how you write this out, alicorn OC stories tend to attract a lot of hate especially if the protagonist befriends everyone first encounter can do everything without issue and is generally very powerful
unless him being an alicorn is a requirement for whatever plot you came up with I would suggest changing your character to one of the other 3 races, and I certainly hope if you have to have him like that it has to be for a very good reason
you also more or less skimmed passed him figuring out how to walk making it feel like he didn't even need to learn, not entirely sure why but this tends to turn away some readers
also you forgot to mention what the color of his body is, all i saw was flame style colored mane and tail, and darker orange wing tips
3560842
Don't worry, I have the story planned out. No he will not be OP, and the reason i'm writing this is to make a different story. And thanks for noticing that I didn't add body color.
It's not... bad for a first attempt, but the combination of "Human in Equestria", "Alicorn OC", short chapters, and spelling errors mean that very few people will be willing to commit to reading it.
3571662
My dumb laptop sometimes doesn't type in letters that I click. I will be editing it once I land in London. As for short chapters, I`m still getting used to it. My writing will only improve the more I write, but hey, everyone has their setbacks.
Oh, and for a lot of the story, he will remain to look like a pegasus, because he won't use magic for much more than lifting things outside of public