Time Travel And Alternate Realities n Shit!!
... Or they're called parallel dimensions, I don't know, fuck you.
"~Doo doo do, making a sandwich, making a sandwich, who want's a sandwich, well I do too!~"
That was me singing the song "Making A Sandwich" as I work on making my lunch.
Two guesses for what I'm making.
...
That's right! Fried chicken!
"~Lalala, fooled you suckers, I'm making fried chicken!~"
Song copyrighted by "Bands Of The Lying About Sandwiches, Fried Chicken is Awesome." Douche-bags at heart, but shamelessly catchy as fuck.
"Ah! Now that I am done making this delicious piece of chicken, I will now eat it in peace, with absolutely no distractions whatsoever! Yep! None at all!" After I said this to myself, I began to almost eat the fried chicken.
Until-
*ZAP* *POW* *ZING* *THUNDER AND SHIT*
Someone had appeared out of nowhere!
Who was it? Why, IT WAS ME!
"Connery! I am you from 5 minutes in the future! I've come to warn you of something terrible that will happen in 2 minutes!" Future me said, armored with awesome futuristic armor and stuff. "I only have about, like, 45 seconds or so, before losing interest and getting bored, so I have to tell you quickly that someone will e-"
*ZAP* *POW* *ZING* *THUNDER AND SHIT*
"Connery! I am you from 10 seconds in the future!" Other future me said, wearing my other signature clothes, which was an evil clown suit.
"Wait, what?! How is that even possible? I never made a time machine that fast yet! I don't even remember doing this!"
"Hey, shove-off man! I have a very important message that needs to get across to prevent something bad happening!"
"But I was here first! I ALSO have an important message that I need to tell him!"
"Is it about the Clown Apocalypse?!"
"No, it's about his fr-"
"Then shut up! Listen to me, you'll soon meet this guy-"
*ZAP* *POW* *ZING* *THUNDER AND SHIT*
"Ar, matey! I be YOU from 20 years in t' PIRATE future! I've come t' warn ye o' a terrible plague!" Pirate Connery said, in a sweet-ass pirate captain hat and suit.
"... WHAT?!" Said both Clown and Future Connery.
*ZAP* *POW* *ZING* *AND SHIT*
"Yo dawg! I'm ya' fum 20 years in de past in de JIBE future! Right on!" Ugh, I don't like this one.
*ZAP* *ZING* *AND SHIT*
"..." Future Ninja Connery from 7 years in the Ninja future said.
*ZING* *AND SHIT*
"Hear me mortals! For I am from ze GREAT future of ze Dracula future, vhere everyvun is Dracula!" Dracula costume. Go figure."
"Yeah, screw this shit, I'm out. Enjoy your chicken." Future Connery said, flashing back to his own timeline.
*ZING* *SHIT*
"I am you from the robot future, where everyone speaks in stereotypical monotone, and shun the ones who have personalities. Beep boop." Heh, looks like one of my minion-bots.
*SHIT*
"...braaaaiinnnss..." Ew, rotting flesh. Wonder where he came from?
*SHIT*
"Extra! Extra! Read all about it! Came from newspaper future! 5 cents each!"
*SHIT*
"I am Connery NotEvilGuy, PONIFIED BIIATCHES! Sent to the land of humans, which are guarded by the Elements of Badassery!"
... NO.
*SHIT*
"Hi! I'm Bob from accounting!" KILL WITH FIRE.
*SHIT*
"Alice! I'm you from the- oh wait a minute, this isn't my past. Oh, hi Connery!"
*SHIT*
"Uh, dis suit is, uh, officially Giorgio Armani, my dads know him- FUCK YOU... I AAAIIIIIIN'T Havin dat shiet!"
*SHIT*
"I... am the Batman... and I- HOLY SHIT JOKER!"
"Wait what? OH GOD!"
And then Batman pounced on Clown Connery.
"... Uh... Wrong universe."
*SHIT*
"Jesus, is anyone even trying to make any sense on this anymore?"
*SHIT*
*Typing noises* ... "Uh... Why am I in my fanfic?"
...
Anymore? ... Room filled with plenty of me already, still got some room... No? Well then-
*DUBSTEP*
"Phew, ok, I- WOAH." This me was surprised when he looked around and noticed all the me's in the room. Dressed like as if he was from the Matrix, and carried a stop-sign. "Ok, this is definitely the one I'm looking for. Hi! I'm Aeroe Conner, Multiverse Time-Traveling Hero of the Multiverse. My dubstep stop-sign told me that there was a disturbance in this region of the universe. You're all causing a paradoxic attack on this universe right now, and I'm going to have to force you all out, and back in your respective universe. Sorry, and good night!"
*WUB WUB DUBBA DUB*
...
...
...
"Well, I didn't even participate in any of that. I don't even know what the fuck just happen."
...
Welp! Back to eating my fried chick- *GASP* MY FRIED CHICKEN! IT'S GONE!
"NOOOOOOOOOO!!!"
Who could have done such a thing?! How will I ever get it back!
Wait! I got it! I'll just invent a time machine! Go back and warn myself of all of this!
"QUICKLY! I must find and armor myself with tons of cool futuristic armor and stuff, and build a time machine in the next 5 minutes!"
THE END
Don't ask why, just enjoy it and wait patiently for the next chapter. Good night.
Also, not canon.
Fuck you Writer's Block.
Why?
4301418 Why not?!
That was.................so...............connery notevilguy.
Someone went down the wrong Frankenhole.
Wubba lubba dub dub!
KBO.
Aeroe Conner is the best alt! Wub wub dubba dub!
4301603 Y'know, Aeroe Conner was originally going to be the main character. But then I thought, "People ain't gonna like this guy very much." Gary-stu and all.
Maybe I'll add a cameo appearance for him. Part of my childhood, he is.
Where did the chicken go?
4301821 One of the Connery's ate it while Connery wasn't looking.
4301823 I wouldn't be surprised if he went to the past just to eat the 5 min past chicken.
i was not sufficient drunk
4301418
4301435
4301745 'Cause he's the chosen one?
You did good at choosing Connery NotEvilGuy, you did very good.
It's pretty hard to mold out a story for a Gary-stu of that level without being too hammy, corny or OP Overkill but they are great for cameos and random stuff as well as support cast.
Add him, you may. Fire him like a minigun on a maggot, you may not.
Unless he literally does it.
No...just...Just no.
I am always sufficient drunk. Being Irish helps a lot with that.
The culprit was obviously the sandwich.
... I think i gonna write a fic where i am a god just to send one apocalitic warrior to this fic....
4305847 Permission granted. If you need any help with behavior and dialogue from my character, just ask.
4305866 i was not thinking seriusly.... but i am really thinking in do this but also english is not my first language.. sooo yeah if i dont start this in the next two days I gave up and I will probably be sleeping or studying whichever comes first
Okay...
If this is what writes block produces i hope you get it more often! I'm still giggling.
Considering the loopy genius that's loopy enough to think he's evil that we call Connery, I think it's safe to say that this is par for the course...
I ignored the warnings about needing suffiecent drunkness to read this.
I read it totally sober.
Now I have seen your madness, Mr. Author!
(Seriously though, I love the fic, and am looking forward to the next real chapter )
It's may fourth.... Should I make a star wars joke? Decisions, decisions.
That sounds about right.
4438817 And where have you been? I haven't seen you since.... a long while ago!
*Transition to Jontron outside the base*
Jon throws the fried chicken into the air yelling, "Be free my friend!"
The fried chicken subsequently transforms back into SUPER ULTRA MEGA CHICKEN when Jon jumps 50 stories onto its back, does a kickass pose and Kamen Rider point, and rides off into the sunset, also subsequently destroying the sun causing magical rainbow light to shoot off in all directions and Celestia to have another hilarious aneurysm.
"And that's how you skin a cat."
You know, at this point, I think this is the author's cry for help...