Applejack woke up from her impromptu nap to discover that the terrible dream she'd had of a 'crappy'-looking spaceship falling though an interdimensional portal and flattening the majority of her farm was, in fact, not a dream. "Oh for Faust's sake!" she stormed, stomping angrily toward the crater. "Taint even been a week since we all got finished repairing the damage them Daleks caused! If it ain't robots, or cyborgs, or mutants, or demons, or Pokemon, or vampires, or warlocks, or necromancers, or zombie hoards, or Bugs Bunny, it's dang interdimensional alien space craft!"
Arriving at the mangled door of the unpleasantly brown, scorched ship, she furiously slammed it repeatedly with her hoof, "Open up in there! Ya'll got a lot to answer for, and I've for Kicks McGee all primed up to deliver my questions straight ter yer skull!"
There was a moment of silence, then a scuffle from inside the ship. The door creaked, opened a crack, and stopped. "Sorry...*cough*," came an ill-sounding voice. "Door's jammed... I think it's raspberry. My pantry spilled during the crash. Have it open in a second."
A little scraping reached Applejack's ears as the voice's alien owner began fiddling with the door mechanism, "Maybe just loosen this screw a bit..." The door fell off entirely, revealing a strange naked monkey-like creature to the pony. "Yeah, that got it," the sapient simian noted somberly.
Sighing, Applejack went through the routine she knew all too well after dealing with thousands of such sudden alien visitations, "Ahm Applejack. Ahm a pony. Not a species of pony yer familiar with, unless y'all got the cartoon "My Little Pony" in yer particular dimension. We got Earth ponies like me, ponies with wings called 'pegasi' and ponies with a horn stuck on their heads called 'unicorns'. Y'all are in a land called Equestria. It's ruled by two Princesses who are alicorns, which are superior to us, I reckon, cuz they got wings and a horn. No I don't know why nopony else just gets plastic surgery to fake it. No I don't rightly know what the planet's called. We never got round to sorting that out. We got magic here and all manner of magical beasties. I ain;t got time to go over the list. Go to the town of Ponyville, ask fer Twilight Sparkle, she'll be rigth glad to spend several weeks straight talking yer ears off about everything. No, y'all can't have foals with us. Yep, some ponies are gonna let ya try. No, don't ever tell me about it if it happens. Now, what's yer name and yer story. Quick now, I got me a farm to rebuild... again." She snorted in a huff.
The 'human' blinked at the sudden infodump, "Well... that was... helpful... Uhm, I'm Alondro. I'm from space. I kinda fly this ship looking for alien stuff to sell. I like getting drunk... alot. I have a smart ass computer named H.E.L.I.C.S., who's currently offline. And I... urk! HURK!!!" Alondro suddenly doubled over, clutching his midsection with an expression of anguish and nausea.
He fell over, almost tearing at his stomach. "Oh god! My insides feel like they're being torn apart!" He screamed in agony as something from within appeared to be leaping beneath his skin, then paused, regarding Applejack with a serious expression, "Do not EVER drink Chaos Koolaid. Ever."
Applejack gave a quick nod, "I gotcha."
Alondro then resumed rolling about on his back and shrieking in agony until at last the snakelike creature inside his abdominal cavity burst forth! Gasping his final bloodied breath, Alondro whimpered, "Totally... hate... "Alien"... crossovers." Then he died.
Aghast, Applejack recoiled from the hideous monstrosity uncoiled itself from Alondro's body and stretched its mismatched limbs. Scratching it's goat's beard with a lion paw, the voice of John De Lancie emanated from it's snaggle-toothed maw, "It's simply sooooo stuffy inside human bodies! I thought I'd never get out of there!"
Applejack promptly passed out again.
Smiling to the readers, Discord winked, "Come now, you know what day it is!"
4621314 There is such a thing as the 'introductory chapter'.
You see, when writing a story properly, you must INTRODUCE YOUR MANE CHARACTERS and then send them into the preliminary or primary setting to establish TONE.
These are things one learns in basic creative writing... at middle school level.
Unlike most fanfics that just cobble together a bunch of random crossover nonsense, I am actually going to take the time to make this a properly constructed tale...
...despite the fact that it's going to be a crazy screwball comedy along the vein of "Blazing Saddles" and "Young Frankenstein"... which I'm sure you deslike because you're not clever enough to grasp the humor.
3486177 I don't get it.
3483336 What's an ABR machine? What does ABR stand for anyway?
5305544 Auditory brain response. We use electrophysiological responses to tones of different frequencies and amplitudes to study mouse hearing and how it's altered by certain mutations in the bone morphogenetic protein pathway via selective knockouts of the BMP receptors utilizing Cre-recombinase/loxP transgenic system for tissue and age-specific expression of the Cre enzyme which site-specifically cuts DNA possessing the loxP sequence.
Is that a shit ship...? amazing.
6902770 Nah, it ended up looking like one because of the lousy paint job and being twisted into a roughly turd-shape by interdimensional black hole cosmic comedic weirdness.
Although, if you're referring to the header image, yes. That is a poop ship. Some little kid posted it to the Interwebs at some point and I couldn't resist adding it... as a symbol of how seriously to take this story.
4622570 I find this absolutely hilarious.
~Crystalline Electrostatic~
1:39_5/21/2016