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The Ultimate Being

Ponies arrived finallyt on earth and many of the new pony leaders of the new world want to take over the New Equestria, Spirit Force must prevent a war between them and must help Shinning Armor and Princess Cadence to keep the peace in the new world

Chapters (1)

Comments ( 3 )

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KaBar42

KaBar42 #1 · Feb 22nd, 2014 · · ·

This made no sense at all. No sense at all. Story sucks.

Screencapping, just in case.

Dementia Ravenmane

Dementia Ravenmane #2 · Feb 22nd, 2014 · · ·

*Reads story*

img.photobucket.com/albums/v665/Fuyuko83/applebloom-why-would-you-post-that.gif

You need to work on your grammar.

And oh lord what kind of writing style is this? Some sort of third-person present tense thing?

Consistency would be nice, to make the story sensical.

And the plot needs to burn and become something new and good, because this is abysmal.

Chances are you have no proofreader, editor or someone to brainstorm with. Get all these persons, multiple of them.

I want to help you, but I don't even know where to start. This story is like a tangled fishing line. A complete mess and you can't decide on where to start untangling.

Red Mare