“Alright, now really stretch them. Now up. Now down. Keep it up, everypony.”
It was closing in on the end of the first week of Junior Guard Cadet Summer Camp, and Scootaloo still wasn't getting off the ground. Which she was starting to think had something to do with the fact, that all they seemed to be doing was stretches and wing maintenance.
“Good. Now all of you take a quick breather and we'll go through the next set. And if we can all get through it without taking any breaks, I got something special for everypony. Cool, right?”
At least Ms. Sea Breeze seemed to be making enough time for her to fit in her naps now. And she seemed pretty cool and energetic now, but...
“Shouldn't Mrs. Rockette be teaching the beginner classes instead? I already know how to clean my wings, and she was a Wonderbolt, right?” Scootaloo asked, giving voice to some of her frustrations.
Laughing off Scootaloo's question, evidently not bothered by it, the bat-pony landed by the orange filly “Heh. Yeah, I get where you're coming from. I mean, you would want the pony that knows the most about flying to teach the foals that know the least, right?”
Seeming to think about it briefly, before realizing that, yeah, that was kind of Scootaloo's reasoning “Uhm, yeah?”
Smiling down at the filly, Sea Breeze raised her hoof as she explained “Ah. But ya gotta remember, the foals in the Advanced Class and Intermediate Class are doing tougher work. And they also are spending more time high up in the air...right?”
Scootaloo frowned as that bounced in her head a bit, before cautiously responding “...yeah?”
Nodding along, the bat-pony continued “So it makes sense that those foals have higher odds of getting hurt, if they mess up. So...you'd want the most experienced flyer looking out for those foals, in case something does go wrong, right?”
A few moments later, Scootaloo visibly sagged, before nodding “Yeah, I guess.”
Sea Breeze leaned down to look Scootaloo in the eyes “Aw, come on now, you don't need to worry. I can still teach ya everything you need to know to take to the skies. And we've got plenty of training left to cover, so-”
“But, all we're learning to do is move our wings around and pick through our feathers! I already know how to do all that stuff!” Scootaloo exclaimed with a pout.
Setting a hoof across Scootaloo's withers, Sea Breeze again tried to explain “I know, I know. It's boring stuff. But ya gotta go through this kind of thing if you want to be a world-class flyer. And not everypony knows all this stuff like you; gotta make sure they know it too.”
At this last part, the bat-pony gestured with a hoof to the other Beginner flyers, some of which were still learning about these kinds of things. Scootaloo again found herself sighing, as she heard the fairly reasonable explanations. The filly's ears perked as a thought occurred.
“So...since I know how to do all this stuff already, maybe I should be in the Intermediate Class, instead?”
Sea Breeze just rolled her eyes, amused by Scootaloo's ongoing attempts to get into one of the more advanced classes “Heh, nice try. And I promise we'll get to some cooler stuff after we get this boring stuff out of the way. In fact, I was planning on something pretty cool, for when you guys all get done with your exercises, if you remember.”
Raising an eyebrow in skepticism, Scootaloo asked “What did you want to do anyway?”
“Uh-uh. Not until after you get done preening.” Sea Breeze reiterated.
“Aw, come on.” Scootaloo implored.
“Well, perhaps you just needed help straightening your feathers, and you were just too embarrassed to ask?” The bat-pony teased.
“N-no way! I can do it myself! I- wait...” At first a bit embarrassed at the thought of needing help with something like that, Scootaloo's expression soon changed to a scrutinizing one.
A bit confused by the change in the filly, Sea Breeze tilted her head “What?”
“...you don't even have any feathers!” Scootaloo soon exclaimed, as she realized what was bothering her.
The bat-pony blinked, before chuckling a few moments later “Are you just realizing that now?” as she asked this she stretched out one of her leathery wings.
“But, if you don't have feathers, how would you know so much about preening?” Scootaloo pointed out.
“Oh, well. Just cause I don't have feathers now, doesn't mean I didn't have them before. I wasn't always a bat-pony, ya know?” Sea Breeze explained flippantly.
“Really?” Scootaloo asked, looking the bat-pony up-and-down.
“Really.” Sea Breeze easily confirmed.
“I didn't know you could turn into a bat-pony! How'd it happen? Did you get bit, and that's how you got turned into one?” Scootaloo started asking excitedly.
Waving the filly's questions away “Naw, it doesn't work like that. And you really gotta wear them down before you can get them to give you even a little nibble.” Sea Breeze finished with a chuckle.
“Oh...Wait. Why would you want to get a bat-pony to nibble you then?” Scootaloo innocently asked.
“...Uh.” Sea Breeze's brain went into a bit of a lockdown, as she remembered that she was talking to a foal. About nibbling.
And there was little Scootaloo looking up at her, with those big, curious eyes.
“...Flying. I'm gonna take you guys flying.”
“Really?! Seriously?!” Scootaloo asked excitedly.
“...Yep! But only after you finish those exercises!” The bat-pony agreed, relieved that giving away the surprise had distracted the little filly from her line of questioning.
“Awesome!” Scootaloo quickly darted over to the rest of the foals, and began alternating between waving her wings around and preening.
Sea Breeze sighed, as she rubbed the back of her head “Well, that could have gotten awkward.”
A little while later...
“Okay, are you ready to...come in for the landing?” Sea Breeze asked her charge, in-between labored breaths, as she started to descend.
“Aww! Do we have to? This is soooo awesome!!” Scootaloo exclaimed, as she was being held aloft in the bat-pony's hooves.
Exhaling sharply, as she tried to sigh at the filly's enthusiasm, before smiling down at the orange filly “Alright...just one more minute.”
“Awesome!” A few seconds later, Scootaloo was extending her little wings out as far as she could again, and closed her eyes as she felt the air rushing through her feathers. It was almost everything she imagined it would be. The wind, the speed, the freedom, she felt like she was on top of the whole world. The only way this could get any better is if she was flying herself around, instead of being carried by Ms. Sea Breeze. But like all good things, it had to come to an end. Mostly, because the bat-pony was exhausted from carrying all those other foals before then.
“Alright, now we're definitely coming in for a landing. Did you see how the others landed?” Sea Breeze then called down to her charge, as she began to angle towards the field they had started in.
“Already?!” Scootaloo called back.
“Yep! Get ready now!” Sea Breeze told her, as she began to slow down and approach the ground.
“What?! Oh.” Realizing that her experience was definitely over this time, she took the time to wrack her brain for how the way the bat-pony wanted her to land. Remembering just in the nick of time she started to move her legs, as if she were already running along the ground. Letting go of Scootaloo as the filly made contact with the ground, Sea Breeze turned around to see the orange filly slowing herself down. Scootaloo was doing a pretty good job of it, till she suddenly, and inexplicably, faceplanted.
“Whoa! Are you alright kid?” Setting down, to let her exhausted wings rest, the bat-pony cantered over to the foal.
“Did you see that?! That was awesome!” Evidently, Scootaloo was unhurt, as could be evidenced by the filly picking herself up and shaking the grass and dirt from her face without concern.
Smiling at the young pegasi's infectious joy, Sea Breeze chuckled tiredly “Heh, not a bad landing for your first one. You alright?”
“Yeah! That was the greatest thing ever! Can we do it again?!” Asked Scootaloo with big hopeful eyes.
Sea Breeze waved her hoof away at that, still chuckling “Not today, kid. Maybe some other time. Personally, it's about time I catch some shuteye.”
“Please, please, please, can we do it again?” Scootaloo begged.
Sea Breeze scratched the back of her head, as if she were really considering it, before flipping her sweaty mane from her eyes “I don't know...if I spend all our time flying you around, I'm not gonna have enough time to teach you how to fly yourself.”
“Oh! Oh, you're right! You still gotta teach me! You are gonna, right?” Scootaloo asked, calming down a bit, from her post-flight excitement.
“Definitely, kid. But to do that I'm gonna need some rest, right?” Sea Breeze pointed out as she ruffled the filly's mane.
“Well, yeah.” Scootaloo agreed quickly.
“Glad you agree. Now let's head after the others.” Sea Breeze waved Scootaloo along, after quickly seizing on to the filly's agreeing with the mare “Come on, I'll walk you to the messhall.”
A little while later...
“Worst. Day...Ever.” Diamond Tiara groused, as she set her head upon the lunch table, ignoring her food. After a long, boring, dirty hike down a trail with the rest of the Earth pony foals, Diamond Tiara was all too ready to go to sleep right there. Her mood hadn't been helped by the fact that she had skipped breakfast, when she couldn't readily identify what was being served, and thus deemed it gross. Or when the other foals kept chuckling whenever they saw her trip or complain, like she was somehow funny to them. Jerks.
While, it might be a stretch to call it the 'Worst. Day...Ever' it certainly didn't look like the little Earth pony was enjoying her day. Her coat and mane were slightly matted with dirt and sweat, and she had more than a few minor aches and scratches from tramping through prickly bits of underbrush. Her trademark tiara was sitting askew, as Diamond Tiara had yet to give in to common sense and put it away, and her mane kept slipping down into her eyes. It seemed that Diamond Tiara was very determined not to have any sort of good time at camp, and she seemed to be finding quite a bit of success, as the first week came to a close.
“Wow. You look terrible, Tiara.” Scootaloo observed as she trotted up to their lunch table, carrying her own tray of food. Scootaloo failed to notice the wince from Delicacy, at her tactless comment.
“Just shut-up, duck-brain. I don't feel like messing with you right now.” Diamond Tiara snarled, without looking up, eliciting another worried look from Delicacy. She really didn't want to have to deal with another of their fights.
“Tch, fine. It's not like I care, anyway.” Somewhat surprisingly, for Delicacy, Scootaloo didn't seem to rise to the bait. All that Diamond Tiara's comment seem to have gotten her, is a slight frown from the pegasus.
Setting her own food down before sitting down, Scoots smile returned as she turned towards Delicacy “So what about you? Did anything awesome happen to you?...Cause my day was awesome. Just in case, you were curious...” Scootaloo leaned in towards the unicorn filly, as she dropped some not so subtle hints about how her day had gone so far, earning a confused smile from Delicacy.
“Uhm, well, we-” the unicorn filly started, hesitantly.
“Alright, I'll tell you!” Scootaloo suddenly cut in, all excitement and smiles “I totally flew today! For real! It was soooo, insanely awesome!”
This actually got Diamond Tiara to look up, with a frown on her face, as she listened to Scootaloo's exclamations. Delicacy, meanwhile, was just recovering from the Scootaloo's sudden outburst “Oh, that's great, Scootaloo.”
“Yeah! We did some cool barrelrolls and flips! Oh, and we flew through these clouds! And we-” Scootaloo continued on gleefully.
“We?” Delicacy asked, picking up on that particular word choice.
“What? Oh. You know that bat-pony? She carried us all up after we got done with our wing exercises. It was so cool! I-” Scootaloo clarified, before suddenly being interrupted, by Diamond Tiara.
“Wait a minute! She, like, carried you? You didn't fly up yourself?”
“Well...yeah.” Scootaloo answered the question already wary of what was about to come next, and already not enjoying it.
“Pfft, I knew it. There was no one way a feather-brain like you could get off the ground.” Diamond Tiara smugly asserted.
“Yeah! Well-...What have you been doing that's so amazing, huh?!” Scootaloo countered hotly.
“I-...Well-” Diamond Tiara tried to respond, though flying did sound better than anything she had been stuck doing.
“Ms. Arcana showed us a really fun way to practice our telekinesis.” Delicacy chimed in with a forced smile, as she again tried to divert the Earth pony and the pegasus from their argument.
“Uh. I was kinda talking to her.” Scootaloo pointed out uncertainly.
“I'm sorry. I was just so...excited about it? Like you.” Delicacy tried to explain.
“What was so exciting about it?” Diamond Tiara asked doubtfully, again not convinced that one could have fun at this camp.
“Yeah, what'd you guys do?” Scootaloo added.
“Well, we, uhm...we played some sports games.” Delicacy explained hesitantly. At the other two's skeptical looks, concerning just how exciting that could be, Delicacy quickly continued “But we could only use our magic to play! So, that was kind of neat.”
Scootaloo thought about that for a moment, before asking “Wait. How can you play with just your magic? I mean, do you just all sit around waving your horns around.”
“Well, no. We just sort of have to only use our magic to move the balls around, and stuff like that. Ms. Arcana said, it was a good way to improve our telekinesis. It was kinda fun. Even though our team didn't win.” Delicacy elaborated, pleased that she had been able to divert the two, from their argument.
“That still doesn't sound all that exciting.” Diamond Tiara observed, as she started prodding her lunch, after it had long gone cold from neglect.
“Uhm...well, Mr. Shield got caught in an avalanche...”
A couple of hours ago...
“Alright everypony! Let's all get set up to have some fun!” Silver Shield called out enthusiastically, as he approached the sports shed, where the various balls and other such pieces of sporting equipment were stored. Most of the foals quickly gathered around Silver Shield, while Ms. Arcana was left busy guiding a couple of foals through some basic cantrips for them to practice.
“What game are we gonna play, Mr. Shield?” Snails asked enthusiastically, which elicited a chorus of the same question from the other foals. Silver Shield paused to think about that, raising his hoof to his chin to consider the question. As Ms. Arcana hadn't really spelled out any specific games the foals were going to play, so he figured it fell to him to make the decision.
“Well, how about kickball? We all know pretty much how to play that, right?” Silver Shield asked the gathered foals, which elicited plenty of nods and affirmatives from them.
“Excellent. I'll just get this open and-” Silver Shield quickly cut himself off, and quickly backed away from the shed, just after opening the door to it. There, piled right at the door, was a wall of rubber balls packed to the ceiling looking as if it would collapse from the slightest of nudges. It took him several nervous moments to realize that the balls, as precariously packed as they seemed, were not in any danger of burying him or his charges. Perhaps hopeful that his luck was starting to turn around, the stallion gave out a hefty sigh of relief.
Silver Shield gave a chuckle “Alright, I guess we should look into putting these away properly in the future. But for now let's just get a couple from the-”
He was cutoff as Snail ran forward in an excited rush, his horn glowing brightly “I got it, Mr. Shield!”
Snails' magic had come along fairly well in the last week, though it was still pretty iffy at times, though that was hardly Shield's principle concerns. Silver Shield quickly reached a hoof forward to stop the eager young colt, but he was a bit late as the magical aura wrapped around a ball at the bottom of the stack. Holding his breath in anticipation, Silver Shield quickly waved the rest of the foals back, as he got ready to hold back the tide of rubber.
A couple of moments later, Snails had successfully wiggled the bottom ball of the stack free and was holding it up high, with a smile on his face “Got it, Mr. Shield.” And astonishingly the stack hadn't fallen over on anypony; it seemed they were so tightly packed together that they couldn't even budge.
Silver Shield let out a sigh, again of relief, at this development. Smiling again “Excellent, Mr. Snails. Though next time perhaps let me get it, alright?”
“Yep!” Snails cheerfully agreed, just pleased that he had successfully grabbed the ball with his magic.
Silver Shield looked back towards the collection of balls, in consideration “Well, it seems safe enough. And we should probably grab a spare ball.”
Looking up towards the top of stack, Silver Shield reached out with his own magic, grabbing a ball that didn't look to be in any danger of setting off some sort of chain-reaction “I'll just grab th-”
Suddenly the whole stack of balls came loose, at the lightest of touches from his magic, and spilled free of the shed. Right on top of the poor stallion.
About half a minute later, the balls had stopped spilling out of the shed, leaving the many foals and Ms. Arcana staring at the large pile of sporting equipment. A few moments later, Delicacy edged towards the pile and nosed away a couple of balls, revealing Silver Shield's dazed expression.
Ms. Arcana cantered over, before leaning over the disoriented stallion “Are you alright, Mr. Shield?”
“...I think, I swallowed a bug.”
“Ms. Arcana said Mr. Shield was alright, though he did seem kind of woozy.” Delicacy finished.
“Wow, that guy has some really bad luck, doesn't he?...Hey, wait. Where's Snails anyway?” Scootaloo asked, finally noticing that while there were three foals sitting at the table, there seemed to be four trays of food set out.
Diamond Tiara simply rolled her eyes, before tapping her hoof on the table. Perplexed by this, Scootaloo leaned in to get a closer look at where Diamond Tiara was tapping “...is he tiny or something?”
“Not there! Under the table!” Diamond Tiara irritably explained.
Blinking at this, Scootaloo leaned over to look underneath their table, to spot Snails happily crouched down under the table looking up at the underside of the table.
“Snails? What are ya doing under the table?” Scootaloo asked.
Delicacy peeked her own head under the table, to answer “I think he said he was practicing a magic trick.”
“I was?” Snails asked, looking towards Delicacy.
“...That's what you said.” Delicacy slowly replied, while giving the colt a doubtful look.
“...Oh, right! Sorry I just got distracted.” Snails brightened up as he remembered the talent show slated for the end of the month, that he had meant to be practicing for.
Scootaloo tilted her head at the colt's response “What distracted you?”
“That cool spider crawling by your head.” Snails cheerfully answered.
“Oh-...ahhhhhh!” The little pegasus quickly jerked her head away, after processing this information, knocking her head against the table and falling from her chair in the process. Delicacy was not much better off, as she was startled by Scootaloo's shriek and quickly lost her balance in her own chair.
“What are you all doing?!” Diamond Tiara asked as she slid out of her own seat, though unlike the others, it was entirely on purpose and she landed on her hooves.
“I was just showing them this cool spider, DT. Then everypony started falling out of their seats.” A confused Snails explained as he showed Diamond Tiara the little spider, now perched on his hoof. Surprisingly, unlike the others, she didn't freak out or end up tripping over her own hooves in the process of getting away from the spider. Rather she just frowned before sending a look towards the other two fillies “Really? Like, it's so small it barely even counts as a spider.”
“I didn't know how big it was! And it was right by my head!” Scootaloo quickly defended herself.
“I-I was just startled when Scootaloo got scared.” Delicacy tried to explain as she tried to wipe the dust from her coat.
“I wasn't scared!” Scootaloo emphasized.
“Sure you weren't. I guess you were just thinking the floor looked awfully comfortable. Or maybe you're gonna be a Cutie Mark floor cleaner now, huh?” Diamond Tiara teased.
Scootaloo quickly scowled at Diamond Tiara's ribbing, and looked ready to get into the other filly's face, to tell her off. Delicacy just rolled her eyes at the sight, while the others weren't paying her any attention.
“Can I have everypony's attention!” Thankfully the two were interrupted, as Lancer called for everypony's attention. Most of the campers had learned that Lancer was the sort that demanded attention; she'd get it, one way or another.
“Just need to announce what we have planned for the weekend, then you can get back to lunch.” Lancer explained, before taking to the air so that everypony could hear her more easily. “This weekend we're going to be covering basic wilderness survival. The kind of stuff you'll be glad you know if you ever get lost in the woods, or something like that.”
A moment later, Lancer began flying back and forth, in an airborne approximation of pacing “To that end, we're going to be having our three senior officers, leading half of you out to the woods tomorrow for the lesson. And the other half the day after. The junior officers will be keeping the rest of you busy each of those days. Clear?”
“Wait! We're going on another stupid hike! We just got done with that!” Diamond Tiara quickly spoke up, which earned a couple of winces from the other foals, and an annoyed glance from Lancer.
“I assume you're talking about the hike Mr. Brick Brawn and Mr. Stalwart Gaze lead the Earth pony foals on, earlier today? Well, then I suggest you not worry.” Lancer explained, as she gazed straight towards Diamond Tiara, earning the slightest bit of discomfort from the outspoken filly “You aren't going to be traveling down a well-worn trail and you aren't doing this for exercise or to see the sights. You're going to be carried deep into the woods, and learning what you need to know to survive if you're ever caught in that kind of situation. How to find food, water, or shelter. Making a campfire. How to avoid getting hurt by a wild animal. That kind of thing.”
Setting down by Cabin 12's table, she tilted her head towards Diamond Tiara “Now are there anymore points you would like to raise, Ms. Diamond Tiara?”
The other three all looked towards Diamond Tiara, along with most of the other ponies in the messhall, as the mare put Diamond Tiara on the spot. Squirming a bit, from the discomfort of having so many eyes on her, Diamond Tiara found it a bit difficult to meet the mare's eyes “Uhm...no.”
“Excellent.” Lancer nodded at Diamond Tiara's muttered response, before turning back to the rest of the ponies “Alright, everypony. Remember to get up bright and early tomorrow. We'll be dividing you up into two groups tomorrow morning, after breakfast.”
There was a bit of hesitation from the other ponies, as they glanced between Lancer and the rather embarrassed Diamond Tiara. Noticing this, Lancer called out to the other campers, as she returned to her own meal “You can get back to your lunches now.”
That seemed to be the cue for the other ponies to all focus their attention back to their own affairs.
As Diamond Tiara climbed back into her own seat sulkily, Scootaloo glanced over towards Lancer before commenting “Wow...that was kind of scary.”
At the Camp staff's table...
“That was a bit much.” Stalwart Gaze observed, as Lancer sat down back in her spot.
Lancer raised an eyebrow towards the stallion, as he continued to placidly eat his own meal “Perhaps, but that filly has been raising Tartarus, since she got here. If you don't want me cutting her down to size, how else am I supposed to get her to shape up, hm?”
Lancer had always been strict when it came to troublemakers, and perhaps it could have been less public, but that filly was all to ready too make a scene whenever it seemed to suit her pubescent mood. And she was hearing more than a few complaints from the other campers about the snobbish Diamond Tiara. Lancer felt that if she didn't nip that behavior soon, it was gonna end badly for Diamond Tiara.
“Perhaps you could have called her to the side, after lunch, and spoken with her about her behavior then? Instead of embarrassing her in front of everypony?” Rockette pointedly suggested, while looking towards her fellow pegasus mare.
“Pretty uncool, I gotta say.” Sea Breeze observed.
Lancer glanced towards Silver Shield and Brick Brawn, evidently waiting for them to add their own two bits. The two stallions quickly shook their heads and focused back on their meals, not quite so ready to criticize their superior, as the others.
At this, Lancer took in a deep breath, before exhaling “...I suppose you all have a point. I'll try to rein it in next time. Alright?”
Stalwart Gaze simply shrugged, though Rockette smiled at the admission from the more militant pegasus “That's all I ask. You can't let this job get to you so much, you know? Just try talking to her next time.”
Lancer nodded “Right, right.”
“I say we bring back corporal punishment.”
The rest of the staff, including those that hadn't weighed in, turned to look towards Arcana. Most of them sported varying levels of surprise and shock at the casually delivered suggestion.
The unicorn mare looked up from her own plate towards the others, a few seconds later “Incidentally, I think they added too much salt to the potatoes today.”
“...they are a bit salty, huh?” Sea Breeze noted, while sparing a discerning glance towards her own half-finished potatoes "Not corporal punishment salty. But still.”
The next day, in the woods...
As promised, the various campers had all been divided into two groups, based on cabin, and had been led into the woods. Despite Lancer's word that they weren't going to be traipsing down trails all day, they did end up traveling along the trails for a while. They were a fair way into the woods, by the time Arcana led the group off of the path and in to the deeper part of the woods.
Along the way, each of the adults took the time to point out some general information about the plants they passed along the way. Mostly they were pointing out plants which were safe for ponies to consume and how somepony might figure out if something was safe to eat.
They spent a few hours walking through the woods, which eventually led to Diamond Tiara falling to the back of the group. Between her tired hooves and the poor rapport she had built up with...everypony, the only ponies that caught any of her complaints were Delicacy and Stalwart Gaze. And Stalwart Gaze wasn't very good conversation, frankly.
“Yeah, this isn't anything like a hike. I can't even hear what they're saying from back here!” Diamond Tiara whined, to which Delicacy just nodded along, unwilling to contradict her.
“They were telling everypony, how you can figure out which direction you're going by the position of the Sun.” Stalwart placidly explained, which earned a huff from Diamond Tiara.
Meanwhile, Scootaloo was happily crowding around Mrs. Rockette, along with several other foals, trying to slip in questions about flying tips and what it was like being a Wonderbolt. Rockette was unamused, and repeatedly found herself turning the conversation back to the topic at hoof.
“Yes, well being able to fly is certainly handy, and makes it pretty hard to get lost. But you might not always be in a position to fly away from your problems. You might get grounded during bad weather or have an injury that keeps you from flying. So it pays to know whether or not you can eat this plant...So can anypony tell me if this particular plant is safe to eat?”
As the foals looked between themselves, apparently clueless, Rockette just sighed, before going over the details of just why one should never eat poison sumac.
Surprisingly, or perhaps unsurprisingly, Snails was at the very front of the group, with Ms. Arcana, happily asking questions about everything. To everypony's surprise, the normally dim colt was rather knowledgeable about not just bugs, but plants, mosses, and the like. While he was still lacking a bit in common sense, he knew enough about the outdoors that Ms. Arcana actually needed to wrack her mind every once in a while, to supply the answers to Snails' questions
Some of the more experienced campers might have noted that the normally very reserved Ms. Arcana seemed rather pleased with this development.
By the time Ms. Arcana had called for a stop in a small clearing Diamond Tiara's mane and tail were, again, thoroughly sweaty and disheveled.
“Alright everypony! We'll all take fifteen minutes for a quick break, then we're going to go into detail about creating a shelter, campfires, and navigating.” Ms. Arcana called out to the foals, before gesturing for Snails to join up with his cabin mates.
“Isn't this great, guys?!” Snails happily exclaimed, as he joined up with Delicacy and Diamond Tiara under one of the many trees.
“No! It's hot and dirty out here, and all we're doing is wandering around.” Diamond Tiara countered, as she laid down in the shade.
“Aww, it's not so bad, DT. I bet Deli's having fun, right?” Snails turned towards Delicacy, eliciting a confused blink at the nickname and a hesitant nod of agreement.
At about that moment, Scootaloo wandered over to the group, having been shooed off by Mrs. Rockette.
“Isn't this great, guys?” Scootaloo asked as she drew up to her cabinmates.
Snails quickly nodded with a grin “Uh-huh, that's what I was saying, Scoots.”
“I mean, Ms. Sea Breeze is cool and all, but Mrs. Rockette was an actual Wonderbolt. You can't beat that when it comes to flying.” Scootaloo exclaimed, not really having picked up much on the actual point of the survival lessons. Diamond Tiara frowned mightily at the pegasus' upbeat attitude, feeling vaguely affronted by the thought of the 'blank-flank' enjoying herself, while Diamond Tiara was miserable. Snails meanwhile, perked his ears at something before wandering away from the three fillies, leaving Delicacy to find a relatively clean spot to lay down.
“Is that all you ever talk about, blank-flank?” Diamond Tiara asked, with some annoyance.
“Well, what's wrong with talking about it, huh?” Scootaloo countered.
“Uh, because you talk about it all the time, and it's annoying. And it's stupid, since it's not like you can fly anyway.” Diamond Tiara quickly went after one of her usual targets, when it came to Scootaloo.
“Yeah, well...at least, I'm not a big jerk like you! Being mean to everypony, all the time!” Scootaloo countered, her raised voice getting the attention of some of the other ponies in the small glade.
“I am not mean!” Diamond Tiara exclaimed.
“You are too! That's why nopony wants to be friends with you!” Scootaloo pointed out, even as a part of her felt a bit bad about pulling that up.
“I-I-...Lots of ponies want to be my friend! There's Silver Spoon and- and-...her!” Diamond Tiara defended herself, as she jabbed a hoof towards Delicacy. The unicorn filly looked entirely uncomfortable with being drawn into the argument.
“Right, Delicacy?!” Diamond Tiara asked of the unicorn filly, looking for her to be back up her claim to friendship.
As the two fillies looked towards Delicacy, her head turned from one to the other, before she focused on the ground in front of her, stubbornly not looking towards either. “I...don't really want to take sides.”
While Diamond Tiara looked taken aback by this, Scootaloo continued on, not used to finally getting the advantage over Diamond Tiara in their arguments “I told you so! Nopony wants to hang out with a jerk.”
Diamond Tiara glared at Scootaloo, thoroughly infuriated by the pegasus' comments, she had to resist the urge to let her eyes tear up. A moment later she bucked the tree they were sitting under as hard as she could, while shouting “I am not a JERK!”
At that, silence reigned over the small group, apart from the slight rustle of leaves above, from the bucking. While she was indeed an Earth pony and quite angry at the moment, Diamond Tiara's buck barely caused the tree to shift at all, even though the tree wasn't particularly large.
“Uh...guys.” Snails quietly called over to the three fillies, as he looked up into the boughs of the tree. Though weak, the buck did seem to be enough to shake a rather large beehive free of it's mooring. The four ponies soon had all turned their attention to the buzzing hive above, anxiously hoping that it wasn't going to come free.
It did.
As each had ducked down in the hopes of avoiding the angry bees, it took a few moments for the foursome to look up, after realizing that while there was quite a bit of angry buzzing, there was very little stinging going on.
Looking up they could see several furrows in the ground leading to where Rockette stood, her wings extended shielding the three fillies. Evidently the mare had crossed the entirety of the glade in less time than it took for the bee hive to reach the ground. Or even get half way to the ground.
Stalwart Gaze had likewise interposed himself between Snails and where the hive had been about to land, in impressively short order.
And there was Ms. Arcana, horn glowing, having apparently caught and contained both the hive and the bees themselves in her magic. Frowning as she cantered over towards Cabin 12, she called out to the rest of the campers “Take another five minutes, for your break.”
Turning back to the four foals in front of her, she tilted her head towards them “We need to have a small talk, Cabin 12.”
The four campers of Cabin 12 were lined up in front of the three adult ponies, each with varying degrees of shame and embarrassment on their little faces. The adults had lead the group outside of easy earshot of the rest of the campers before beginning their little 'talk'. The beehive, along with it's rather agitated residents, was still hanging idly in the air.
“Who wants to explain just what went on here?” Rockette asked the foursome, in a deceptively even tone.
After about a minute of uncomfortable silence for the four foals, Rockette's patience began to wane “Well?”
“...Diamond Tiara's the one who started it!” Scootaloo quickly accused.
“What?! You're the one that started it! Not me!” Diamond Tiara countered, with the eloquence only a child could manage.
“I'm really sorry, I just-” Delicacy started trying to explain, though she was quickly drowned out by the others.
“I was just watching bees!” Snails added his own bit to the mix.
Soon the four foals were shouting and arguing over one another, pointing hooves as each tried to avoid taking the blame for the incident. Rockette was quickly lost trying to follow what the four foals were each saying, and Stalwart Gaze simply raised an eyebrow at the ensuing chaos.
“Enough.” Arcana sharply declared, and while she didn't raise her voice, it seemed to do the trick. With the four foals looking up at her with worry now, the unicorn mare sharply exhaled out her nose, before speaking “I think, I've heard enough.”
“But, I-” Scootaloo tried to start again before Arcana stopped her with a gesture of her hoof.
“I said enough. I heard everything I needed to hear.”
At this she suddenly pointed a hoof towards Diamond Tiara, startling the filly “You have a bad attitude. Work on it.”
Shifting her hoof to Scootaloo, to the pegasus' surprise “Learn to control your temper and next time think about what you do before doing it.”
Delicacy was flinching before Arcana had even moved her hoof over towards her “Learn when it's time to speak your mind and when to tell your friends to shut-up.”
Ending with Snails “Next time, don't let your own interests distract you from what's important. Like your cabinmates sitting underneath a beehive.”
As the four foals looked up towards the unicorn mare, along with Stalwart Gaze and Rockette, Arcana began walking further into the woods. Along with the beehive.
“Mr. Gaze, Mrs. Rockette, would you mind seeing to the Survival instruction while I dispose of these.” Arcana called back to her two fellow adults.
Stalwart Gaze was too busy watching this unfold to respond, leaving it to Rockette “Uhm, yes. Certainly.”
“You're not gonna hurt the bees, right Ms. Arcana?” Snails asked with worry clear in voice, for the, relatively, innocent insects.
Pausing at the question, Arcana looked back before answering “Of course not.” And with that she marched off into the woods with the bees, leaving the other ponies to watch her leave.
“Hm...she gets rather terse when she's angry.” Stalwart Gaze staidly observed.
Nice job my friend.
I wish Diamond got punished for once. I like having revenge.
4045354 I'm aiming to show that here, DT is basically punishing herself. If a kid is sure they aren't going to have a good time, then they'll make themselves miserable before admitting they might have been wrong. Between her sour mood, and not having spent time getting ponies to like her, like in Ponyville, she's pretty much alienated everyone but Delicacy and Snails. And because she refuses to make the best of her situation, or even try to participate in the camp, she's making the situation worse and worse for herself.
Next chapter should be the tipping point for a lot of characters.
4045172 Thank you. :)
4045652 Oki-doki-loki then. Is the next chapter coming soon?
4045752 Hopefully. I'm gonna probably do another chapter for my other on-going story "Intermediate Lessons" but it's up in the air. I'll focus on whichever story I can focus on.
4045765 Yayy! It might be fun to see things from Delicacy's or Snail's point of view.
4045819 I'll keep that in mind for future chapters. Diamond Tiara and Scootaloo are kind of at the center stage, but Snails and Delicacy have more than enough going on for me to focus on them some more.
4045894 Snails would be especially hilarious. And Delicacy would be... I don't know. It would be very interesting to know what she actually thinks. They'll probably be fun to write.
DT needs a wake up call. And Snails is fun as always.
I'm imagining that scene from Wicker Man with Nick Cage for some reason.
''No not the Bees!''
Well, that was worth the wait. Hope we see more frequent updates
DT is being so very stubbornly adorable and making herself have such a terrible time with such pigheadedness.
The Camp Leaders are a lot of fun, Sea Breeze is my favorite thus far; best fanon batpony and now best breezie, go figure!
And wow, smooth going there Delicacy. lol :P
So much nice stuff happened this chapter, I'm pretty please it ain't going easy on Diamond, but not being too rushed to change her either. Scoots and DT never seize to entertain. And whoa, Snails got to show off some of his knowledge. I think this is the most I ever seen many play on delving into what makes Snails tick.
Great chapter, I wants moar! <3 (I always want more... Maybe I need to go on a fic-free diet for awhile?)
4048921 I am definitely going to be aiming for more frequent updates in the future. I really let my time get away from me, at the beginning of the year. I blame life.
And yeah, I was a bit surprised when the name Sea Breeze, made it's way into canon, though not in the same fashion. Still neat though.
And I'm so pleased by the reception the OCs have received; OCs always seem to incite wariness in others, and I'm glad that they have managed to come across as fun and likable.
And yeah, we're starting to see some more of Delicacy's flaws come to the fore. She's by no means perfect, and has her own problems that she needs to address. And DT and Scootaloo can't get along when it's just them occasionally running into each other around Ponyville. Here they're stuck in the same cabin together. Sparks are gonna fly until they can make some sort of peace. And I figure with Snails' fondness for bugs and the fact that he and Snips did manage to waltz into the Everfree and find an Ursa. He'd have to know something.
I mentioned this to someone else, but I'm probably gonna dive a bit into Snails and Delicacy's perspectives a bit, next chapter. It'll be a good chapter to do so, after having Arcana call them out on their problems
Anyway, I plan on getting started on the next chapter for this either this story or my other ongoing story.
4052606 Yeah, a nice side story perspective would be a nice break, even if the focus is more Diamond and Scootaloo you can get a lot more insight on stuff they've done and how they felt in the latest chapter or even what got them to go.
That would be pretty cute actually. Little story interventions/breaks from the main characters to give the supportive ones more time to get to know them. Just gotta be careful with consistency, but I'm sure with how you have the pov switch from main characters and supports to Camp Leaders, I'm sure it wouldn't be too inconsistent to change POVs for one chapter without calling it a side story or something or other.
In any case, the issue, at least how I see it, isn't that people DISLIKE original characters, hell I can point to quite a few amazing and lovable ones like Leech from Bug in the Big City, and many others.
The PROBLEM with OCs is that a lot of writers, they tend to... fall in love with their original characters. They remove the "HUMAN Element" if you will. Many never lose an argument. Always acts as the voice of reason when not playing the pity card. Always puts bullies/bad guys in their place or just resolves a problem that trivializes and makes nothing really challenge the OCs.
There are so many bad OCs I can show off for example but one need only skim the front page for a bit before finding one or more.
BUT here is the kicker. They also tend to remove all the negative elements or in DT's case the reverse, and just make their story so un-relatable. I mean, look at many Silver Spoon stories for example, some go so far to develop or try to develop a character for her, but most the times they skip the hard part of SHOWING us why we should care and essentially PAUSE the story so she can go out of character and spill her life story to gain instant sympathy from the readers.
God that's lazy and I hate it so much when they copout like that. They go from showy to straight up telling me to feel something I haven't been shown. And the worst part? THEY REFUSE TO LISTEN when they get called out on it. Even when you show them the parts where they began to ignore bits of their own story in favor for a quick redemption. An unearned one. And then they wonder why others leave dislikes on their stories.
People might think I only read Diamond Tiara stories. Granted, I do, but it's mainly my /job/ as an admin to keep supporting our fanbase with stories to read. Not ALL are great, some can be pretty bad or just fell flat some where. But I love reading stories like THIS, with CMC, Trixie, Twilight, AJ, anything good, where everything feels so NATURAL.
No artificial-preservatives added. It pains me to see a story with an established character and turn them on their heads. Like Rarity being an insensitive mare that has to always say something bad about somepony or choose wealth over friendships, Pinkie Pie abusing foals or her friends.
Just write a character from stuff you know. Build on that. Write ponies to be human and don't let a dislike for a character or love for a character, lead to treating one character with favor to a point they can do no wrong and the other with such little care because one does not like a character that they earnestly believe writing a bunch of words on a screen and slapping a character name is going to be excused because a number or readers happen to dislike a certain character over another as well.
This has been a long rant to basically say: You write ponies as people, and we love you for it.
4052994 Yeah, I think that could work then. I was originally going to skip straight into the second week of camp, but I think I'm going to do a smaller chapter instead focusing on everyone at camp the next day. It would let me explore how the DT, Scoots, Snails, and Delicacy have been hit by recent developments, and shine a bit more light on some of the other staff members.
And I absolutely agree with you on the common issue that arises with OCs. People want to create great characters, but fail to recognize that it's their strengths and their flaws that make these characters great or interesting. Some of my favorite characters have some pretty blatant flaws; Trixe and Fluttershy are among them. It's dealing with these flaws, or sometimes even not dealing with them, that makes the story. If everyone was perfect, or if even one character was perfect, it wouldn't make for much of a story. I love stories where Trixie gets to be awesome, but not by turning her into hammier, just-as-powerful version of Twilight.
And as you say ignoring, disregarding, or negating major facets of a character, without very good reasons, well it defeats the point of even telling a story using that character. A character can move away from certain qualities with time, and sometimes a character acting out-of-character can really drive a point home if used correctly. But you have to be judicious and measured about it. I've come across authors that had some very novel and interesting ideas for stories, and were otherwise solid writers, but either didn't know how to write certain characters or simply chose not too. One very excellent story took great pains in taking the time and effort to make a villains reformation come about in a natural way, but when it got to the tipping point, the writing for the character just went completely nuts. It's been a while since I've looked back on that story, because of that narrative whiplash, but I genuinely still want to try.
Anyway, I kinda had to rant there too, but stories are something that I love, and I tend to express my affection through criticism. If it wasn't important to me, I'd just ignore it. So I get where you're coming from.
And thank you very much. Taking that much time writing a comment for one of my stories made my day.
Diamond, Scootaloo, Snails, and an OC.
It would have been so easy for this story to take the mundane, predictable route and have the entire CMC end up at camp with Diamond. Conflict would practically write itself, and there really wouldn't be any freedom for the story to go anywhere but "Diamond and CMC annoy each other and eventually become friends." I find it to be such a breath of fresh air for a story like this to have some diversity in the main cast. It really does help it stand out from the typical Tiara Tilter, especially since the characters are well-written.
I see there's quite a bit of discussion here concerning characters and characterization, both for original and canon. The function of OCs, the necessity of flaws, the importance of character growth, all of it seems like good advice to me. The only thing that struck me while reading this story that I didn't see brought up is the potential threat of character overload.
I saw you were a bit chary of it yourself back in your author's notes in chapter four, so I probably don't need to go into much detail. I just think it's worth mentioning that while parsimony isn't paramount when it comes to characters, it is relevant. Regardless of how many characters you have, it's important that each one is necessary. Therefore, as long as you cannot remove a character from the story without changing anything, there shouldn't be any problem. Since your story isn't finished, criticizing this aspect wouldn't really be fair, but I think it's worth bringing up.
Now, getting to a more pressing issue, I wanted to offer some advice regarding your writing style. When it comes to writing, I believe that a good premise is the fastest way to get someone interested in a story and a poor writing style is the fastest way to kill that interest. That's not to say your writing is poor; it's just an indication of how much I value an author's style.
Concerning your writing style, I've noticed two habits of yours that I'd like to bring to your attention. The first is both the simpler and more noticeable of the two: your tendency to asseverate. For example:
These dialogue tags are rife with asseveration. Put simply, they're all too fancy, and something I'm learning more and more about writing is that fanciness is not your ally.
When you fashion together a dialogue tag, you want to avoid using any verbs that draw attention to themselves. Dialogue tags are a lot like the strings of a puppet. When the audience sees them, they are thrown out of the illusion and remember they're just watching a puppet show.
That's why the majority of authors almost exclusively use the word 'said' when writing dialogue tags. 'Said' is considered by many to be a magical word that appears invisible to readers. It's the most parsimonious way to indicate everything that a dialogue tag needs to indicate: the speaker. Using 'asked' and 'shouted' are generally the question and exclamation variants of said, and sometimes there can be good opportunities to use other words, such as when a character is whispering. Just be aware that dialogue tags are one of the worst places to break out the thesaurus.
Also, on the subject of adverbs in dialogue tags, there are some people who will say that they should never be used under any circumstances. Personally, I think they should only be used if they contribute to the dialogue. For instance:
The adverb tells us something the dialogue does not.
The adverb is meaningless.
The second habit of yours has to do with your usage of POV. You have a tendency to 'hop' around a little between various POVs for short spurts of time. From what I can tell, this story uses either a third-person limited POV that constantly changes its focus or a third-person omniscient POV that often focuses on one character at a time. While switching POV is perfectly acceptable when you have multiple plots going at once, it's important to understand how big of a deal it is, especially when the POV is limited.
I first noticed it back in chapter two. You change POV to Silver Shield for about a paragraph and then change back to Diamond and the others. Every time a POV change is performed, the reader has to figure out whose POV we're switching to and reorient himself to the mind of the new character. It's yet another aspect that draws a reader out of the illusion of the story for a brief moment. Therefore, whenever you perform a POV change, it's important that the scene is worth the price of admission. In other words, make sure we spend enough time in the character's head to justify being thrown into it. Scootaloo's scene in today's chapter, for instance, was completely justified. It showed us how Scootaloo spent her day and properly provided some characterization for Sea Breeze. The look at the Camp Staff table, however, was more superfluous. Nothing was actually accomplished during it, and all we learned was that they were having trouble with both Diamond and Lancer's behavior, both of which could easily be revealed over time. Not quite enough justification for a POV change.
You can imagine POV changes akin to a fade transition in a movie. Every time you change POVs, imagine the scene fading to black and opening in the next one. Then consider if the time spent and events that took place between fades would work in a movie if it faded in and out the same way.
That's all I have to say concerning your style for the moment. I suppose I could go more into detail on certain aspects of each chapter, but I don't think it would provide you with anymore benefit. Good luck with your story. I'll keep standing by to see how it goes.
4065512 I'll take that advice and keep it in mind for the future.
If I'm receiving criticism, then that's the ideal form I'd take it in. Thorough and constructive. So, I'd like to thank you for taking the time for it.
EDIT: Just to expand, most of the OCs here do have clear roles to fill in this story, as you surmised. When I realized how many OCs it would take for this story to feel right, I spent no small amount of time going into each character and filling them out in my head. That being said, I did trip up a bit with Brick Brawn. Though, I could do plenty with the character, he was the last of the OCs that I came up with; it borders on saying that he's just there to fill out the roster. So yeah, not perfect on that issue, and it doesn't hurt to remind me of it. I might come up with something more substantive to do with him later in the story, as you never know where writing a scene might carry you. But he's probably going to fade a bit more into the background, for this story.
I do appreciate the general advice, when it comes to writing, and I do believe I see your points on both issues. I've always been naturally verbose when it comes to speaking, and I suppose that carries over to my writing. I probably won't be able to quash the tendency entirely, but with your comments in mind, I think I can find a good middle ground in future chapters. For myself and the readers.
Likewise with the POV changes. While I don't think I'll push myself to the other end of the spectrum when it comes to my POV shifts, you make an excellent point about these shifts being a challenge for the reader. In the future, I'll strive to make them more...relevant, I suppose. As you say, if I'm going to be placing an additional burden on the readers, to follow along with the perspective shifts, it should be a worthwhile investment for them.
I just wanted to add this, because when I first commented I wasn't really in a position to type much, and it deserved a thorough response. And I welcome for criticism and advice in the future. Thanks again.
I'm finding the comma placement disjointed here, perhaps even not necessary. If feels like there's a little something missing... perhaps the kids were distracted by something, or were being very attentive to Arcana to miss her being impressed with Snails' questions.
First comma not necessary, unless you want to add some small detail after it and after 'a small clearing', use a period and make it into two sentences. Maybe the sun was at a non-descript position in the sky (casting long shadows or short shadows, reaching the tops of the trees, or nearly to the tops, over or just over the tops), or the level of tiredness in the kids, or maybe the adults timed it so the kids wouldn't get too tired too quickly.
4090270 Thanks for pointing that out. I do the editing myself, and commas aren't usually my focus. But they still need to be taken care of.
4115811 Huh...Sgt. Calhoun. That works for Lancer. Thanks for that. It'll help a lot being able to attach such a distinctive voice to the character in my head.
4121243 Don't worry, the Doctor Whooves thing was mostly just a one-off joke. He has pretty much no bearing, or even a presence in the rest of the fic. At most, I might make an occasional offhand reference to his shenanigans, along with Filthy Rich's servants, in future stories.
So, if his presence bothers you, no worries. I don't plan on having him show up any further in this story.
4121300 u might not have a choice here...or u would be violating the law of 'chekoffs gun'. this law states that if u mention a gun in the first chapter of a story, then u better have the owner of said gun shoot it at least once before the end of the last chapter...
4147902 Oh, I'll probably boomerang back to it eventually. Just not in this story. I've got a number of stories planned for the future, most of them interconnected with one another. I've actually been sprinkling in various tidbits that will eventually segue into future stories. I've got quite a bit of longterm planning going on here. So you'll probably see Posh Polish, Fine Dining and Mademoiselle in the future.
And don't worry. I'm quite familiar with Chekov's Guns and a number of other common tropes and cliches, and fully intend on utilizing them. Just not always in direct ways.
Nice work, you've really developed the characters well.
"filly was all to ready to make" too
Huh. Ponies have very different ideas from humans about what's strict, especially for a camp with a nominally military theme, when it comes to dealing with kids who yell complaints at the instructor in the middle of a meeting than humans do. It's not like Diamond Tiara aired her grievances privately. I expected her to be doing laps or push-ups for that kind of thing (which, yes, would have been strict, but it fits the 'junior guard cadet' theme of the place). At this rate, I'm starting to think this should have just been called "Diamond Tiara goes to Camp."
I was also going to say something about the POV changes, but it looks like someone beat me to it.
Coming to think of it, would ponies even have a boot camp? They wear shoes, not boots.