Diamond Tiara has been in, what could generously be called, a rivalry with Applebloom for sometime now. Now she's crossed the line once too often, forcing Filthy Rich to take drastic action. Can she become a better pony and make new friends?
Far from home, she now must go through the rigors of Junior Guard Cadet Summer Camp, sleeping in the dirt and dealing with all manner of ponies that have no idea of just how great she is. How could she possibly make friends with this lot? And what's this about Diamond Tiara being anything less than perfect?
(Second Story. Takes place in the Timeskip between Chapters 2 and 3 of Advanced Lessons. Don't necessarily need to read it to enjoy this story though. Enjoy.) -Featured: 6/17/2014-
Chapters (11)
FIRST! And you have my undivided attention.
Will have to see where this goes, because best pony. She'll no doubt make an excellent leader of her fellow cadets, once she learns diplomatic skills other than blackmail
I'm hoping that, assuming DT comes out of this for the better, that it ends with the Apples deciding AB should go as well. After all, she's lied, stolen, love-poisoned, libeled, conned, and sabotaged. Oh, and gotten into fights. Actually, send the whole CMC. CMC cadets has potential for much fun and mayhem, good sequel material.
Oh my god this is brilliant
Diamond Tiara and boot camp...
This is going to be very ugly, and very beautiful.
Ohh... I am wondering about the Scoots tag in there at the same time. Could spell trouble.
Delightful, this is so much better than having her flogged.
3454573
You've pretty hit much upon what I consider to be DT's strongest trait. Leadership. Indeed, that's my interpretation of her Cutie Mark. She just goes about using it in all the wrong ways. And I do hope to convincingly tell a story where DT learns to get over herself, and learns how to be a real leader.
And on another issue you've touched on: while I do like the CMC, I absolutely agree with you. While they are basically good ponies, they get away with a lot. They kind of suffer a bit from "Protagonist Centered Morality" and Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon are usually stuck being the bad guys. For example, while I've grown to like Babs Seed, her introductory episode had some problems for me. Yes, bullying is wrong, and it's often caused by severe problems plaguing the bully themselves, and you shouldn't let it go unchallenged. But you know, we already kind of had two bullies, that could use the chance to develop as characters. And I was always put off, by just how much worse Babs Seed was as a bully than DT and SS. Like I said, I've grown to like her, it just seems she was unnecessary at the time.
In any event, I plan on touching on just how much the CMC does get away with as well DT's own perspective on the issue. And you're also right about a potential sequel idea there.
3454690
What story is complete without a bit of trouble mixed in?
Snails?
stream1.gifsoup.com/view/126331/m-bison-yes-o.gif
3455310
I like Babs Seed as well (and have used her in a couple of my stories, alongside the terrible twosome), and have much of the same problems with her. She was a bigger bully by far, even going so far as to bully DT and Spoon. Natural born bully, that one. Though I do think she was necessary for two reasons:
1. They needed to ramp up the amount of bullying to show, so that the CMC could go over the edge.
2. It needed to be a new character, rather than DT and Spoon so as to allow them to have the "redemption" and still keep DT and Spoon available for CMC motivation/sympathy-generation.
So needs of the show. Much of the same reason Babs doesn't actually tell DT and Spoon's parents or even AJ, but instead just threatens to. Can't actually solve the problem without relegating DT and Spoon to full-fledged background pony status, and I wouldn't want that
I almost thought this was a Filthy Rich story taking more charge in DT's upbringing. I liked his character in this story, you don't get too many perspectives in what it's like to BE Diamond's Dad, besides how weak hearted he is which I guess everyone sorta sees him as the main fault for DT 's behavior. Though, he seems more traditional and wiser than that but I won't deny he probably has his moments when he can't be there all the time for her being such a business pony with trying to maintain his business.
Diamond and the CMC fighting over glitter... if people only understood just how common it is to fight over trivial stuff like that as a kid they might have more understanding towards the feuds the CMC and Diamond and Silver might go through. I look forward to seeing what happens next. Personally can't way to see why Scootaloo got sent down there seeing how out of the two AB is more of a trouble maker. Though she was originally supposed to be the one to get into a lot of fights over being bullied, the confrontational tomboy. This should be interesting. <3
That ending was pretty silly, I liked it!
3456571 Yeah, I like Filthy Rich. He won't be showing up much in the rest of the story, so I wanted to give him a bit of time in the light.
And I do strive to bring about realistic interactions in my writing, so I'm glad to see it being noticed.
As for Scoots, it's less of her being a troublemaker than it is for DT. I'll be explaining her inclusion a bit in the next chapter, if things go according to plan.
And we needed a bit of silliness at the end, I think. To lighten the mood a bit, after this relatively serious first chapter. I was kind of having trouble making a father's worries, about his daughter potentially growing up to be a bad pony, funny.
Plus, I like creating a living world where it's clear that there is other stuff going on outside of the limelight.
3456571
It isn't the police or something that's sending them, so which is a bigger trouble maker doesn't really matter. I doubt SA was sent there, so much as begged to go. And even if it is a punishment, it only matters whose guardian's decide to send them. So Scoots could wind up there for a variety of reasons.
And I just want too know what happened with the doctor and the time flux thingy
3477748
Hehe, sorry. I like creating worlds where it's clear that there's stuff outside of the limelight happening. I feel like it makes the world feel more alive. Plus it always gives me stuff to explore later. I might revisit that thread in the future.
Anyway, Ch.2 should be done tomorrow or the day after.
oh yeah!
Hah. Can't wait for the them to be in the same cabin. Unless, it's separated by gender, then poor Snails will be by himself. Hope not.
Snails is great.
That's Princess Silly Librarian Who Tricked Your Daddy to you!
3489419
Between how egalitarian Equestria seems to be, their young age, and the general acceptance that love knows no gender in the fandom, it might actually be a stretch to have gender separate cabins. Not to mention that ponies spend most of their time naked anyway.
Poor Delicacy, she just needed someone to tell her one thing.
Diamond Tiara sure is getting the boot in this fic.
*I pick up a boot* This boot, it's really stinky. And if she tries to runaway she'll have to wear it everyday for a week.
3490362
Well, I wanted to have her grow as a character, but I also don't want it to be too easy on her. And I also don't want to ignore the fact that, for whatever reasons she is a bit of a jerk. I intend on having her grow into a genuinely likable character (In-universe, I know she already has fans in our universe) but it's going to be a journey for her, and she's going to have to come to terms on some facts.
Also, fair warning to everyone, I did just get my PS4 (1 of 4 unreserved PS4s in my county), so be prepared for a delay in the update. I'll keep any delays modest, but yeah, gonna indulge in some gaming.
Getting good, three guesses whose going to be in DT's cabin.
I am definitely liking your writing. The humor is good, and I really like what you are doing with the characters.
Looking forward to more.
Poor Scootaloo, and poor Delicacy. Even the camp leaders are making fun of Delicacy, someone should yell at them for that. I am looking forward to more DT frustration though.
3567658 Heh, I suppose that was bit mean. Lancer's just aggravated by how off-the-rails her first day on the job is going.
And it would be kind of inevitable that she would deal with some teasing over it, so might as well get it out of the way, I suppose.
Snails and his bugs are going to do something hilarious I just know it.
Okay this is just a glaring example of one of THREE instances where it is not clear who is saying what.
also when you said she got struck by a chair, I saw DT getting hit by a chair but reading it again it sounds like her own chair broke. Again it's not clear what happened to her.
Despite my frustrations with the lack of identifying character dialogue, I am looking forward to more.
"But you really need to work on like, identifying the speaker and stuff." said Silver Spoon as she pouted about being alone without her best friend for several months.
3571921 Easily enough fixed. Thanks for pointing that out.
I was kind of worried about just that when writing it; I want it to be clear who is talking, but I don't want to clutter up the dialogue too much if it's already clear. It's a balancing act.
EDIT: There we go. Hopefully I covered most of the trouble spots, and smoothed things out a bit. I needed to go over it again anyway, to check for typos and such.
3573151
even if two ponies are in a room talking (especially if the have no defining accent, like say Silver Spoon and Diamond Tiara) it's good to drop a hint and add a physical or emotional response now and then to remind the reader who is speaking. It's not clutter. This is what I hate.
(writer mentions one pony name) "I hate boot camp.. it totally sucks. I'm just glad to be home with you." Diamond Tiara pouted and whined
"I'm glad your home to. I missed you so much."
"Tottally.. I mean like same here."
"Ponyville wasn't the same without you."
"I can only shudder to imagine."
"Kiss me."
"um okay"
And Silver Spoon kissed Diamond Tiara and they did it.
The end
(that was painful to write. I kept wanting to add Silver and Diamond's names and emotional responses. But see how even with two ponies the reader has to work very hard to discern who is talking? I wrote it and it's hard for me to keep track. But it takes away from the story if the reader is trying to follow who is speaking)
3573151
there's one other thing I forgot to mention. Seems highly problematic for one colt to be sharing a cabin with three fillies. I mean they are nude already so modesty isn't an issue and I may be splitting hairs here.
Also if Diamond's chair DID collapse I would think her first words would be along the lines of "My daddy is going to sue you all!" but again that's just personal observation.
3574234 Yeah, I thought about that same issue with Snails too. But, I didn't want them all to be fillies and Snails is cool. As I thought about it the egalitarian nature of Equestria, the whole naked anyway thing, and the general acceptance of all kinds of romantic love made it seem like that separating them by gender wouldn't really do all that much to avert-...uh, shenanigans.
Oh, and I wish I thought of the "My daddy is going to sue!" line. I can't believe I didn't think of it.
Oh well, I'll just chalk it up to Diamond Tiara being too shocked and annoyed at the time. Now, onward to the next chapter...that is too say it will be done soon. And again, thanks for the writing tips. They are appreciated.
3609074
I agree. it's kina hard for me to stop thinking like a stinking human
And Snails is cool. Looking forward to the next chapter.
It's a new CHAAAAAAAAAAaaaapteErrrrr!!
And it's a delicious 10k long almost.
iambrony.dget.cc/mlp/gif/482083__safe_solo_pinkie+pie_animated_solo+female_tongue_drool_season+4_female_saliva.gif
Thank you!
FYI, you already have her character down, you're already within canon of the first three seasons and close enough to the newest writer for the Scootaloo episode. I would take that one episode and stuff with a grain of salt, though, seeing how it was setup to build up Scoots hopes and dreams and further her adoration for RD, and then having to cause the triggers of doubt to get her to put focus on her shortcomings to cause her to come to grips that she has a potential problem with her wings that may or may not let her fly, ever.
So yeah, a one-sided story that was solely focused on the Scoots and how to break her down after elevating her to great emotional heights to have a feels moment at the end.
For the most part, the rivalry and DT and SS not actually caring that they are blank flanks played out very close to how I've seen them in the past, not counting the more forced "it needed to happen" personal attacks on Scoots that tried to do so many things in one episode.
For the record, I adore Delicacy. She's a cute OC that acts as a bridge character for the two sides and grow from experience.
Have a very Happy Holidays! <3
This made me laugh.
Loved it!
Now I'm going to bed, it's nearly midnight over here.
Hey DT, Scootaloo dragged her two friends all the way to the Crystal Empire (or at least overtook the train and got on the next train station). She's a better Earth Pony than you!
Buzz those wings, Scoots!
Nice job my friend.
I wish Diamond got punished for once. I like having revenge.
4045354 I'm aiming to show that here, DT is basically punishing herself. If a kid is sure they aren't going to have a good time, then they'll make themselves miserable before admitting they might have been wrong. Between her sour mood, and not having spent time getting ponies to like her, like in Ponyville, she's pretty much alienated everyone but Delicacy and Snails. And because she refuses to make the best of her situation, or even try to participate in the camp, she's making the situation worse and worse for herself.
Next chapter should be the tipping point for a lot of characters.
4045172 Thank you. :)
4045652 Oki-doki-loki then. Is the next chapter coming soon?
4045752 Hopefully. I'm gonna probably do another chapter for my other on-going story "Intermediate Lessons" but it's up in the air. I'll focus on whichever story I can focus on.
4045765 Yayy! It might be fun to see things from Delicacy's or Snail's point of view.
4045819 I'll keep that in mind for future chapters. Diamond Tiara and Scootaloo are kind of at the center stage, but Snails and Delicacy have more than enough going on for me to focus on them some more.
4045894 Snails would be especially hilarious. And Delicacy would be... I don't know. It would be very interesting to know what she actually thinks. They'll probably be fun to write.
DT needs a wake up call. And Snails is fun as always.