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  • E Owlowiscious Annoys A Telemarketer

    Caramel has a job as a telemarketer. When he calls Twilight Sparkle's house, she lets her pet owl pick up the phone. The only problem is that Owlowiscious does nothing but hoot.
    1,000 words · 1,258 views  ·  168  ·  4
  • E The Basement Community

    Six pets hang out in Twilight's basement.
    1,000 words · 692 views  ·  61  ·  0
  • T The Valley of the Shadow of Death

    When he comes to take Angel Bunny, Fluttershy stares down Death. She commands him to not take any creatures in Equestria ever again. Now that it is a land free of death, will Equestria be a paradise or a living hell?
    2,758 words · 940 views  ·  87  ·  1
  • E Twilight's Magic Kingdom

    Celestia gives Twilight Sparkle her very own kingdom. But, it's not quite what Twilight expects. Her kingdom is much too small, the lines are too long, the food costs too much... oh, and it's a theme park.
    4,209 words · 723 views  ·  89  ·  2
  • E Suri Polomare Takes Credit for Everything

    Suri Polomare isn't just content stealing ideas for dresses. Watch as she steals famous ideas throughout pony history and claims credit for them, okay.
    1,428 words · 2,264 views  ·  253  ·  12
  • E Diamond Tiara's Butler Saves the World

    The Maneiac attacks Maretropolis and captures the Power Ponies. Diamond Tiara would love to don her iron exoskeleton suit and save the world, but she’s tired. So she has her butler Randolph do it for her.
    2,194 words · 436 views  ·  60  ·  1
  • T Little Strongheart Opens A Buffalo Casino

    Gambling is illegal in Appleloosa, so an enterprising Little Strongheart decides to open a casino on the nearby Buffalo Reservation. Sheriff Silverstar, however, can't stand the thought of anypony having illegal fun.
    2,291 words · 2,073 views  ·  39  ·  0
  • E When the World Is Running Down

    Applejack makes the best of what's still around.
    1,165 words · 692 views  ·  56  ·  1

Blog Posts59

  • 8w, 1d
    Remember Back when Rarity Could Do Magic?

    Okay, so does anyone else remember when Rarity actually had magic? And no, I don't mean telekinesis, because any ol' unicorn can do that. And I don't mean dark magic like the inspiration manifestation spell that made her go crazy. I mean actual other spells besides that, that are totally cool and not evil.

    When was the last time that Rarity used a magic spell to do something OTHER than telekinesis?

    Well, back in season one, if you'll remember, Rarity was quite gifted at magic.

    Boast Busters: Rarity could turn a stage curtain into a beautiful dress.

    Look Before You Sleep: Rarity was able to turn a log into mini pony figurines.

    A Dog and Pony Show: Rarity uses her magic to hunt for gems.

    Suited for Success: Rarity uses her magic to put on a dazzling light show.

    But those were the last times, to my knowledge.* They totally nerfed Rarity starting in season 2, and it got so bad that in Inspiration Manifestation in Season 4, she had to consult dark magic just to fix a stupid puppet theater. Back in season one, she would have just cast a spell on the puppet theater using her regular, natural, non-dark, totally sanitary magic. She would have pimped that theater out without a second thought. And it would have been okay and nopony would have been hurt.

    Meanwhile Twilight has gotten so absurdly powerful that it's not even funny. I mean, she's always been good at magic, but remember back in season one when it actually strained her to make a even single set of wings appear on a pony? But in season four's It Ain't Easy Bein' Breezies, she can SHRINK DOWN SIX PONIES ALL AT ONCE AND CHANGE THEIR SPECIES WITHOUT EVEN BATTING AN EYE. I mean, I know that she's an alicorn in season 4, but even still, give me a break.

    Did the writers take what little magic that Rarity had and give it to Twilight? Or am I just being a conspiracy theorist?

    *EDIT: I have been reminded that, in fact, Rarity uses a mending spell on a broken wagon wheel during her "Generosity" song in Rarity Takes Manehattan in Season 4. It still doesn't hold a candle to all the stuff she could do back in season one, but it is still something, and I'm willing to admit I was wrong on that point.

    34 comments · 162 views
  • 9w, 5d
    A Communistatsic Story

    Hey, do you like communism? Do you hate communism? Good! Then read this communist stalinist marxist collectivist space story starring Luna and the Luna-2 Space probe from the Soviet Union by Comrade Paraspritista.

    WARNING: Contains communism. Please have your Kack RED DETECTOR at the ready.

    1 comments · 52 views
  • 12w, 3d
    Top Five Huge Genre Shifts of Famous Bands/Musicians

    I like music a lot. I'm sure that a lot of my followers do as well. I often hear lots of longtime fans of famous top-forty bands complain about them "selling out" and changing their sound to be more commercial, thereby abandoning what made them special to begin with, but thereby gaining radio play and a lot of new fans. I won't comment on whether the bands I list below were "better" or "worse" before their change to become more radio-friendly, (I like all of the bands both before and after their changes) but it is interesting the changes that some bands have gone through.

    So here are the top five genre shifts, starting with the least radical changes going to the most radical changes.

    5. Alternative rock fun. once played piano-oriented baroque

    This is probably the least radical change, because they still maintain somewhat of their old sound. That's why fun. is only number five. The change is still very noticeable, though. Compare one of their top hits from 2012, "Some Nights"


    to their earlier material. Here is "The Gambler" from 2009.


    4. Party pop teen heartthrobs Hot Chelle Rae were once emo rock

    Everyone probably knows this band best for their 2011 summer party pop smash hit, "Tonight Tonight." Nowadays, they tour with the likes of One Direction and are considered by many to be a boy band. But when they first started, they toured as opening acts for the likes of Panic! at the Disco and Fall Out Boy. Seriously. And their songs sounded a lot more emo and less upbeat. Compare their peppy top-forty hit "Tonight Tonight"


    With their first album's depressing emo rock ballad, "Bleed." (2009)


    3. The Police were once punk rockers

    Most people know The Police as the British band from the early 80's that spawned hit after hit. They changed their sound a LOT over the course of their five albums, incorporating many genres during their brief but famous career. Their biggest hit was the soft rock ballad "Every Breath You Take" from 1983.


    But years before, in the late 70's and early 80's, they started out as a punk rock band. Their first album, Outlandos D'Amour from 1978, didn't spawn any hits and was their only album never to reach number one in the UK.


    After they broke up in 1986, Sting (the vocalist and bassist) went in a different direction and continued his success, Andy Summers (the guitarist) went into jazz fusion, and Stewart Copeland (the drummer) composed soundtracks with a rather unique and distinctive sound, including the soundtracks for the movie Wall Street, the original videogame Spyro the Dragon trilogy, and Nickelodeon's variety comedy sketch The Amanda Show back in the 90's.

    2. John Mayer was once Alternative Rock

    He's a rare example of someone who changed his sound while famous. But, like the others, it led to him becoming more famous. When Atlanta-based John Mayer first was discovered in 2003, he received airplay on alternative rock stations. 99X, one of Atlanta's biggest rock stations, played his music along with Matchbox Twenty, Green Day, and Angie Aparo, among others.

    While nowadays he's known for his light-hearted, soft rock songs like "Waiting on the World To Change" from 2006,


    Back in 2003, "No Such Thing" was played on alternative rock stations. However, you will likely never hear this song on an alternative station nowadays, as his later softness tainted his name so much in the eyes of alternative rock fans that even his early material is now blacklisted.


    1. Alternative/hard rock Hoobastank was once Ska Punk

    This is perhaps the most dramatic change. Hard rockers Hoobastank, known for top-forty modern rock hits like "Crawling in the Dark" and "The Reason," were once ska punk rockers. They were discovered by Island records, who demanded that they change their name from Hoobustank (with a "u") to Hoobastank, and drop the saxophones. As a result, they are now considered to be post-grunge, alternative rock/hard rock. But back in the 90's and the heyday of ska, Hoobastank actually were pretty groovin'. Compare the top-forty 2003 ballad "The Reason"


    to their earlier material from 1998, "Can I Buy You A Drink"


    *****

    So that's the list. Which ones were you most shocked to discover? Are you a fan of one of these bands but didn't like their change? Do you know of any other bands that changed their sound to get onto top 40? Leave a comment below!

    12 comments · 153 views
  • 13w, 3h
    Westboro Baptist Church Pickets Panic! at the Disco Concert

    Everyone's favorite anti-gay religious zealots picketed a Panic! at the Disco concert. The results are hilarious.

    Basically, P!atD pledged to donate $20 to some gay rights group for every WBC member who showed up. Given their paucity of number in light of the death of their Dear Leader, however, Panic only ended up donating about $260 for the 13 members, which they bumped up to $1,000. In response, Westboro released a parody of Panic! at the Disco song "I Write Sins, Not Tragedies." It's located on the news page I linked above, and it's actually hilarious how hard they try and fail and you should totally listen to it. Yup. *giggles* Real Weird Al-quality stuff, Westboro. *snickers*

    Why did Westboro picket this concert to begin with, you ask? Come on, it's the Westboro Baptist Church, do they even need a reason?

    Well, the reason that they picketed Panic! is that their new album isn't as good as their old albums and is some weird experimental electro-rock and now they sound exactly like Fall Out Boy. Not old Fall Out Boy, but "Save Rock and Roll" Fall Out Boy, which also isn't as good as their old albums.

    Just kidding! Actually the real reason WBC protested them is that Brendon Urie, the lead singer, commented that he experimented with homosexuality many years ago. He's now happily heterosexually married to a woman, so I guess that he's one of the folks who chose to be straight, or he was never actually gay to begin with. Unlike what Westboro and the mass media would have you believe, if you have gay sex one time, it doesn't turn you gay like some sort of homosexual meth.

    (Actually, doing meth one time won't necessarily turn you into a meth addict either, but that's not really a catchy catchphrase that attempts to boil down the complex issues of lifestyle and dependency into a short slogan like "not even once." Instead, the meth campaign continues to spread propaganda and fear mongering rather than try to reform drug laws or actually help people who are addicted. They're the Westboro of anti-drug campaigns. But I digress.)

    Of course, on the other end of the spectrum, if you're happily in a homosexual relationship, you shouldn't be ashamed and go to one of those "gay camps" to turn you straight, because there's not anything inherently wrong with being gay.

    I guess that the lesson in all of this is don't be a dick.

    Also sorry for insulting your fave-band-ever-besides-Nirvana, Regidar, but Panic's newest album really was a disappointment.

    6 comments · 229 views
  • 14w, 3d
    I use my terrible writing skills

    In my latest fic, called "Daring Derp," I get a chance to use my terrible writing skills. Wait, that came out wrong. I mean to say that I get to use my skills in writing terribly. Not to say that my writing is terrible, but, rather, that I am using my skills at writing terribly. Which, by the way, is something that anyone can do. So it's about as much of a skill as breathing.

    The premise is that Derpy Hooves ghostwrites the newest Daring Do book after A. K. Yearling is injured, and Twilight and Rainbow Dash are not amused.

    Deliberately writing a bad story is hard. I had to stop myself from using active voice, sprinkle in some plot holes, add a bunch of telly adverbys such as "angrily" or "explanitorily," and write characters without any depth. I felt so naughty when I was doing it. It was hilarious.

    Anyway, check it out if you want to read a hilariously bad story.

    6 comments · 76 views
  • ...
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Twilight Sparkle raced down the street of Canterlot towards her home. As she ran, a unicorn mare stopped her.

“Ah, Twilight Sparkle, milady! Moondancer is havin’ a knees-up at the courtyard. Shall you attend?” asked Twinkleshine.

“No, I’m dreadfully sorry,” said Twilight Sparkle. “I’ve got heaps of maths homework and magics homework to complete.”

Twilight Sparkle dashed off towards the castle.

“Does that pony do anything besides study? Methinks she’s more interested in books than mates,” said Twinkleshine.

Back at home, Twilight busily sorted through her dusty tomes.

“Wingardium leviosa!” she shouted as hundreds of books floated through the air around her and she sorted through them.

“Oh, bollocks. I can’t find it. But I know it’s in here somewhere,” she said. “I know I’ve heard of the Elements of Amity before. Help me look, Simon.”

“But we’re on holiday!” Simon the dragon protested.

“Found it!” Twilight declared. “Nightmare Moon shall return on the longest day of the thousandth year after her imprisonment by the Elements of Amity. Queen Celestia the Second must be informed! Simon, write a letter and send it in the dragon post!”

Simon, ever diligent, did as he was told. He soon received a reply from Celestia, which he read aloud.

“Dear Twilight Sparkle. You simply must stop reading those dusty old books. Ponyborough Upon Everfree requires an organiser to make preparations for the Summer Sun Celebration. Hence, I shall send you there to attend to it. But primarily, I want you to make some friends!“

“Ponyborough Upon Everfree? But… but what about Canterlot?” asked Twilight.

“‘Tis a silly place,” Simon responded.


Upon travelling through the air on a pegasus chariot, the unicorn and her dragon friend reached the quaint town of Ponyborough Upon Everfree.

“Now, Simon,” said Twilight, “The fate of Equestria does not rest upon me making connexions with other ponies.”

“Aw, cheer up, Twi. Maybe some of these ponies will have interesting things to converse about,” said Simon. As they walked down the path, they met a pink pony. She gasped at them, and then ran off.

“Interesting things, eh? You mean like she just did, then?” asked Twilight Sparkle.

“Um… no,” said Simon, blushing. “I’m sure they will, though.”

Twilight levitated a checklist in front of her eyes.

“Item number one. Banquet preparations.”

They reached a farmhouse. Outside stood an orange-coated pony wearing a kilt around her waist and a Tam o’ Shanter atop her head.

“Hello. An’ who might you be, then?” the pony spoke in a thick Scottish accent.

“Twilight Sparkle. And you?”

“Me name’s Applejack,” she said as she started piling food upon the table. “An’ this is me clan. There’s Apple Haggis, Apple Scone, Apple Chips, Apple Dumpling, Apple Muffin, Apple Tea, Apple Cider, Apple Bloom, Granny Smith, an’ Big Mackintosh.”

The aforementioned ponies gathered round the table.

“Pleased to meet your acquaintance, lassie,” said Big Mackintosh, shaking Twilight’s hoof.. “We here at Sweet Apple Acres are preparin' the food for the festival.”

“Oh.”

“Aye,” said Applejack, “An' a fine amount of grub we have, too!”

“Well, you’ve got the food handled, then,” said Twilight Sparkle. “Simon, let’s go.”

“But we haven’t eaten--”

Twilight took Simon off.


“Next up is the chimney sweeping. And who--”

Suddenly, a rainbow-maned pony wearing burberry tracksuit bottoms, hoop earrings, a golden necklace, and a burberry hat on backwards flew up to them, crashing into them.

“Oy, watch it!” she said, lighting a fag. “Name’s Rainbow Chav, wot’s it to ya?”

“Well, miss Chav, you are responsible for the chimney sweeping, yes?” asked Twilight Sparkle.

“I am,” she responded, exhaling smoke right in Twilight’s face.

Twilight Sparkle looked around. All of the chimneys were sooty, dirty, and in no way presentable to a respectable audience.

Twilight scoffed. “And a bang-up job you’re doing of it, too,” she deadpanned.

“You wot, mate?” asked Rainbow Chav, flying up into Twilight Sparkle’s face. “I’ll wager I can get these chimneys sorted right proper in under ten seconds!”

She flew around the town, grabbing a brush and sweeping out all of the chimneys in under ten seconds.

“Well bugger me sideways,” said Twilight Sparkle. “I jolly well underestimated you.”


They met Rarity next, but I don’t think that part would be any different in the British version.


“Now we have to find a doctor to give free healthcare to any ponies that are injured in the inevitable hoofball riots,” said Twilight Sparkle. She was referring to the Summer Sun Celebration hoofball game, which usually ended in rowdy youths and fans roaming through the street, burning cars and hundred-year-old department stores to the ground.

“Yes, indeed,” said Simon.

They happened across a light brown stallion in front of a blue box. As they walked by, Twilight pondered aloud, “But where will we find the doctor who--”

“I’m the doctor,” he said.

“Oh, are you? Great! Then you can treat any of the injured ponies,” said Twilight Sparkle.

“No, sorry, I’m not that sort of doctor,” he said. “Speaking of, I have an engagement in the middle ages. Ta-ta!”

He got into the blue phone box. It flashed white in and out of existence as it finally disappeared.

“What a strange fellow,” said Simon. Twilight nodded, and they continued along their way.


“Next up is the music,” said Twilight Sparkle, as they approached a yellow-coated pony with a pink mane.

“Now, I want you all to sing your best,” she said to a group of parrots. The parrots sang a rousing rendition of God Save the Queen. Except one, who lay upside-down on his perch, not singing at all.

“Nigel, you really must sing properly,” said Fluttershy, tapping him lightly on the wing. “If that’s okay with you, that is. I know you’re tired and all.”

Twilight Sparkle walked up to Fluttershy. “Excuse me, miss. I believe that particular parrot is dead.”

Fluttershy responded, “Oh? No, he’s just resting.”

“He’s expired,” said Twilight Sparkle.

“Oh, well, I guess you’re right, then,” Fluttershy conceded.

“He’s deceased. He’s an ex-parrot. He has-- wait a minute. You’re agreeing with me?” asked Twilight. “That’s not supposed to happen for another three iterations at least.”

“Well, I am rather shy,” said Fluttershy.

“And what is your name?” asked Simon.

“A dragon?” she said, gazing at him in curiosity. “Like the ones in the old Arthurian legend? The ones the ancient tomes spoke of? Could it be?”

“In the flesh,” said Simon.

“Ooh! Tell me everything about yourself,” Fluttershy implored.

“You’d bloody well better not,” said Twilight, glaring at Simon.

“Uh… I was born, I lived; someday I’ll die,” said Simon, running off.


Finally, after a long day, Simon and Twilight reached the library.

“Right then,” said Twilight, opening the door. “Time to research Nightmare--”

“Surprise!”

Twilight fell off her hooves as the pink pony from earlier rushed up to her. She smiled a mile wide, her crooked and yellow teeth glistening in the sunset.

“Isn’t this such a surprise? Innit? Innit? Innit?” the pony asked in a cockney accent. “I’m Pinkie Pie. I know everypony in Ponyborough Upon Everfree. Well, except for you, so I threw you a party!”

“Oh joy,” said Twilight Sparkle, frowning. Dozens of ponies were gathered in the library, chatting and making amicable small talk. The Rolling Pones played on the wireless. It was nothing short of a party, and Twilight would have none of it. She walked over to the table and poured what she thought was a cup of tea from a teapot, and took a sip.

“That’s curry spice,” said Pinkie Pie.

Suddenly, Twilight’s mane turned into a fiery inferno as she raced upstairs to the first storey.

“Are you ill, Twilight?” asked Simon.

“No, just miffed,” she responded. “All the ponies in this town are bonkers!”


Soon, the night of the Summer Sun Celebration was upon the town. They all waited in a queue and filed into the town hall one by one; waiting in line to get in was a time-honoured tradition and the best part of the festivities of the Summer Sun Celebration.

Once everypony was in, the mayor made an announcement.

“Fillies and gentlecolts. It is my honour to announce the beginning of the Summer Sun Celebration!”

They all applauded, but suddenly a smoky, shadowy figure appeared atop the balcony. She was a dark alicorn who wore a striped shirt, a beret upon her head, and held a cigarette in her magic.

She spoke in a thick French accent. “Ho ho ho! It has been zo long zince I have laid eyes upon jou! Ze time of reckoning iz nigh!”

All the ponies shreiked in terror.

“What? Am I a stranger to jou?” she asked.

“I know who you are,” said Twilight Sparkle. “You’re Nightmare Moon!”

“Well, well, well,” said Nightmare Moon. “At least one of jou knows. But now, ze night vill last forever!”

She disappeared in a cloud of smoke.


Simon, Twilight, and her five new pony friends gathered back at the library.

“Oh, bother,” said Rarity. “How in Equestria are we going to stop her?”

“And how did you know who she was?” Rainbow Chav asked accusingly. “Are you a nark?”

“Nae danger,” said Applejack. “She somehow know a’ the shadow yin, though. How?”

“I read quite a bit,” said Twilight Sparkle. “It’s just as prophesied. The Elements of Amity should help us.”

Pinkie Pie pulled out a dictionary. “The Elements of Amity: A Reference Guide.”

“Where did you find that?” asked Twilight Sparkle.

“Where do you think?” Pinkie chuckled.

Twilight read from the book. “The six Elements of Amity are as follows: Appeasement, Bluntness, Brazenness, Mirth, Politeness, and a sixth element which has never been revealed. They are said to be hidden in the palace of the royal pony sisters in--”

Twilight walked out the door, the other ponies following her.

Finally, she spoke. ‘--The Everfree Forest.”

“Did you really hafta wait so long to say that?” asked Rainbow Chav.

“Yes,” answered Twilight Sparkle.

“Well then. Let’s get on with it, shall we?” asked Fluttershy.

“Not you, Simon,” said Twilight, holding up her hoof to stop the dragon. “It’s too dangerous for a young drake like yourself.”

“What? That’s rubbish. I’m sixteen years old,” said Simon.

“Oh, you are? Guess you’re an adult, then,” said Twilight. “Carry on.”

The six ponies and dragon walked into the Everfree forest.

“So what is this place, exactly?” asked Twilight as they walked.

“Oh, it’s absolutely dreadful,” said Rarity. “It runs off of its own rules. Ponies jump in queues, they walk on the right side of the footpath and roads, and they have teatime at a quarter past four rather than the hour itself!"

Everypony gasped collectively.

“What a horrible place,” said Fluttershy.

“Aye,” said Applejack.

Suddenly, as they walked, they reached a cliff which collapsed around them. The ponies all fell down except Applejack; the two pegasi grabbed Pinkie and Rarity. But that left Twilight hanging.

“No!” cried Twilight as she ended up hanging from the cliff. She struggled to get back up.

“Applejack! Come help me!” she cried.

Applejack chuckled. “Ye cannae jus’ use yer levitation spell on yerself?“ she asked.

“Oh, I suppose I can,” said Twilight, powering up her horn as a purple glow enveloped her body, taking her back up to the cliff.

“Why, thanks for being so blunt, Applejack,” she said. “Had I not done that, I would have had to bother one of the pegasi to come save me.”

The six ponies and one dragon continued along the path. Soon, however, a giant lion beast with a scorpion tail jumped into the path.

“Run away!” the ponies cried. All except Fluttershy. She reached into her saddlebag and pulled out a parchment and two quills. The other ponies looked at her quizzically as she spoke to the manticore.

A few minutes later, they briefly glanced the manticore grab a quill in his paw and sign the document. Then, Fluttershy she came back with a parchment..

“I have spoken to the manticore, Manny Roar. And here is the paper which bears his name upon it as well as mine. He has allowed us to pass, and we shall have peace in our time.”

“Jolly good appeasement job, Fluttershy!” said Twilight Sparkle. The ponies walked right past the manticore. But then, predictably, he broke the treaty, and dashed after the ponies.

“Run away!”

They all sprinted.

“Here, in these trees!” cried Rainbow Chav.

They dashed into a thick grove of trees which the manticore could not navigate through. However, they soon saw faces in the trees. They were ghastly apparitions. Wooden splinters made them look like they had eyes and hungry mouths.

“Aaaah!” they all cried. Except for Pinkie Pie, who simply laughed.

“It’s not so bad,” she said. “Always look on the bright side of life!”

She sang a song with those lyrics.

“That was dreadful. Absolutely dreadful,” said Simon. “Your singing voice is like nasally, high-pitched, and like daggers in my ears.”

“But that was a good demonstration of mirth, Pinkie,” said Twilight.

“Quite right,” said Fluttershy.

Eventually, they reached a raging and thrashing river. Inside, a sea serpent wearing a top hat and a monocle thrashed around, causing a terrible current.

“What a world!” he cried.

“It’s Nessie!” cried Applejack. “Make a run fer it!”

“What’s the matter?” asked Twilight.

“My fabulous moustache,” said the serpent. “It’s ruined! Now my colleagues will look upon me with disdain!”

“Yeah they will,” said Rainbow Chav.

“Mmhmm,” laughed Pinkie.

“Ahem!” said Rarity. “That’s no way to be. You all must be polite. Mister serpent, I believe that you still look rather smashing regardless of what the others say.”

“Why, thank you, miss,” said Stephen Magnet. “You may cross.”

Rarity jumped on his back and hopped across. The others tried to, but he held up his claw.

“Not you,” he said.

“Oh, bollocks,” said Pinkie.

“It’s fine,” said Rainbow Chav. “I can carry us all over.”

So, Rainbow flew them all across the river one by one, and they were on their way.

Soon, they reached the rope bridge. A solitary, shadowy figure stood in front of it.

“None shall pass,” he said.

“What do we do?” asked Twilight Sparkle.

“I dunnae know,” said Applejack.

“Give 'im some sweets!” said Pinkie.

“None shall pass!” he repeated.

“You wot, mate? I’m not scared of you,” Rainbow Chav said. She grabbed her knife from her burberry tracksuit bottoms and stabbed the dark pony right in his leg. His shadowy limb disintegrated into nothingness.

“Now get out of the way,” said Rainbow Chav.

“It’s just a flesh wound!” he cried.

Rainbow Chav turned around and bucked him square in the jaw, and he disintegrated into nothingness.

“Hmm. That’s odd,” said Twilight Sparkle.

“He seemed to've been made entirely of shadow,” said Fluttershy.

“Good thing you were so brazen, or else we would never have figured that out,” said Twilight.

They continued on until they reached the castle.

“I don’t understand. Where are the elements?” asked Twilight Sparkle. “There’s only five here.”

“Jou fools!” said Nightmare Moon. “I’ve heeden ze elements from jou!”

“D'ya figure we’re the elements?” asked Applejack.

“Right-o!” said Fluttershy.

“Of course!” said Twilight.

The elements swirled around them as each was revealed.

Twilight spoke, “Applejack is the spirit of bluntness, Rainbow Chav is the spirit of brazenness, Pinkie is the spirit of mirth, Fluttershy is the spirit of appeasement, and Rarity is the spirit of politeness. The spirits of Christmas past and Christmas present are unavailable. And I…”

They all floated up into the air.

“...I am the spirit of sarcasm!”

A rainbow beam shot out of the ponies and towards Nightmare Moon.

“Le Noooooo!” cried the dark alicorn as the rainbows swirled around her and she was transformed back into Luna.

“We did it!” cried Pinkie.

"Bloody'ell we did!" cried Rainbow Dash.

"Smashing!" cried Rarity.

“Hooray!” cried Twilight.

“Aye!” cried Applejack.

“Ah, Queen Luna. Are you prepared to surrender?” asked Queen Celestia, who just appeared on the scene.

“Well jes, I zuppose,” said Luna. “I am French, after all.”

“Hooray!” they all exclaimed.

Author's Note:

Americans, I hope you got all the jokes. Britons, I hope that I didn't mess anything up about your culture.

Thanks for reading.

#1 · 51w, 19h ago · 11 · 1 ·

Jolly good show, lad.

I shall be following this.

#2 · 51w, 19h ago · 15 · 1 ·

:pinkiesmile: That was marvelous, my good sir.

:pinkiehappy: Please do keep up the amazing work, thank you.

Yours truly... NecromancerX69

Ps... :pinkiecrazy: Would you like some tea?

#3 · 51w, 19h ago · 1 · ·

>>3418739 Why thank you, my good sir. :pinkiesmile:

#4 · 51w, 19h ago · 1 · ·

Oy, Pinkie, can you do us a triple fried egg sandwich on white bread, with chili sauce and chutney?

#5 · 51w, 19h ago · 17 · ·

We just did a dramatic reading of this. It was glorious.

#6 · 51w, 19h ago · 7 · ·

>>3418783 Barata is best Applejack

Dancer is best Rainbow Chav

:3

#7 · 51w, 19h ago · 2 · ·

This is the greatest story i have ever read.

#8 · 51w, 19h ago · 2 · ·

Anyway VERY WELL DONE, Carts.

#9 · 51w, 19h ago · 2 · ·

>>3418783 I heard most of it. You guys did a smashing job!

#10 · 51w, 19h ago · · ·

>>3418804 Coz as Nightmare Moon was the best casting choice, imo

Very well written, only a few minor quibbles here and there with grammar and sentence structure.

#11 · 51w, 19h ago · · ·

:rainbowlaugh:

This is 24‐carat comedy gold.

#12 · 51w, 19h ago · 7 · 1 ·

What if the Doctor had an american accent here?

#13 · 51w, 18h ago · 1 · ·

>>3418783

I demand a link to this immediately, Baldrick!

#14 · 51w, 18h ago · 6 · ·

Twilight spoke, “Applejack is the spirit of bluntness, Rainbow Chav is the spirit of brazenness, Pinkie is the spirit of mirth, Fluttershy is the spirit of appeasement, and Rarity is the spirit of politeness. The spirits of Christmas past and Christmas present are unavailable. And I…”

They all floated up into the air.

“...I am the spirit of sarcasm!”

Genius. Just...genius. So many big words, so much hilarity...DO TRIXIE!! I WANT TO SEE THE HILARITY OF THAT!!

#15 · 51w, 18h ago · · ·

>>3418903 I might very well do that. I need to think of a way to Britishify it, though.

#16 · 51w, 18h ago · · ·

>>3418892 We didn't think to record it, sadly. Barata and his glorious Scottish accent came in at the halfway point. We were lucky enough to have Carts in the call with us, at least xD

#17 · 51w, 18h ago · 1 · ·

>>3418910 The Bored and Disinterested Trixie?

#18 · 51w, 18h ago · · ·

>>3418910 Thank you!! I shall follow you! This is to awesome! By the way...I sorta imagined Fluttershy having a mustache, a top hat, and a fine dress. Which reminds me...

BRITISH THE GALA!!

#19 · 51w, 18h ago · 2 · ·

>>3418919 I must do this.

#20 · 51w, 18h ago · · ·

>>3418931 Doing an entire run of these fics will take us out of our DR retirement, probably :3 I'm excited.

#21 · 51w, 18h ago · 1 · 2 ·

There have been some exceptional British MLP fics, in particular The Rummy Business of Old Blooey which is a spot-on Jeeves and Wooster parody/tribute.  This one is very good, and can be read rather quickly, which is also good, wot?

#23 · 51w, 18h ago · · ·

>>3418910 More gratuitous Latin, more Monty Python randomness, more stiff upper lip, more sarcasm, and more classism!

That said, I love this :twilightsmile:. I'm imagining that the narration is actually being read out loud during the cartoon itself, since British cartoons (e.g. Postman Pat, Thomas the Tank Engine) love doing that.

#24 · 51w, 18h ago · · ·

requires an organiser to to make preparations

You've got an extra 'to' in there, mate. Better give it a look-see, wot?

#25 · 51w, 18h ago · 7 · ·

British ponies are almost as terrifying as... British taxis!  

ELLO GUV'NAH!  

#26 · 51w, 18h ago · · ·

i saw that the story pic was the same as my profile pic and just had to read it!:pinkiehappy:

Also so Many Monty Python References!

#27 · 51w, 18h ago · · ·

This story was funny... and bloody well-written at that! I shan't not ignore such a fine work of literary humor.

#28 · 51w, 18h ago · 8 · ·

If I could make one complaint, it's that Rainbow Chav was not drunk, pregnant or fifteen years old, like other chavs. At least, the ones I'm used to dealing with. Aside from that little thing though, I found this rather funny. :yay:

It's always a laugh when it's the English getting made fun of.

#29 · 51w, 18h ago · · ·

>>3418842

That would be nothing less than appropriate.

#30 · 51w, 18h ago · 7 · ·

You forgot one thing...

You needed to have Nightmare Moon chasing them about the ruins to the theme of Yakkity Sax.

Bonus points to those who understand that reference.

#31 · 51w, 17h ago · · ·

Wait, so you're not British? I thought this was really British. What does this say about me that I thought this story chock full of British stereotypes was really British? :twilightoops: So Scots are like the Southerners of Britain. Imagining Applejack with a Scottish accent just make me laugh my brains out! :ajsmug: Soon Sweet Apple Acres was filled with Scotsponies. Three colts to a caber. I also very much appreciated all the Monty Python (Flying Circus, Holy Grail, and Life of Brian) jokes. And Nightmare Moon was French. Why didn't she taunt them? Telling Twilight, "Your mother was a hamster, and your father smells of elderberries!" Also, the appearance of the Doctor. I also couldn't help but imagine British Twilight Sparkle as voiced by Catherine Tate. Just a fun, goofy little story.

#33 · 51w, 17h ago · · ·

The French. Really?

#34 · 51w, 17h ago · · ·

* 'avin'

#35 · 51w, 17h ago · 1 · ·

but what about Canterlot?” asked Twilight.

“‘Tis a silly place,”

:rainbowlaugh: See wot you done did thea!

Also: "Appeasement" :rainbowlaugh::rainbowlaugh::rainbowlaugh::rainbowlaugh:

#36 · 51w, 17h ago · · ·

>>3418892 We didn't record it, I'm afraid.

#37 · 51w, 17h ago · · ·

Brilliant. Just brilliant. You see that shiny gold star up at the top? Imma click it mate.:twilightsmile:

#38 · 51w, 17h ago · · ·

This was funny and all, but...

We British don't speak like snooty Victorians anymore.

Other than that, good job! You've earned a follower!

#40 · 51w, 16h ago · 1 · 1 ·

better be a ton of doctor whooves in dis.

#41 · 51w, 15h ago · 3 · ·

As a Brit, I can affirm that this was most definitely 100% accurate and not made up at all. :scootangel:

In all seriousness, this is hilarious. The only niggling little thing I have is that if you really wanted the equivalent of AJ's accent, you probably should have gone for a Welsh one, but that's just me nitpicking - Welsh accents are bloody hard anyway.

#42 · 51w, 15h ago · 6 · ·

"Ah, Queen Luna. Are you prepared to surrender?” asked Queen Celestia, who just appeared on the scene.

“Well jes, I zuppose,” said Luna. “I am French, after all.”

This is a prime example of a horrible joke.

#43 · 51w, 15h ago · · ·

My sides.

#44 · 51w, 14h ago · · ·

Bloody good show! Bravo!

You have my full, undivided and entirely British attention!

#45 · 51w, 14h ago · · ·

have luna come back with an american accent

#46 · 51w, 14h ago · · ·

Now, that would have been acceptable if there was anypony wearing a TOP HAT!  :rainbowlaugh:

Oh yeah, and simon is best dragon.

#47 · 51w, 14h ago · · ·

"'Tis a silly place"? "He's an ex-parrot?" I see what you did there, mate. Loved it.

#48 · 51w, 14h ago · 3 · ·

Not enough welsh. I demand more! :pinkiecrazy:

#49 · 51w, 14h ago · 2 · ·

“Oh, it’s absolutely dreadful,” said Rarity. “It runs off of its own rules. Ponies jump in queues, they walk on the right side of the footpath and roads, and they have teatime at a quarter past four rather than the hour itself!"

Confirmed: Everfree is on the other side of the Channel :ajsmug:

“...I am the spirit of sarcasm!”

I've lost it here... :rainbowlaugh:

#50 · 51w, 14h ago · · ·

Congrats on the feature, Carts! You definitely deserve it bro! :raritywink:

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