Hey, it's my OC! You wrote him like a true prick. I commend you, good sir!

P.S. I say this often, but I think you should read the Writing Guide and use a word processor, like GDocs or Microsoft Word. They'll help you organize and improve your writing by tenfold. The story wasn't bad, but it needs heavy grammatical work.

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That's the thing. A lot of the reason why it's messed up is because stupid Microsoft changed a lot of my correct grammar. It helps me a lot with misspelled words... but is a LYING NO GOOD SUNOVABICH when it comes to grammar. (At least mine is)

I like this, has great qualities to hook a reader into it.

1. Unanswered questions.
2. an eerie atmosphere.
3. a genius feel to the story, like something I never read before.
I'll get to chapter 2 later.

~Make life an Adventure~
Mr. Flare