Chapter Two: Mirror or Window?
A lone griffin soared over a forest, just outside of Equestria's borders.
If you were to look at him, you might think that he wore an expression of arrogance, but if you knew him, you would see years of frustration, stress, and maybe even a little hope.
As Phalanx flew, he couldn't help but wonder what he was doing. He knew what was coming, what must be done to free his people, but he just couldn't think clearly. He realized exactly what freeing his people would mean, and what would have to be done to do so.
He landed in front of a small tree house near a clearing in the forest, and ruffled his feathers. He knocked on the door and heard the rasp of a very familiar female voice behind it. If griffins could blush, you wouldn't have noticed him doing so because his feathers. He could hear the faint clicks of the door's locks being undone, and the source of the female voice behind it was now visible.
“You look great Gilda,” the hardened griffin, timidly squawked. Phalanx had nearly choked on those words. “How could a warrior such as I, be so scared to take someone I find attractive out for a social excursion?” he thought.
It was true, Phalanx was indeed a warrior. One of the most respected even, and the irony of his situation was clearly noticed by his date, whose beak formed a grin.
“Chill, dude. I'm glad you asked me out, but I can tell that you'd be less nervous fighting a team of Celestia's royal guards,” Gilda, jokingly spoke.
“Yeah, my poker face isn't what it used to be.” the male griffin replied as he sheepishly rubbed the back of his neck.
“Relax,” Gilda whispered as she playfully wrapped her arm around him. “This might be the last time we can enjoy ourselves before the world becomes a lot more hostile; and by the way, you look good too, Phal.”
Phalanx's face seemed to brighten, and he spoke in a much more confident tone, “You were always fun to be with Gilda, should we go off now?”
She nodded, and the two took off together, both smiling now, wondering what was to come.
*****************
The Sun rose over Dobbins Air Reserve base, Atlanta, Georgia, United States of America, Earth.
Most of the base's staff was wide awake already. Having heard the news that an anomaly had formed, most of the base's pilots, officers, and even civilians quickly dashed around to find out what had happened. The entire base was buzzing when three small fighters zoomed overhead.
…. “This is Sparrow Flight requesting permission to land.”....
…. “You've been cleared for landing on runway 11, repeat runway 11”...
…. “Understood. See you guys on the ground.”....
The nimble fighters daintily landed as instructed, then taxied to an open hanger, where a team of scientist was already assembled. The pilots locked their landing gear, and powered down their engines. Maintenance technicians began to service their planes, plugging in the hanger's computers into ports on the fuselages of each of the planes. The pilots opened their canopies and hopped out of their fighters as they had done many times before.
“Sir, Commander Stuart wants to see you,” one of the technicians dully remarked to the flight leader.
The pilot looked annoyed. “Just me?” he asked.
"The three of you,” the technician answered.
The three pilots nodded then climbed a few flights of stairs in the direction of the command center. From what they knew, this Commander Stuart was a high ranking navy scientist, with quite a reputation for being almost overzealous in his work. For whatever reason, he had been given command over all anomaly related operations, and his work had led him to the base they now served on.
“You look like you're walking toward an execution man,” the leader remarked to one of his wingmen.
“Sir, you know better than anyone that we're going to be doing a literal mountain's worth of paper work.”
“That's not true, and we'll probably be celebrities on base for, I don't know, the next twenty minutes?” the pilot leader retorted. His uniform looked slightly more distinguished from the others.
“I think we'll be alright,” a third pilot, a female, interjected. “Boss, what happens now?”
“I'm sure we'll be going up soon for more scanning. For now, Commander “science guy” Stuart wants to see us.” the leader responded,
“I'd rather not call him that when we meet him." the male wingman added. "He's supposedly a high ranking scientist in this field. Maybe he knows what going on.”
“Yeah, maybe. But I’m not sure I want to know what's going on.” the Leader quietly spoke.
They walked in silence until they reached the commander's door.
“Everyone put on your best smile,” the leader began. “I have a feeling that strange things are on the way.”
“Was that an attempt at being dramatic?” the female wingman joked as the leader opened the door. The look the leader gave the woman almost specifically told her that he was not amused, and the now nervous wing-woman instantly stopped talking.
The pilots entered, then took seats in front of the officer's desk, a look of wonder on each of their faces as they looked at what seemed to be a massive collage of pictures, radar readings, and video displays.
“It's nice to meet you all,” the officer spoke in a surprisingly friendly tone. “I am Commander Mason Stuart of the United States Navy. But don't get intimidated, right now, I’m your friend."
The pilots all exchanged curious looks, as if to say that they all found this man rather odd.
“As you know, NASA, as well as the military, has been investigating anomalies like the one you all saw earlier today. You must all be wondering what they are, exactly, and what we plan on doing to learn more about them.”
He paused and started digging into his desk. “To explain things, I'd like to show you just what we've been doing around here recently.” He then passed out a packet of documents, and instructed the pilots to read them. They were titled:
Studies of Anomalous Energy Events, or AEE's,
A Report by Dr. Mason Stuart.
Day one,
This is the first official entry into this document, but you probably already knew that. Our goal here is to determine what these random energy surges are, and if they are dangerous. So far, our only knowledge of these events is based off of eyewitness accounts and bad pictures. We really don't have any theories whatsoever as to what could be cause of these events. So for now, all we can do is wait for one to appear so we can scan it. I will only make new entries into this journal when something of interest has occurred.
Day Eight,
We've spotted the first anomaly since this investigation started. It appeared just outside Washington D.C., about ten miles or so south. It was only around for about two minutes, but I saw it with my own eyes. It was blue in color, and looked to have electromagnetic energy encircling it. Unfortunately, the anomaly was too high up to get any readings from ground based sensors, and we were unable to get any sensor planes in the area in time, so our intel is still pretty weak. I apologize.
Day Nine,
In light of what happened yesterday, it was agreed upon that small fighters should be sent up on patrols, in order to increase the likelihood of a plane being nearby when an anomaly occurs. They seem to be popping up most frequently around the south-eastern region of North America, so my team will be moving to Dobbins Air Reserve Base in Georgia. In fact, two anomalies have already opened within 100 miles of the place, so I'm confident that we'll finally get something.
Day Eighteen
An anomaly appeared right before we were going to send up the first flight of our enhanced sensor planes. I'm much too annoyed to write anything else.
Day Thirty-two,
CONFOUND THESE ANOMALIES! Why must they always appear when were not ready to scan them?
Day Sixty-seven,
Unbelievably, we came within minutes of scanning an anomaly, when I realized that all of our planes were being serviced! Why do these anomalies tease me so? Regardless, I've been told that such mistakes will be avoided in the future. At least I know that I made the right decision to set up my operation here, as long as they keep appearing, it's only a matter of time until we get a hit.
Day One Hundred and Six,
At long last we have success! A small fighter squadron was nearby when the 79th confirmed anomaly appeared. We have started analyzing the data, and cannot wait to see what we find. According to the flight leader, one Lieutenant Lenard Greene, they detected some kind of “double radar signal.” I don't even have to tell the reader what that could mean. I am more than just a little curious to find out what that could mean myself, and I will report on our findings as we look over the data.
The three pilots all seemed to look up at the same time.
“Sooooo, what do you think?” the commander wondered out loud.
Lieutenant Greene looked at his wing-mates, as if desperately asking for help. “It's, umm, interesting? Wait. You wrote that last entry in the time it took for us to land and walk here?”
The commander quickly answered, “Why yes, these were certainly not all of them, but we don't have time to read the ones in between. Now follow me, we have much to discus.”
****************
The commander walked the three pilots to the most secured hanger in the entire base. The guards allowed them entrance, and the group walked in, with a very excited commander leading them.
“We got these babies from NASA. They were originally designed for low Earth orbit space flights. Behold! I give you...” He paused for dramatic effect, “The DeltaScout Extra-planetary probe, Mark one!”
The pilots' faces brightened up when they saw it. It was like almost every kid's dream, a massive remote controlled rocket.
“This baby sports some of the most advanced sensor systems we've ever designed!” the obviously proud commander stated. Lieutenant Greene could have sworn he saw the officer wipe a tear out of his eye.
“That is really cool,” the female pilot stated, “but what's it for?”
The commander's excitement levels doubled, as if he had been waiting to answer that question for months. It seemed like he was about to literally burst from raw anticipation.
Greene wondered if anyone could be as excited about anything as the commander was now. Surely, he was the most hyperactive man in any military in the world. At least he wasn't demeaning, like other higher officers he knew. The flight leader stopped thinking for a moment, so he could actually hear the commander's description of the planes purpose.
“So.... What is it for?” Lenard asked the officer again.
“I am so glad you asked!” was what came out of the jumpy military scientist. “You see, we believe these disturbances to be much more than just random energy fluctuations. We believe that they are localized punctures of space!
“But they're not in space. There down here on earth”, the wingman stated.
“Like worm holes,” the flight leader curtly replied.
“Why yes Lieutenant Greene,” the Commander spoke, almost sounding impressed.
“Uh Lenard, how did you know that?” the wingman inquired with a worried look on his face.
“Honestly, Mike, that was kind of a wild guess,” Lenard answered. “Guess I watch too much Sci-fi on leave.”
“Really? I didn't peg you for a sci-fi kind of guy,” the female pilot spoke with a smug grin on her face.
“Gerri, did we just get completely off topic here?” Greene wondered.
“I believe we did boss man,” she answered.
“THE POINT,” the commander loudly interrupted, “-is that we intend to send this probe into an anomaly and see what it senses.”
“Into? So you ARE suggesting that there is something or some place behind them?” Lenard asked.
“The double radar images seem to say so, but we won't know until we try it. For now all we can do is wait.”
Lenard could think of nothing he wanted to do less.
*****************
“Sir we've done it!”
“What!?” the commander shouted, as he woke at his desk.
He didn't like to wake up like this, but this time he could make an exception. It had been weeks since Sparrow Team had scanned the Anomaly and any excitement was well received.
“I can't believe we've done it. We've cracked the code, decrypted the enigma, solved the Rubik's cube!” came the excited chatter of a bubbly female scientist.
“WHAT ARE YOU TRYING TO SAY!” shouted the commander, who really wanted to know what was going on, and had no time for these games.
“Oh. Sorry sir. We have successfully found the pattern that these anomalies operate under!”
“That’s great!” The Commander’s sudden rage had turned into complete joy. “When will the next one occur?”
“If we're correct, two days from now, Wednesday around 3:00 pm.” the scientist explained.
“Send the order down to begin readying the probe.” The Commander's expression was now much more serious. “I don't want to miss this chance.”
****************
The days passed slowly as everyone on base worked to prepare the DeltaScout for its mission, and at long last, the time had come.
The Scout was thoroughly checked and taxied into position on the base's main runway. The anomaly wasn't scheduled to appear for a few minutes, but the flight control team wanted the probe airborne and ready when it did. Several civilians had gotten wind of the event, and there were thousands of people waiting to watch it as it unfolded. The DeltaScout flight controllers ran their final checks and broadcasted over the radio, as well as speakers that had been recently set up:
…. “This is Delta. Permission to launch?” …..
…. “You've got it Delta. Everything looks positive. Good luck.”....
…. “Alright, control. This is DeltaScout flight Team, launching.”....
The probe's engine roared to life, and the small aircraft slowly made its way down the runway. It reached liftoff speed and gracefully lifted into the sky. The officers and civilians sounded a round of applause, and those that had binoculars or small telescopes could keep track of the small craft as it flew higher and higher toward its target altitude of 45,000 feet. Those that didn't could still see the Delta's con trail. The anomaly ETA slowly counted towards zero, and the crowd teemed with anticipation.
Everyone nervously awaited the emergence of the anomaly
...“Alright Delta Command, we are now in the green zone. That anomaly is due any second now.”...
…. “Roger, Dobbins, we are holding a traffic pattern around the contact zone.”.....
There was a slight flash.
Anyone who hadn't been looking up at the time would not have noticed it.
Calls rang out from all of the circling sensor aircraft, saying that their sensors had just lit up like Christmas trees. The multi-aircraft sensor system was working. These aircraft provided electronic support with the command center, and the DeltaScout itself, in order to keep connections as strong as possible. They also had the same advanced sensor systems that Sparrow Flight had when they encountered that anomaly. No matter what, Commander Stuart there was going to get plenty of data to look at later.
… “This is Delta command, target acquired. Anomalous event, bearing 2-6-9, 39,000 ft. It's directly ahead, 1.5 miles away..... ETA to contact is 37 seconds”.....
… “ETA is 10, 9, 8, 7,” ….
... "6, 5, 4,"....
… “Contact in three, two, one!”...
…."----------".....
… “CONTACT! We have contact!”....
There was a large Explosion.
*********************
Day 209,
Our first attempt at sending a probe through failed... dismally. The Delta Scout exploded just after making contact with the anomaly. Don't get me wrong, it picked up quite a lot of data before it exploded, but since it never actually made it in, we have no readings from inside the event. At first, we began to question if this “hole” is even a hole at all. We wondered if perhaps it was a simple mirror like structure that leads to nowhere. We even considered shutting down the Delta program, that is, until we analyzed the very last second of the Delta's transmission. The probe underwent extreme g-forces, in excess of 150 g's all centered in one spot, the nose. The forces seemed to coincide with the speed the craft was traveling when it contacted the anomaly. Suddenly, it occurred to us that maybe the Scout's entry was too fast, or to slow. The only way to test a theory like this would be to begin work on a DeltaScout MK. II. The work has already begun.
******************
The Sun started to set over the Everfree forest.
Two griffins were perched high up on a mountain ledge, having competed their meal.
“How's home these days?” Phalanx asked, preparing for an answer he didn't really want to hear.
“It's seen worse,” Gilda replied in a tone that betrayed a bit of disbelief in her own statement. “How have you been?” she quickly asked, trying to move the subject to something, anything, other than the troubles of the homeland. “I take it that things went well?” she asked.
“If you mean the operation, then yes. According to our home grown operatives, Equestria's only reactions to the IMP test were head aches and indigestion. Both of which could be easily explained by some case of food poisoning, or a common cold."
“Cool,” Gilda responded with a smirk. “We might actually pull this off.”
“All I know, is that is if the IMP works, Equestria will have been brought to its knees without a single battle, and many lives will be saved,” Phalanx stated.
“That's if they surrender, and knowing those bull heads, they probably won't.” Gilda reminded him.
Phalanx held Gilda in an embrace.
“Then we can only hope they surrender.”
Well, this story's got my attention at the very least.
While I find this to be a rather riveting read so far, I can't really bring myself to give you nothing but praise. So I might as well get this out of the way so I can tell you everything I like about this story.
To be honest, your grammar needs a bit of work. While it's not precisely bad, it could definitely use a bit of spit and polish at certain points so as to make sure it doesn't disuade grammar nazi's from reading it. I'm sure you could pick off most of the obvious errors by just waiting ten minutes after writing and re-reading the chapter once. Other than that, I haven't really found any glaring holes in your grammatical or story structure.
On the more positive end, I'm interested in seeing the direction this story takes. While it's still a bit early to tell, the forming picture on inter-dimensional relations between Earth and the kingdom of Equestria is just too good of an aspect to pass up! I also perfectly agree with your assertion that humans shouldn't be viewed as the evil kingdom to Equestria's shining civilization, although I'll admit that if there was a way for our two dimensions to intermingle I'd probably do everything in my power to prevent it. Unless it's absolutely necessary (as is probably going to be portrayed here) the general populace of Equestria shouldn't be exposed to the human culture in my humble opinion. Despite their portrayed shortcomings in this story, they're still way too innocent for half the stuff we clutter our culture with.
Fun times, and looking forward to your next update!
12135
Thanks for the praise, and criticisms, I've noticed some of the things you've noticed.
However I write this because I wanted to contend the notion that ponies are any better, morally, than we are.
so as I said in the author's not in chap. 1, the two races could meed as equals.
Thanks for reading and giving an honest review!
-Lynolius
War but no dark?
...I'm skeptical...
Been trapped into enough stories this way... where it tries to pass itself off as a romance/comedy/whatever and then 4 chapters in somebody gets their head blown off... You're sure you won't do that?
*reads Author's Notes*
Hooooo Boy... I'm going to have to do two long essays in one night, aren't I?
Alrighty... LETS GET PHILOSOPHICAL!
What is realism? What is realistic? Is it what we see? Is it what we make? Is it what is? Is it what could be?
The answer is yes.
Do you want to know why Friendship is Magic is so much better than G1 or G3? It's probably because it's largely realistic.
I'm not trying to claim that magical powers or talking ponies or a sun orbiting a planet is realistic... but the characters and interactions most certainly are. Friendship is Magic is a truly remarkable show, because it has managed to accomplish something that no other show has accomplished before. It has created a paradise world... a truly idyllic paradise world... that is good for everyone and does not have that "ONE BIG FLAW," Like the Cybermen's lack of emotion or that one world from "Cable and Deadpool" where everybody was a like-minded monk with almost the exact same thoughts, or any of the movies that show "paradise" but really only show a lack of freedom.
It shows a world that has three dimensional characters... characters with their own identities and opinions that have their own ambitions, desires, life goals... and so on and so forth. It shows us PEOPLE. true enough it shows us ponies, but these ponies are people. And yet they live in peace. They have a chieved a true peace simply because they have eliminated one major aspect from their lives: Hate. And when hate tries to rear its ugly head they all band together and say "no. we will not succumb to that."
That's the thing. The show displays a world that is idyllic. A world of paradise. A world that WE could live in if we all just eliminated one little concept from our lives. As such, the fact that it is attainable... the fact that we could live there if we all worked together and tried... the fact that we know that it's PEOPLE living there and not zombies or cardboard cut outs like in the previous generations... does that not make it realistic? The fact that it could exist? The fact that it's so much closer than we think but we're not capable or willing to make the step there? It's what is so simultaneously beautiful and tragic about the show... It's so realistic. It could exist. We just don't let it.
War does not exist in Equestria because hate does not exist in Equestria. By bringing war into Equestria you do not make it more "Realistic." You simply make it come down to our level.
(P.S. - Now I'm not saying that a war in Equestria can't make for a compelling story, but you're not making it more 'realistic' or 'believable' as a result is what I'm saying. I also want to point out that realism is not a necessary component for a good story. Hell, look at Scott Pilgrim. Just... don't get caught up in trying to make it 'realistic' and just try to write something that's good, okay? the realism and believability is already there.)
12179
> War does not exist in Equestria because hate does not exist in Equestria
I would recommend actually watching the show. All the premises for the conflict exist in Equestria.
12199
I'm not sure exactly what you mean by that... Aside from a few select individuals that are generally pushed away and left alone when they try to stir up trouble, most interactions I remember in the show were met with a friendly hoof most commonly and were met with sarcasm at worst.
Trixie was a magician with a boastful streak... nothing really hateful there. Gilda could perhaps be hateful but when she tried to stir up trouble the feelings weren't reciprocated and she was just told to leave. The Diamond Dogs came the closest to any large conflict as their group seemed somewhat sizey, but they weren't hateful or evil, just incompetent and lazy. The Red Dragon just made a "bad decision." The Green Dragon had his home invaded and while he admittedly went WAY too far, I can understand his angry reaction. Blueblood wasn't hateful as much as he was an incompetent fool. Photo Finish was just self-absorbed, unobservant, and a little bit cold. Diamond Tiara is a bully but that could be seen more as immaturity than a lot of things. Even DISCORD didn't seem hateful as just mischievous to the point of being somewhat dangerous. The only examples of hate I might have seen were Gilda, which was quickly shot down, and Nightmare Moon, which was also quickly sorted out.
I have yet to find anything else that could possibly qualify as hate... especially hate enough to start a whole war... in the actual series.
12201
There is jealousy, there is hatred, there is racial predisposition etc. All the components for the conflict are there.
And you know, you don't need much to start a war.
Finished reading second chapter and I must say I like it.
Accept my praise for including a woman into the story from the start. A lot of authors overlook the fact that human species have two genders.
12176
The violence in this story is like that of pg-13 (back in the day) movie. no explosions of heads, no massively bloody scenes, and no disgustingly detailed dismemberment. however there will be weapons, both Human and Pony, if you ever played star wars battle front 2, think of that kind of tame violence.
Although I am glad you guys are seriously reading my story, I think we should get counter philosophical for a second. Despite the fact that the show was originally for 12 year old girls, lets think in-universe shall we?
Equestria has both the power of the sun and moon on its side, and two of the most powerful beings on the planet. If the United States had nukes at the beginning of WWII and every one knew that we would use them, do you think the war would have gone on very long? probably not. However if someone was to even the playing field, then "the great leaders" would suddenly find themselves not being able to just wish away hate and violence, and ponies would be forced to actually protect themselves.
Claiming that hate doesn't exist in Equestria, is a bit naive, no offense. We don't know every single person or pony on the planet, or know their deepest thoughts. That being said, you don't have to hate to find yourself in war, some else just has to attack you. And we certainly don't know about any other species, or alliance (wink wink) that may harbor quite a lot of hate. for the racial aspect of Equestria. we know that alicorns rule the day and night, and that might disturb non pony species, almost as if say, the united states controlled the day and night. with the ultimate power at their disposal, i can easily see how certain non pony species would be overlooked.
The bottom line, is that assuming that Equestria is a perfect utopia, based on the show we've seen thus far is a silly notion, and like any society, the ponies must eventually learn, That some things are worth fighting for.
But lets look at the Human race, for a second. We have a lot more nations, and a lot more people, but rewind time, and you'll see something similar to pony society. Kings, Queens, Princes and Princesses ruled over the people. Some were benevolent, like Celestia and Luna. Others were tyrants. Whose to say that Celestia didn't have a tyrant phase long ago, and Luna nearly conquered the land just trying to get people to look at her night. the entire point of me writing this story is so that people would see Equestria for what it is. A society that would be a lot like ours without magic, its literally the only thing holding their society together. and that just not realistic. once Celestia and Luna's power is lost, the ponies well learn to actually fend for themselves as we have for millennia,
Oh boy! looks like i wrote an essay right here! sorry for that, but I just wanted to explain. I love ponies. their great! but this is the real world and if ponies existed in the real world i believe this is how things would go. thanks for some riveting conversation. continue reading future update if you all really want to see what happens.
12179
Let me put it this way, Celestia has guards.
Which means that the concept of somepony attacking Celestia isn't seen as completely absurd.
And we know that they aren't there just in case of monsters, for two reason.
First, we see no guards around Ponyville, which is of course right next to the Everfree.
Second, in Bird in the Hoof, the guards block Fluttershy from joining the party.
So that means that they really are defending against other ponies (otherwise they would have no reason to block Fluttershy)
Not only that, but they have armor. Which would be useless if they feel that there was a chance that they would need protection.
Combine that with the fact that Appleloosa has a Sheriff, (meaning that the concept of having to enforce laws (or even having laws at all, which would be unnecessary if everyone played nice) isn't seen as ridiculous.) that means that Equestria isn't a place where everyone just frolics together through the fields. That is to say, they aren't an ideal society.
Its just that due to the nature of the show, that element isn't given any focus.
12250
Couldn't agree more.
12227
Boy do I regret starting THAT discussion...
Anyway... you say like a PG-13 movie back in the day... that still sounds like there's going to be a fair amount of ponies dying... you're SURE that this doesn't need a dark tag?
12287
You have my word, i will not show excessive violence in this fic, I rated it like video games are these days, any violence usually means teen, there are exceptions though. Don't worry y'all, it won't be to graphic.
12337
...Alright. Weird as it is to see a war story with no death... I'll hold you to that.
Then again... I guess there was a quick battle between the Buffalo and Appleoosans that was fought with pie so... I guess in the context of pony it works.
12439
I didn't say no death, i said no overly graphic violence.
mfw
psx-scene.com/forums/attachments/f180/28689-mortal-kombat-character-modding-jizz-my-pants-andy-samberg.jpg
I'm really looking forward to this!
I like the premise, but...
The military sections need quite a bit of work, and possibly a little research. Unless this is set in the 1960s, the US military has a name for large remote controlled aircraft. They call them UAVs. The UAVs all have specific names (predator, repear, etc) so unless you mean this thing*, pick a name and use it. If you want something fast and sensor heavy, (Sensors also have real names, but that's another story) a reaper has a lot of hardpoints under the wings, and any regular military or civilian aircraft built after the 1990s can be flown by remote with minimal modifacations.
Commanding officers also do not behave like excitable children. Thet's why mil/scifi shows always feature a scientist or two, who can act like that.
*http://www.alibaba.com/product-free/12312627/E_Sky_Comanche_Delta_Scout_4ch.html
I'm getting the feeling that the Commander would get along well with Pinkie AND Twilight, somehow.
81273
I think that the Commander is not quite 'military' per se, just a scientist with a military rank. I don't think he's an actual commander of troops. But then, I have no clue how the military works, or anything about it other than video games and movies, which aren't exactly a good source for real facts.
CONFOUND THESE ANNOMOLIES!! They drive me to drink...
Honestly, thats the first thing I thought after reading that line...
AVIATION ACCURACY TIME!
1. It's not Dobbins Air Force Base, it's Dobbins Air Reserve Base
2. There's no runway 21 at Dobbins.
Sorry, I'm a pilot AND a member of the reserves.
My reaction to this.
imgur.com/cvv4fI3
Whats's
12250 Equestria in not a PERFECT society just a much better one. (The guards have the usefulness of a picket fence just crowd control.)
12250 Equestria in not a PERFECT society just a much better one. (The guards have the usefulness of a picket fence just crowd control.)
12250 Equestria in not a PERFECT society just a much better one. (The guards have the usefulness of a picket fence just crowd control.)
1169322
All corrected now.
Oh god...Second Chapter and I already don't want to continue...And I have no idea why...Oh, well. It's at the very least, clear, that I don't want to continue. I'm not going to downvote, but I'm not continuing your story either.
Sorry,
ISA
3234722 What's wrong? Do you hate the fact that he isn't portraying the humans as warmongering bastards?
Because it that's the case, then gtfo this existence.
3569834 I know the reason my interest is waning.
The humans don't act like real people, they're either stick figures who are there purely to provide reactions, or in the case of Stuart, someone who acts like no scientist, or Navy man ever. Even if he did in private, in public or officially he'd act with a bit more gravitas then he does. The journal he keeps is also odd. It doesn't feel like any kind of official record, the kind you'd show other people, so much as a personal journal in tone, and at that it feels spoken rather than written.
On the Equestrian side things jump around so much I can't focus on them. I'll give a bye on Lime, as he hasn't really had chance to do anything, but it feels as if his sub-plot is just filler, rather than being anything substantive.
Don't get me wrong, I think this sort of story is awesome, peaceful contact between Equestria and Earth is usually amazing. It's just this writers abilities don't live up to his aspirations. It's clumsily written, by someone who's trying to use the military and science when it's clear he doesn't really understand how either works. I'd recommend reading several military fiction books and possibly some near future science fiction centering on new discoveries before trying to write this.
7672428
It’s only chapter 2 just wait for it to get better