I have to admit. I was shocked that Twilight had known crying will kill changelings. I half-heartedly made a mental note to ask her how she knew, but for now I had more pressing concerns. Pinkie was still wrapped around me, pinning me to the floor.
She whispered into my ear, “don’t you love me, Dreamy?”
“Yes, I…”
Her head lifted in a blur as she locked eyes with me. Very angry eyes under her suddenly straight flat mane. “Then why would you give up now when I need you more than ever!” She pressed hard into me, muzzle to muzzle, our noses bridging the gap for her tears to tickle their way down my cheeks.
I heard Rarity harumph disapprovingly from the background.
I had no answer. The thought of her wanting me alive, or even my love for her hadn’t had any real bearing on whether or not I wanted to be alive. If I was dying anyway…
“It doesn’t matter if you are dying!” I could swear she could read my mind sometimes. “We are all going to die someday. What matters is how much fun you have before then. I want to have fun with you every day I can!” Her voice lowered. “I want your smiles, and your snuggles. I want every moment, Dreamy.” She sniffled. “I love the way you laugh at my silly jokes when others are too busy to hear me, or understand, and I love the silly way you always take everything I say so seriously.”
“But, I thought you’d given up on me…”
“I’m confused!” She blasted at me, rattling my sensitive sensors. “I’d like you to be there when my brain gets unfuddled!”
I brushed my hooves along her cheeks. The tears trickled down my forelegs in shiny little obsidian black rivers. “Everything is so painful. I’m tired of pain. There’s no escape from it, and when I look back on my life in it’s entirety all I see is pain. I can’t remember being happy for long. The sadness always comes back, and it hurts so bad it wipes away the good memories. I can feel it eating away at me. Even when I know I shouldn't be in pain, everything still hurts. It hurts just to be alive, and then with all of my friends turning on me..." I trailed off. I couldn’t look her in the eye anymore, the guilt written in my eyes was mirroring back at me from the depths of her pupils.
“Then live every day with me! Share your pain, and I’ll share my happy. I’ll smile enough for the both of us, but I can’t do that without you.” Her lips pulled back into a shaky frown. She winced with a wet sniffle, and strained, her teeth clenching. After a moment she let out a blast of breath, and went limp, her head on my shoulder as she burst into sobbing wails. “I lost my smile!”
What was wrong with me? Wasn’t this what I’d always wanted? To be loved, to have friends, to be happy? Happiness was in my hooves fighting for me this whole time, and all I had to do was step up to grab hold and never let it go! I feel so useless...
Everypony stood around us silently. Finally after agonizing moments of Pinkie wailing in my forehooves, she quieted down to soft sniffles. Twilight stepped forward. Her cheeks were matted from tears. She took a deep long breath, and sighed out as she extended her wings.
"Shatter, I earned my wings through the magic of friendship. I wasn't foolish enough to think I'd learned everything about friendship, but it was kinda hard to really find anything I'd missed." She cleared her throat awkwardly.
"Today I learned something new. It’s not always obvious why we treat others the way we do, and often times they may not deserve it, but I’m ashamed to say that I treated you badly based on my experiences with changelings in the past. You see, everypony here fought in Canterlot when the changelings attacked. Chrysalis manipulated and used both my brother, and my sister-in-law in horrible ways. She even captured my mentor Princess Celestia, and stuffed her in a slimy green cocoon. The changelings not only attacked me, but also my friends, and they hurt everypony who was dear to me."
She choked on her words, gritting her teeth as a new stream of tears poured their way down her cheeks. "They hurt so many ponies, Shatter, and after I saw what they did to Cadence..." Her eyes narrowed as she stamped the floor. "Maybe I just wanted some answers. I secretly thought maybe I could get those answers out of you, because you grew up with them. Then, when I found out you were a changeling, I didn't feel like I needed to worry about the boundaries of our friendship anymore. I didn't have to be nice. I could just study you, but Pinkie loved you so I couldn't just..."
She grunted in frustration, and stared at the floor. "I forgot you actually did help ponies during your stay here. Everything you did to learn how to fit in, and help others suddenly didn't matter. You became just another invading changeling, and I was determined to figure out how you were manipulating everypony into liking you. When I made the connection with the dust, it felt like all the pieces were fitting into place, and everything I suspected was true. It felt good, because it was easier to hate you for being a changeling than accept you as a friend, because every time I look at you I remember Canterlot, the changelings attacking wave after wave, my brother, and Cadences bruises, and my friends fighting..." She broke down completely, her wings drooping to the sides. "It's still hard to see you as Shattered Dreams our friend, and not another monster attacking ponies to suck the love out of them..."
She took another deep breath. “No matter what the reasons were, though, there isn’t any excuse for how I treated you. You are our friend, and I never thought anything could ever make me forget that. I’m sorry, Shatter, I’m still just…” She trailed off.
Applejack interjected. “...workin’ through things, sugarcube. There’s a lot of confusing thoughts rolling around right now, and pony’s emotions are runnin’ high. Just, give us some time…”
Twilight nodded, and scuffed lightly at the floor. “Yeah… time…”
I couldn't speak. The pain rolling off of everypony in the room at that moment was palpable. None of them could make eye contact with me. After many agonizingly awkward moments I was able to whisper. "Pinkie? How..." I stuttered. The question was terrifying to ask. "Ho-how do you... feel about, uhm..."
She sighed. "I was scared at first a little, but then I remembered all those times you'd made me laugh, and how you've always cared. Then there was always the hugs. Evil meanies don't give good hugs, so you can't be an evil meanie, right? There are bad changelings just like there are bad ponies. Just because one pony is bad doesn't mean all of us are, and just because almost every single changeling I've ever met has tried to hurt me doesn't mean that there isn't at least one good changeling in the world." She gave a half-hearted attempt at being energetic. "If there's only one, then I'm sure glad he's my Dreamy!" She leaned into me with a yawn.
Once again, while all the others were still having trouble looking me in the eye, Pinkie accepted me for everything I am, changeling and all.
I looked up at Twilight, and suddenly, for once, I wasn’t just tasting everypony’s emotions, I was empathising with them. “I… I understand. I actually really understand! I did the same thing when I came to Ponyville. I expected everypony to be a bloodthirsty killer, or at the very least warlike. I watched Ponies slaughter my hi… family…”
“Oh dear Celestia…” Applejack winced. “How’d you ever get past that…”
Dash whipped her mane back and forth. "Gyaah! I can’t take the drama anymore!” She stepped forward past Twilight. “Look, I’m not speaking for everypony here, but I think you’re a pretty cool guy S.D., and I’ve always thought that. I haven’t got any clue what’s really going on with your crazy wild love magic, and I gotta be honest, I wouldn’t mind kicking in a few more changeling flanks.”
“Dash!” Came a chorus of chides.
“What? Seriously, I’m not going to lie to him. I was there right along with Twi and the rest of you, I get it! I guess I felt… feel that way too, but what it comes down to is that I like S.D., and at the end of the day, that’s all I really need to call him friend.” She smirked. “Now, don’t think for a second I’m going to let you off on the whole love dust thing, though I can’t fault anypony for using every trick up their sleeve to impress me. But, if you can forgive me for being a bit blind, I’m not one to just let my friends go so easily. I’d grab some hard cider with you anytime.” She extended a hoof for a bump. “We cool?”
“It took me weeks to get over the fact you were all ponies.” I actually laughed as I met her hoof half way. “You did it a lot faster...”
“Well, you put up a darn good fight when cornered.” Applejack snickered, her hat down over her eyes as she quickly wiped away an offending tear. “Look, ahm not sayin’ I get the whole picture yet, and I’m still a bit mad at ya over what all happened, but just thinkin’ about you given up on life like that… it kinda hurts, S.D. Bein’ angry at a pony don’t mean they suddenly aren’t a friend anymore. It just means you got some words to say, and some feelin’s to pound out. I would have given any of my friends the benefit of the doubt if’n they were covered in love dust or whatever that stuff is. That magic cain’t be any worse than what Twilight’s done to this town with her magic anyway.” She cleared her throat. “I guess what I’m tryin’ to say is, I’d drink some cider with ya anytime, too.”
“Thanks Applejack!” I felt so much lighter all of a sudden. I glanced around, hoping the others were also coming around when I noticed that Fluttershy looked absolutely miserable. “Fluttershy, it’s okay, I really do understand…”
“No!” Her eyes shot wide. “No, Mr. Dreams. I never once thought of you in that way, and I’ve had a lot longer to adjust to your being a changeling than the others…” She trailed off as everypony’s gaze went from attention to disbelieving stare.
“Fluttershy, you knew?” Rarity balked. “How did you…”
“Oh, I really was worried at how everypony might react.” She hid behind her mane, and gently twiddled a hoof on one of the floorboards. “Please, don’t be mad.”
Twilight shook her head, trying to make sense of the situation. “Fluttershy, how long have you known?”
I smiled. She really had kept my secret, even through the interrogation.
“Well, uhm, since his second day in Ponyville.” She glanced around guiltily, her eyes darting from one friend to another pleading for vindication.
“How did you figure that out so quickly?” Twilight’s mouth kept moving in disbelief after the question.
“Well, he did kinda build a, uhm…” She looked at me for confirmation. “Cubby comb?”
I nodded affirmatively.
“A cubby comb on my cellar ceiling. He also used to change back into a changeling when he fell asleep…”
I interjected. “Which I have overcome!” I looked around in embarrassment. “I no longer shift in my sleep…” I trailed off as they all stared at me dumbfounded.
Rarity took in a deep breath, and cleared her throat to gather attention. “Fluttershy, dear, if you knew this whole time, then why were you so mad about the dust?”
“Oh, uhm, well I just think it’s a terrible thing to manipulate others, and I definitely don’t like being manipulated…” She looked at me suddenly, slightly panicked as she quickly followed up with. “Oh, I’m sorry! I didn’t mean that you were trying to manipulate us! I understand now that you didn’t know it was happening. I’m so so sorry for jumping to conclusions like that Mr. Dreams, and I really like being your friend dust or no dust. It’s just I’ve been manipulated in the past, and it really hurts my feelings.”
“Thank you for keeping my secret, Fluttershy, and I’m sorry for not having more faith in you as a friend. I should have known you wouldn’t just throw our friendship away like that.” I gritted my teeth. I honestly felt a little sick at forgetting our connection so quickly. “I guess I kinda just assumed that because every other pony was suddenly turning against me, you were just doing the same too.”
“Oh, no, it’s my fault. I was so heartless.” Her lip quivered. “...and to think I drove you to su-su...” Rarity moved in to console Fluttershy, giving her a big hug. “I’m so sorry!”
Rarity cut in before I could speak. “We are all at fault for being judgemental, dear.”
Applejack scoffed as she eyed Rarity. “Yep! Aaalll… of us.”
Rarity glared back. “What? So I’m a little passionate about my feelings. You were no prize pony yourself, Applejack. Don’t judge me!” She took a deep calming breath, and shifted her gaze towards me. “Anyway, I hope you accept my most humblest of apologies as I am also guilty of judging you based off of past experiences with your kind. I will try to rise above such horrendous faux pas moving forward. I would also like to commend you on your newfound passion, though I can’t really see you devoting yourself heart and soul to Pinkie with such a blase’ attitude towards life.”
“Rarity! Now is hardly the time to be pickin’ a fight!” Applejack glared at her.
Dash stepped towards her, shaking her head back in forth in disbelief. “What the hay Rarity? Don’t you ever give up? Seriously, what is too far with you?”
I cut them off. “She’s right!” I went to pry Pinkie off, but she was thoroughly glued to me. “I do have a half flanked attitude towards life, and now I’ve gone and hurt the pony I love, and shortened what little time I have left. I just…” I stopped for a second, trying to find my words. “It’s hard to explain, but it all felt so final. Every one of you had made up your minds, and I didn’t see any hope...”
Twilight nodded. “Minds can change.” She stamped the floor, her brow furrowing in determination. "Especially for friendship!"
“And so can hearts!” Applejack nodded at me.
“They’re right, Shattered Dreams, opinions are never set in stone. It just takes the right amount of passion, and determination to change them.” Rarity smiled kindly while punctuating her statement with an important hoof.
“Uhm, however, I think everypony needs to remember that we can only do what our minds allow us to.” Everypony turned to Fluttershy as she continued absentmindedly. “If everypony here has past traumas regarding changelings, then I think we need to go forward with that in mind. It’s going to affect decisions, and judgements whether we like it or not.”
“Wow, Fluttershy, that’s really insightful.” Twilight cocked her head to the side.
Fluttershy looked around in surprise. “What? Oh my, did I say that outloud? I’m so used to my thought’s speaking for themselves over the channel now. I wasn’t even paying attention.”
I nodded. “That’s exactly why I have no talent for lying. I’ve been on the channel for years.”
Twilight let out a deep long sigh. “There are so many questions to ask. I’m torn between respecting you as a friend, and wanting to demand answers…”
I looked long and hard at Twilight as I mulled her words, and the past days events over in my mind. I brushed a hoof through Pinkie’s mane, and chuckled as I noticed she was snoring softly. I couldn’t blame anypony anymore for thinking I was a monster. Not when I was guilty of doing the same to them.
And with that thought I realized something new. Pinkie’s love wasn’t the only thing in my life worth fighting for. My friends had all been hurt by my brethren. Suddenly, I had something to prove. Changelings can be friends too! We need friends just as much as everypony else.
“Perhaps, the real fight begins now…”
“What?” Twilight raised a curious eyebrow.
“Twilight, do you really consider me a friend now?”
Her eyes dodged guiltily. “I do, but the feelings are still there.”
“I understand. In fact I think I can guess your thought’s exactly on the matter.” I smiled halfheartedly at her, shaking off bad memories. “So, I will…” I hesitated, taking a deep breath for resolve. “I will answer your questions as best I can if you swear to me that the knowledge I pass on does not leave this room, and that you will not use it against the hive.”
“What?” She gawked at me. “Seriously? All of them? I can ask anything?”
I nodded. “Since you are my friend, I will trust you, but first, I would like to continue my story.”
She stared a few more seconds in disbelief, then bolted across the room, and grabbed her notebook and quill with her magic. She jabbered off a slew of questions before I could take another breath.
“Twilight!” Applejack shoved a hoof into her friends mouth. “Hush! I think it’s time for everypony to get some sleep before we all collapse.”
Twilight looked around to take in the state of everypony present. I did as well, and was met by yawns and half vacant stares. Each one of them looked like they were ready to drop from exhaustion. In fact… so was I. I couldn’t remember ever feeling this tired. My face felt numb, and I could swear I was melting into the floor. My head felt too heavy to hold up.
“Why?” Rarity gazed at me curiously. “Everypony has already admitted their faults, and nopony will question your right to be with Pinkie any further, Shattered Dreams. What can you possibly prove to us by continuing your story?”
I blinked at her thoughtfully. “It’s not what I can prove to you so much as what I have to prove to myself. Changelings share memories to strengthen bonds so they can keep their sanity. I realized by your words that I need more of that. I want to remember exactly why I call you all friends as much as I want to remind you of why you called me friend to begin with. I need that strength.” I looked down at Pinkie who was sleeping silently against my chest. “For Pinkie…”
“Hmmm…” She smiled, and nodded with an heir of satisfaction. “Sweet dreams, Shatter. I look forward to you bringing Pinkie’s smile back.”
I watched her canter off to the other side of the room. That pony never ceased to confuse the ever loving plot out me...
It all ended with Twilight agreeing that everypony should get some sleep, and that we all talk about it in the morning, which I was very thankful for. As the flurry of activity around me slowly faded I raised my ears instinctively. I guess a part of me missed the channel updates, and the old thrum of my hive would have been incredibly soothing right now.
“...don’t give up…” The words whispered across my sensors. “...we have hope…”
“I’m not alone?” I whispered, and smiled. There must be other lone fangs out here. I was too tired to contact them back with much at the moment. I communicated my feelings over the channel, and whoever they were answered with a chorus of soothing thrums. I sighed in relief.
“Of course not…” Pinkie whispered back. I looked down to see that she was staring through half lidded eyes at me. “Just because everypony is upset, and unsure doesn’t mean...”
“No, I mean…” Pinkie shushed me with a hoof.
“You aren’t alone, and you never will be, because I love you...” She trailed off with a yawn. “Chase me through my dreams?” She nuzzled my nose.
“I’d love to…” I shifted to get comfortable, and winced as pain radiated up and down my back. I’d lost a lot of blood from crying. I rested my head wearily onto her foreleg.
“Are you going to be okay?” She whispered.
“I don’t know. I only have so much blood, and I’m running out, I think. I don’t know if I even have enough to shapeshift anymore.”
Pinkie sighed, stroking her hoof along the back of my neck. The pain ebbed off wherever her hoof roamed. She seemed to just know where the pain was, and chased it away instinctively. I could feel sadness, and a twinge of fear from her. I wanted to bring her smile back so desperately, but for now… sleep.
I absent mindedly listened to the others bed down for the night. Dash had claimed the couch after winning a bit toss with Applejack. Rarity had popped a little tent in one corner for some privacy. I could hear Twilight shuffling up to her room with a vial of scavenged blood from the floor, muttering something about cellular analysis. Fluttershy had laid down next to me a few hooves away. Applejack had propped herself up against the door, and pulled her hat down to cover her eyes.
It was a huge relief knowing that each of them had real reasons for turning on me like that. It meant that my magic hadn’t faked the friendship, and had suddenly fizzled when they found out. Though I found it odd that if they distrusted my magic so much, why hadn’t they cleaned off the little splotches of yellow love goo which had been slowly absorbing into their fur? I smiled faintly. It must not bother them that bad after all.
It was a comforting thought as I drifted off to sleep.
Oh dear. Oh dear oh dear oh dear.
Chemicals that absorb through fur and skin will surely be trouble no matter what state it's in.
...yeah I'd like a Zecora emote one of these days. Heck, Photo Finish has one , why not Zecora.
...am I the only one who thinks Twilight's going to be trying to synthesize 'Changeling blood', or searching for some sort of substitute that can generate more of it, in order to give Dreamy a transfusion?
Featured. Nice, RG. I thought you died or something.
5013206 It was rough there for a bit, but I made it! I just had to focus on RL for eight months or so. Sorry for dropping off the face of the earth though.
5013176 Hehehe... Oh the Shenanigans I could run with...
5013159 Drugs er byad...
5013929 Fair enough, thanks for the feedback. Actually I wanted that exact reaction of rejection to that whole scene. This stories a lot more complicated than anything I've ever done before and I was a little disappointed that so few had seemed to just accept that scene without questioning why. However it's extremely important later.
5013929 The bit about Shatter makes me a bit sad though. After thinking on it I guess I could have tried to flesh him out better with a less cookie cutter personality, but in the end it just means I know where to focus on advancing. Perhaps I focus to much on the story complexity and not enough on my OC complexity.
5014218 Chapter two was mostly comedy. What parts did you find really emotional?
5014101
I have to agree with Magic Man, about the ponies being bloodthirsty monsters. Hell, while I expect them to be wary, you've had them be outright xenophobic and borderline zealots where it comes to changelings. This last chapter redeemed it somewhat, but through all of this I've just felt like punching five out of the Mane 6, and your depiction of Rarity is so sanctimonious that I would sooner be thrown in a dungeon than sit and listen to her rant like that.
Basically, these ain't the ponies from the show. These ain't the characters we all ended up liking so much. These are outright caricatures of their flaws exaggerated to offset a rather bland protagonist and force sympathy for him, set against a backdrop of some kind of inquisition against changelings for the sake of the old "racism is bad, mm'kay?" plot line that's been kind of done to death in various media of the last thirty years.
It's not terrible, but it's just so... bleh. For all their OOC-ness, the characters are rather predictable, and downright unlikable. Only Pinkie actually seems to fit the character displayed in the Show to some degree, and even then something feels "off" about her.
The story has some interesting parts, and isn't terrible, since I managed to read through all of it so far. But I'm not willing to keep looking for updates because the characters are just... meh.
5015760 I tried to explore the uglier side of the mane six in this since we don't get to really see that in the show, and it really called for it. I think I've kept pretty well in character considering. People become very different when faced with emotional challenges, and we may not like them for it. What is important to focus on isn't how 'different' they are from normal, but whether or not their dispositions and traits are still showing through. The emotional traumas coming through will ALWAYS taint those.
Keep in mind that Twi was terrified of disappointing Celestia, and there has been multiple counts where ponies have expressed fear of being exiled for a thousand years to the moon, why would execution be that far off for a changeling?
You don't have armed guards or weaponry if you dont kill things with them... that would just be dumb.
If there is something off about the 'bloodthirstyness' then GOOD! It's supposed to be because ponies are not bloodthirsty. This story is told from the view of a changeling who experienced the bloodthirsty side of ponies which we know does not exist. That will be clarified later.
Some background with how I'm handling the characterizations. I've worked with a lot of serious traumas before, both my own and with others. People who've seen their freinds heads blown off, had to slice open an enemies throat, forced to run over children in combat zones, been targeted for racial beatings, and I myself have lived through four situations that have almost killed me. Trust me, given the trauma I'm writing about, it's not just some overused system to counterbalance a bland protagonist.
This story wasn't meant to entertain others as much as it was to see if I could explore something that has seriously bothered me for years. Sure, I want to better myself as a writer, and I get excited when others like my work, but this story isn't just meant as entertainment. It is meant to resonate with those who have either experienced being the target of racism, or targeted others for racism because it isn't a topic that is covered enough in a 'healing' way, and it's hard to find outlets for the frustration, anger, and hatred sometimes associated with it, because it's all too often covered in an 'outraging' way simply for entertainment value which doesn't help anyone.
I may not be a good enough writer to pull it off, but it wont stop me from trying.
so changelings only have a certain amount of blood, and that crying is like bleeding?
5017564 Further explanation will come, but yes.
I just read the last two chapters, and they were exactly what I was hoping for, if not more! I really resonate with wanting to give up on life... Been there, done that. So I empathize strongly with Dreamy, and that made the mane six's reactions and apologies extremely impactful. Geez, getting teary eyed XD
Aaanyway, I can't wait for more chapters! I've been gone from FiMFiction so long that I think it reset all of my favorites, but it didn't matter as I knew just what I wanted to read tonight =)
As for all those negative comments... Well, I'm American through and through, so I completely respect the right of others to have and express their own opinion! Just like I have the right to think and say that I think they're stupid and wrong: this story is fantastic, and I will continue reading until either Dreamy or I cries ourselves to death =P
Um... Please don't have Dreamy cry himself to death, okay? D=
5017998
You're going to give the changeling fanon almanac a run for its money.
I've been trying to organize changeling biology based on various stories I've read and I've done a good job so far, but limited blood... wow, I can't think of a single reason for that.
You're trying to make me add an "other" category, aren't you?
I think i would like a sequel, because i think the story is finished, the moment his Story is over. This is very good, but i am curious, if that maybe would work even better in a sequel, maybe they can actually have foals or an adoption, or just another normal story.
As far as I'm concerned, this is where the story ends.
It has been an AMAZING story up to this point and I laughed so hard at first, then felt the full impact of the emotional juxtaposition
Unfortunately, where I saw you leading the story after this undercuts the message you're trying to give ENTIRELY. If it's about not judging others based on something about them and instead keeping in mind not everyone is a certain way, making the character suddenly turn out to not have been a changeling originally ruins that.
So while I do enjoy rereading this up to this point as it's really amazing, this feels like a fitting ending.