• Member Since 2nd Mar, 2012
  • offline last seen Aug 11th, 2012

CommisarCC


T

Scootaloo hasn't seen her personal Idol, Rainbow Dash, for quite a while. Rumour in town says she just returned from an adventure with a ditzy postmare. She has to investigate that.

Credit for the cover art goes to Adcoon: http://adcoon.deviantart.com/

Chapters (1)
Comments ( 9 )

Sorry folks, for the long wait and this non-update for everyone who was previously reading this story. After receiving critism on ponychan, I decided to go for a complete rewrite of this thing. Now with 120% more Chicken.

I hope It's worth it at least.

Any feedback would be very appreciated.

Accidentally deleted all the comments, when i got rid of the the old chapters. :derpyderp1:

this is interesting. shes telling it as a story instead of living it like the first version of your story. but then is their next adventure going to be a told story? or will they live it like before? also when i first saw that you changed the story around i thought it'd be bad but i can say i like it just as much. :scootangel:

533304
I plan on keeping the story this way, Raibow tells what happened, and Scootaloo interrupts every now and then. I'll keep it varied of course, but the basic narration will continue more or less like this.

533367 well seems fine to me i still enjoy the story :yay:

No offense or anything, but I liked the old one better. :applejackunsure:
This one is still great, don't get me wrong, but I just liked the other more.

555358

None taken, in fact I'm glad for the feedback. Is it just a general feeling, or can you be more precise about what you don't like/like less?

562681
I liked how it was like a first person happening right then kind of thing, rather than telling a story. That might just be me though.
Still a great story! :twilightsmile:

The VOICE, dear Celestia and Luna, the authorial VOICE. :derpyderp1:

You have the voice of Dash down amazing. Also, the way she recognizes her own short fuse but makes up for it with muffin-apologies is a great characterization of Dash, a way for her to play to her strengths rather than trying to fix weaknesses. :rainbowdetermined2:

I love the little insights into the mind of Dash, like crashing into the houses of unicorn friends to shake up their stale paradigms. :pinkiehappy:

Derpy, with her exaggerated care born of the knowledge that she breaks things a lot...THE FEELS, man. :raritydespair:

Login or register to comment