The street lamps bathed Trixie’s carriage in a dim light as she surveyed the night sky. Rain poured from above, just inches from her face. A faint burst of thunder roared off in the distance.
She closed the curtain, sunk back into her portable home, and laid back down on her futon. The sound of the showers tapping on the roof graced her ears, making her wonder how long it would be until her cart fell apart from age. Her savings had slowly grown over the past few months from donations; maybe she’d have enough to buy a new cart by the time her current one crumbled.
A knock against the wall took Trixie out of her thoughts. She poked her head out to see a member of the royal Canterlot guard frowning at her.
“Hey! Your cart’s in the middle of the road. Either move it or I’ll have it towed.”
“Why should I? It not in anypony’s way.”
“What if there was a fire? The cart would get crushed in all the hurry to put it out.” He struck the cart with a hoof, rocking it slightly.
Trixie grumbled under her breath. “Do you have any idea who I am?!”
“No, and I don’t particularly care.”
Trixie scowled at the guard as the rain soaked the fur covering her face.
“Just move it,” the guard said, stepping back.
Trixie glanced back up at the liquid cascading from the heavens. Sighing, she stepped outside. “Yeah, yeah…” She hitched herself up the the cart and dragged it away.
~~~~~~~~~~
Twilight’s hind legs shivered as she sat upon the throne of the Crystal Empire. Everything in the room seemed as if it was sculpted out of frozen water. The great expanse of the room only served to emphasize how hollow it was since Twilight had taken over for Cadance.
She eased herself back onto her hooves and trotted onto the outside balcony. The starry night sky was highlighted by the pastel aura streaming from the castle. It only served to remind her of Rainbow Dash—her friends. They all had jobs to do back in Ponyville. They all have lives, other friends…
Even Spike had stayed behind to be with Rarity. Twilight wondered idly if he’d ever win her over. Perhaps he would end up with Sweetie Belle, or maybe he’d give up chasing after mares and find a nice dragoness to be with.
In the meantime though, Twilight was alone. Her eyes drifted to the metropolis below her, and she wished that she could go out and play with them.
With the shake of her head, she traveled back to her bedchamber. One of the castle maids was just finishing up dusting her bookshelves when she arrived.
“Greetings, Your Highness.” Eyes wide, the maid quickly bowed to her. “Will there be anything else for the night?”
Twilight tapped her chin in thought. “Hmm, would you like to play a game of chess?”
“Not particularly.” A moment of silence passed between them. “Oh, uh… That is, unless this is an order.” Her knees started to shake.
“No, if you don’t want to play, then it’s fine. I guess that will be all for tonight.”
“Yes, Your Highness.” She bowed again and left.
Twilight collapsed onto her bed. She acts just like everypony else does now that I have these wings. Her hooves wrapped around the top layer blanket, hugging it close. A moment later, her cheeks felt a little damp, and she soon drifted off to sleep.
~~~~~~~~~~
After trotting for some time, Trixie found a rest stop just outside Canterlot; she parked her cart nearby and went inside. A dull glow from the lantern hanging by the desk tried its hardest to brighten the room. Besides the fleeting storm outside, the only sound that drifted through the air was the snoring coming from behind the desk.
Guess they won’t mind if I park my cart overnight. She was about to leave when she heard the door slam shut behind her. Her gaze snapped to the entrance, but nopony was there. Must be the wind.
When she tried to open the door, however, it wouldn’t budge. She couldn’t see a keyhole either. A magenta aura enveloped the door. Trixie gritted her teeth and pulled with all her might. Her forehead started to sweat. It feels barricaded, somehow. She slowly inched it outward a little. Almost there.
Then, the door flung open; the invisible barricade evaporated. The wind rushed in, shoving Trixie against the back wall. Papers flew everywhere. The lantern light flickered a little.
Once the dust had settled, Trixie got back on her hooves. The pony at the counter continued sleeping. She looked around at the mess of journalism around her. What a waste. They’ll never be able to sell them now. Her horn ignited, and the newspapers danced around the room into a nice neat pile.
A cluster of fog drifted through the open door. Speeding over the pile, it flipped one of the newspapers to the front page. Trixie gasped upon seeing the cover image. No, it can’t be! She snatched it within her magical grasp and sat down. Her eyes flew over the words, and when she was finished reading, she started again.
Twilight, an alicorn princess? But her parents aren’t royalty. Trixie stood and trotted back to her carriage. Is it possible? Was she actually turned into an alicorn? An immortal, all-powerful deity among the living. Why, if a small town hick such as her could become one, then anypony—
Her eyes widened in realization. She glanced back at her cutie mark. And if anypony can become one, then why not me? With all that I’ve been through, I certainly deserve it. Her lips formed a grin, and she hitched herself back up to her cart.
I suppose Twilight could use a suitor, Trixie thought as she trotted ever closer toward the Crystal Empire.
And from the summary, I was expecting Luna/Trixie. You raised my hopes and dashed them quite expertly.
Not bad. Pacing is pretty ick. Could have spent some time developing the plot a bit more before throwing us into things, but not bad anyway.I am intrigued to see where you go with this.
EDIT: a prologue is designed to be a crutch, of sorts, and not essential to the plot. This really is more of a chapter 1 than a prologue. I had a look at the next chapter and I find that if I remove the prologue, it doesn't really work.
I have to second what 3457539 said. The pacing is lightning fast, and Trixie's motivations come out of nowhere. Twilight's characterization is equally perplexing and shallow.
The scene at the end really lacks description; just "a rest stop" doesn't give any idea what it looks like. Same for the "pastel aura". I also think that "the liquid cascading from the heavens" is the most purple prose-y way I've ever seen of describing "rain".
There's also a typo in your short description.
"as if it was sculpted out of frozen water"- They have a name for that. It's called ice.
Oh the many, many issues to discuss. Lack of description is a problem you seem to struggle with quite extensively- One cannot merely state that a location is 'a rest stop', and nor can you simply say that everything is made from crystal. You've given an aesthetic, not a scene. I could go an entire chapter with no information on the aesthetic, but whether the room has tables, chairs, if the rest stop is merely a restaurant or if it perhaps contains a series of cottages- are we talking hotel? diner? dive? bar? It could be any of those things, or none, and I would have no idea.
Second up on my 'things to bitch about' list, is Trixie. While matching her characterization in her first appearance quite expertly(which is to say that you made her insufferably self-obsessed), you entirely missed the boat on the entirety of her characterization in her second appearance, sparse though it might be. Trixie was remorseful, sure, but she was also scheming, conniving, and bitter. The Trixie shown in Magic Duel holds a grudge, and is willing to work for months or years to see revenge through. In short, she's PATIENT- something this story could use a little bit of. If Trixie is going to play the suitor, I'd see her returning to Ponyville, trying to get a little bit of information from her friends, learn more about the mare she's spent all of two days around, and play up the 'lovestruck fool' angle.
Next, let's look at Twilight: she's desperate to see someone she can properly interact with, not a servant or someone who will scrape and bow. Now, assuming this is happening after the events of EQG- because Twilight barely arrives in the crystal empire before ending up in the other world- then where, exactly, are Cadance, Shining, Celestia, and Luna? Did they all just decide to leave Twilight alone in the Crystal Empire, newly crowned and with almost no experience, despite the fact it already has a princess? And Spike is Twilight's little brother, number one assistant, and best and oldest friend. I don't really see him leaving her absolutely alone. Bros before Hoes, eh? He has always stood by her when noone else would, and it's not like waiting a week or two for Twilight to return to Ponyville(which is where Twilight is still living, just as a side note) is much for him. It stretches the imagination, and breaks immersion.
And I guess that's all I really have to discuss right now. Good luck with this, regardless.
Wait what? What is going on? Why is Twilight in the Crystal Empire? What happened to Cadence? Where is Trixie? What is she doing? Why didn't I have time to process any of this?
Why is nothing explained?
Seriously, this is your frickin' prologue, you could do to fill the reader in a bit.
3461354
I'm all for metaphors, but how exactly does one make a, "mess of journalism"?
It doesn't work in this case because I have very little context for where Trixie is, so because my mind is still trying to get a handle on the setting, and I wind up taking the sentence literally.
Now if something to the effect of, "there were newspapers strewn about the floor", I'd know what was going on. (Without laughing.)
"It feels barricaded somehow"
I died.
Who thinks like this? What's wrong with, "it won't budge"?
Overall, the concept and characterization is sound (at least in the prolgoue) so I encourage the development of this story, and hope to see more.
So... Where does this come from? The line directly before it is Trixie thinking she can become an Alicorn. There's no connection between "I can become an alicorn" and "Twilight needs a suitor". Does she think romancing one makes you an Alicorn? Because it doesn't seem to have worked out that way for Shining Armor. Is she planning to wheedle out the secrets of Twilight's transformation from her? That would make more sense but if so, at least hint at it.