Chapter 8: Batesville
“And that ends the nineties marathon. We’ll be back soon with Living Tombstone after these commercial messages.” Eh, I turned off the radio after that. Dubstep just isn’t my thing. But it was an unexpected but pleasant surprise to find that marathon. All of the greats were there. Kind of brought me back to the time where all those fags on the internet were complaining about the nineties. Now that was a nice time. Everyone would just complain over their childhood. Everyone was unhappy that they weren’t this or that. And we all acted tolerable towards everyone even though this never made us happy. And we still would laugh at jokes no matter how hurtful or rude. Kids these days are concerned with being “the best they can be” and striving towards their “destinies”.
Now instead of living in the past and complaining about how things were better, kids look to the future hoping for the best. Now in theory this sounds like a positive situation but it’s the opposite. Kids are out of control now. If the older generations thought my generation were work shy then they must shudder at todays. Kids only look towards the future but they don’t understand the future is ever-changing and they need to focus on working towards it not trying to predict it. But back to that playlist I just listened to.
The thing that struck me the most was that Living Tombstone part. Brony artists finally got their big breaks when their art and songs suddenly exploded in popularity with both ponies and humans loving it. All those artworks on Deviantart became posters and were put up in museums and art galleries. Furthermore, the music industry changed immensely. Brony music artists from the fandom flooded the scene and gained almost immediate popularity with their songs about ponies. Other artists came along too and copied the bronies’ style and thus the music industry started pumping out these fags who made the fags of my time look like the hardest motherfuckers. I personally liked some of the brony artists old songs before all this but now its ruined more me once it became so commercial.
Now that may sound like good news to the bronies. They get even more notoriety for making catchy songs and that’s all good and all. But did they ever consider what happened to other artists? Rap is dead because it couldn’t update to the new sissified industry but it wasn’t the only genre affected. Take metal, after the pony invasion things quieted down. Doing shit like being outright unpleasant or expressing one’s self in either a violent or taboo manner was looked down upon. Thus metal’s lyrics were toned down significantly. That voice that lots of them do when they throw their voice was removed completely. And they weren’t’ the only.
In fact all songs were toned down in lyrical content. Yep censorship took hold real fast after ponies were introduced to our culture. I don’t know why but suddenly humanity started to be toned down. We acted nicer to each other and started acting more friendly for no reason. Yes it seems like some kind of miracle but I know it’s a lie. Just by looking at the music industry I started to realize that if you weren’t down with ponies you were out. It’s not like you had to be like me and be a hater but if you didn’t have an opinion then you were done for. Censorship of everything took hold and just to not offend our new neighbors. In the new world of ponies you are forced to like them or be shunned. That’s what happened to me and is still happening to others.
I’ve been on the road for about three hours now and it’s about three and the most that I’ve seen was open desert. A car would occasionally join me but then it would go off an exit. I hadn’t taken an exit yet since I want to put as much distance between me and Las Pegasus. But I’m getting hungry and besides I need to rest from all this driving. After about another thirty minutes I came to the next exit. The green sign said some place like Batesville. A human name? I took the exit and exited the off ramp.
The name Batesville gives me hope. Human name must mean human town; right? But what would a human town be doing all the way in the middle of a desert? Do human towns even exist in Equestria? Seems too good to be true. I might have found a town void of ponies.
As I drove closer the scene reminded me of an old west ghost town. Nobody was here and the place was actually pretty small. I mean the road was paved rather newly but what was off was the buildings were old. They were all these gray boxes basically with signs on them. Also there is nobody here. The streets are empty.
I was reminded of my hunger and I quickly spotted a little diner a little drive in front of me. Since there was no front parking lot I parked on the side of the building that was an alley in between another building. I exited the vehicle and stepped inside the diner.
Inside there were only two old men sitting at a table and a middle aged woman behind the counter. I staggered in and sat down on one of the bolted in seats that lined the long bar that all diners seemed to have. Taking a peek at the menu my hunger kicked in and it took me almost no thought to make up my mind. It also didn’t take long for the woman to serve me. After all she was just cleaning the counter with a rag.
“What can I get for you sweetie?” She asked but I could tell she didn’t really care.
“A turkey and bacon grinder.” I requested.
“Alright.” She said not even writing down my order but I saw her go over and yell it to the chef behind the scenes.
No wait something is off. But I can’t put my thumb on it. Oh yeah that’s it. Why the fuck are they serving turkey in Equestria? Meat is a highly controversial thing humans and ponies had to overcome; naturally. All the prissy herbivores were devastated that we ate other living things. I remember there was this big deal and eventually something happened and we moved on. I personally didn’t really find out what happened in the end. All I know is the whole event got swept under the rug and everyone started treating it like water under the bridge. If it sounds fishy that’s because it is.
But anyways the real question was why meat would be served in Equestria. Wouldn’t the ponies be so frightened that they’d shy away from the sight? The only option would be this must be some secret criminal activity serving meat because I refuse to believe ponies would allow meat in Equestria. I’m mean Fluttershy has a seat in the pony government setup and I know her with her love of animals would never allow such a thing as meat to be served in Equestria.
By the time the waitress came around I was starving. She set the grinder down in front of me.
“So I take it you’re not from around here.” The waitress said dully going back to cleaning. At first I didn’t respond to her but when I felt someone staring I looked up.
“Uh yeah I drove here from Las Pegasus.” I answered.
“Hmm city boy. What you doing all the way out here then?”
“Oh just escaping the city. Wanted to get out of here and see the country.” I must sound like a tourist.
“Well if you want to see the country then you’re going the wrong way.” The waitress informed me. “Nothing out here but desert.”
“Oh no I’m here to escape the city. Can’t handle all the people if you know what I mean.” And I do hope she knows what I mean.
“Mhmm I feel ya. Oh and that’s eight for the sandwich.” She said with an outstretched hand. I reached into my pocket and took out the nine bucks I got from Peter’s car.
“American money is good here right?” I asked holding the money at my side.
“Any money’s good here.” The waitress shrugged. I shrugged too and handed the nine to the waitress. She took it all and without checking it; she pocketed it. No change really? I ain’t too mad though since a dollar won’t get me much. Remember when a vending machine only cost a dollar? Yeah now it’s a dollar fifty. Where the fuck am I getting fifty cents?
Also noticed that she pocketed it, which is completely odd. What’s the matter? No cash register? Seriously this town is kind of freaking me out but it’s not too bad. I still remember my travels around the American mid-west and the crazy places I went to. Come to think of it, this place is very similar to places I’ve been to around Earth.
I liked traveling to these types of places. They’re just places where old men, like the ones in the corner of this diner, sit and wait and joke around. So they’re moderately safe. And by safe I mean I’m not looking around for a jacker when I’m stopped at a red light.
Originally in my adventures away from home I had gone through several ghettos or hoods. Probably one of the biggest mistakes I’ve made in my travels. You know me being a cracker and all that. At first I thought it was pretty tight. Sure everyone looked sketchy but that was what I expected. I was thinking of settling down in one of those places but that turned out to be a big mistake.
I remember the second day I was in a hood; I watched someone get gunned down right in front of me. It was two guys and one just pulled out a pistol, pulled the other close, and shot in the stomach. The perpetrator ran off for a second but then came back and fired off six shots into the victims head. All that in plain daylight while bystanders watched. Then he ran off and so did I.
That wasn’t the only incident. The time that official made me not want to visit a ghetto was when my car was almost jacked. I was at a red light and some guy came over and demanded I get out. Banging on the car door he was starting to get pissed it was lock. Then he pulled out a gun and that’s when I sped off but not before he fired at me. With that experience under my belt I decided I would avoid places such as those for obvious safety reasons.
That’s why I stay in towns with less population and an older population if possible. Less chance of wackos attacking you since it’s easier to live with few people in one area. Here it seems that it is peaceful which is good for now. But I can’t stay forever since I’ve decided to take up arms against pony kind. No more running and hiding from the problem. I’m heading in to it and if I die then so be it. In Heaven there aren’t any ponies.
I looked back down at my sandwich and still it was bugging me. “Excuse me miss?” I said getting the waitress’s attention. “Um could you tell me if it is legal to serve meat in Equestria?”
She looked at me funny. “What are you? Some kind of healthy inspector?”
“Oh no of course not.” I said not trying to make her suspicious or anything. “I was just curious.”
“Well.” She said continuing to wipe the counter. “It depends on where you are and if you have a permit.”
“And do you have a permit?” I asked. She instantly gave me that kind of look a teacher would give their student when they’re expecting an answer.
“Boy does it look like anyone who cares comes out here looking for one?” I liked how she said that. One she said anyone which means she hasn’t adopted the dialect of a pony or a brony. Second she basically told me no ponies come out here. This is great! I knew there was something special about this place.
I was about to take a bite of my sandwich when a voice caught my attention. I looked up to the right and saw that there was a flat screen playing the news. A male and female reporter seemed to have concerned expressions on them. They were humans so it must be serious. Something noteworthy, ever news station I see seems to have a mostly human cast. Just gave me something to think about late at night.
“Shocking news today in Las Pegasus.” The female reporter said.
“Yes we’re going live to David who is down there on the scene; David.” The male reporter said as the screen transition to a big crowd with a reporter in the middle holding a microphone. My breathing stopped when I read the caption.
“Yes it seems that a car was stolen around noon time here in Las Pegasus by a man who claimed to be a mechanic.” David said looking as shocked as the other two reporters. “This young man here claims he’s a victim of fraud.” David held the mic to none other than Peter who looked like he just watched someone die in front of him.
“Yes it’s true I was robbed of my car.” Peter said with his annoying as fuck voice. Everyone around him looked concerned. “It’s a Rav4 and it was stolen by a guy named Andy.”
“Andy who?” David asked.
“Um uh, hum.” Peter stammered. “Andy? I don’t know I never got his full name.”
“Well what can you tell us about the suspect?” David asked.
“Well he’s white.” Haha I am white! “He’s wearing a black jumpsuit with a capital A on the back and a trucker cap.” Sorry Pete but I changed outfits. What you gunna do now? “He also hasn’t shaved in a while.” Hey! I grabbed my face. Alright maybe he was right. I’m a little scraggly.
“Yes here is an artist’s representation of the suspect.” My heart skipped a beat and my stomach filled with a feeling of lightness. As soon as the drawing came up I breathed out, relieving my anxiety. In fact it was funny. That piece of shit didn’t even look like me. Looked like someone on drugs or someone who just got punched in the face. Besides the forehead was too big and the nose too small.
“If anyone has any information on the suspect, we beg you to please report it to the authorities. Crime in Equestria is a serious issue and we want to make sure this peaceful society that our Equestrian friends have upheld is preserved forever.” Crime in Equestria? Oh come on! There are so many cops in the city that you couldn’t point your finger without getting in trouble. This is some federal government controlling your mind bullshit. Crime in Equestria; I’ve lived in the low end part of a city for a year and I’ve never seen someone end up dead or stabbed and dying.
The camera switched back to the two reporters. “Thank you David.” The male reporter said. “Coming up, the rapper, known as 8-Set, is coming under attack for behavior at a concert when he criticized the” suddenly the reporter put his fingers to his ear. I stopped paying attention and went to take a bite of my sandwich.
“Everypony we just got in that the mane six are in Las Pegasus and are talking to that young man. Can we switch back to them?” I stopped and put the sandwich back down. Now this would be interesting. What would the goody two shoe ponies tell poor Pete? We extend our apologies and ask you follow in our philosophy of fucking gay bullshit!
The camera switched to the scene. Everyone, pony and human, kneeled as the mane six arrived. Always hated the sight of humans showing respect to any pony; we’re bigger and superior so why do we have to kneel? It’s demeaning.
The mane six wore clothing that fit their personalities. It had become custom for them to wear something when they were in public places or meeting with people. Wait then why were they naked when they meet us anarchists? What are we not important enough to dress formally? Dumb murderers.
Speaking of those murderers they seemed to be really enjoying the spotlight. Smiling and striding about. And everyone else seemed to be really enjoying their company. They paraded up to Peter who was on the ground kneeling like they were some kind of emperors.
“Hey I heard you were in trouble.” Twilight said. “And don’t worry the mane six are here to help.” The crowd went nuts. I wonder if they mean they’ll help like they did to me and my friends. Cause they sure are helpful in that case.
“Applejack?” Twilight looked to her friend.
“Tell me Pete. It was a Rav4 that was stolen and inside it there is a computer?” Applejack asked. At first Peter didn’t respond because he was still on the ground. But he shot up like a soldier when he realized something was talking to him.
“Y-yes.” He said breathing heavily.
“Well then most cars like that have a tracking device in them.” Applejack said. “And I know that it’s only a phone call away to activate it.” Peter’s mouth flew agape at the obvious solution and everyone watched as he dialed the number.
What?! How in the possible fuck? Could she know that! That doesn’t even make any sense! Fuck that shit! I’m calling serious bull! Applejack a hick pony knowing about cars? She lived in a medieval society for much of her life! There were no cars in Equestria till humans came around. Flim Flam’s stupid locomotive does not count!
“Alright so since there are no satellites in Equestria.” Peter said. “They can’t find my car.” A chorus of disappointment came from the crowd. “But.” Peter continued. “Using Unicorn magic. They found it!” Cheers sprang from the crowd at the good news. But seriously why in fuck does Applejack know about cars?
“I’ll go get it for you.” Rainbow Dash said boastfully. Everyone seemed to roll their eyes.
“Oh thank you so much.” Peter said gleefully. “It’s in a town called Batesville.” My heart nearly jumped out of my chest and barricaded itself under a table. Luckily my rib cage was stopping it. The old people in the diner looked at me. The two old men and the lady.
“Also the alarm will be going off so be on the lookout for that.” Peter added. And of course as soon as he said that, a car alarm outside went off. One of the old men looked out the window to try and see what car it was. Immediately I stood up and began to walk towards the door. As I did one of the old men burst into laughter. I glared at him and his friend shook his head.
“Oh don’t mind Gus.” He said. “Just get outta here. Quickly that fast one is looking for ya.” I nodded my head and began to push the door open.
“Hey wait.” The waitress said loudly. I turned around kind of getting anxious now. “Don’t you want your sandwich?” I thought about it for a second. Yeah I probably do.
“What are you waiting for? Move!” The old man said probably just as anxious as I felt. In a mad dash I ran over and grabbed the grinder and made a beeline for the door. All the time, Gus was cracking up.
“Ah shut up you old fool!” His friend said slapping Gus gently on the arm. As I left the diner a thought came to me. Those people, humans, had shown some kind of concern for me. Sure one of them laughed but it wasn’t a cruel laugh. He was probably happy something relatively exciting was happening in his life. The others were just cheering me on. I forgot what it’s like to have people looking out for you.
I booked it outside towards the Rav4. Cursing my luck I found it noisily causing a scene with its lights flashing and horn honking. Why did this have to happen? Put a complete stop to my plan to get away from ponies. Now they’ll be heading towards me instead.
For a minute I just stared at it, wondering what to do. Running away would be pointless since driving around with a honking mess will just end me up in prison for stealing a car. And there is no way I’m going to prison. Right now the only thing to do is run away. But run away to where? I took a bite of my grinder.
That’s when it hit me. I still had stuff I needed. Swiftly I grabbed the car keys out of my pocket and opened the driver’s side. There was the essential item, the Uzi, but also there was my jumpsuit. Don’t want to lose that. I climbed in and took the two out. While I was sliding out I also grabbed that bandana that I was gunna use as a rag or something. Looking around I found a dumpster and I stashed the items behind that. If I somehow evade Rainbow Dash and find myself alone then I can come back for them.
Time was running out she’s a fast flyer and can get here in no time. It’s all part of some elaborate physics bullshit that is too confusing to understand. Basically she was based on a cartoon that defied physics and now that she’s in reality but still defies physics like she was in a cartoon.
I took another bite of the sandwich and I got another idea. Either food gives me ideas or this is a brain enhancing sandwich. However this idea was dastardly. I threw the grinder into the trashcan since I wouldn’t be needing it. What a waste. I reached into my back pocket of my jeans and found Myriad’s knife. Almost forgot about the little bugger.
Reaching back behind the dumpster I grabbed the bandana and proceed to put it on my face bandito style. Then I remembered something else and retrieved the sunglasses from the car. I put them on and now my face was completely covered. Black hat, black sunglasses, and a black bandana. My face is completely hidden.
And it will have to be for what I’m planning to do next. It was simple, kill Rainbow Dash. Really I would be face to face with one of the mane six all alone for twice today. The only difference between this encounter is I will not hesitate this time. No one time was bad enough but a second is too much.
Besides I have the element of surprise on my side. All I have to do is ambush the little fucker and then stab her to death or something. How hard could it be? That bitch deserves to die anyways! With all the awards she took. I mean almost immediately she became the symbol for homosexuals everywhere. Just because the color of her hair. And the biggest insult was she isn’t even gay. Pretty sure she’s been seen with stallions.
But if I kill her then I’ll be the most wanted man in Equestria and Earth combined. It’s a risk but I can do it. Besides nobody even knows who I am. I’m just Jim. Some human who stole a car. No wait I’m Andy. Yeah Andy who’s a fake mechanic and stole a car. I laughed to myself because at that moment I realized I really am nobody. I’m just a guy.
As I waited one thing that was distracting me was the car alarm. It just wouldn’t stop. I pulled out the car keys and tried to turn it off but it wouldn’t. Come on! Now it was just annoying. I paced for a while and waited for Rainbow faggot to come and join me.
After a while the sound became unbearable. “You stupid piece of shit!” I walked over to the car and gave it a swift kick. Immediately the alarm turned off and it was silent. Which was great because now there was peace and quiet. But something didn’t feel quite right. I looked to my left and right but I couldn’t see anything. It felt like someone or something was staring. I remember something my old friend once told me. People always look to their sides, never up or down.
I made an exception and what I saw made me jump both physically and mentally. Rainbow Dash was perched on the diner roof, staring down at me like some kind of bird of prey. I made eye contact with her and my fight instinct kicked in.
You and me Dash, we gunna have fun.
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Jim will win!!!!
This fic had never failed to amaze me. Keep it up angry!
My money is on Andy cause Jim's dead, Bones.
Not really
3563033
If you're commenting on that line because you're sick of reading the same cliché in Hie fics than I'm with you. To tell the truth when I was writing it, I could feel how cliché it was but I promise it'll go along with the story eventually.
That is if you're implying cliché.
Hell YEAH. MOAR-VIOLENCE bring it on!