Mack's Mad Adventures

by makmix

Story 2: "The Dischord Incident and how he Reacted" and "Making Friends"

As their love drew on, Mack started living with Fluttershy. Not surprising in all reality. Rarity was the one who knew for sure that Mack was going to move in with her and honestly, she was glad. Her friend is happy and she doesn't have to help him find a home. Though, it was going to be a great day the day after he moved in. Why is that so? Good question, Dischord broke his seal and is free to roam. Why is that good? Because he is insane. Sure it died down, but it's still there.

Morning came and Mack was waken by the shaking of his girl. His hearing still a bit fuzzy, but he did hear her tell him something important.

"........ Get up! I need to go out and save Equestria........... Dischord is free and-." Fluttershy said or better to say what Mack heard. As soon as he said Dischord was free, he jumped out of bed only wearing his boxers, rushed downstairs and came back up fully dressed.

"Why din't ya wake me up earlier? What is happening so far?" Mack asked.

Fluttershy pointed to the window. Mack went and looked out and what he saw was pure chaos. Cotton candy clouds raining chocolate milk, animals are altered in some way that isn't natural, and most importantly, the sun and moon are switching positions unnaturally. To any other person, they would be freaking out. Mack however got a bucket and yelled something to Fluttershy before he left.

"Well Fluttershy, I am going to enjoy mah self in the chaos, I'll know when you defeated him. GOOD LUCK LASS! I'LL SEE YOU SOON!" Mack yelled as he zoomed out the door.

Before the main six go confront Dischord, they ask Fluttershy about her new roommate.

"So, where is that crazy boyfriend of yours, hmm?" Rarity asked.

"Oh, umm. he is enjoying himself out over there." She replied as she pointed out into the distance. All they say was him jumping at least 40 feet without using his wings.

"Man, why can't I have fun, I want to go flying everywhere..." Pinkie complained.

"Pinkie, you already do, more than him in all honesty. Now come on, he doesn't have to fight Dischord right?" RD said.

"That's true...... I wish I could have fun." Pinkie complained even more.

"Come on girls, we gotta go now. I feel we should leave him to his fun." Twilight said.

"Ah', agree wit' ya sugarcube. Let's get a move on." Applejack stated.

All nodded their heads and well, the rest is episode 1 & 2 of season 2. If you don't know, then here it is in a nutshell. Dischord uses his powers to take away the magical powers from Rarity and Twi and the wings from Fluttershy and Rainbow Dash. He puts the 6 into a maze all seperated from each other. Manipulates them thats makes them the opposite of their element. So he declares himself the winner and the 6 losers. And now lets see how Dischord goes up against the Insane Seraph of Ponyville.

Mack was enjoying his fun, causing more madness than there already was. Some how finding dimension holes in Ponyville. As he was having his fun, he runs into Dischord.

"Well, well, well, what do we have here. A seraph enjoying him self." DC said with his suit and goatee and 2 pointed hair.

"Yep, Mack Spinnerson is the name, love your work, no time to chat, waiting for my girl and her friends to beat ya, now time for me to moonwalk into nowhere." Mack said quickly.

"Now hold on." DC said as he grabbed Mack's leg. "You said your girl..... hmm that means you going out with Fluttershy then, or should I say Flutterbrute."

Mack's anger shot up. "You did what now." His fist clenched in anger, ready to punch the living chaos out of him.

"Oh nothing, your girlfriend lost my challenge and I turned her into a mean little miss hurt everyone." DC said pridefully.

Last straw, Mack fired away his fist straight for his face. Dischord caught his fist with his own hand.

"Ah, ah, ahhh, you really think I'll be down like that. Let's see how you like a personality change!" DC said as he laughed, but he stopped as he felt the feeling of being flipped followed by his face hitting the ground, THEN an elbow drop into his back leaving him stunned. Mack flew up and stopped around 200 feet, he hovered then just let gravity do the work for him, delivering the biggest body splash in all history driving him and Dischord into the ground a good 10 feet. Mack was the first to climb out of the hole.

"Wow, never thought that woulda worked. Keen. Hah, take that Dischord, how do you like good ol' scottish brutality." He said as he was gloating though, DC climbed out of the hole, reached to his foot, touched him and poofed him into a baby.

"WELL, *cough cough cough* did not expect a hand to hand man combat that wasn't from her royal pain's guard." DC said. "Now that that is fixed, I think it's time to- AHHHHH!" DC yelled as he is flipped again by Baby Mack.

"AGH, I better get going before he starts teething on my leg, here little guy have a cotton candy cloud." DC said as he handed Mack a cloud of cotton candy that rained chocolate milk. He started chewing on it as DC left him.

So the story continues on. Twilight is sent all her old reports, saves her friends with a memory spell, gathers them all together, defeats Dischord and restores everything to a non chaotic world once more. Everything goes back to normal as Mack poofs back to his older self, still chewing on a cloud, his red spiked hair, baggy shirt, and jeans with his desinger tennis shoes.

"Mmm, good cloud, GAH, gotta find Fluttershy!!!" He yelled as he zoomed off to find her.

Through dumb luck or the innate sense of him loving Fluttershy, he found himself in Canterlot, charging straight to the princess's court with no guards. It was the hour of guard change. So, he started spinning and carved a silouette like image of his running in one of the doors. Guards were about to arrest him, but Fluttershy came running into his arms, burying her face into his shoulder.

"Ahem, who is this man that carved his image into the doors?" Celestia asked.

"Sorry, yer highness. I am Mack Spinnerson, artisan of clouds from Ponyville. I came here looking for Fluttershy." Mack replied.

"Yes, umm sorry for his doings........." Fluttershy said quietly as she gave him a kiss on the cheeks.

"It seems she loves you very much and you love her back." Celestia replied as her rainbow hair defied physics and her white business suit glowed with power.

"Aye, that much be true, though I wish for it to be more." Mack said almost poetically.

Fluttershy just kept her embrace as the princess gave her thanks to the heroes and looked at the couple as they left. Smiling in an approval-like way. It was a sight for Canterlot, a man who wasn't a bearer leaving the castle with no warrants for breaking into the castle. It was a sight when the group left. Rarity and Applejack having an arguement, Twilight and little Spike walking together talking about tomorrows schedule, RD is laughing to Pinkie's crazy antics, why, well it was funny to her, Mack didn't know. At the head of the group though, Fluttershy getting a piggyback ride from Mack, her head resting on his shoulder, both looks contrasting. His tan skin, red spiked hair, 9 o' clock shave, flanel shirt with a white undershirt, jean shorts, and running shoes meets her cream colored skin, long flowing pink hair, boots, black tights, booty shorts, and a sweater. If you were there, it would really be a sight.

Just as Mack and Fluttershy were almost home, they crusaders intercepted them. By then, Mack and Fluttershy had been holding hands walking together so the girls saw a perfect chance to ask them.

"So, how has it been going between you two, heh." Scootaloo asked.

"Heh heh, that's an adult question that I only answer wit' an adult answer. But lets just say everything is going well." Mack replied.

"So, I jes' wanna get this straight, ya barged right into the royal castle, an' din't get arrested fer it? How did ya do that?" Applebloom asked.

"Oh, umm, I kinda ran into his arms...." Fluttershy replied.

Mack continued, "Which is apparantly enough ta' convince the princess not to arrest me.... SO, you lassies want to hear a story?"

"YEA!" "Ok." "Just make sure Rarity doesn't get mad at me for coming home late."

They entered their cottage as the girls took a seat on the couch and Mack sat on the ground pow wow style.

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"Ok lasses, no dialogue from the characters, don't really remember the story..."

'Aww, oh ok then'

*Lets get it on, I hope it is action filled like RD's story.*

"That's just it then, it is about RD, herself. How we became friends in all reality."

*So wait your telling us how you became friends with Equestria's best junior flier!*

"Yep, so lets get it started."

Growing up as a little boy in Cloudsdale, well, was awesome. My mom and dad moved to Cloudsdale, mom from the Fillypines, ma' pa from the United Coltdom. Though flying was something that came when I was 3. My parents had realized I was insane after an explosion happened. Though back to point, my parents knew I had potential to be a great flyer and live up to the Spinnerson name. Ma, ol' pa sent me to Junior Speedster flying camp. That was before the Sonic Rainboom and what not so Dash was still tryin' to find her true skill. The counsulers saw I had some skill, but most of it was raw flying power. Being as crazy as I was led to crazy speed. I could meet RD on speed, though I din't know that at the time. Heck din't even know anyone at the camp. But one fateful day, Dash was feeling extra confident and challenged anyone to a race. Being me, I took up the offer. A one lap race through the course at the camp. She thought nothing of me, so when we started, I blasted off faster than she did. She gained on me, but I was able to keep my lead.

*So you were actually winning in that race?*

"Yep, was hard."

'Did ya beat her? Did ya, did ya, did ya'

"I'm gettin' ta' it lass, calm ya horses."

As the race was nearing the end, she was closing in on me, we both agreed we have our arms down for the last leg of the race. We matched in speed but at the end Dash had 1 percent more than me. I landed farther away from the finish mostly due to my lack of self control.

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"Though, I landed farther, I wish I can say that I won, but I can't, but hell we both had our fun, broke the sound barrier before we hit the finish line and we became buddies that day. Ahh what a time it was." Mack finished.

Applebloom had no words to describe the story. Scootaloo was all jittery with the race and Sweetie Belle, was satisfied with the story. Fluttershy looked like she was remembering something and she did.

"Wait so you were the one who lost to Dash in that race. I admired you from a distance trying to come to you, but you kept on moving away from my grasp. I wondered why I didn't recognize you?" Fluttershy said.

"I had longer hair....." Mack replied.

Something compelled Fluttershy to dive into Mack and she gave him a big loving hug, tears of joy coming from her face as she kissed him multiple times.

"Ewwwww." All 3 crusaders said.

"I think this is a little too much love for us to handle." Sweetie Belle said.

Someone had barged in while the two were picking themselves up. She had been listening to the whole story and decided that she hadto come in.

"So you are tellin' me that you fell in love with him even though he lost." The lass said.

"Oi, Dash stop ruining a good moment for me and Fluttershy. This ain't what good buddies do ta' each other. Don't ya have manners lass." Mack chuckled.

"Oh Dash what are you doing here. I thought you went home?" Fluttershy asked.

"I did, but I flew over you guys and then I heard a story so I had to listen in. Anyway, here is also what happened. Apparantly, someone had a camera and took a photo finish well....... You won that race Mack." RD muttered.

Everyone was dumbstruck. Even Mack who got to his feet just fell over like a tree. Just the surprise that he won along with the picture and RD admitting herself was shocking to him. He saw the picture and noticed that an age old manuver won him that race. The old stick your tongue out for that extra milimeter got him victory.

"Well, shave ma' hair and call me Bessie, I won that race..... Ya' want a rematch eh?" Mack asked.

"Man, ya know me all to well, shouldn't be surprised really." RD replied.

"I'll take that as a yes, then. Get ya flag Fluttershy, its gona be a race from here to Cloudsdale and back!" Mack exclaimed.

Fluttershy got her old checkered flag and signaled for the racers to be ready. Mack and RD lined up, him in his casual clothes, a white tee and sport shorts with old running shoes and RD, with a sports tank and jogging pants and tennis shoes all being topped off with her rainbow hair ready to fly and fingerless gloves. Fluttershy swung her flag and they took off. Two friends racing once more, older and more experienced. They fly once more.

Comments

[The sad mare]

love it so far pretty interesting

[TheOwlWBU]

Well to be honest with you I'm not enjoying this. I'll detail my issues:

The characters:

I have problems with Mack, and I'll start with the biggest one; he's a Gary Stu. There's no getting around this. He failed http://www.ponylandpress.com/ms-test.html to an unfathomable degree. The guy just sort of barges in and solves all the problems (oh, except when he's "asleep" during big events).

He at one point claims to be from Scotland (Even though Equestria is not on Earth and there is no Scotland), which makes me suspect that this is a self-insert as well, especially considering your username is Makmix. Talking about that, you're not writing a Scottish accent very well. I thought he was from Wigan. So what you've done is make a 2D Gary Stu, and then shipped it with a mane cast character. I don't like him.

The writing:

The first chapter is off-putting. The very start made alarms ring. It was written like this. You used short terse sentences. Sentences need to flow. But by doing this you are putting up hurdles. These make the sentence stutter.

I could maybe put up with that. But then something unforgivable happened. The narrator (AKA you) began breaking the fourth wall in a very obnoxious way. Observe the following quotes:

>So they sent him to Junior Speedster Flight Camp (or what ever it is called)
>Once he stopped, his flank (or in this case his upper thigh) had his cutie mark.
>So, Mack had left his impression and well, you all know what happens. If you don’t, here it is in a nutshell.
>This is where we left off in the intro.
>So story tells itself for this part. If you don’t know what happened at the Gala, hear it is in a nutshell.
>Though, it was going to be a great day the day after he moved in. Why is that so? Good question, Dischord broke his seal and is free to roam.
>All nodded their heads and well, the rest is episode 1 & 2 of season 2. If you don't know, then here it is in a nutshell.
>So the story continues on.

Seriously man, cut that shit out!

Finally, the construction is terrible. Tenses all fucked up, grammar mangled, spelling fucked (It's Discord, by the way). If English isn't your first language and you've been relying on Google Translate a lot then I guess you're off the hook, but if your native language is English then you need to sort yourself out.

Finally, please write ponies as ponies. I was raging at how they were all wearing clothes until I realised that you'd written them to be angels for some reason. There's just no reason for doing that!

Sorry man. Don't want to be harsh but this isn't very good and you need to go learn the ways of the author-fu before starting, or else you'll end up with some My Immortal-style bollocks.

[makmix]

386379 ahem I do value your opinion but if I must interject, three of the genres says human and random and comedy so that is self explanatory also I must say that this is just a hobby....... If I were more serious, it would have better structure and minimal, if none, fourth wall breaking. Lastly this is my first fic so go a little easy on the mak. Honestly I'm thinking of a more serious story anyway so yea. I write how I want and you write how you write. Ok? Ok.