When Twilight discovers a mysterious crown in the caves underneath Canterlot, it quickly becomes apparent that the item has a bit of a history between Princess Celestia and Luna. Whoever wears the crown will be the one true queen of Equestria. After a lengthy feud, the two reach an agreement.
The fate of the crown, as well of Equestria itself, will be decided... through combat.
Which alicorn will triumph over the other? Who will be the sole ruler of the nation? Can Twilight stop them from pushing each other too far?
It's the battle of sisters in a fight for supremacy!
Action/Adventure
Chapters (2)
This has the framework of a good story, that said, I see some issues with character motivations and plot within. First and foremost we really aren't given sufficient reason why Equestria needs a queen. You say that they do but they've functioned a long time without one. The other obvious issue I noticed was Twilight. Seems out of character for her to simply ignore the situation and declare neutrality. As the head of the elements of harmony it seems logical she'd want to resolve this situation peacefully and would actively attempt to talk Luna and Celestia out of fighting and instead into cooperation(also think if absolutely forced she'd favor her longtime mentor over Luna).
3198570
Twilunestia won? :3 Didnt read yet but will get right on it :3
Update: Read it. There are... 3 unfinished portions, was that intentional? The ones marked by () and author's notes. Remove them (or resolve one way or another) and it will be nice.
As for the fic itself, the plot is average, but not bad or boring; a bit predictable, maybe. The details are of high quality, but that would be expected from you, really :3 Also it's nice to see a fic with Pony Sisters getting their hooves dirty, instead of doing whatever and sending out others :3
But the obvious question of why exactly the queen is required and/or needs to be alone, expect for the pride factor for Luna and guardian angel factor for Celestia, should probably be answered somehow.
Also it creates a different issue. Princesses are sort of equal to each other. Obviously they maintain different political roles, with Celestia still as the main ruler on one side of the spectrum and Twilight living pretty much like she always did on the other. Yet the status is more or less the same. Introduction of queens, however, creates a sort of a rift between 'lesser' princesses and Pony Sisters. And that is... Not really a good thing, come to think of it.
3200122
Ho-ly shit, I can't believe I left my parenthesis notes in, I am embarrassed that I did that. I really need to read through my fics again, I've been getting really lazy as of late. Bad bad bad
I kind of meant the absence of a queen to be the reason princess had such a different meaning in the series (which is what they studio just loved reminding us of during Twilicorngate). So with the role of queen reinstated, the hierarchy would take on a more traditional role, with the queen making the important executive decisions, and the princess being there as a figure/runner up. Guess I didn't convey that very well.
I really had fun putting together the fight scenes. It's pretty much like writing clop, just with hooves slapping against each others faces instead of their butts.
3202127 That still doesnt answer the question of why did Pony Sisters want it to change. Change something that worked quite well before. I still think it would be unhealthy to 'demote' Cadence and Twilight in title, but it's just me I guess.
Promising premise. Before starting to read it, the first thing that comes to mind from the description is "so what happens if Twilight just puts it on while the sisters are fighting over it?". Here's hoping, because that'd be really entertaining.
3443218
She'd probably want to stay as far away from the crown as possible at this point
The last scene with Discord deserves the like. Not to mention from the sparring rounds you have described got my attention ready for next chapter.
it....is...ON!
3683239
Honestly, I'm surprised anyone is still reading this story.
3684930
I guess I'm surprising you as well, then.
Sooo... what to make of this one.
The premise sounded interesting enough to catch my attention. The execution was good enough as well. Nice pacing, nice interactions between the pony sisters... Twilight not picking sides was a good idea, too. But there's a reason I can't bring myself to fully enjoy this story - or to call it one of my favorites.
The story gave me that reason itself - in the shape of an irritated Fluttershy. You know... she's right. She's completely right. They both do set a really bad example for others. This indeed could trouble future negotiations with foreign nations. There's a whole lot of reasons why this fight was downright stupid. But that's my rationality speaking.
Throughout the story, I could easily empathize with Twilights struggle and her pain. Seeing two ponies one cares about physically fighting just doesn't feel right, no matter if they think they need that or should honour some agreement or anything at all. It really doesn't matter. They hurt Twilight. To the point of tears, to the point of self-doubt, to the point that she actually blamed herself for their possible deaths. And this horrible disaster... was dropped. "Hey look, they get up, everything's fine!" - "Oh, okay, if you say so!" The ending came waaay too fast. It was too... easy.
Twilight instantly forgave them, because, hey, why not, right? It's not like they didn't seem to care about her feelings in this at all, right?
We know Twilight can be a little bit... weird. When it comes to being tardy. Or disappointing the princess. Stuff like that. I could've easily seen her melting that damn crown to a gooey mess the moment they opened those doors and tried to make her sign their agreement as a witness. Out of a panic attack. Out of unimaginable fear for both their lifes. Gosh, maybe even out of calculations she did while waiting. I could see her dragging her friends plus the elements to that fight, just to threaten them to stop instantly - not that her friends would've approved of that, but it could've been one of Twilights 'glorious, infallible ideas' while being under extreme pressure.
I think, my point here is, or rather, my two points are:
Twilight could've done more to stop them and I think it would've fit her character splendidly to do so. And adding to that, both Luna and Celly should've known better.
While I did enjoy the story to some extent, I just really didn't like the ending.
6073656
This was a big lesson I had to learn on my part, mostly that shonen-style storytelling doesn't mix with the MLP-verse as I'm hoping the studio themselves discovered after Twilight's Kingdom. I'm probably not going to do another story like this again, where bad things happen just to lead up to a cool fight. If I really want to do that, I'll have to take up drawing again; shit like that works better in a visual comic form.
I'll be honest. Neither sunbutt or moonbutt deserve anything after all this. Why? You'd think they would have learned after the Nightmare Moon mess.
I love the story. Just saying that neither of them frankly deserve their titles right now. I think this is why their mom didn't give either of them that crown.
Heck she might have given it to either Twilight or Fluttershy since they were the only two with any common sense in all this.