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The unnamed warrior tries to find a way to escape the asylum, but he ended up taking a fatally wounded knights undead mission. He eventually meets up with six other travelers who recently turned undead, and who are also trying to complete there own undead mission, But little do they know what kind of dangers lie ahead...
(loosely based on the game Dark Souls)
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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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i really liked this story!!! make more!!!!
for a new writer you are pretty good, keep up the good work
3186630
The confusion of who is talking is related to the fact that the author is not separating conversations into separate paragraphs.
This can be easily fixed by making a new paragraph every time a new character speaks. Even if each character says only one sentence it should be separated from the next characters speech.
That is my recommendation.
Well now when I get to writing my own dark souls story. There will be three on this website ( oh well I wasn't planning on doing it for a while and who doesn't like competition?)
thank you for the help guys ... i will try to separate the quotes from the narration on my next part of the story and later i will do that to the existing parts too
okay guys! sorry for the wait, i'll have the next part up in a few days! Woot! Woot!
Be there dragons?
Planning on it.
It's not Dark Souls without dragons.
First Comment!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOWOWOWOWOOOOOOOOOOO
dem Fucin' Bananas.... they're creeppy!!!!!
It seems as though the layout of the map has changed because they had killed the gargoyles before they crossed the bridge. this is going to be one long story if it covers the whole of the game.
3590270
I didnt follow the game... its my own thing with a twist of DS. be prepaired to ragequit
3590274 I see now. let's just hope they kill the gaping dragon before the magnus keeper of the abyss. lol
3590281
Haven't gotten there yet.....
Haha, great story so far.
3906213
Thank you
I take back my last comment I posted on this chapter, ive only noticed 3 typos, also, this story is great.
This story is great, I hope you continue it.
Demons talking? Bullshit! Other than that and the fact you keep putting "hallow" instead of "hollow" it's all fine really
There's talk of missions but no explanation for what they are. The Oscar pony didn't give the old tale and I have no idea what the Mane 6 mission is XD. Also Rocky better become a GiantDad
... Havel?! Bishop Havel?! Bishop Havel the Rock?! No just a name... Right? But still for an undead that's been to the asylum he's got an EXCELLENT memory ._. And do undead need to eat? I don't think any of them ever eat food XD
Alright I've got serious problem here. Hollowing isn't evil nor does make anyone evil. Humanity is the fuel for the first flame. Undead are used as fuel. Burning their humanity. Hollows aren't capable of evil. They're not capable of anything. That's why they're called hollows... They're empty... And that miracle... Is the largest amount if bullshit I've ever read but I'm gonna give this story a few more chances because I'm enjoying it. Also the end of that chant was about banishing nothing into the void... The Abyss? Wait is she praying for his humanity to go the Abyss? She's trying to kill him XD
So I guess there are no giants... And hollows aren't hate filled beings they're literally empty! No memories, few souls, barely any equipment and no emotions. They're what the undead fear not because they're some evil monster but because they have nothing if what made them as people anymore. And the bell is just a signal for the gate keepers to wake up and open it
Why does Solaire give a damn about Celestia? It's made clear in the game that he cherishes to sun itself and not Gwyn. Celestia isn't the sun so he'd just be like in the game and praise the sun not the sun mover. Dragons aren't evil they're basically the most passive creatures in the game. Drakes are humans or in this case ponies that joined the dragon covenant to gain the dragons power. The Ancient Dragons never attack without provocation... Actually one of them doesn't attack you even if you cut it's tail off. Further more shut up Fluttershy that's a drake XD
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there is a reason why I stopped this story. My Lore back then was off. but like I said in the description, this fic is loosely based off the game. its in my own universe.
4868365 Fair enough... Sorry if I was a bit... Strong with the comments XD