Awake and Walk
When I woke up there was silence, and after a few seconds, noise erupted around me. The slow beep of the heart monitor, the flipping of papers, the voices of several different ponies. I saw blurs as different ponies moved across the room. I slowly started to be able to make out the different shapes of ponies. Slowly, ever so slowly, the sounds became more audible. When the chaos had died down, a doctor came up next to me, and I heard him say “Miss Red Heart, can you hear and understand what I am saying? If yes blink twice.”
I strain my mind, trying to make myself blink, once. It was harder to re-open them than it was to close them. I strained again and gave a second slow blink. The tension in the room seemed to loosen its grip by quite a bit.
“OK Red, this is a very interesting situation you've found yourself in, you see, you were dead for about three minutes.” He paused to let that sink in. “Dr. Bris was about to unplug you after one minute, but Dr. Goodwin stopped and insisted on giving you more time, they got into an argument which soon became physical and they are both in their offices cooling off. We've sent word to them that you are awake again.”
I heard a familiar deep, feminine voice say, “It’s like she rose from the dead or something like that. Damn.” It was Sugar Spoon standing on the right side of my bed.
Just then the door opened and Dr. Bris, and Dr. Goodwin entered the room, the pale yellow walls outlining their figures. The ceiling fan turned around and made a click with every rotation. “See I told you she would be OK!” snapped Dr. Goodwin.
“Don’t be stupid, it’s only mere chance that your constant screaming brought her to.” Dr. Bris snapped back. “Besides, it’s a lost cause anyway.”
“There’s no such thing as a lost cause.” retorted Dr. Goodwin.
“Yes there is, sometimes it’s better to know when to not waste the resources so you don’t lose more lives than you have to.”
“Dear Luna, shut up!” the shout came from a place nopony could tell. Until that is, they noticed me sitting up in my bed.” My heart monitor was beeping at a fast rate; my mane had been taken out of its bun and hung over my eyes. I turned to get out of bed and stepped onto the cold tile floor.
“Red. You shouldn't be doing that.” Said the first Doctor who I had seen when I woke up.
I didn't listen to him; I continued walking towards Dr. Hugh Bris, with every step pulling off another wire and occasionally a tube. Where the tubes had been pulled out, blood started to seep out. “You are the most coldblooded, no-good; low down, sorry excuse for a Doctor I have ever met Mr. Bris.”
“That’s Dr. Bris!” he replied sharply.
“See, you before you think about the harm happening to your patients, you’re concerned if everypony knows you have a piece of paper with three letters on it. You do not deserve the title of ‘Doctor’ or any other title worthy of mention.” I stopped in front of him, looking at him through my mane. He showed no emotion what so ever. He was so pathetic; I just wanted to kill him. But instead I tilted my head up to his face and spat. What came out was a mixture of saliva and blood. As my blood splattered on the lenses of his glasses, his emotion didn't change; he kept a straight look, even as the blood made contact with his face. I gritted my teeth for about a second and then started coughing up blood violently onto the floor. As I stood there, blood running down my chin, neck, torso, and even to my leg I heard the muffled sound of Dr. Bris’s voice saying, “Miss Heart, you’re fired.” in a flat, emotionless tone.
I looked up in disbelief, what? Fired? No that can’t be, I had patients to take care of, and they expected to see me every other day. What would happen if there was a change in routine, especially to the younger or less stable patients? Little Jingle Bells who had always loved to see me every day, to be honest, I think he had some puppy love for me, he would be heartbroken. I couldn't perceive what reality was and what was not. The room was spinning, and my knees became weak. I felt tears running down my face, and then, I blacked out.
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Great story
Hmm. The pacing is a little strange, but if you're going to do what I think you're going to do - Redheart teaming up with Luna in a spectacle of badass - then I will love this story.
3134545 thank you for the feed back as this is not the final product. (as indicated by the 'incomplete' status) I knew there were a bunch of in-continuities and this was an earlier writing of mine. I was hoping to get comments on it suggesting things I could do to make it better. (Though I wasn't expecting one comment to be that long (you must really love to knit pick at every little detail, which is not bad, but it can hinder your reading experience (especially with a series)so a word of advice to you: lighten up, sometimes authors just have their 'Derp' moments.) Thank you again for your feed back, I will take note of what you have said, though it's impossible to please everyone I try my best to. Also in the future, I would appreciate it if you keep the comments short, and exclude harsh language (which you didn't use) because I share this computer with younger relatives, and I would hate for them to stumble across someone being rude to their role model (what I mean is; I don't want them to think that I am sad, so they don't get sad or angry). I will probably be responding to your points in separate responses as you have so many of them (which is awesome that I got so much feedback in one comment) and I will try to answer questions as best I can. Thank you, and have a ponyful day.
3134545 for your 1st point, It doesn't describe her whole day because it gets cut short by what happens at the end of the 1st chapter. And remember-Incomplete.
3134545 for your second point: All the medical knowledge comes from: Dr. Oz (my mom makes me watch it sometimes against my will), Boy Scouts of America First Aid requirements, CPR training with the American Heart Association, whenever my Mom takes the TV remote and switches to (God shield us) Grey's Anatomy, Personal experience at hospitals (volunteering or recovering from surgery), and piled on mish mash of everything but medical school. Also I explain that there is no medical school in Ponyville. Thridly I don't know what privatized means, but I assume it has to do with doctor patient discrepancy, so yeah doctors aren't going to go rattling off ponies medical info. Also, it's hard enough to explain the real medical system (which I still don't fully understand) so why complicate things with a new one.
3134545 Point #3: I like to use symbols ironically (like having a bird in a cage of a man who just escaped slavery (random example)) because it's funny when people get confused, and it makes them think, which is what an author is supposed to do. Who said Chiclets are bad? You sir, have obviously never read "How to Read Literature Like a Professor" which states (with much truth) that everything is a cliche, nothing can be labeled original these days. If you want to think they're in America then feel free to hack my account and ad an "Alternate Universe" tag to the story then return to your own account. As for the names (I should have put this in the Author's notes) I used the name Reeda for a friend of mine named Rita who is a very good person as you will see Red Heart truly is minus the human part. The name Michael is (I can't believe I have to spoon feed this to someone who is obviously very smart and involved with literature) a Biblical name, and let me say that you never expect a character to make a come-back when they show up out of nowhere. Names are important the characters have the names they do for a reason.
3134545 Point 4: My bad
. But it's like when you have a big head, and little arms, and you're just not sure how well this plan was thought out. Also I do not appreciate the 'Masochist' comment. Self harm is a serious issue that many suffer from and I have several friends who are trying to deal with it. So please refrain from insulting any other group that you are prejudiced against.
3134545 point 5: funny story about Sugar Spoon, I had a nurse pretty much exactly like her when in recovery from one of my surgeries. *True Story*
and the knee-knocker scene was simply because I wanted to give the readers a break from all the gloomy stuff, it's fun to make someone laugh. And who said there was a "villain" or "antagonist" as I prefer. There are 3 types of conflict: with other characters, with nature (God like force), and with self. Now I have had some side conflict, but the true conflict of the story has not been revealed yet. Remember- Incomplete
3134545 Point six: well firstly I'm getting the vibe that you are assuming the story is complete, and when you you assume you make an a
out of u and me. If you are angry, then honestly you take things way too seriously, I post stuff on here for fun, I know not all of it is my best (personally I excel in poetry) but I had no idea people took non-cannon, fictional stories so seriously. And once again remember the status as of now is, (say it with me) "Incomplete" 
3134545 Point #7: Just look at all that I've said before, I'm honestly getting tired of answering the same question with the same answer, so unless you have some REAL criticism try harder or stop wasting my time that I could be using to actually improve the story. And AGAIN I don't intend on selling these stories, I just write them for fun to get my creative juices flowing, and also because publishers don't like authors under the age of 18. As for the line and your response to it...
I didn't know people stopped being born as a child. (Meaning it's meant to touch on the inner child of the characters who *SPOILERS* *SERIOUSLY SPOILERS* *I WILL SPOIL MY OWN STORY AND YOU CAN'T STOP ME* She was and still is always paranoid of what others think of her (real issue that affects many people suffering from different things including myself and quite frankly I don't want to wast brain cells being insulted by your comment but I literally (in the actual sense of the word) can't help but feel offended)
3134545 Point 8: Welp, like I said, I'm the last person to ask about medical procedures, but that is actually based on a true story *true story* and he's an emotional wreck because he is the only doctor with the decency to put his patient's lives before his own. Finally, there is no such thing as "Normal" good day sir.
3134545 You sir obviously have no eyes if you can not see that there are three chapters (that have been released) in this story, so you have basically made a critique of an entire story based off of a small snippet, that reminds me of one of Lauren Faust's critics. So don't tell me I'm doing it wrong before I've even finished, because this is less than half of the basic skeleton of the story! Quite frankly I don't care for the way you word some of your comments, they are insulting, prejudice, unjustified, and quite frankly you are being worse than a parasprite because at least I can love and tolerate them. I will not block you as it is against my principals of constructive criticism , but will say if you cannot control your levels of offensiveness the I must ask you to please leave good sir! and Good Day!