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Landmine

Joined July 2011
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Raynor’s Raiders, upon escaping a large scale Zerg attack, find themselves stranded on an unknown planet of ponies. When the Zerg suddenly attack en mass, the crew is forced to interact with the nearby village.

First Published
14th Jul 2011
Last Modified
23rd Apr 2012

Comments ( 43 )

#1 · Chapter 4 · 137w, 3d ago · · ·

Well, I'd have to say all in all this looks like an awesome story!

I'll admit the beginning seemed a little bit rocky and I've encountered a few parts near the beginning that seemed a little bit off things really started to shape up into a fantastic tale as the chapters rolled in! :twilightsmile:

The little part at the beginning of the chapter really threw in a bit of a possibly long standing cliff hanger.  I mean, was that all just a manifestation in some ponies dream?  Was the Pony who was captured really wrapped up in a cocoon right this moment like Kerigan?

Most importantly though, is the main antagonist for this story going to be... who I think it is? Cause right now I have two ideas on who it'll be.  If it's a dream, it's kinda obvious who I suspect with the little outburst, in which case things just got a whole lot creepier.  On the other hoof, the thought of a zergified Trixie is strangely awesome.  :trixieshiftright:

#2 · Chapter 2 · 137w, 2d ago · · ·

How does Tychus carry his weapon if he has hooves? Everyone seems to do that in their stories.

#3 · Chapter 4 · 137w, 2d ago · · ·

>>3597

I'm glad my tricks have worked. The first section of the chapter is however Zerg communicate with each other. It's not a dream per-say, but more of a telepathic connection (if I understand Zerg to any extent). I had to listen to the Overmind's opening speeches multiple times (both the one to you at the start of the first game, and then his speech to Kerrigan) to perfect the section.

As for Trixie... as awesome as it would be, having the new "Zerg Queen" be a unicorn could pose many magical problems (although it could also solve others). I already got flak for making Raynor a unicorn (important detail).

#4 · Chapter 4 · 137w, 2d ago · · ·

Wow! As a huge fan of Starcraft, I believe you mixed this story in so darn well! The only thing I was oddly disappointed about was not having Tosh in the mix, he probably could have guided  or had some sort of psychological voodoo reasoning or idea to what had happened.

Its an amazing story, And I am sure expecting more. Like everyone else I hate waiting, so be kind and make more soon :pinkiesad2: plleeeasseeee :scootangel:

Best regards, Your biggest fan as of now Darkevony :twilightblush:

#5 · Chapter 4 · 137w, 2d ago · · ·

Will there be an possible protoss insertion into equestria as well?

just wondering, also GREAT STORY Sc veteran here might help you out if u need info. :twilightsheepish:

#6 · Chapter 4 · 137w, 2d ago · · ·

This story :rainbowkiss:

#7 · Chapter 4 · 137w, 1d ago · · ·

Love this so far. Thanks for the hard work. Its so :pinkiecrazy:! Can't wait to read more. :pinkiehappy:

#8 · Chapter 4 · 137w, 1d ago · · ·

>>3769

I'm going to have to disappoint everybody right here. No Protoss. Not only because I can't find a logical way to get them to Equestria (once the Protoss tech starts malfunctioning, they're all screwed), but because they would probably start cleansing the planet before the story got too far. I'm pretty sure that would put a quick end to the story.

#9 · Chapter 4 · 137w, 1d ago · · ·

hmmm well it's an okay story write more chapters if you can.

#10 · Chapter 2 · 137w, 1d ago · · ·

Why does everyone turn into ponies when thrown through there by mistake? Happens in Pony Space and here too. That's 2 universes where'd I'd gladly stay human just to keep my hands. Also yeah, some explanation as to why and how the marines can use their human weapons just fine would be much appreciated as that kinda stretches willing suspension of disbelief a wee bit too much. Actually they took way too quickly to being an entirely different species way too well. I mean Jim asking Swann to fix a freaking battlecruiser with no hands! Aside from looking themselves over, they just accept it? That just doesn't happen. At least in the Dead pace crossover isaac still thikns he's going insane.

#11 · Chapter 3 · 137w, 1d ago · · ·

How does Jim know the Mane 6's names? Fighting an immense wave of Zerg hardly seems like there'd be enough time for introductions. One problem is Jim Raynor may be a nice fellow but he doesn't automatically trust everyone he meets. He's been betrayed pretty majorly several times throughout his life, the Queen of Blades and Emperor Arcturus Mengsk only being 2 of them. It seems rather odd that he'd offer to train someone he'd meet for only a few hours. Also again how the hell are they using guns and power armor?! PACING!:facehoof:

#12 · Chapter 4 · 137w, 1d ago · · ·

The random fight between Matt and Jim made no freaking sense. One arguing that they need to attack the zerg while the other says they need to get up the resources to attack the zerg. Matt's entire argument is illogical. The zerg are not just something you jump into the fray against with no planning or resources. If you lack the resources you will eventually run out of bullets. Which means Matt is acting like a complete idiot to create added drama and to almost rip a scene from the second game almost line for line.

Also battlecruisers aren't common, mate. in fact the Dominion has less than a hundred battlecruisers.

Why did Jim just suddenly divulge everything about the Great War and all the political machinations that went on within the Confederacy and Mengsk. Also he really gave no backstory as to who Kerrigan was which would be kinda important considering she's the one currently in control of the Swarm.

#13 · Chapter 4 · 136w, 6d ago · · ·

mfw Rarity praised Matt :rainbowlaugh:

Great work so far, I'm enjoying this Starcraft crossover the most. My only complaint is that trying to recreate cutscenes from the game are sometimes a bit out of context or a bit "out of no where" it seems. Perhaps Twilight wondering into the archives, as did Mr Findlay, would have been an easier way to explain the situation with the Zerg and Dominion. Reading on already knowing everything about the Starcraft universe really helps understanding whats going on at times as well.

If your implying what I think your implying, then I'm looking forward the confrontation between Celestia and Raynor for great lulz.

Keep up the good work!

#14 · Chapter 4 · 130w, 6d ago · · ·

Please write more of this! it's working out really well and you have clarified a lot about the marines being ponified, unlike some other crossover writers. it's been really detailed and I would like this to be continued! Please? :pinkiehappy:

#15 · Chapter 4 · 130w, 3d ago · · ·

>>3796

what about if it was just Zeratul to come. it would fit how he was able to appear on the Hyperion with out been discovered.

will we be seeing Sarah at all?

cant wait for more of this story it is awesome.

#16 · Chapter 4 · 128w, 1d ago · · ·

im watching this epic story

#17 · Chapter 4 · 127w, 8h ago · · ·

Starcraft 2 + Ponies = Awesome. Great story.

#18 · Chapter 3 · 125w, 6d ago · · ·

>>3896

agreed

#19 · Chapter 4 · 125w, 5d ago · · ·

I had tha same idea about an hour ago without even spotting this story.Well, the worst things always happen to me.:applecry:

#20 · Chapter 4 · 124w, 4d ago · · ·

:pinkiehappy::pinkiehappy::pinkiehappy::pinkiehappy::pinkiehappy::pinkiehappy::pinkiehappy::pinkiehappy::pinkiehappy::pinkiehappy::pinkiehappy::pinkiehappy::pinkiehappy::pinkiehappy::pinkiehappy:

#21 · Chapter 1 · 121w, 2d ago · · ·

dam another way it could have happened. bravo my good sir

#22 · Chapter 4 · 121w, 2d ago · · ·

no more story?

#23 · Chapter 4 · 120w, 5d ago · · ·

Loving it so far.

Though I do feel that they got too used to eachother, and the situation, too quick; as though things of this caliber happen all the time. Also, some people might not get some references if they've never seen or played Starcraft.

Regardless, can't wait to see the ending.

"We require more text!"

#24 · Chapter 4 · 118w, 4d ago · · ·

Zecora as a Zerg Commander? HELL YEAH!

#25 · Chapter 3 · 118w, 3d ago · · ·

i so hope  kerrigan will show up in this, ponykerrigan cant get more epic then that

#26 · Chapter 4 · 112w, 4d ago · · ·

I liked it. Are you gonna keep going??

#27 · Chapter 4 · 112w, 3d ago · · ·

Remember when I worked on this story? So long ago? Good news. I'm working my way back into the old writing groove and may be able to work out some of the wrenches cannon threw at this story. Got some other epic sized stuff to work on, so I am saying absolutely nothing on ETA's.

To answer some of the aging questions that have been ignored:

1) Although people have looked down on the idea of ponies using hooves to grasp objects, I sought it reasonable to imagine marines to hold weapons while standing on their back hooves. Obviously, firebats and alike have built-in hoof-weapons, so imagine how they work as you will. Also, only slightly experienced marines are of service at this time in the story (behind-the-text: there are issues among the crew).

2) My choice of progression questioned, I do have a reason for the rocky alliance between Alfalfa and Raynor's men. "The enemy of my enemy is my ally." Not to say Raynor doesn't have his precautions/worries/past, it is understandable that - for moral reasons - Raynor has some form of knowing what is going on. Remember, the Raiders are running on minimal moral and the leaders know it. For those who don't put 2 and 2 together: without having an idea on the situation, people will lose the little hope that they have. This is why the "hope" speech was used early: to get peoples minds off the very complicated and horrifying pony ordeal and back on fighting to live another day. Keeping the "gloom and doom", hopeless scenario would have oriented this towards the "dark" side (I'm sorry for the pun).

Lastly:

A person has to learn from his mistakes, and the body of chapter 3 wasn't the best. From the feedback I'm reading, it should have been extended more and some details left/added in. I would probably end up completely rewriting the chapter if I were to revisit it now, but I hope to see the next chapters end up better. I thank people for their feedback.

#28 · Chapter 5 · 104w, 3d ago · · ·

I KNEW it would pay off to track this for so long. You don't know how happy i am right now :yay:

Now to read the thing

#29 · Chapter 5 · 104w, 3d ago · · ·

To quote Tychus: Hell, it's about time.

#30 · Chapter 5 · 104w, 3d ago · · ·

Was dat zecora?

#31 · Chapter 5 · 104w, 2d ago · · ·

I loved the reference to the cinematic intro from Brood War, excellent crossover my friend.

#32 · Chapter 2 · 104w, 2d ago · · ·

Ah, just lost interest, sorry :(

#33 · Chapter 2 · 104w, 11h ago · · ·

This is really, really sloppy on all counts.  Like, even technical nitpicks over punctuation and failing to delineate paragraphs out of the wall of text aside, it's sloppy.

The sense of urgency seems to be very, very confused.  The ponies are responding to an enormous alien spacecraft crashing and raining flaming hell down over Equestria with this detached but incredibly tame interest, casually greeting and pranking each other during a potential doomsday event with no real sense of, you know, panic.  (By the way, if it's going down fast enough to still be on fire going through the atmosphere, not only would getting up close and keeping pace probably be out of Dash's league, but even if she could she'd incinerate herself just by going that fast.  It happens because the atmosphere doesn't cooperate with the unbelievable amounts of speed you pick up easily in vacuum, not just because flaming things look cool.)

Then we cut to the marines, who have just been twisted into strange, foreign shapes, but dwell on it for all of five seconds then just kinda ponyshrug and go "whatevs, LOL".  I mean, forget the existential crisis; how are they even recognizing each other?  If you woke up in a bridge shot to hell and looked around and saw a bunch of pastel ponies that you've never seen before running around, would your first thought really be "yep, that's Tychus, Matt, Flynn -- gang's all here!"  When dudes-turned-ponies stories work, they work because they show that transition happening believably, and typically in a way only those characters could have done.

But no, the sense of urgency ends up coming from "man, we should leave the busted-up ship with a half-dead skeleton crew and go exploring a strange and potentially hostile world on foot right now."

#34 · Chapter 5 · 103w, 5d ago · · ·

>>504329

Thank you for the feedback, and I shall admit that editing isn't all that great when doing it yourself (I had a pre-reader, although he dropped away after the first release). I do have some information for you that might help clear some things up (in reverse order):

Chapter 1&2, the focus is around progressing out of the chaos. Post Chapter 2 is where the hold-out starts and there is dispute over whether to save the crew, or get backup. There is nothing about a fun adventure for the Terran, they are trying to grow their strength as much as possible before the Zerg arrive. If you follow Starcraft 2: WoL, think of the landing on Char on brutal: you've got a mean swarm to fend off and you have to decide whether the reinforcements are worth the trip; it might cost you the mission either way (for the average player).

I think you're seeing the transformation wrong. It's more shape-based, where the Terran retain enough of their previous selves for identification. Note: a big blue-suited pony is just as hard to identify as a big blue-suited human. The difficulty is overcoming the new figures, but Raynor gets a leg up on that. I already went over this, but have a very brief summary: When moral has hit rock bottom, it's best to try and stop it from getting worse. Note: The rest of the ship was likely to be in chaos from various events I did not mention.

Rainbow Dash... she enjoys making herself bigger than she is. I had it in mind that she was just boasting the whole thing, and in all honesty, probably didn't even get far outside Ponyville (she was too quick to get to Twilight). On the other hand, the ship would be on fire for two reasons: 1) Upon reentry, the friction from the atmosphere gets to points where it burns the air. Flames form a cone around the front, and to a pony looking through a telescope from an almost dead-on perspective, the ship would have large flames around it. 2) I explicitly hint the Zerg ("debris") are still in combat while in space (explosions being heard). Leaving out real science (lots of sci-fi, including Starcraft, would falter there), the Zerg would create explosions and start fires, only amplified upon atmospheric reentry.

For the lack of pony panic, Twilight, her friends and the Princesses were the only ones to know the objects were alien. Until the Zerg attacked Ponyville, everypony was oblivious to alien creatures (shock from the horrendous event was probably a big concern). There is a bit more I could tell, but I've got spoilers to keep.

Yet some more lengthy insight from me. Hopefully I managed to clear some things up, Waypoint, and I am working on advancing my novice writing skills. I appreciate the feedback.

PS: To anyone concerned about the amount of speculation coming from me: I'm leaving it up to the reader to create their own answers. I intend the story not to explain every single detail for you, but I do insight posts like this to give my point-of-view.

#35 · Chapter 5 · 101w, 6d ago · · ·

I am going to like this.

#36 · Chapter 1 · 101w, 5d ago · · ·

Hmmm... I'll have to read more.

#37 · Chapter 2 · 101w, 5d ago · · ·

:ajbemused: ... Man. At the least, make them say "Everyone" instead of "Everypony".  

#38 · Chapter 4 · 101w, 4d ago · · ·

Good. Now the details of why they said everypony is explaned.

#39 · Chapter 2 · 99w, 5d ago · · ·

Now this is just unbelieveable. Not only is the entire Hyperion crew pony-fied, but they're still capable of doing stuff. Worse, even the Zerg are ponified! WTH! :flutterrage:

#40 · Chapter 2 · 92w, 1h ago · · ·

ZERGLING RUSH:twilightangry2:

#41 · Chapter 5 · 68w, 3d ago · · ·

could you write a chapter or like half of one, following Rainbow a little more? I'd like to see that badassery!

and your story is very good! Imma be dreaming about ponies and starcraft ALOT tonight!

#42 · Chapter 1 · 13w, 8h ago · · ·

BO YA! TIme to see what happens next.

#43 · Chapter 2 · 13w, 8h ago · · ·

ZERG-FUCKING-RUSH! EVERYONE FIRE THEIR GUNS AND DUCK FOR COVER!

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