Now, I love Criminal Minds. But when the second paragraph looks like this:
"Just a second I need to the critters." Replied Fluttershy as she gives some birds seed to the birds.
I just... You accidentally a word in Fluttershy's dialogue, that's supposed to be a comma, replied is not supposed to be capitalized, birdseed is one word, and 'gives' is present tense and that's not right. I'm no Gideon, but already I can tell this is going to be a big mess.
I love Criminal Minds and I love MLP. So I LOVE this Story so far^^ Have seen all five seasons and have four season on DVD.
For the Bio for the Murderer... I would say, take the Standard from the most "Criminal Minds" Episodes. Bad Childhood, Parents total Sucks and drugs. Maybe he has see somepony die in a accident and was in wonder, how easy it is for somepony to die. He has Investigate many different ways of death, but something was off, because, what is it, when a Pony is murdered? Is the Death different? What would it feel, when you forcefully take a life?
interesting , writing Reid won't be easy so good luck
and for the name try to choose one who describe something from the murderer like the weapon he choose to kill or the way he kill somepony. . For example : Ink Razor (i know , i'm not very good with names)
Okay, I'll try my best to help you through here. I'm not experienced, but I'll try. Okay, one. You're missing Oh-So-Many commas. Two. A Few grammar mistakes. Three. GODDAMNIT MAN YOU'RE DRIVING ME CRAZY WITH THIS
Now, I love Criminal Minds. But when the second paragraph looks like this:
I just...
You accidentally a word in Fluttershy's dialogue, that's supposed to be a comma, replied is not supposed to be capitalized, birdseed is one word, and 'gives' is present tense and that's not right. I'm no Gideon, but already I can tell this is going to be a big mess.
I love Criminal Minds and I love MLP. So I LOVE this Story so far^^
Have seen all five seasons and have four season on DVD.
For the Bio for the Murderer... I would say, take the Standard from the most "Criminal Minds" Episodes. Bad Childhood, Parents total Sucks and drugs.
Maybe he has see somepony die in a accident and was in wonder, how easy it is for somepony to die. He has Investigate many different ways of death, but something was off, because, what is it, when a Pony is murdered? Is the Death different? What would it feel, when you forcefully take a life?
interesting , writing Reid won't be easy so good luck
and for the name try to choose one who describe something from the murderer like the weapon he choose to kill or the way he kill somepony. . For example : Ink Razor (i know , i'm not very good with names)
They got human Elise and they don't even know it.
Okay, I'll try my best to help you through here. I'm not experienced, but I'll try.
Okay, one. You're missing Oh-So-Many commas.
Two. A Few grammar mistakes.
Three. GODDAMNIT MAN YOU'RE DRIVING ME CRAZY WITH THIS
SHIT!
That's all for now
EDIT: Four. Nothing is too gory for FIMfiction.
Knife Wielder could be a name.
maybe he crossed over and got a taste of the bad side of the Human world.