Mobster Meets Equestria

by Caddy Finz

Chapter 12: Swaggin' Dragon

Chapter 12: Swaggin' Dragon

"Ok kids, the whole thing should blow over in a few days" I reassured the Cutie Mark Crusaders as they boarded the train to skip town. "Take this switch blade and these instructions on how to make and use molotovs with you. I'll meet ya back here in a couple days and I'll let ya know if the coast is clear. Good luck!"

"Yo thanks a bunch, Vinnie!" Babs replied as the train began pulling away. "We's just happy that those two-bit bitches ain't gonna fuck wid us no more!"

"Anytime! Keep a low profile and don't draw any attention to yourselves! See ya!"

After the train was outta sight, I quickly but casually made my way back to town and headed for the park where our picnic would be going on soon. Keeping my wits about me when it came to sirens was nothing new to me as I was starting to hear a lot of them heading towards where I had last seen those two fillies giving the CMC a hard time. I slowed my pace down as to not look suspicious and went around a bend on the trail through the park where I saw the damage. There were the two little bullies being loaded into the back of a pony-drawn ambulance wagon, their faces looking about as fucked up as they would have been if I were the one re-arranging them. I just continued to slowly stroll right by until a medic pony said something that nearly made my heart stop on a bit.

"Luna's plot, what happened to you fillies?!" A yellow Earth stallion with a brown mane and tail and a heart monitor for a cutie mark asked them. I could tell that the little stool-pigeons were about to rat my friends out until they saw me glance over at them.

"Uhh, we uhm." the gray filly stuttered and paused as the pink one spit out a tooth. "We tried climbing that tree and we fell out of it."

"Yeah! Ptooey!" The pink one confirmed as she spit out some blood. "That's exactly what happened! What she said!"

"Well gee wiz" I sarcastically interrupted. "Maybe you two oughtta be more careful."

"Right, Mister!" The battered up gray filly said. "Clumsy usI hehehe!"

I was no longer worried about those two punks being a threat so I continued my walk to the spot Sparks had told me we were gonna meet up for our festivities. It was apparent to me that I had arrived right on time as I saw all six of the mares I had befriended and Spike just starting to set things up. As I walked over to join my friends, I made a mental note to try to come up with a nickname for the purple dragon guy.

"Hey everypony, whassup?" I greeted as I approached the gang. "Don't start without 'ol Vinnie here."

"HI VINNIE!" Everypony except spike replied in unison. Spike wasn't paying attention to anything that I knew of and Sparks seemed to notice this too.

"Spike, where are your manners?" Sparks said as she nudged his head with her hoof snapping him out of his trance. "Say hello to Vinnie."

"Huh wha?" Spike stuttered. "Oh, right. Hey, Vinnie."

Before I knew it, I was enjoying this girly little picnic with my friends. We were Chit-chatting about anything and everything from life in general to the fact that the week I was staying here was coming to an end with only a couple days left until their princess would return to help me do the same. The CMC might end up being disappointed by my absence when I told them I would meet them back at the station.

I was chomping on a slice of apple pie when I really started paying attention to Spike who was once again staring at something and even began to blush. I can now officially say that I've seen it all. A reptile blushing of all things. From a closer but still distant observation, I figured out what-er who he was staring at and the shocking conclusion just clicked in my head. The little guy has the hots for Gem!

I had to look twice but it was the only thing it could have been and nothing else. I thought to myself that even in a world like this, it's quite outta the ordinary for a lizard to be infatuated by a pony, much less a pony twice his age but then again, who am I to judge? What really bothered me was that the poor kid was going about it completely wrong and was letting his crush cloud his judgment. I didn't want to say anything right in front of everypony so I decided that later, I would talk to spike one on one and coach him on the right way to get a dame to fall for him. Gem seems to be the type who would be outta his league so it would be a long-shot but I've gotten even the most stuck up ladies to make my car rock.

A few hours into the picnic, I'll confess it was difficult to keep my mouth shut to avoid embarrassing the little up and coming ladies-man. luckily for him, the sun was beginning to set and everypony began wrapping everything up and were preparing to leave. I would be heading to the library where Sparks and Spike lived. I just couldn't let the poor guy choke like that and make a fool of himself again so I wanted to give him some pointers. With some advice from a ladies-man like me, what could go wrong?

Finally myself, Sparks and Spike were back at the library sipping on some tea as I was trying to think of how I should word my advice to the little wannabe tough-guy. I was reading this cool action novel about some Daring Do mare that Cloud Speed ranted and raved over when Sparks announced that she needed to attend to some experiment she was conducting in the basement for a little while. When she left, I offered Spike my wealth of knowledge when it came to not looking like a doofus in front of the girl he wants to impress.

"Yo, Spike" I began. "I hope Rarity didn't notice you staring at her like that earlier. It woulda gave her the creeps if she did."

"Aw geez." Spike replied. "Was I doing that again?"

"Yeah, the drooling and heavy breathing isn't exactly chick magnet kinda behavior either."

"Yeah I know, Vinnie. It's just tough to keep my mind on track when a pony as beautiful as her is around."

"Well kid, if ya want her to notice you in the way you want her to notice you, ya gotta change your approach on it."

"How so?"

"Well first off, just act like you don't give a shit. If you act desperate, you'll be doing nothing but creepin' her out."

"Hold on, I'll get a notebook."

"Ok and another thing you'll need to change is your appearance and your smell. I'm only telling you this because I wanna help you so don't take any offense."

"It's cool, I'll write all of this down. Ok then what?"

"You need to slick your scales on your head back and get some cologne strong enough for a broad to smell ya from her fire escape."

"Uh-huh. and?"

"Make an adjustment to the way you carry yourself. Ladies like a confident guy who keeps his cool. Try acting like you're a big-shot who could get any girl he wants. Maybe even make up a tiny little fib about how the chicks throw themselves at you."

"A little white lie is ok once in a while. Anything else?"

"Yeah. Get yourself a hip pair of sunglasses and maybe a little gold chain to wear. Trust me, she'll love that."

"Heheh. Why didn't I think of this before?"

"Well kid, not everybody is just born knowing everything about it. Ooh, you should act like that the next time you see her."

"Well she did ask me to go shopping with her and help her carry the bags around tomorrow afternoon."

"Perfect! So tomorrow morning, you and I will do some shopping of our own."

"Awesome! Except there's just one problem."

"What's that?"

"I don't have enough bits for sunglasses, fancy cologne, scale gel or a gold chain."

"Aw what the hell, I can spare the bits for that. I haven't gotten to hang out with ya much anyway."

"You Mean it, Vinnie? You'd do that for me?"

"Sure, sure. Don't worry about it. I got enough bits to set me up for life and then some."

"Dude if this works, I'll worship the ground you walk on."

"Ok, see you're already breaking the first rule and if you hug my leg any harder, you'll end up breaking that too. C'mon kid, let go, my foot is turning purp-"

KABOOM!

"Th' fuck was that?!" Spike yelled after an explosion coming from the basement caused the floor to shake.

No sooner did both of us regain our footing, did Sparks, while having a coughing fit followed by a thick cloud of gray smoke burst through the door leading from the basement.

"Would you cough cough two mind opening wheeze some windows, please?" Sparks asked as she violently flapped her wings to air the place out.

"Why?" I replied. "This stuff smells pretty good to me."

The Next Day

"Hey Vinnie." Spike said as we sifted through the selection of cologne at the store. "This Fancypants(R) brand eau de toilette smells pretty damn good. I think I'll try this stuff out."

"Yeah, Doc Fluttershy told me that's good stuff" I replied. "Here, this gel oughtta do the trick for your scale coiffure. Ah, this here is the frame you're gonna want for your sunglasses and this chain here is the perfect length."

"Thanks again, Vinnie. If this works, I'll pass this legacy on after you leave."

"It's no problem, kid. Just take my advice and you'll be getting more tail than Jackie's brother. Now let's get back to the library and get you suited up."

Later That Day

"There ya go!" I said as I finished helping spike style his scales. "Ha! The ladies will be all over you so much, you'll be needing a pimp cane to fight 'em off!"

"Awesome!" Spike replied. "I still can't help but be a bit nervous though."

"Don't be. Just remember what I taught you and act like you could get any girl you want. She won't be able to resi-"

"Spikey Wikeyyyyy." Gem sang out as she entered the library looking for spike. "Are you ready to go?"

"Wish me luck, Vinnie. I'll need it."

"Um, Spike?" Gem said to him as they walked away towards the busier side of town. "Is th-that uh, Fancypants(R) that I smell on you, dear?"

"You two have fun!" I yelled over to them. "Imma stay here and help Sparks clean up that mess in the basement."

Three hours or so passed since Spike and Gem left and Sparks and myself decided to take a break from cleaning up the mess that the explosion from her mysterious experiment caused. We were enjoying our brake over some nice cold lemonade when suddenly the front door swung open revealing Spike with his scales all messed up and the his face covered in lipstick marks. He stood at the door for several seconds until my snickering broke the awkward silence while Sparks was still trying to mentally process what she was seeing.

"Vinnie?" Spike finally began.

"Yeah, Spike?" I replied with a chuckle.

"you're the fucking man...and so am I."

End Chapter 12

Comments

[Caddy Finz]

4023472 yup just like W, he just doesn't give a fuck lol. at least not that early in the story. are you enjoying reading it?

[icedude94]

AAAW YEAH THIS IS GOOD

[Oubliette]

Oh crap the CMC are going to become a mob family…

[Twilight_the_spy]

...aaaaaaaaannnd Spike got laid.

This story gets crazier and crazier each chapter, I like it.

[Sanguine Blade]

Insert LEts get it on by MArvin Gaye here.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x6QZn9xiuOE

[UncleDODGE]

Ladies and gentleman, HE HIT DAT