Equestria has warp technology! (Mostly due to a crashed Federation shuttle or two!) With it, their invitation to the Federation of planets is sealed. As the first Human/Equestrian ship is ready to leave port with its crew complement of exactly one thousand. Standing tall at half a kilometer in height, and 2/3 a kilometer in length from aft to bow the "USS Harmony" is ready for service! Their maiden voyage is scheduled for stardate 81144; with a crew that consists of seven hundred ponies and three hundred humans they are unlike any other!
These are the Harmony's's journeys through the known and the unknown...
Chapters (2)
This sounds sexy.
If the ship is the first of it's line, it carries the line name.
Also, the -A at the end of the name would mean there was a previous USS Equestrian. I suggest calling the ship USS Harmony. It sounds better.
Signed: Chief Science Officer, USS Ares NCC-26291
PS: a 6 digit star date is very far ahead. 2510s = 80000s (current time in Star Trek Online) So a stardate in the 510000s would be 2940s.
May give this a read.
3066224 Wow. Thanks
I'll make a few changes.
BTW: whoops on the stardate.
I agree Harmony does sound better, I was thinking of renaming it since Equestrian doesn't sound so good. I was considering three different names but none were "Harmony"
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My main issue with this, apart from the ship being called a couple of different names, is that Twilight is the lowest rank of the main six that we've seen thus far. What's up with that?
3066552 I did a name change because Equestrian didn't quite sound right, I was considering a few names but settled on Harmony. If you see Equestrian anywhere in chapter one or the description. Feel free to speak up
And the reasoning for Twilight's low ranks is because I take enjoyment in causing some "Whaatt?"s on miscellaneous details such are character rank.
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3066349 Opening sentence. You say Equestrian-A. And then in the paragraph where you mention their top speed, you call it the Harmony in one sentence and the Equestrian in another.
Oh, and while you're at it, could you not have this chapter end with an upset Klingon Starfleet officer? That is a bad place for a 'commercial break'
3069444 Oh crud. That was what I meant to change!
*FACEPALM*
Edit: Fixes are finished. A slight chapter extension has been made.
Wow what a great story. I will follow closely.
I have no idea why there are so many dislikes though.
3066344 Wtf is with that profile picture?
3070839 I don't know. What's up with yours?
I have not read this yet so I wouldn't know, but once I have, I may write a read-through of this :)
3070926 A 'read-through?' could you explain what that is?
3070839 I dunno I think someone may be attempting to be an a-hole. Did you notice that someone also disliked nearly every comment aside from my newest ones like this one?
3071319 Basically, If I find a lot of problems with this fic, I'll write a review of it on my fim account or on DA. I still haven't read this, but I may do in my spare time.
I let you know what I think about it once I have. I like some of your other stories.
3071639 Okay thank you. Hope you like it
Minor issues here and there, such as using it's shortly after the first page break (see the quoted section, below) when you should use its. It's is always a contraction, being 'it is'. its is possessive.
Because Language.
Grammar issue:
Spelling accident:
You also only indented in the very middle of the chapter, with the first half of the entire chapter lacking indents and the latter half the same, only a tiny dividing line in between of indented paragraphs to make a difference.
Not going to give a thumbs up yet, but not going to downvote either. It will take time, and more work put in, before I make that decision.
Oh, also, Twilight should not be the lowest ranked, as it's highly unlikely she only went through the redshirts course, and she likely went through officer's training.
Also, you gave the officers red shirts.
Star Trek is the show that coined the term 'redshirts'
3081949 Ah sorry about that. I type quickly and seem to need re-read more than I usually do :)
Redundant bits are redundant. Choose one and stick with it.
3085569 Thx
Had I known that I had done that I would have corrected it on the spot. Now that I am aware it is corrected.
A resource you might like: http://www.hillschmidt.de/gbr/sternenzeit.htm
I checked, and 81144 is 2/22/2404 16:53:45
If you're using Star Trek Online as a reference for events, check this: http://sto.gamepedia.com/Chronology
2404: Klingons are no longer allies of the Federation, but not yet at war with them. (So any Klingons on the Harmony are ones that decided to leave the Empire, as the Klingons left the Khitomer Accords in 2399).
I'm a Trekkie. My cutie mark is a book with ?! on the cover. My name is Fetch. Finding this sort of info is my thing. ^_^
3085793 Ah good I need more resources. Some of the sights I've looked up are quite....vague. And appeared to use incorrect calculations for things like Stardates.
edit "sights"? Forgive me for typing at 4am. I meant "sites"
3085793 I hope that the Federation-Klingon-Romulan war stirs stuff up a bit.
Also, He's right. Plus, according to Klingon culture, as soon as the war starts they would all have to leave, or else bring dishonor to their house and risk removal from the high council.
It's kind of my thing too.
Also, just wondering about the ship design. Is it like the Odyssey class, but with moving nacelles? 1,000 is waaay to many to share a design with Voyager, who only housed around 150.
3081949
That’s TOS. In TNG, DS9, and VOY, command wears red, security wears yellow, and science wears blue. In particular, it sounds like Celestia is wearing the uniform of the first four seasons of DS9 and all of VOY:
vignette1.wikia.nocookie.net/memoryalpha/images/5/5b/Starfleet_uniforms_%28late_2360s-early_2370s%29.jpg/revision/latest?cb=20111209201951&path-prefix=en
My nitpick is the idea of a reigning monarch’s becoming a ship’s captain. Celestia already has a job! The most reasonable canon source of officers to me would probably be the Guard and the Wonderbolts. Mid-rank aristocracy/nobility would also work, but unfortunately the only one we know anything about is Blueblood, and he’d only be good for an Ensign Barklay-style comic-relief role.
Wait, you have Celestia and Luna serving here? Who’s running Equestria? Who’s controlling the Sun and the Moon‽
Too many exclamations in the blurb. It's annoying.