After her return, Luna's efforts to restore the branches of the military yielded a brand new Fleet. And with no time to spare, as Saddle Arabia calls upon her ally to quell a particularly vicious period of Griffon raiding.
All does not go according to plan.
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This is a fresh breeze of [Adventure] in the morass of [Grimdark] gorefests that is most military pony fiction. I also like your writing style, showing us the highlights without getting bogged down in detail. It remains to be seen, however, if that style works as well for a serial as it does for oneshots.
Also, since I like this enough to care about making it even better:
.
as
days'
?
weeks'
hour's
Sky Light
Sky Light
For a final piece of Twilight-level language pedantry (
), I find it a bit jarring to see Luna using contractions in her speech. Especially when it's inconsistent - the last few paragraphs have "well, I cannot", followed by "we're off the edge of the map".
Anyway, I look forward to reading the continuing story, so I shall (be the first one to) track this.
3097741
I had some version-control problems, and ended up with two distinct google-docs. I missed a bunch of damned errors.
Thanks though!
I threw in those edits. Usually when I write I get super impatient, so I usually take two passes. I copy-pasted this chapter together, and I forgot to take another pass at it.