Dude, don't listen to these people, your story is going well, and honestly if you need/want help feel free to ask. I really like this story so far, and would be happy to share my ideas on this....but it's cool if you want to solo it, I'll read every one, and be honest. Anyways good luck.

2969308

Thank you, I have to admit I was up till around... Let's say 1:43 am writing this so I was afraid that I was too tired to make it good.

Edit: Also, yes... yes I would very much love help... solo is EVIL!!!

2969333

Awesome! I didn't really find any errors....yet, and for a late night story it was well made, except for the end...you can tell you're tired by the lack of detail, and depth of the characters....also is there some place where we could talk about this not in the comment area?

2969365

Yea, hold on.

2969370 i agree with raiinification while i don't know what the others said for doing this a like 1 am it's pretty damn good so continue on with it as it's a concept iv'e never seen before an i d o like a new perspective on things

So.... Blatantly RWBY, yeah? No complaints here, it promises to be a good storyline.