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Pinkie Pie and Rainbow Dash decide that it is about time to prank Spike again.
It wasn't their best idea.
Feel free to Critique, review, and just generally tell me what you thought and what i can do to improve. Don't worry i can take what you have to say good or bad...
Also thanks to wopapalosaa for proofreading and Draxco for Editing!
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writing second chapter now should be up in no more than a week
2986651 One question which part and thank you
2986700
Well, the fic on the whole is very short (only just passing the bare minimum), so I read the whole thing in a few minutes. Despite this, quite a lot actually happened in the fic (Pinkie remembering her previous pranks, Spike walking in, Twilight inexplicably giving him early allowance, ordering brownies, Dash's dash back to her house, etc, etc, etc.), yet you go into the bare minimum of detail. You could easily have expanded a few descriptions, in particular to include how certain things made the characters feel. You went into very little detail about the character's emotions and internal reactions.
That said, I laughed, and I'm interested to see what happens in chapter two. My only criticism on that point is that I feel like the bulk of the humor will be in the next chapter, which I can't read yet...
Otherwise, yeah, thanks for writing this one.
2986774
thanks for you opinion i will try to work on that in future storys/next chapter. one thing i need to work on is feelings like you said and you were write about the bulk being in the next chapter which i am going to try and get to a combined total of 3000 words story wise
4 dislike ... is to be expected
Pot brownies. Clever.
2986958
Hey, having two dislikes isn't too bad; just look at the ratio you have going! Don't let dislikes discourage you.
2987010 i know thank you i am not discouraged because of 1. the ratio has good betting bad 2.dislikes are to be expected on any fic because people can genuinely not like something and its their opinion and there are also people who dislike just to dislike also cool pic
2986958
I for one, thoroughly enjoyed reading this.
2987180 thank you kind sir and i see what you did there
also new chapter in a week oh and i am going to update that as more or less dislikes appear
Just wanted to tell anyone in general that i am going to edit this tommorow to add some things people sugested
Keep going! This looks real funny! Can't wait to see what happens with Spike!
Keep this going, this is funny and good. Just re-read it because I saw a couple errors in the dialogue.
2990770>>2990672Can do it probuly will get the second chapter in about3 to 7 days now i have 2 questions for you guys
1.what did you guys think so far? i have been updateing the dialog and fixing grammer mistakes for the lasts two hours or so so i think it is a little better now that i re proofread it
2.Should i write the next chapter long or split it into two i already have a thousand words done and it not even havle way through the day also should i add an epilogue style thing that tells what happens to the other charicters and their opinions
Thx for reading and have a nice day
2990844I think you should split it so you can have more chapters up. When I see a story, I like to see that it has more chapters up. About the grammer, i believe that you need to use some punctuation, but I'm not sure exactly. *Watching Spiderman 3 on FX*
2990882 ill check in on that. still have to find proofreader
also thank you for the incite i will probably split it every thousand words
2990895Good idea. I can be a proof reader, if you want. I'll*
2990911 sure ill pm you about it.
2990914Alright, sweet.
Rainbow Dash is being kind of a bitch to Spike and Pinkie. Thinking Spike's a jerk just because he was exhausted and didn't notice her, setting Pinkie up as her fallpony... Not cool.
2993713 tis kinda the point great job for noticing but dont worry she gets whats coming to her later
2994810 Spike is on the good stuff.
2994895 Can't argue with that.
Lets see weed produces happy peaceful thoughts.
Ponies being peaceful.
Now you know there is no way ponies could be in a good mood
24 / 7. They are smoking the best stuff.
2994942 2994895 you guys are right. the reason for this is that in my personal headcannon equestrias nature is near perfectly preserve so it is an better environment for growing with no pollution from cars and junk and there has to be a pot brownie special talent or at least a weed special talent
2996551 That would be a awesome talent.
2996694 im saying also new chaprter soonish
this is going to be good
2999929 indeed kind sir and also new chapter tomorrow (proably)
No. Just no.
3010739 What? Did i say something i shouldn't have? Im so sorry please forgive me.
I did like Clestia's response to the "message".
3016962why thank you trollestia is the greatest! bu then again was she trolling?
Wut.....ok t his is a bit confusing
3024992 Dont worry, it will start making sense eventually¡ Hell I dont even understand the point og half the stuff in here I ve been writing this on the spot with almost no thinking cause Iwrite better that way!
Hm, I'm unsure about the constant cupcakes references... they can get kind of grating. Also, now that you've edited the first chapter, you've told the reader what kind of brownies Rainbow Dash has before Pinkie gives them to Spike. I found that to weaken the chapter overall. I found the first chapter so funny originally because I was suspicious of the brownies, and it wasn't until the end of the chapter that it was confirmed they were hash brownies. The fact that it's confirmed at multiple points in the first chapter kinda killed the humor. Secondly, this second chapter is crying for a proofread. Literally, just a ten-minute once-over glance by yourself could correct so many stupidly simple errors, such as erroneous spaces after quotation marks, or missing spaces after commas.
On a side note and due to my personal preference, I'm not a fan of profanity being used in fanfiction. When used in dialogue, it can be used for emphasis. However when it's just thrown in there as a redundant adjective that serves no purpose other than to make the narrator sound like a complete idiot-
-it's just completely unnecessary.
I strongly recommend getting that editor / proofreader to look over this second chapter.
3027345 thanks for the critism! i never really thought of that until now and have changed parts of the story because i can fit what they said into later parts anyway without openly spoiling it. i have also reread chapter two and fixed any errors i have seen with the help Wopapalosaa my proofreader.also i think i can have another chapter up by thursday no promises though!
also the cupcakes references are there for shits and giggles its not going anywhere unless people want it to and even then it will be in another completely different story. the reference probably will only be in this chapter anyway.
well this will obviously end badly lets see
1 pot brownies
2 baby fire breathing dragon
equals S@#$ run for you lives!
3635462 indeed also next chapter will be out before chrismas if all goes to plan itw written just need to send it to proofreader/editor
Rainbow and Pinkie are doomed
3743447 indeed they are
shit is about to hit the fan
3990986 maybe ...maybe not dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/discord.png
Were you, in fact, high when you wrote this?
4087365 fc09.deviantart.net/fs71/f/2014/014/7/3/plotpie2_by_comeha-d7251q5.png maybe