I make them fanfics and whatnot. Who cares.
After a new threat decimates Equestria, The Mane Six must find a way to stop this enemy. During Equestria's darkest hour, a human appears seemingly out of nowhere, claiming his kind have faced this enemy before, and he has a weapon that can stop it. Can humankind help save ponykind from destruction? Or will this threat exterminate what remains of their world?
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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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I feel the crater needs to be called something like "Megaton"
geeklore.net/wp-content/uploads/2011/05/choice-fallout-3.png
2949582
But I will either call it "Ground Zero" or "Teras Alpha" (First Monster)
Sounds like Pacific Rim...
2950417You think so?
2950472
Meh, I've never seen the movie so it does sound a little bit like it...
2950478Touché
2950417
To quell any speculations that's exactly what it is.
2950627
Yes! and does the 'Human' tag imply what I think it implies?
time for the humans to come save the ponies with there mighty Jaeger's
this is going to be awesome
2950655
Let's just say the name "Mustang Hyperion" will come into play.
Figure out what that name will belong to.
this is going to be so awesome can't wait till the ponies see the Jaeger's
This is awesome. I really like it,
Now for the random GIF!
oi48.tinypic.com/dzls8.jpg
Who doesn't love pie!
When he meets Dr. Parallel, he should be like "...You called?"
You must!
Really love it.
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Random GIF
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there minds will be blown when they see the Jaeger's and just how awesome our technology is
2975966
I love Miracle Of Sound's work.
Only one thing left to do... SOUNDTRACK TIME!
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You already posted that, ya dingus.
Please they'll me they rebuilt Cherno Alpha... That thing was boss
2992945
Unfortunately, Cherno Alpha is retired from service (read: dead as a door nail)
I will be giving this story new, original Jaegers.
The first being the recently revealed Mustang Hyperion.
The next four, well, you'll meet them in due time.
punch twilight in the face
2993103 Awww
. But I take it that it's safe to assume that your Jägers are sixth (possibly seventh) gen? Because if I recall correctly, we Aussies had Striker Eureka, which was the only fifth gen machine out there
2993217 Dude. I couldn't agree more... She's become such a cynical bitch eh
2993217
Is that an order or what you want to do?
2993255 what I would like to do good sir
2993278
Twilight will get more than her fair share of punches, from both humans and Kaijus, in the coming chapters. So don't worry.
2993254
To be fair she did almost get killed by a Kaiju, AND she's the voice and face of order in the post Kaiju attack Equestria. So for some strange creature to show up and SOMEHOW have a saving grace in his universe seems a little too good to be true. So cut her a bit of slack on the trust department.
But as I said to Valeyard, She'll get her fair share of punches
2993303 Fair enough. Lol I can just imagine Pinkie in a jäger... I'd fucking run so hard
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I've got five Jaegers and ten possible pilots. Pinkie will DEFINITELY be one of them.
2993375 ... Oh dear
2993459
In GLaDOS voice: Powering up "Party Cannon"....
2993475 Kaiju: ...Fuck
oh pinkie never change
A average Yeager is about 925 billion dollars so bitch they need money to pay the humans baby
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"Oh, monstorous alien creatures are destroying your world and all your loved ones?? That'll cost ya"
Yeah, no. The humans ain't dicks like that.
3088623 not 4 my life ppl ask 4 money when ever I need help I need sow, new friends
Oh wow, I'm liking this.
Even the "oh my god"s , despite them being rather inappropriate compared to, say, "oh Celestia". It does just have more weight behind it, doesn't it?
But yeah, bringing the ACTUAL Pacific Rim conflict to Equestria, with the human Jaegers, and not just ponies building robots, is much more what I wanted to see in a crossover, and for that, I thank you :-)
Pretty sure the guy's last name is "Pentecost". Mori is Mako's REAL last name, not adoptive.
Okay, wait, hold it, what the fuck is going on with the tense? It's all over the place.
You've gone in this chapter from present to past tense and REALLY confusing anyone reading this. That's basic stuff man, just stick to past tense.
Check out the balls on this guy! Runs smack into the local authorities of an alien world and, rather than defuse the situation in the name of gaining their trust, stands there and all but asks to be tazed.
Wow, best ambassador Equestria could send, this guy. They make first contact with an unidentified sapient species, and this cock-hydrant's first instinct is to kill it in case he's... what, a Power Rangers monster that can suddenly grow two-hundred-feet tall?
They have laptops, but still insist upon keeping prisoners chained to damp, mossy, medieval, stone dungeon walls.
Y'know, I get the impression that there are PLENTY of intelligent, verbal species across the world Equestria occupies. We've got bison, mules, cows... I'm just saying, you make it sound like there's a very limited number of sapient species in their world, and clearly that's not the case.
Pff! What?
Awfully talkative? What prompted THAT? He's answering your questions, clearly cooperating, you dunce! And his readiness to divulge details about himself he could easily keep close to the chest is a point AGAINST him? This feels like the author was going through a laundry-list of interrogation cliches, but didn't have the fist idea of how to segue from one into the other so the whole dialogue made sense.
Holy shit, Shining Armor is an idiot!
He makes the "soldier" assumption before he knows anything more about the guy than his name, gets corrected, and then keeps calling him a soldier. It's like he's trying to draft him into the KAIJU army!
Oh... OOOOH...
So this ISN'T Idris Elba's character, it's Mako and Raleigh's kid sometime in the future... and his last name is Mori... why? Shouldn't it be Becket? I get they names the kid after Pentecost, but what, did they divorce and the kid took on his mother's maiden name?
Of course, you can see why I'd be confused, what with you having NEVER described this character in any detail before this, other than what he was wearing.
Credit where it's due, this is a detail worthy of notice, adding an extra touch of sci-fi flavor to the preceedings.
I don' think "us ponies" is something Celestia would say... she's a bit better-spoken than that.
... Uh...
Is that necessary? Well, maybe if you want the ponies to pilot human-based Jaegers, but still. This issue would be easily solved with an oxygen mask.
Wait, the others are here now? I guess I missed that! Might be because they haven't gotten a SINGLE LINE OF DIALOGUE before this in the ENTIRE STORY.
I... I...
What are you getting at with this? That Twilight sounds like GLaDOS? Because I don't get it, she does NOT.
Wait, they have Jaeger's up, running and operational right NOW? Why? I'd understand having backups in the event of another Kaiju invasion, but elsewise I'd imagine they'd just decommissioned husks propped up as museum exhibits.
I'll keep reading, but I gotta say, this isn't living up to the strong start we had in chapter one.
2993475 ? r there gonna be pony jaggers or they gonna stay human to pilot them
plus y is twi actin like such a bitch
3190138
1) thank you for all the critique, I will definitely work on my tense issues, as I have been called out on it before. It is one aspect I have issues with.
2) On the turning them into humans, that is for them to be able to enter the Human dimension. I have story plans far ahead in advance on how the Jaegers will be piloted. This was simply so the group could survive in "our" dimension.
3) I understand the confusion on 'why did this character say this' problems. I do plan on working on that, but honestly, pinning down the exact nature of an established character's dialogue in a situation no one has seen this character react in isn't the easiest challenge to complete, nor is it my main priority.
4) I should have given more context on the fact that the Mane Six are in this segment of the story. It did come out of seemingly nowhere, but at the time, I was focused more on making sure the ponies entering the human world made sense and went smoothly, the details of the Mane Six slipped my mind.
5) That's not the voice of Gipsy Danger's voiceover sequence. It's the voice of Dr. Parallel's portal device. His character, in case it wasn't painfully obvious at this point, has an obsession/crush/both with Twilight. He tried emulating the voice of his device to sound like her. Creepy? Yes. That's the point. You're not supposed to instantly love this character.
6) Did the American Government scrap every nuclear bomb they made? Hadn't they made a few more made since World War 2? The Jaegers are extremely powerful and useful weapons, they're not going to scrap the project that proved itself worthy of stopping a full blown planet wide extinction. And they're certainly going to make a couple in case the now very pissed off aliens decide to return. Mustang Hyperion was not made for pony pilots. It is a Mark VI Jaeger. A newer one made after the Kaiju war ended. An untested weapon.
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1) Both of these races have encountered dimension hopping monsters. An overall first impression distrust is only natural. Also Mori's character is sort of a over-confident soldier. Cocky, but able to handle himself when things go south.
2) How is Shining Armor reacting illogically? He is the leader of his world's military and has lost many of his men to monsters. Why would he trust anything that comes hopping through a dimension? What the creature looks like is past him at this point. Most of the story's characters have gotten close to their breaking point. Don't let your guard down.
3) Why would a dungeon have good living conditions? It's not contradiction of technologies, it's the purpose of the room. The culture of the world is also a factor. I can't see royal guards uaing a nypd-esque interrogation room. Dungeons seem much more possible.
4) Ever heard the term "That was a little too easy"? Applies here. Usually, prisoners of war have this unwillingness to tell the truth to their captors, simply under the notion of, "I'm captured, these guys did it, better not give them any info that might hurt me or my people." So when a prisoner just hands you information on a silver platter, you seem a bit hesitant to believe he's actually telling the truth.
5) Mori says he is a soldier before. Shining hasn't assumed anything.
6)Stacker Mori's family history will be revealed as the story progresses. Questions like these are like when you're watching a movie with someone who hasn't seen it, and you have, asks stuff like, "So are those two guys Jaeger pilots?" "When are they gonna go to hong kong?" If you have a question relating to a plot point that hasn't been explained yet, and the story hasn't reached its midway point, keep faith that the plot will widen and things will be explained as the story progresses.
Again, thank you for all the critque and advice. I realize this is not a perfect story, or even a particularly impressive one. But this 4 chapters of many, many more to come. I plan on improving my writing as this story expands, as should be done with any skill set. Practice may not make perfect here, but it will yeild better results as time moves on.