Wonderbolt Down

by Rebonack

Wherein There Are Free Samples

Ah CostCo. Is there any finer place to spend several hundred dollars without realizing it? Probably not. I pull into the warehouse store's sprawling parking lot and instantly spot Surprise. She's bouncing up and down a few hundred feet away waving at me while everyone else within eyeshot is trying desperately to ignore her.

Is she yelling my name at me?

Yep. She sure is.

A smile and a shake of the head is all I dignify her silliness with. I can't figure that girl out, honestly I can't. She and Dust are both taking this whole mess in stride. A brony thing maybe? Down comes my mirror again to check my own 'progress'. Most obvious new addition? My lips have turned yellow, no doubt the start of a beak. Which I suppose would explain why they've been feeling so dry all of a sudden. Heh, no amount of lip balm is going to solve this problem.

Disappointment in no small measure begins nettling at my mind. After the message this morning I had hoped that maybe, just maybe, I would be met with a solution to my crisis that's just as supernatural as the affliction itself. No dice, apparently. But I'm not giving up. Not after what I had heard today. Not when I'm sure now more than ever that I'm far from alone in this struggle.

“Delivered from trouble or delivered through it,” I say to the strange woman looking back at me in the mirror, flashing my best confident grin. “And it looks like I'm smashing my way clean through! Try to keep up.”

“Hey Geneva,” Dust calls out casually. She's leaning against her car in an outfit similar to Surprise's. Makes sense that she would have plenty of track stuff considering her job. “So you decided to just flaunt it, huh? That's pretty edgy. You aren't worried about the men in black showing up to drag you away?”

Under her cocksure grin and teasing tone I can pick up some sense of worry. “I was sitting in the middle of a few hundred religious folks for over an hour, some of which are convinced that Harry Potter is a work of the devil. Everyone ignored me, laughed it off, or asked for pictures,” I reply. Dust's undercurrent of doubt is already dissolving. “We look a bit out of place. But it's 'really amazing cosplayer' out of place. At worst people will assume that we're heading to a convention.”

Surprise has already got her hat off and is pulling her tail out. Where she got the fake convention passes on lanyards for us to wear I'm not going to pretend to know, so I just roll with it and put the thing on. Though I'm pretty sure she spots my baffled look.

“I thought they would come in handy!” Surprise giggles out her complete non-explanation. Of course you did, Surprise.

If Dust is phased by Surprise's antics she doesn't show it. With a shrug she slips the lanyard on and follows suit with Operation Hiding in Plain Sight. “Heh. Let's get some shopping done, Wonderbolts. Hopefully the people here can handle this much awesome in one place.”

Getting inside is a breeze. Surprise flashes her card since Dust and I recently switched teams so to speak. “Those are great costumes, by the way,” the lady milling around at the entrance checking Ids says with a genuine smile. “You're supposed to be Lightning Dust, right?”

I'm not sure if it's even possible for a self-assured grin that large to fit on someone's face. Dust strikes a pose for the woman's benefit. “The one and only! You a Wonderbolt fan?”

Wow is Dust ever in character. She writes out an autograph for the clearly amused woman and even signs it with a quick sketch of her cutie mark. Once we're on our way again her cocky grin and confidant swagger have become an unmistakable fixture. She had been a bit hammish before, but now she's positively strutting.

Though... that brings the nagging worry of mental alteration back to the forefront of my mind. Is Dust trying to act in character or is she acting in character without even noticing? Have I been acting more like Geneva? Has Surprise been acting more like-

I glance over at Surprise. She must have popped up in the middle of a small crowd clustered around a free sample table. Judging from their reactions they didn't notice her until she started shoveling cream puffs into her mouth.

Yeeeaah... It's pretty safe to say that Surprise is acting more like Surprise.

By the time the poor harried employee manages to shoo Surprise away my friend's cheeks are filled up like a squirrel's. Which I'm pretty sure isn't anatomically possible. Isn't stopping Surprise, though. The other shoppers are laughing at her antics and Surprise takes a theatrical bow before skipping away to meet up with us.

“The cream puffs are really good!” she mumbles through a mouthful of pastry. “Don't try to take too many though, or they'll get grumpy.”

Dust is just shy of being in stitches. “You're something else, you know that Surprise?”

Surprise's ears droop. “Aaww, I am? I thought I was me!”

It takes Dust's brain a few moments to process that. I just shake my head when she looks to me for support. Don't try to make sense of Surprise. Down that road there is only madness.

I quickly discover that the main reason we're here is to buy bulk baking ingredients. It makes sense, really. This is probably the last chance we have to appear in public before we make our big reveal, so getting food that will keep until we make it into something edible is a pretty good idea. That means lots of flour, oil, sugar, beans, rice, and so on. Stuff that has to be cooked.

When we pass the coolers filled with thousands of pounds of raw meat I feel myself salivating. Oh God that smells so good. Dust and Surprise move on pretty quickly while I linger after catching a whiff of someone grilling a steak. I don't have to follow my nose very far before finding the source. Some guy begins saying something about cuts and sauce or whatever but I just pop the morsel in my mouth and start chewing.

This is bliss.

I'm almost certain that my sense of taste has changed because I never really liked steaks of any kind before. Weird, I know. But that's just how it was. I find myself wishing that it were rarer though. A lot more rare. Like... uncooked rare. Why ruin perfectly good meat by burning it first? Seems absurd to me. Just start ripping into something while it's still warm and-

“Miss?” the employee's voice snaps me back to reality. “I'm glad you enjoy the steak.”

I look down and discover that I have five little empty paper cups in my hand. With a muttered apology and an awkward (hawkward!) smile I back away from the table and start eying the various cuts of meat arrayed before me. This is a shopping trip for all of us. And this stuff will keep for a while in the freezer. And my friends already gathered up a bunch of horse food at the feed store. Which means that it's time for a little something for Geneva!

My friends give me a slightly nauseous look when I dump an armload of beef into the cart. “Oh come on,” I chide. “You two are being such herbivores.”

“You do know that cows can talk in Equestria, right?” Dust asks with an eyebrow quirk. No, I didn't know that.

“Well it sure is a good thing that this isn't Equestria and those weren't talking cows,” I reply with a toothy grin. “I'm half eaglelion. Or maybe two thirds eaglelion? Regardless of how the math divides me up I'm still sitting pretty firmly in the 'predatory omnivore' camp.”

Wait, toothy grin? I prod at my teeth with my tongue a bit. My incisors and canines feel like they've gotten meaner and pointier while my molars have gotten larger and flatter. Teeth AND a beak? Though I guess there were some pictures of Geneva smiling. So apparently griffins and hippogriffs have both.

If all my teeth started falling out I might have been able to convince myself that this is all a really vivid dream.

I'm dislodged from my absent tooth-poking by Dust waving a hand in front of my face. “Yeah, we noticed ours this morning. Come on, Surprise still wants bulk baker's chocolate.”

Can horses even eat chocolate? Or catbirds for that matter? I'm going to settle with probably and hope that I don't end up getting sick all over the rug because it if. Ah well, back to shopping.

We can't walk ten feet without someone asking for a picture.

“Oh my God, ponies!”

Case in point.

A group of guys several years our senior have us surrounded in a flash. If I had to wager a guess I would say that they look about thirty or thirty five. So would have been adult fans of the show back in the day. A bit odd as far as I'm concerned. But I never really liked the show to being with so who cares what I think, right?

Dust instantly snaps into 'Wonderbolt Superstar' mode and begins basking in attention like a lizard on a rock basks in the sun. Just... not quite. Lizards are pretty unobtrusive when it comes to basking. Dust is broadcasting her awesomeness to anyone within earshot no doubt in the hopes that more people will show up to feed her ego.

Surprise and two of the guys break into some about smiling that I don't know. The blasted thing is catchy like herpes and I'll probably have it stuck in my head for the next week. Despite not knowing the words I find myself humming along to the tune. A poke to the shoulder draws my bemused attention away from three people making complete idiots of themselves in public.

“Hey,” the brony says as I turn to face him. Older, neat shave and pretty nice looking. No stallion though. He's wearing a Friendship is Magic shirt. “I've got to admit that you've got me stumped. I recognize Lightning Dust of course. And everyone who has followed the show knows about Surprise since she's Pinkie Pie's prototype. But who are you supposed to be?”

Huh. This is the first time anyone has really paid any attention to me when my friends are around. Dust is well known because of the show and apparently Surprise is well known within the fan base. But me? I got stuck as an apparent nobody.

“Oh, uh. I'm Geneva Pressure Front,” I reply. As silly as it is I feel a bit better when I see the recognition dawning in his eyes. Ha! I'm famous too!

“Right! That hippogriff from the Wonderbolts! I should have guessed with those crazy contacts you have. Those are really cool by the way,” he says with a grin. “Everyone really flipped out when Geneva showed up. The only non-pony in the Wonderbolts.”

“Half a pony,” I correct. “They couldn't just hire my back half. I'm a package deal.”

“Heh. So anyway, I'm Oliver. What's your name?” he asks.

“Geneva,” I say without a moment's hesitation. Damn it.

“Haha, staying in character? Alright, I won't press the issue. There's going to be a Pony meetup at the hobby store just a few blocks from here next Saturday. If you and your friends wanted to show up in costume that would be really great,” he says.

I scrunch my nose a bit at the offer. By next Saturday I'll be a LOT more than just in costume. “Ah, well. To be honest my friends are the ones who are into the whole Pony thing. I just got roped up along with them,” I can see he's about to ask further but I cut in. “We're all going to be pretty busy next Saturday, sorry. I doubt we'll be able to come.”

“Ooooh! A party on Saturday?” Surprise yells from behind me. “That sounds super duper funnerific! I think we should go!”

As much as it must pain Dust to turn down a chance to strut her stuff in front of fans she's the first to take a shot at Surprise's idea. “I don't think we can make it, Surprise.”

The poofy-maned woman quirks her head off to the side curiously. “Why not, Dusty?”

“Because we have that thing, remember?” Dust clarifies.

“We do? What thing?” Surprise giggles back.

Does she think this is a game? I can't help but face palm in exasperation. The gaggle of bronies we've attracted are starting to look confused. At least one of them probably thinks this is all a hilarious act judging from the snickering.

“You know! The thing! The thing we're going to be busy with!” Dust shoots back, gesticulating wildly. If this were a cartoon I'm pretty sure she would be flailing around noodle arms right now.

“Ooooooooooh,” Surprise replies knowingly. And then gives an extremely exaggerated conspiratorial wink. “The thing. I gotch'a, Dusty. We can't forget about the thing.”

The bronies seem suitably amused by Surprise's antics. I wonder if that had been her goal the whole time? To make it so we could decline without hurting their feelings and totally blowing them off? Or maybe she's just making up everything as she goes. It's pretty difficult to tell.

“I might be there or I might not. It'll be a surprise!” my crazy friend giggles. That seems to seal the deal for the bronies even though she hadn't actually promised anything. But then leaving all as a big surprise seems very much her style.

That satisfies them and we're free to peruse the store again. We get an occasional photo op and a passing word of praise about our costumes, but otherwise the rest of the trip goes smoothly. Which is just as well for me. My back is really starting to kill me and my legs are feeling out of kilter. My skeletal structure is probably busy rearranging itself and setting up the musculature to support a pair of wings. Wings which I am quite certain are rubbing against the inside of my shirt right now. I would like nothing more than to just flop down somewhere and sleep until the last stage of this awful metamorphosis is over.

As we're ringing up our goods the cashier can't help but comment on our selection. “Wow. You three must have quite the party planned.”

Surprise smiles back with mischievously gleaming eyes. “You have no idea!”

Food is bought and off we go.

“So is anyone else noticing...” I trail off as I step out of my car at Surprise's place and peer up the sky. I can feel the barometric pressure, temperature, wind speed, and wind direction. What's more I can feel subtle changes in the air pressure around me. I can close my eyes and feel where my friends are when they move around. I wonder if this is what the world 'looks' like to a bat. A weird sort of impression of the general size and shape of the objects near me.

When Surprise's location suddenly becomes empty I turn around and snap my eyes open. Dust snickers and points behind me. I know what's coming. I know I'll turn again and she'll be standing there behind me and she'll scream 'Surprise!' and I'll be startled. Despite knowing all this I do it anyways. And I'm surprised to discover that she isn't there at all. Nope. She just walked into her house with several bags of flour in her arms while singing a song about cupcakes.

I give a defeated sigh and follow her. “Hey Surprise? Where do you want me to put all this-”

“Surprise!”

“Sonofabitch!” I shriek as I drop the watermelon I was carrying and somehow manage to catch it with my tail of all things. I didn't even know I could do that.

“Sometimes the surprise is that there is no surprise!” my insane friend giggles. “And sometimes the surprise is just that the surprise is coming later!”

I glower at Surprise and take the watermelon from my tail. It's forced, really. Despite feeling silly from falling for her antics I just can't help but feel a bit more cheerful when Surprise is around. She continues chattering as I head for the kitchen.

“And no, I don't feel the weather thing like you or Dusty. But I do feel when the best time and place and way to surprise someone is!” Surprise laughs. “It's really fun and the look on people's faces is just great! I get this naggy sense of how to cheer people up, too. I think it's all part of my special talent! Like for you...”

As I put down the watermelon Surprise slides in next to me grinning away. “You have new magical senses Geneva! Think about that! You can feel things that no one ever has before!”

The grumpy facade I was wearing melts away as the implications of what my friend just said hit me. Magical senses. Not just magical wind tricks, but magical senses. That means there's something physical to sense in the first place. Something that represents a whole new as yet unexplored branch of physics. I wonder if my wings serve as sensory organs kind of the like those little vestigial wings flies have? That would-

“Boop!” Surprise pokes me in the nose with a finger and pulls me back to reality. “See? Cheerful!”

I laugh and provide my friend with a hug as payment. “Thanks. I hadn't thought of that.”

The loud crunch of an apple being chomped draws me attention to Dust. “Yeah, I got the weather sense too,” she takes another bite out of the apple. “And I can feel the current and electrical charge in stuff. It's pretty cool.” Dust considers the apple core for a few moments and then eats that too. “One of us should probably try giving Silver a call again. He hasn't been picking up.”

I give my eyes a roll. “He usually gets drunk and plays video games online on Sunday. He's got even more of an excuse than usual to get wasted. I'm sure Silver is just fine, if incoherent and blaming his team mates for his lack of coordination.”

With that potential issue set aside we finish clearing out the cars and settle down to discuss our plans. The first order of business? Our current state. By this time yellow scales are busy growing on my hands and my finger nails have been wholly replaced by talons. Much to my surprise I'm able to retract the things like a cat would. Which I'm pretty sure shouldn't be anatomically possible, but that's hardly a first. Dust is starting to lose a lot of the dexterity in her hands and walking around is getting really obnoxious for her. Her face is getting seriously pony-like and she's got aqua fur all over. Surprise isn't as far along as we are, but it's just a matter of time.

“I don't think I'm going to be in any condition to drive home pretty soon,” I admit as I experimentally move one of my hind legs around.

“We should have a slumber party!” Surprise suggests gleefully.

“A slumber party?” Dust echoes and raises a skeptical eyebrow.

“Yeah! A go to sleep as hybrid monster things and wake up as ponies slumber party!”

“And hippogriff,” I clarify. I'm not sure why that's important to me, but it is. Don't judge me.

“And hippogriff,” Surprise agrees.

“Yeah, I guess that would be cool,” Dust admits.

“Eeeee! This'll be so much fun! We can play games and watch Pony episodes and eat snacks and tell stories and gossip about who we have a crush on!” Surprise titters.

Dust and I exchange a look. “Uh, Surprise? We were both guys yesterday. And I don't know about Geneva, but Lightning Dust isn't into girly fru fru stuff. I'm down for snacks and Pony episodes though.”

“I think my friend Lewis has a crush on me,” I comment absently before clapping my hand (Paw? Talon?) over my mouth.

Dust busts up laughing.

“Wow! You really work fast Geneva!” Surprise giggles. Which is Dust's cue to laugh even harder and go tumbling off the couch.

“He doesn't even know that I'm me!” I yell back, my face flushing hot. “That Bible study thing is at my apartment tomorrow night and he invited me to it. I'm not even sure if I can go back there come tomorrow.”

Though what am I going to do about my pets?

“We should all go and make it a party!” Surprise suggests.

“I don't think stuffy Bible get togethers are supposed to be a parties, Surprise,” Dust points out once she manages to start breathing again.

“Then no one will expect it! And that'll make it a surprise party!” my crazy friend declares as she rubs her hands together nefariously. “The best kind.”

I face palm and resign myself to the insanity. If Surprise has decided to throw a party at my apartment tomorrow night I have the sneaking suspicion that there isn't a thing I can do to stop her. Better to go with the flow rather than be crushed under it. When I look up again Surprise is wearing her villain mustache.

“So Surprise, about those snack?” Dust asks, mercifully changing the subject.

“Snacks!” Surprise yelps before zooming away into the kitchen. Before long I can hear the cupcake song and the sounds of baking in full swing.

“How are you doing, Geneva?” Dust inquires once we're alone.

I give a drawn out sigh. How AM I doing? That's a good question. “Better than I was this morning. The message was exactly the encouragement I needed. I think I can handle this so long as I have friends supporting me. Sure I'm being magically transformed into a cartoon character, but no big deal, right? Besides,” I manage to give my stubby growing wings a twitch. “Once these bad boys are functioning I fully intend to give them a workout. Being able to fly under my own power? Yes please.”

That gets a grin from Dust. “I hear you there sister! I'm pretty cool with this myself. Sure it's crazy as hell, but it's crazy-awesome too! Lightning Dust is hooves down the best. Pony. Ever. I've been obsessing over her since I was a little kid. And now I get to BE her? How cool is that? If I had been offered the chance to do this before I would have done it in a snap,” she snaps her tail to punctuate the point. “And I've got you guys too! We're the bucking Wonderbolts! Sure we don't have Soarin or Spitfire or Rainbow Dash with us. But four Wonderbolts together is still pure awesomeness.”

She leans back on the couch with a self-assured smile. “Yep, this isn't so bad. And don't get me started on Surprise. Turns out she had a website that was all about people turning into ponies that she worked on.”

I balk at that. “Wait, really? She just happened to have a web page on this topic ready to go?”

Dust raises an eyebrow at me. “Yeah? She said so last night. Did you think she just conjured it out of nothing?”

“After some of the stuff she's been pulling off the past few days?” I reply with a wry grin. “I seriously considered it.”

“Cupcake time!” Surprise declares, plopping down a tray with dozens of brightly frosted cupcakes on it. Neither of us had seen her enter the room and I'm pretty sure that five minutes isn't nearly long enough to make all those cupcakes. Just nod and smile and think 'cartoon physics'. That's the only thing that doesn't send my eye twitching.

I take one and bite into it.

These are really good.

“Alright! Now for Pony episodes!” Surprise informs us. “Which one should we watch first?”

“Well... I haven't seen most of them. So why not from the beginning?” I suggest.

“Sounds like as good a time for a marathon as any. Let's get the Pony flowing!” Dust commands.

My little pony, my little pony! aaaaaaah Aaaaaaah AAAAAAAAAH-

The show devoured the next few hours of our time. It was still cute, still not really my thing, but now I have purpose behind it. This isn't just a source of entertainment, it's study material. And I make a point of watching it with an analytical eye. How the pegasus fly in particular. How they move depending on how they hold their wings. Hopefully this has some relevance to actual pony flight and we aren't just wasting time.

The cutie mark episode was particularly interesting and I couldn't help but hike down my pants a bit to peer at my own. “So these things have to do with a pony's special talent. They signify what they're best at. The job that they're destined to fill in society?”

“It's a bit more than that,” Dust clarifies. “There's one episode where the mane six get their cutie marks all mixed up and they're compelled to do each others jobs. So it's more like the cutie mark tells somepony what to do.”

“It's what my cutie mark is telling me~!” Surprise sings.

“Hmmm...” that's actually kind of disturbing. That a colorful picture on your butt would somehow command not just your destiny, but force you to fulfill it? Does that mean I'll be coerced by magical forces to do whatever it is that my two tornadoes are supposed to signify? Or am I still a free agent because-

“Oh my GOD!” Dust moans. “You're doing that damn clicking thing with your beak now!”

My beak? I reach up with one hand and feel my face. Sure enough my nose and upper jaw have fused together into a beak and my lower jaw has followed suit. I can't even see the thing sticking out of my face unless I close one eye and peer at it. I wonder if the tongue clicking is where my beak clicking came from? Or maybe it's the other way around. Deeper and deeper down the rabbit hole we go.

“Why didn't you tell me I had a beak earlier?” I ask with a huff.

“We thought you knew, silly!” Surprise laughs. “It's kind of hard to miss.”

What's that figure of speech? As plain as the nose on your face? I guess this is just another triumph for obliviousness.

“You know, I'm thinking we should make a video,” Dust says out of the blue. “Like a 'Meet the Ponies' sort of thing. Then we upload it onto YouTube and send it to the locals new station, too. We show off how awesome we are. Sort of a 'we come in peace' deal. Then at the end we say that we'll be landing on the roof of the channel six building at such and such a time,” Dust pauses for effect as her grin grows. “And then we do. After we practice flying of course. We come in full on Wonderbolts shock and awe formation. Then we go inside and do an interview. Tell people what we know.”

Controlled information release. We had talked about it the night before, but apparently Dust had given it some more thought. “That... actually doesn't sound like a bad idea,” I muse. “The alternative of course would be just hiding out until somepony manages to get themselves caught. People would still flip out from our video once it's clear that it isn't a hoax and something really is going on. But at least it would be controlled flipping out with some degree of knowledge behind it.”

“Oh people will be flipping their shit alright,” Dust says. “People will be doing so much shit-flipping that you would think there's a barrel of monkeys on the loose.”

Surprise begins giggling like a loon. “Hehe! I think it'll be neat! How will people react to real live ponies?”

I look up at her from poking my beak. The thing feels really weird. Like a giant toenail growing on my face. “I can think of a few things right off. Everything from alien invasion to demons.”

“We'll just have to make it really super obvious that we're nice then!” Surprise says, her tone firm with resolution.

“How the hell would anyone mistake ponies for demons?” Dust asks incredulously.

“There are people who think pokemon are demons,” comes my deadpan reply.

“Touche,” Dust laughs. “But seriously, we're doing this right? The video and the interview?”

“It's probably one of the least volatile ways to get the information out there,” I admit. “We should try to be quick about it. Wait at most two or three days. The longer we wait the more likely it is that people start spotting ponies. If this looks like damage control rather than ponies coming forward on their own then people will get suspicious.”

They'll probably get suspicious not matter what. But hopefully they'll be slightly less suspicious.

“I nominate Geneva for camera-griff since she'll be the only one with hands!” Surprise declares.

“Motion seconded,” Dust agrees. “Besides, I'm not about to let my adoring fans down. They're going to want to see plenty of Lightning Dust and Lightning Dust plans to deliver. Can't do that from behind a camera.”

“That would be a travesty,” I deadpan.

The credits for the My Little Pony episode about slumber parties roll and I'm left wondering why anyone in their right mind would enjoy fiction about slumber parties. It's such a banal subject. But it also cues a few yawns and we decide to call it a night. The last leg of the changes are getting pretty uncomfortable and sleeping through the metamorphosis is sounding like a really good idea right now. Surprise and Dust hobble off to bed and I spread myself out on the couch and strip off my clothes. I'm so fortunate to still have fingers. I can't imagine how difficult things must be for my friends. There's a blanket on the back of the couch, so I pull that over myself to keep warm. As the stillness closes in around me I begin chatting with the ceiling.

“Thanks for the word this morning. I really needed that and I would probably be in a bad place right now if I hadn't gotten it. But I guess that's sort of your thing, huh? Lots of little serendipitous events that don't mean much alone and a whole lot taken together.”

“I wonder if Chuck is right about the whole alternate universe idea. Other worlds out there where the laws that govern them are totally different than this one. I know it's hypothetically possible, but I've never seriously considered it. In a world of talking animals and mythical critters who would you show up as? Aslan? Though I guess that was how it worked in Narnia too. What's the Big Man going to be in a world without men? Why the king of beasts of course!”

“I'm really glad that I've got friends to go through this with. Not that I'm happy they're suffering through this. Or... enjoying this as Dust and Surprise seem to be doing. But just having someone else there who knows how I feel really helps. Getting to talk with Chuck was great too. They both took it amazingly well and I can only hope that other people will respond that way too. I would hate to see people panicking over something that's as unusual as it is innocuous. I hope Silver is doing alright. He's probably taking this really badly. We'll need to find a way to check on him.”

“This is it, isn't it? My last night as anything vaguely human. The changes are obviously accelerating and I'm pretty messed up now as it is. Tomorrow it'll be full hippogriff and some of my best friends will be pegasuses. Pegasi. Whatever the plural is. Ugh. And I'll still have that 'party' at my apartment to figure out what to do about. And the film to make. But one crisis at a time, right?”

I give a soft chuckle as drowsiness begins to overtake me. Soon enough the sweet embrace of sleep eases away the aches and pains of the last of my humanity dissolving.

Tomorrow...

Tomorrow will be quite the day.

The day when the world will cry as one that there is too much pony.

Comments

[Pop chatters]

Can't stop reading. No, digestive system you are not getting any attention. Do not look at me like that bladder.

Hurr Durr.

[Daring Deux]

Small thing, by the way:

“Thanks for the word this morning. I really needed that and I would probably be in a bad place right now if I hadn't gotten it. But I guess that's sort of your thing, huh? Lots of little serendipitous events that don't mean much alone and a whole lot taken together.”

“I wonder if Chuck is right about the whole alternate universe idea. Other worlds out there where the laws that govern them are totally different than this one. I know it's hypothetically possible, but I've never seriously considered it. In a world of talking animals and mythical critters who would you show up as? Aslan? Though I guess that was how it worked in Narnia too. What's the Big Man going to be in a world without men? Why the king of beasts of course!”

If you have the same speaker continue from one paragraph end immediately to another, you actually leave off the end quotation mark. I'll bold and size-up the one that should be removed.

Oh, and, of course, you should remove the ones for the next couple paragraphs too. As long as you keep the monologue going.

[Dogman15]

"Surprise and two of the guys break into some about smiling that I don't know." Did you mean to say "Surprise and two of the guys break into some song about smiling that I don't know."? That's the Smile Song you're referencing.
May I suggust spelling "facade" as "façade"? (This is optional, as both spellings are correct.)
“So Surprise, about those snacks?” Add an s.
Change "pokemon" to "Pokémon". It's not just because it's a brand name that you capitalize it. Also add an accented é to "Touché."
Your comments through Geneva within the story are interesting. I find it interesting/fun and sometimes challenging to think about how God/Jesus could be worked into any fictional world/universe I come across.
3212864 You forgot to note this:

We'll need to find a way to check on him.”

That quotation mark doesn't need to be there, either.

[Rosie Quill]

“I might be there or I might not. It'll be a surprise!”

I read this. My head fell into my keyboard.
(Aka )

[Chrome Masquerade]

“Eeeee! This'll be so much fun! We can play games and watch Pony episodes and eat snacks and tell stories and gossip about who we have a crush on!” Surprise titters.

"An' in the mornin'? I'mma makin' waffles!"