The visit was becoming a little silent as nopony wanted to say something next. Octavia was in shock at the news, they had been together for so long and Vinyl of all ponies didn’t tell the whole world about her being with Octavia. Vinyl had always been the bold one in their relationship, telling anypony who looked at them too long, that she was with this lovely mare beside her and would try to give her a kiss. Octavia wasn’t much on such displays in public, but she was never fast enough to stop Vinyl.
Octavia’s parents heads were bouncing back and forth between the two. And Vinyl looked like she was trying to make herself look as small as possible. Things just seem to be going downhill for her, all she wanted was for the visit to be a simple little family visit and be done with it. But instead Vinyl drops this news on her and her family. She found herself wish that there was a zebra in the room to break this silence.
“Well, Vinyl dear, would you like to hear a story or two about what my sweet little Octavia was like when she was a filly?” Octavia was so glad that her mother chose to say something. Her body tensed up and a chill went down her spine. Did her mother just offer to tell Vinyl stories about her filly hood? Octavia looked to see that Vinyl was not trying to look small any more and now had a big cheesy grin on her face.
“I would love to hear some of them. I bet she was the most polite little filly anypony has ever seen.” Vinyl was in love with how she was getting the inside scoop on Octavia during a time before Vinyl knew her. Octavia gave her parents a pleading look, both of them grinned. They had been kind of waiting for this day, to tell their little girls special somepony these stories. She could do anything to stop the event that was about to happen.
The stories started out from when she was in still in diapers. They were just the silly things that a filly at that age where known to do. Octavia even found herself giggling at a few of the stories. Who wouldn’t laugh hearing a story of a little filly having her whole face covered in pudding. Looking over toward Vinyl, seeing that it looked like she was remembering a story her parents told her of her fillyhood.
It wasn’t long before the stories got to the point past fillyhood and right at the time Octavia was going into middle school. This was the point in her where she wish everypony would forget, but no matter how much she wished that, her parents seem to never forget. The story that came up was one that she wish that never had happen. But the cake was really good tho.
“Oh Vinyl, I think this next one was the cutest things little Octavia had done.” Octavia’s mother was trying to hide a giggle. Octavia wanted to get smaller in the chair, while Vinyl was about to fall out of her seat. “It was a few minutes before her thirteenth birthday party.”
**********************************************************************************************************
Octavia was jumping around her mother as she was working on this cake the size of a princess. Her mother smiled as Octavia try to take a bite of the cake, but stopped when she coughed. She ran away back to her room, she really want to try a piece of the cake now and not later. There was few things that Octavia loved more than music; cake and that crazy filly from school. Octavia would never tell that filly a word of her feelings, but she wasn’t going to hide her feelings of loving cakes.
Octavia was going to get a bite of the cake before the part if it was the last thing she did today. She was going to wait till her mother was outside getting things ready for the party. Diving into her dresser to find something one of her aunts got her for Hearts Warming Eve. Grinning as she pulled spies outfit. It was all black and she had been dying for a chance to wear it.
She was sneaking along the hallway wall to where the cake was keep before the party. Octavia was in her super spy mood, stopping at each doorway. Stopping in her tracks as she heard her mother walking near by talking to her father, she waited till they had pass before making her way to her prize.
Octavia made it to the last doorway, which lead to the dining room where the cake was being kept. Peeking her head into the room and grins as she sees that the cake is unguarded. Slowly making her way in, making sure not to make a sound that would inform her parents of her task.
She made it to the push cart that the cake was sitting on, her eye grew wide as the beauty of the cake overtook her. Giving her lips a quick lick before eating her way to the core of the cake. Once Octavia was done, she would have to tell her mother that she did a great job on baking this cake.
Just making it to the core of the cake before she felt the cart begin to move. Octavia’s heart stopped in her chest as the cart was pushed outside to the cheering foals. She didn’t know what to do, there was no where for her to run without getting caught. There was a one big bump, which meant that the cake was outside and everypony is watching.
The cheering for the cake grew louder and louder as the chart moved. Thinking of nothing else to do, Octavia began to eat her way out of the cake. It took a few moments before she saw the first rays of light after entering the cake. There were gasp from what she thought was the parents of the other foals, but that was soon drowned out by the laughing of the foals.
Octavia emerged covered in frosting and cake. She could feel that all eyes were on her. What could she do now? Doing the first thing that came to her head, Octavia took a big bite of the cake and smiled. “Isn’t anypony else going to try this cake with me?”
Her parents couldn’t keep it bottled in for any more; they busted out laughing at their little filly's actions. Octavia not wanting to be left out of the laughing, joined in. At the time this was something funny for everyone to laugh about and move on, but someponies just don’t forget something like this happening. So it wasn’t long before most of the groups she was part of started to make fun of her.
Years later, right before she went to high school, a letter came in the mail saying that she was invited to attain this new music academy that was opening out soon. Rumors had it that some of the biggest Music professionals would be working there. Feeling like this was her chance to make it in the music world and to make a new started, Octavia took this chance and started at the new school.
**********************************************************************************************************
By the end of the story Octavia was trying very hard to be one with the chair to hide. Vinyl on the other hoof had her jaw about touching the floor from her seat. After picking up her jaw off the floor, looked over at Octavia with a shy little smile.
“Octy, you were that filly when I was younger that would keep staring at me?” Octavia could tell that Vinyl was trying to put two and two together. She just nods her head, feeling kind of shame for not telling Vinyl this sooner. It’s only fair that she didn’t tell her something.
Octavia’s parents looked at each other and smiled. To them it was kind of cute to see that Octavia found her first love and was happy with her after all the years. It was like story out of one of those fairy tales, they just hope that it would stay that way.
Feeling that Octavia had enough stories told of her fillyhood, her parents got up and was followed by Octavia and Vinyl. She walked them to the door. As they walked, her parents were giving her hugs and kisses to the forehead the whole way.
“It was nice to see you again Octavia and it was a pleasure to meet you Vinyl.” Her mother smiled as she walked out the door.
“Vinyl you better take care of my little girl.” Her father eyed Vinyl, it was enough to give Octavia a chill down her spine. She could only imagine what Vinyl felt from the look she was given. Vinyl nods and moves next to Octavia, placing a gentle kiss on her cheek. Octavia couldn’t stop herself from blushing.
Her parents smiled and made their way down the hallway. Octavia was happy to see her parents again, but sad to see them. She was lost in her thoughts, that was till somepony began to nipping at her ear. “Vinyl, what are you doing?”
“I’m trying to get you back inside, or do you rather spend the next eleven months standing in the doorway?” Vinyl had that smile that hides nothing and it was this smile that had caused Octavia to fall in love with her all over again.
“I will come in if you promise me something, Vinyl.” Octavia turned to fully face the white mare.
“And what is that, Octy?” The smile she had turned into a grin.
“You tell me why your family don’t know about me.” With that said, Vinyl zipped her mouth closed. And when she zipped her mouth up, she really zipped her mouth up. Octavia sighed and grabbed Vinyl by the tail and pulled her back inside. ‘It’s going to be a long night’ was the last thought she had before closing the door.
Ooh~
3353921
Good ooh?
One thing. First Sergeant, activate my RG Unit's WTHMOGCF bomb now. *WHAT THE HOLY MOTHER OF CELESTIA CLUSTER F*CK BOOM! is hurd throught the room* OH MY GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOD!
3353934
Very good ooh~
3353961
Was it good?
yay update octy will be best mommy
3353970 *kolasky from POM* In my opinion *hears the explosion* May... OH MOTHER OF CELESTIA THE SMELL! *faints* *Me* Haven't read ie *starts choking on bomb smeel and starts reading Octavia is pregnant* *trollestia*
3353997
Okay?
3354056
I kept it clean.
3354075
Thank you for point that out. I don't know what I was thinking
3354081
There was no gender changing happening in the bedroom.
3354088
lot of little mistakes, but that was the biggest. Definitely need an editor.
3354127
I'm on the hunt for one right now.
That coverart, so much nope.
3354187
I'm sorry. It wasn't my first choice of cover art. If you know of a better one, I would be thinking you for as long as my heart beats.
3354192 That belly is bigger than her! Whoever did it clearly has no idea how any form of anatomy works. Also I don't really look up pregnant ponies, why? Because I find it disturbing.
3354197
I was looking for something that wasn't flashy like this one. Just one that said 'hey, she might be with a foal.' But this one was the only clean one of her as a pony.
3354208 Well as least it's not as bad as that one fic I found with humanised coverart, but it was just plain ponies in the fic itself, talk about misleading.
3354230
Yeah, so till I have money to commission better cover art. This one will have to do till the time comes.
3354241 Was merely pointing out how flawed the artists thought patterns are, that belly protrudes farther than her legs, thus making movement impossible.
Poor Octavia, being reminded of that story.
And come next chapter I've got a bad feeling about how Vinyl's parents will react.
3354246
One the page I found the art on, said that she was having more then one foal. I think that it is kind of funny that no one said anything till now about the cover art. Thank you pointing it out.
3354247
Won't know till it happens. And it took me forever to type this chapter up. I couldn't think of a good story for Octy's past.
3354263 To be honest, most mammalian creatures that walk on four legs aren't meant to be able to give birth to multiple offspring. Not only would it be immensely dangerous, but it would also slow them down in the event a predator attacked, thus negating the creatures life and that of it's unborn offspring. Derived logic for the win!
3354272
Yay for logic. But magic wins in this world. If I could, I would get drawpoines to do the coverart for this story. That would be so cool.
3354283 Who's that? Also, fuck magic, technology can destroy the universe, magic cannot.
3354288
http://drawponies.deviantart.com/
Magic can too, but it's not as cool tho.
I want to start by saying that I'm really enjoying your story and I really want to help you do a good job. But, at the very least, you probably want to put your work through a computer's word processor and use the spell check before you post. That will fix a lot of the problems that I'm seeing.
Either 'say something' or 'move to something' is redundant. Either one would be fine, but you'll want to get rid of the other once you pick.
These probably should be two separate sentences, I think you mean 'spine' and not 'spin,' fillyhood should probably be one word and you'll want a question mark at the end.
but stopped when she coughed.
gave, grinned
This should probably be two sentences. 'wish had never happened' would probably be a better way to phrase it. Tho should be though.
was should be were, you want a colon (:) instead of a comma and do you mean 'that crazy filly?'
Hearth's Warming Eve
pulled out a spy's outfit. This should also be divided into two sentences.
You may want to try 'She was sneaking.'
push cart. You need to change this a couple of times through the story.
ate her way
Should be two sentences. Now should have a question mark after it.
You want a semicolon (;) instead of a comma and you want 'filly's' instead of fillies.
You want a comma there. These two sentences work as a single concept.
Music professionals.
'very hard to hide by becoming one with the chair' would probably make the sentence flow better.
you were that filly
You either want a period or a semicolon. Either one would work.
You want to use a period and divide this into two sentences.
'or would you rather.'
Octavia turned
You need a space after the comma. 'turn' should be 'turned.'
doesn't
You might want to change it to the following: "With that said, Vinyl zipped her mouth closed. And when she zipped her mouth up, she really zipped her mouth up."
Again, I like this story and I hope that you have the best of luck.
3354293 Technology can make devices able to withstand the death of the universe, can your magic do that?
3354296
I use Gdoc, I was wounding if you would like to take a look at it. I was wondering if you could make editing comments there. So I can find the spot much faster. If not, that is cool. And thank you for all your help.
3354298
I don't know, I hope not to be around for when that happens.
3354319 No problem. Unfortunately, unless its sitting somewhere on my computer where I haven't found it yet, I do not have Gdoc. I just have Windows Suite.
3354334
Gdocs is on the cloud. Which means as long as you have internet and a link I will give. You don't need to have anything installed on your computer.
3354326 Well screw you, I can't wait to be an indestructible android god.
3354349 I might have to check that out sometime.
3354386
It's nice
3354197
I'd just like to point out that with the size of their heads, they wouldn't be able to walk normally. It'd almost drag along the ground.
It's a drawing of a cartoon pony, don't expect it to be 100% realistic.
3354296
I made the changes you suggested, took me some time to find them. But I think things look better now. So thank you for finding them.
3356389 You're welcome. I tried to put them in the order that I found them.
3357360
You did a good job. I can't thank you enough.
3358193 You're welcome. I think you have a good story on your hooves and am looking forward to reading more in the future.
3358199
Oh stop, it's an okay story. It can't be that great. Put in the hooves of like Pen Stroke or the many other great writers, then it would be a great story. Put it in any other writers hooves and it will be good.
reads the final part of chapter 4* Well, this is going to be interesting. Also, may I stat the ending in words of vinyl's reaction, LOGIC BE DAMNED! lol
3355600 I give you permission to have a quick look in my mind, IF you come out sane, you will understand more about the universe than most others, and also why killing zombies sounds like sooooo much fun.
And you've found my weakness. I have such a soft spot for Motherhood/Adoptions fics. This one is a bit confusing and perhaps maybe you could've given more detail here and there and could've transitioned better (the multiple month break in time was questionable when there could have been so much more detail given rather than just a time lapse). However I still really liked what I read so far and can't wait for more. So here is some freshly backed approval just for you
imageshack.us/a/img43/8229/3o6j.png
Whoa, Ixnay icturespay in the escriptionday!
Seriously now, Twilight's Library had a few threads lately about how the mods really dislike pictures in the story description (for some reason - I won't pretend to understand anything about coding and computers).
You can still put them in Author's Notes, comments, or even on your user page. See this thread for information.
P.S.: Haven't actually read the story yet... My reading list is rather long...
3382995
Thank you and I have made the fix.
I am enjoying your story so far.
The idea might not be that new, but everyone gives it their own personal spin, no one is the total same, and I am really enjoying your take on it.
I look forward to seeing your take on Vinyl's parents, and to see who they are in your version of the world.
I have been following this story since you started it and have been checking at least once a week please add more because i love this story so much.
I've been following this since you started it, and I like where this is going. Please, do keep up the good work.