Chapter One: Friend and Blackmail
Honoring the Sun
By: Ifitsleep & ReaperOfFlames
Chapter One: Friend and Blackmail
“Are you in or out?” Jeremy asked over all the din of laughter and conversation around us as he slammed a tankard of cider in front of my face; some of the cool liquid in the wooden mugs sprang free from its container and splashing onto my face and the top of the tavern’s wooden table. “The rest of us have been talking and planning this thing for god knows how long , but you still haven’t said a single damn thing about joining up. I need your answer tonight, brother.” His voice was like how it always was when he brought up this subject; insistent and annoying. It’s not like he was always this pushy, but he had his reason.
I lifted my head off the table, feeling my face cling to it as something sticky on the surface tried to keep me glued to the table with terrible adhesion. I grimaced as I silently regretted putting my face on there in the first place. I rubbed my face and felt some tacky substance on my cheek. Oh, god. I hoped that whatever it was, it was sterile. “No comment,” I answered in turn, looking everywhere but at Jeremy. Taking in the view of the drinking establishment instead of my buddy.
Friday night at Spiced Cider’s.
That time of the week when everyone is finally let off work and ready to cut loose and have some fun. After a week full of hustle, bustle, and stress; it was time to go to a local bar or club and just kick back with some friends, enjoy a tankard of cider and have a few laughs that just might help you end up in someone’s or somepony’s pants; assuming that the ponies in question were wearing clothing of course.
That said, the reasonable sized pub was filled to the brim with ponies and humans drinking away their worries and sorrows, chatting it up and flirting. The air was filled with friendly activity; catcalls, laughter, chatter and if you strained your hearing you could even hear the odd hushed groan of a more physical approach to flirting. Every booth and table in the place was filled with patrons; I had a good view, seeing how Jeremy had ushered me over to the farthest booth away from the more crowded parts of the tavern.
It was just like every other Friday that Mr. Jeremy Ruark made me meet him at Spiced Cider’s. Loud, crowded, and tolerable due to the promise of sweet, sweet strong cider.
The moment my comment reached Jeremy’s ears, he turned his unbearably dark blue eyes in my directing, searing their gaze right in to my own; irritation beginning to grow on the edges of his eyes. “Okay. No. Listen to me,” he ordered briskly, sitting down across from me and taking a drink from his cider. He also ‘conveniently’ lowered his voice, making me strain my ears to hear it over the din of the tavern. “Dude, I’ve been telling you, we need you for this. You know we need you for this. We’ve been planning this crap for…god, how long was it again?”
“Three weeks, four days,” I said non-committedly. I reach over and picked up my drink, taking a long swig from the mug. The stuff was really good; spicy, a tad strong with the alcohol and filled with the crisp juicy taste of apple. It wasn't much a wonder why ponies loved this stuff so much. “And you’ve been on my ass about it since day one.” I finished with an exasperated groan.
“Because you haven’t given me a straight answer! What do I have to do in order to get you to say yes or no?”
Well, first off, It’d be great if he didn’t flip out when I gave him a blunt ‘no’. But, because I knew my friend, I knew that Jeremy would never accept a negative response. Apparently, it messed with ‘team spirit’ or some jazz like that. He really hadn’t changed all that much since the two of us had graduated high school together and considering that that was five years ago…
“Don’t know. Don’t care.” I tilted my head back and drained my entire mug of cider in one go, feeling the hot burn of spirits lighting up the back of my throat.
“Oh, come on!” Jeremy groaned, flopping back into his seat and setting his mug on the table. “Seriously! Focus, man! Think about all the cash we’re gonna be making off of those things. We’ll be set for life!” He sat back up and leaned forward. “There are ponies...people out there who’ll give up an arm and a leg for those crowns, bro. We get them, and we’ll be rich as hell.”
I snorted. “Right. Yeah. And what are the odds of us succeeding? Sure, the pay-out’s great and all that, but what are the consequences of a failure? I mean, we’re not stealing change from some bum or something, Jer. This is big.”
Besides. I’d never stolen a single thing in my life...more or less anyways...
Maybe that was a bit of an exaggeration, I'd taken the occasion cookie or dollar bill from my mom’s purse when I was a kid, but I had never really taken anything that was someone else’s, bum or otherwise. Even the thought of actually taking something that belonged to someone else just kind of felt...wrong. Like something heavy and acidic was sitting in my stomach. It didn’t feel right and it wasn’t in my moral interest. Besides...the royal crowns of all things? Taking those just seemed too much, even for Jeremy’s usual lack of sensibility. I was sure that the two royal sisters had enough money to replace the old crowns and all, but what Jeremy was proposing on taking were more than just pieces of royal jewelry; they were symbols of the princesses’ power. “I mean, at best, we’re looking at a few years in prison.”
Jeremy rolled his eyes and drummed his fingers on the table. “Yeah, sure. Glenn, we have this whole things planned out and everything. We have a guy who—“ He halted his speech as a light brown pony—a mare—wearing a kerchief over her twin braids step up to our booth, carrying a tray of filled and empty mugs on her back. “Heya, Cider.” Jeremy grinned at the equine, leaning away from me and focusing all his attention at the pony.
Spiced Cider, the mare who both owned and ran the tavern for as long as I had been in Equestria, gave the two of us a hearty grin. “Hey there, fellas, Are ya done with those mugs? Need a refill?”
I turned my head away from the earth pony and felt my face grimace lightly. Dammit. This was what I was hoping to avoid tonight, or every night for that matter; interacting with the ponies.
Frankly, I didn’t like them. They were nice and all, but they...unsettled me a little; and by a little I mean a great deal. Simply put, they were a little too empathetic towards people and tended to react in extremes; they had no emotional buffer. Tell them some bad news about yourself or otherwise; and they’ll deflate like a balloon. Tell them some good news and they’d turn into the happiest pony in Equestria; bouncing around joyfully even when it didn’t really concern them. It was just too strange and out of place; they cared way too much about the people around them, regardless if they knew them or not.
It just wasn’t human.
They weren’t human.
It was too strange for me to handle.
“I could use another,” I replied somewhat hoarsely as I handed over my mug; glancing out of the corner of my eye to see Cider take the mug with her hoof and place it on the tray on her back.
But once that was done, Cider gave me a concerned look. “Ya sure about that, dahlin’?” Cider’s worried and lightly accented voice reached my ears, causing one of my hands to tighten into a fist involuntarily, the fingers digging into my skin hard enough to leave indentations; I just wanted her to go away. “Ya already had your usual three mugs. I know ya get kinda loopy afta four.”
The words I said in reply were forced from my throat; dry and grating, like they were dragged through a gravel road. “It’s fine. I think I’m gonna just cut loose a little bit more tonight.”
“Ya are?” A moment of silence, save for the din of people talking and laughing. “Ya okay, dahlin’? What’s wrong, this ain’t like ya usually are.” A repressed scoff formed in my chest; stinging the edges of my lungs. Oh, so she knew me that well, did she? That was rich. “Ya havin’ a bad day? Wanna talk about it, sugah?” The genuine worry in Cider’s voice did nothing to stop the irritation building in my body; I just, wanted, her gone.
If she wasn’t going to take a hint, I was going to have to tell her directly, now wasn’t I? “I—“
Jeremy cut in before I could even begin to really speak. “Nah, he’s just had a long day, Cider. Nothing too bad; he just needs to unwind.” He glanced at me out of the corner of his eye and offered me a hidden thumbs up. He had the situation under control. Or whatever he was trying to tell me.
Cider’s voice still carried an air of worry. She wasn't letting this go. “Ya sure? I wouldn’t want any of mah best patrons to be feelin’ down. I mean, sure; it sells me a bit more cider, but I don’t want any of ya to get hurt.” Cider’s hooves clopped for a step or two as she scooted Jeremy over in his booth’s seat and took up the space directly in front of me, much to my chagrin.
“Ya sure you’re feelin’ down, Sugah?” She stared right at me, her orange eyes far more agonizing than Jeremy’s. Speaking of the guy, Jeremy opened his mouth to speak, but was shushed by a hoof to the mouth. “Hush now, sweetheart. I wanna hear this comin’ from the source.”
My eyes glanced to the side of the table. “Yeah. Sure. I’m fine. Whatever.”
A hoof hit the table, causing it to shake and our empty mugs to rattle in unison. “Come on, Glenn. Ya gotta look someone in the eye when talking to ‘em.”
My teeth were grinding together in my mouth with enough force to crush diamonds, but I forced my most natural smile on my face and looked at Cider right in the eyes. “Cross my heart, hope to fly, pour some cider in my eye,” I said, reciting Cider’s most used promise.
Satisfied with my answer, Cider winked her eyes at me. “See? That’s the ticket. I’ll bring ya boys your cider as soon as I can.” With a little hum of joy, Cider hopped off the booth’s seat and turned to walk away, giving me a view of her cutie mark, those tattoo like things that all ponies have on their flanks.
A tankard of Cider. No surprise there. It even had a cinnamon stick poking out from the mug.
The smirk that was spreading on Jeremy’s face told me everything I needed to know about the next few words that were going to come out of his mouth. “Dude, you’re still acting like that around the ponies?”
“Shut. Up.” I growled at him, rubbing the bridge of my nose. Damn. Damn. Now I was getting all worked up.
“Whoa! Someone’s a touchy dick today!” He chuckled lightly. “I mean, come on, bro. You shouldn’t flip your shit like that. The ponies are nice. I mean, heck, Spiced Cider was actually worried about you. And you’re sitting there like Scrooge.”
“Urgh.” I groaned. “Cider was only worried because it might affect her business.”
A slightly whimsical look crossed Jeremy’s face. “Geez. I mean, I understand that why you're pissed, but you gotta get over that whole thing with Ebony sooner or la—“
“Just shut up!” I barked at Jeremy. I fixed my gaze with his. “Don’t you ever mention that asshole’s name.” I didn’t want to remember about my ex-housemate and the trouble I went through with that pony. “I don’t have to get over that. Not now, not ever.” I glowered at my friend.
Jeremy shook his head. “Alright. Alright. Maybe you don’t. But it’s kind of unreasonable for you to hate a whole group of individuals over one jerk.”
“What about you and redheads?”
Jeremy balked. “That’s completely different and you know it. That’s a goddamn phobia.”
“Whatever. In any case, I doubt that Cider really cares. After all, every bartender is everybody’s friend until they’ve had one too many.”
Jeremy’s eyes glanced away from me as voice spoke up from behind me. “Cynic.” I went to turn my head around to see who was behind me, only to have a hand—yes a hand—cover my eyes. “Nuh-uh, Glenn. You don’t get to see who it is till you guess.”
“Only person who’s dumb enough to do this is you, Christine,” I answered, rolling my eyes under the palm of her hand. “Now, get off my face.” I brushed Christine’s hand off my eyes and tilted my head back, glaring at the black haired girl. “Aaaand, black today?”
Christine Auer was one of the few most artistic people I have ever met. She was an apprentice fashion designer under a stallion under the name of Hoity-Toity and because of that she was more or less fashionable. She kept her hair in a pixie cut and dyed her hair different colors almost every day; which couldn’t be any good for her roots or anything. She also came up with odd harebrained ideas for clothes that actually got attention on the Equestrian fashion circuit. However, the only thing that wasn’t very ‘fashionable’ about Christine was the fact that her style of clothing would vary from day to day as well.
One day she’d be wearing something elegant from one of the fancier shops in Canterlot and the next she’d be walking around in the pajamas she wore last night. She didn’t care how others saw her and just went with what her gut told her. Pretty impressive to say in the least.
That night’s ensemble was completely black. A turtle neck, slacks, trainers—everything a dark charcoal color. Wait. Oh, hell no.
“Don’t tell me Jeremy roped you into this too,” I groaned, almost placing my head on the table, but remembered how sticky the table had been. “No, no. Don’t say it just yet.” I held up my hand as Christine’s lips began to move. “First, I want to clarify something. A cynic is what a pessimist calls a realist. I don’t need you, Ms. Sunshine, to tell me any different. Everybody’s after something and nobody, or pony for that matter, is nice for no reason.”
“Examples, mon ami?” Christine said, leaning down and resting her chin on my forehead.
“Off,” I said pointedly before continuing. “Lemme see. Jeremy here asked me out for a couple of drinks, which is fine because we usually do this every Friday. But lo and behold! He promised to pay for all my drinks—as it turns out, the entire thing was a ploy for him to get me to join you guys in stealing a certain something.
“So, yeah. I don’t trust anyone, not even the ponies,” I sat back and crossed my arms. “I’d like for you to prove me otherwise.”
With a pout, Christine glared at me. “Scootch,” She said, urging me to scoot over. “Hmph. Well, I’ll get my chance, right in a few seconds!” She pointed over to Cider who was approaching the booth. “Evening, Cider!” She waved as the Pony approached the booth.
“Evenin’, Christine. How’s mah favorite fashion designer doin’?” Cider responded kindly, setting a mug of cider in front of Jeremy and sliding mine over to me across the table. “Here ya go boys. Enjoy.”
“I’m doing good, Cider. Can’t complain, just learning new things every day.”
“ ‘S good to hear, sweetie. I’ll be crossin’ my hooves in hopes that ya get famous and make me one of those gala dresses. I’ve always wanted to go to the gala, but I never have anythin’ to wear.”
Christine laughed. “Sure, Cider. Once I hit the big leagues, I’ll give you all the dresses you want.”
“Good to hear it! Ya want anything to drink, Sugah?”
Eagerly, Christine nodded. “Yes, please. Just some juice for me…ah…no. Actually, I’d like a non-alcoholic cider, if you have it.”
The mare laughed. “Sugah, my pub’s always stocked with both kinds of Cider.”
“I know, but I’m just trying to be polite is all.”
“Alright, but don’t get too polite on me, ya hear?” Cider chuckled, walking towards the bar.
After the mare left, Christine stared at me with a smile. “What?” I asked, glancing away from her and grabbing my Cider.
Jeremy chuckled into his tankard of cider.
“See, we were both being nice to each other. No reason whatsoever.” She crossed her arms in a certain kind of triumph. But I refused to have her win at this argument. I had just the thing to beat her.
“First of all, you promised her dresses, which even though she was maybe joking about, it’s still incentive. Second, that whole exchange just guaranteed you a priority over other customers. Most of the patrons don’t engage the servers all too often.”
A breath of air left Christine’s nose. “You’re crazy to think that just because I gave her some small talk, Cider’s is going to—”
“Here you go, Sugah. One regular cider,” Spiced Cider slid a tall glass of cider onto the table and smiled up at Christine. “Enjoy.”
For a moment, Christine could do nothing but blink at the brown pony, before smiling, albeit a bit nervously. “Oh, um, yeah. Thanks a lot, Cider.”
“Weren’t nothing, Sugah,” Cider winked, heading back towards another table.
Christine played with her glass for a few moments before looking over at me, who was wearing a slightly smug smile on his face. “W-what?”
“Oh, nothing. Just pointing out that I proved myself right. Again.”
And exasperated sigh came from Christine as she fiddled with her cup some more. “Fine, whatever. I’ll let you win this time, but I’m still not done with trying to prove you wrong, Glenn. Just watch. I’m going beat the cynicism out of you.”
I chuckled and returned to my mug, allowing Jeremy to jump back into the conversation. “But anyways, you really shouldn’t knock on the ponies, Glenn. They don’t look like us, but they’re still people, all the same. You should give them another chance. Might get you the affection of hot young mare or two.” A lewd grin stretch on his face. “They’re real animals in bed.”
I scoffed. “I don’t think with my second head, Jer. I’d rather use the one with a brain in it. Besides,” I lowered my voice. “How can you even sleep with one? They’re practically horses; how do you get turned on by one?”
Human-pony couples weren’t a rare thing in Equestria. In the earlier years, when humans and ponies first came into contact, there were some xenophobic tendencies expressed with each race; but tensions lowered significantly in a few years and couples consisting of both races began generating out of the peace. I think it was because the ponies were more amiable than anything, seeing everyone as an equal.
As expected of Jeremy, his mouth twisted into a saucy smirk. “It’s not that hard. Was always an ass-man; and those plots be juicy.” He turned his attention to a passing cream-colored mare, giving her a flirtatious wink. “And the cutie marks give ‘em a nice aesthetic.”
I groaned and buried my face in my hands. “Never mind. Forget I asked.”
“Jeremy, you’re such a sexist pig!” Christine said in a mock angry voice. “But really, you should give us human girls some of that attention.”
I winced. Ah. Yeah. If anything, Christine has a thing for Jeremy. “Should have seen him in high school,” I grinned at Jeremy. “He was humping the leg of any girl that would get within a hundred feet of him.”
Cider splashed out of Jeremy’s cup as he began to cough in an exaggerated manner. Must have gone down the wrong tube. After three forceful coughs, Jeremy shot me a glare. If looks could kill, I probably would have been alright. He didn’t look that bad. “Glenn. Not cool, dude. You make me sound like some sort of man-whore.”
Oh, really? “Says the man who was just now saying how great pony ass is.” I raised an eyebrow.
“Good point.” He admitted in defeat. A second later her sputtered out, “I-I’m not a man-whore, though. I just have a deep appreciation of the female body! Pony or otherwise.”
“Mmmhmm.”
“Suuuuure.”
Both Christine and I didn’t believe him.
“Assholes.” Wounded and forced to retreat, Jeremy began to nurse his cider with a very unmanly pout on his face.
A small silence fell over our booth as our jokes dried out for the moment. We drank in perfect quiet, the bar around us still rowdy with activity, but the three of us just sitting there and drinking; not a single sound left our lips.
That was good, no talking meant that I had successfully diverted all chances of our conversation going back to Jeremy’s first question of the evening; now I could just sit back and enjoy the fact that I had avoided it altogether.
I really didn’t want to get caught up in a theft, especially this one. First of all, why the hell would someone like Jeremy, an obvious pony-lover(no pun intended), come up with the idea of stealing the royal crowns anyways? It’s not like he was hurting for money—in fact it was quite the contrary, he had money to burn.
He had nothing against the ponies and pulling something like this seemed out of character for him. Rather, it seemed like it would be pulled off by someone who had a deep distrust in ponies. Someone who would want to get back at the ponies for some grudge or another. Someone who has a hate for them.
Someone like me.
It just wasn’t what I personally would do; had it been anything else involving a resentment of ponies, I wouldn’t have thought twice about helping out with Jeremy’s little project—in fact I would have been an eager beaver. But I wasn’t a bad guy, really. I mean, yeah, I was distrustful of the ponies and a little on the cynical side of things; however I wasn’t going to just get up and steal something that belongs to others. I didn’t like the ponies and I wasn’t going to try and be buddy-buddy with any of them any time soon, but I wasn’t exactly keen on committing any crimes to ‘get back at them’.
It was best for me to leave before Jeremy remembered about the query and tried to get me in on his scheme. I downed the cider, my eyes watering for a moment from the alcohol burning down my throat, and set the mug down on the table. “I’m done for the night, I’ll see you around.” I quickly said my good-bye and stood up, pulling out my wallet. “So, how much were the drin—“
“They’re on me,” Jeremy said. He rested his stein on the tabletop. He also stared right at me and folded his arms in front of his chest. “And you’re not leaving until you give me a straight answer, Glenn. It’s yes or no.”
Son of bitch, he completely remembered. “Do you really want me answer, Jer?” My eyes bore into his. His gaze fought back as he nodded at me, his facial expression unchanging and his body steady as a rock. “Fine. No. I’m not going to help you. Alright?” My gaze turned into a glare. “So, just deal with that, alright? I’m not going to help you steal anything. Now if you don’t mind…” I looked to Christine who was sitting next to me, moving my head in a simple “move” gesture. “I’m going to go home and forget about this.”
To my dismay, Christine shook her head, giving me an apologetic look. “No can do, Glenn.” Were they kidding me? I just now gave Jeremy a straight answer. I rejected the notion. “We kinda need you to help out.”
I rolled my tongue into my cheek in frustration, before plopping my ass back into my seat. I glared over at Jeremy, who in turn scooted a bit forward and rested his hands on top of the wood of the table. There was a steely look in his eyes; I knew this look all too well. He was going to be all business now—he was going to get what he wanted no matter what asshole move he was going to have to pull. “Glenn. I’m not just going to let you walk away from this. I need all the people I can get on this and you’re one of the people that are going to help, like it or not.
“Let’s start off with a question, Glenn. How exactly did you pay for the cottage that you’re living in? How did you get that down payment?”
My mouth began to go dry. We both new that answer to that. It was a no-brainer how I had gotten the money for my current home—in fact, it would be stupid of Jeremy not to know how I had gotten the money for it. “Hell. No. Don’t pull this on me, Jer. Don’t you do this.” If I had enough saliva I would have swallowed in frustration.
“I paid that for you, didn’t I?” Jeremy answered for me, not once looking away. “And that was a lot of money wasn’t it? I put down a lot of bits so you could get a place to stay.”
Hot breath escaped my nose. “Yeah, and you said that I could pay that all back when I could.” I had been paying Jeremy back little by little since he had helped me move into a new place. It was a typical Jeremy move for him to help me out—especially since I hadn’t been able to land a good job ever since my incident with Ebony. This was a new kind of low, even for Jeremy.
Agreeing with my statement, Jeremy nodded. “I did. Didn’t I? But let me put it this way, if we can get the crowns, you won’t have to pay me back anything and you’ll get a cut of the payment. It’s a pretty good deal if you ask me.” He really wasn’t going to let up. “If you don’t want to help, that’s fine, but, you’re going to have to pay me back for the down payment. Tonight.”
I felt my heart begin to beat harshly in my chest. “I don’t have that kind of money, Jeremy. You know that.” I glanced over at Christine who had begun to awkwardly mess around with her glass of cider. “I can’t pay you back.” My body began to grow warmer as anger flowed through my body. This was bullshit, how could Jeremy pull something like this on me?
“Then either you help me out or…well, I’m going to have to get my money back somehow.” His eyes locked onto mine. “I don’t want to have to be the bad guy, Glenn. But like I said, I need all the people I can get, and you’re who I need. I don’t want to do anything, bro, but I’m going pull any string I can.”
The look in his eyes promised that he wasn’t joking. And I knew that he wasn’t. He had played this card before, but not at such a big level—just with things like magazines or games or something; he never threatened to make me homeless. “Jer—”
“Well? I need an answer. Are you going to help me out? Or do I have to do something I don’t want to.” If anyone else had been saying that statement, I would have labeled them as hypocritical assholes who actually didn’t care what happened to me—but, Jeremy really didn’t want to do this. I knew that for a fact. But he was going to do whatever he could to make me help him.
I gripped my fists and the table and glanced away from Jeremy. “This is blackmail.”
“Yeah. It is.”
He admitted that so easily. “So I have no other choices?”
“Nope.”
“Goddamit,” I cursed, raking my hands through my hair in frustration. Either help out in something that could potentially land my ass in prison or get me rich; or end up homeless. This was a dick move. “You’re almost as bad as Ebony,” I hissed. It was true. Ebony had stabbed me in the back while I was living with him, Jeremy was basically doing the same thing—only he was giving me a choice. Not that this made it any better. In fact, this was wrong. Wrong, wrong, wrong.
My friend shrugged. “If that’s what I got to be that’s what I’m going to be. I need your help, Glenn.”
There was nothing else I could do. “Fine. Screw it. I’ll help you,” A huge grin began to form on Jeremy’s face. “But you’re going to be on my shit list. You’re my friend, Jer, but you just really screwed me over. I’m not going to be happy with you for a long time. After we’re done, I don’t want to see you or talk to you for a while,” If ever, “this was a low blow, even for you.”
Jeremy’s face twitched. “Oh. Uh….” The grin that was forming on his face left and he sighed. “Yeah. Alright…that’s…fair enough , I suppose. Just as long as you’re helping out, Glenn. That’s was really matters right now.” He knocked on the wooden table with his fist.
“Um…” Christine decided to speak up. “Glenn, I get that you’re mad but—”
“Please. Just drop it,” I growled with a little more venom than I intended.
A hollow silence, unlike the peaceful one we had moments ago, filled up a void at our booth. Goddamit, I was pissed; there was blood pumping through my ears and I could feel the want to jump over the table and choke the hell out of Jeremy. He had never put me in a compromising position like that and there was no way that I was going to take that kindly. Who in the hell was going to think “Oh, it’s fine” when they had been basically threatened to be booted out of their home? Nobody was going to be happy with that.
“Well. Now that we have you on the team, Glenn,” I glared up to see Jeremy looking at his watch. “It’s about time that we met up with everyone else.” He quickly slid out of the booth and put some bits on the table. Enough to pay off the drinks and a tip. He glanced back at me, and then looked forward.
“Let’s go steal those crowns.”
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Had marked this to be read once you got some more work in, I've been a sucker for stories that give Celestia some much needed love without dumping all over her.
Glad to see a much nicer chapter length from you, I look forward to reading this when I have the free time tomorrow. Keep up the writing, I'll leave a critique once I'm done reading. : )
Interesting story you've got here. I like the main character, but wow, he is really considerate for such a bitter cynic. If I got screwed over in such a way, I would have started burning things!
Heh, I kid, I kid (not really). But yeah, I'd really like to see how this pans out.
Hmmmmm, I'm interested to see what he does. Please, continue.
3025104 Humans are terrible creatures, aren't they?
Thank goodness they'll all be gone soon. Quite soon.. (heh heh heh heh heh... they'll never even see it coming...)
3025407 Damn you...
Now I must construct a Fate Alteration Engine to overcome her 4th Wall powers.
*goes off to find Isaac Newton*
Does this mean that you'll update a little more frequently?
You have put a lot of work on the people of this story. I what to see what next to the story. Let see what new elements you will put in play. I do hope to see a new chapter soon.
Liked and Favorited. Now please continue.
The prologue was quick, started in the middle of action and kept the tension and interesting part a story. The first chapter felt slow and telly. A lot of the dialogue felt like it was meant to develop character and nothing else. The best way to write is to try and have it serve at least two purposes.
Someone call?
3025449
I'll do my best. I have part of the next chapter typed up and I hope that it will live up to the story. I am going to try harder to update more frequently, but with University classes rearing their ugly head in the future....
3024925
Well he is a Cynic, but he's not as Cynical as most other cynics I have met in my own life. I tried to make him more...jaded than cynical, keeping him towards the kind of person that can distrust ponies who are happy and wonderful and all friendshipy, but still function as a decent person.
3025628
Thank you for this advice. I'll keep it in mind while I write other chapters. Criticism is always welcome, as it helps me develop more as a writer. Thank you for pointing this out and I hope to address it in later chapters. Thanks a million!
3025104
Jeremy is kind of a twat ain't he? Kinda makes a guy/gal wonder why someone like Glenn would be friends with him, huh?
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Thank you. I did put a lot of time actually designing how I want my characters to be and their speech patterns. I actually wrote three pages of pure dialogue with each character to get them down pat.
Was definitely excited to see this pop up as updated, and I have to say you didn't disappoint. While I'm still mainly wanting to see how Tia will tie into this after he gives his explanation, it was needed to get information on why exactly he was taking part in this theft in the first place. Good character building, and I eagerly await the next update.
Woah, not a very friendly thing to do, the poor guy is surrounded by plotholes! All he should have said was "Ok, sure, i'll help but you gotta choose, force me into this and this is the last night we will ever hang out as pals, your choice."
In other Words, make it very clear that FRIENDS do not pull crap like that, he's reaction was just to forgiving, "Oooh, you big dummy blackmailing me like that! I will not speak to you for a whole week!" He should have made it very clear that if he forced him like this their friendship would be done, instead he just treated it like something friends actully do to each other.
Will the pair...do it at sometime?
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They'll do a lot of things. Like ride the bus. Have meaningful conversation on how yearbook went and about her friends and, uh, you know, drama.
But really, no spoilers.
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Hahaha. Yeah. I rushed the end a bit. I'll admit that. Hmm. I'll see about revising that. Thanks a lot for pointing that out! But also notice that he says he doesn't want to see him for a while--IF EVER. He' snot just brushing it off, but he's not telling it to Jeremy's face. He's not really accepting the matter, but he isn't going to give an ultimatum. You'll understand this more as the chapters continue. Glenn isn't going to be as forgiving as he making himself seem to be.
I liked this chapter, but I found some minor errors you may want to edit.
That should be "too".
That should be "her".
And that should be "you're". Still, I really like this fic and wish to see more of it.
I would have said "No. I don't need poisonous friends like you. Take my house. But I doubt you'll need it where you'll be going once you're caught."
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I personally loved the slow feel of the dialogue. It was entertaining, flowed nicely, built character and made it so it's not "Okay, here's how it's going down: We break in, knock the guards on the head, take the crowns and run like the Devil's after us," which would be fine for an action game or action movie given some montage moments, but for a story like this it just wouldn't flow very well. Sometimes people are just people, and they tend to fill space a lot, and dialogue like this really helps the readers feel and care about the characters, as well as establishing them as legitimate people and not 2D caricatures. It's like the difference between a character like Spiced Cider, who, though I have a feeling we'll see more of, currently functions as a set piece and not a fully fledged character, and the main character, Glenn, who is most certainly a character to empathize with and care about, and needs to move around multiple scenes fluidly. To put it in much simpler terms, it makes the difference between a tree and the people (or ponies) picnicking under it.
If this is confusing, I am rather sleepy, so in the morning I can try to clarify if I didn't come off correctly.
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Oh, gosh. Wow. Thanks a bunch. What a way to start the day. I read this as soon as I got onto fimfiction and I just...
That was one of the most in-depth comments I've gotten thus far. And yes, that was what I was sort of going for in this--people don't just always do things so easily. They try to stall and evade questions, which was what Glenn himself was trying to do for a good portion of the chapter. 
I also wanted to show how each of the opposing sides to this 'heist' are like: Jeremy who will stop at nothing to pull it off and Glenn who wants no part of but is blackmailed into it.
3031918 My sentiments exactly. Good story, but as I'm sure you're aware, I hate Jeremy.
Hm interesting, the humans don't see Celestia as god. I have to say I look forward to the next edition to this story.
Yours Truly Thecakedevil.
rather than hate Jeremy, his attitude makes me raise the question: "what is so damn important about Glenn that he wants him in the operation at any cost??? seriously, why??. it's not like he has some kind of ninja training, or superb burglar skills, so what makes him so god damn importan for Jeremy?
Sorry for asking this but when do you think next chapter will be up
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Considering how I had to move and get everything for my apartment set up and I just finished today, I would estimate either tomorrow or Friday, but it would be Sunday by the latest.
Hi guys! Sorry about the delay. This next chapter, a full twenty pages as compared to the ten page chapter last time, will be up most definitely by tomorrow. My editor/co-author/friend/lover/space gun/ squirrel-money is looking it over and we'll have it ready for tomorrow!
After chapter 2, I'm still left wondering why Glenn's in Equestria. The story implies that there is open transit between worlds. So why is a guy who doesn't particularly like ponies there?
We need some background to answer that question. There must be a pressing reason he's staying on a world he doesn't really like when the way home is seemingly wide open.
Is it a portal that takes a degree of effort to open, thus it costs money he doesn't have to purchase passage back since he's rather lacking of means after coming to Equestria expending all his meager savings for the hope of a better life?
Could he go back if he wanted, but is he too stubborn to admit failure, and thus goes into this rather hair-brained scheme because it's a chance for 'the big score'?
The story neglects an important question: Why is the main character in his initial situation when all supporting detail implies he could easily leave?
He needs a proper constraint, something to prevent him from just up and leaving Equestria, where he is clearly not happy, whether physical or psychological.
Not sure if I should be offended, or laugh... x'D
Well, not your average protagonist. Hates Ponies, is a cynical bastard and is being blackmailed into something. Yep, this is definitely something new. Even more of a poor bastard now, bah ha ha ha.
I want to gouge this f#ckhead's eyeballs out