Disclaimer: Keeping in consistency towards the game, certain attack names shall be called out during battle whilst others will be thought. Well, I'm on my last day in Ireland and am glad I was able to finish this up before I go home!! Anywho, here yah go!! PS: Play this whilst you read ^_^
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“XEHANORT” roared Terra, overwhelmed by the anger that burned within him, bringing his key blade down to strike down his foe. He let out a grunt of anger as Xehanort managed to shield himself from his blow, letting out a pitiful grunt. “Your time...has come...” Terra sneered.
Luna had reached forward with an extended hoof, offering this stranger her friendship. Perhaps it was because she felt deep down inside, they were alike in some ways. That despite their differences, they could be friends. Letting out a gasp of shock from the creatures sudden roar, she stepped back when the armored being launched itself at her.
“What art thou doing” cried out an alarmed Luna, barely having brought up a dark blue energy shield to protect herself from the powerful sword key. Moments ago she had been offering her hoof in friendship towards this strange creature. Now it was attacking her, calling her Xehanort!!
“I am not Xehanort, your confused” she insisted, letting out another wince of pain from the beings weapon, as it collide against her shield a second time, a third time. It's physical strength was staggeringly powerful!
From Terra's point of view, he wasn't seeing the alicorn princess from before. Instead, he was a stranger...a man that he couldn't recall meeting and yet..the sight of this yellow eyed, and elderly man...the very sight of this man who he assumed to be Xehanort made him bubble with anger
Confusion raced through Terra, as he paused from his strikes. The old man was waving his hands in a gesture of peace, calling out for him to stop this.
Terra's body started to glow, darkness surrounding his armored form.
“.....Die Xehanort” he bluntly stated, bringing his keyblade up to shatter the shield,and put an end to the man!! Striking nothing but the ground, Terra made a sound that sounded like a snort of annoyance at seeing Xehanort levitate above him; his shield still up. The dark energy continued to surge around his armored being.
Gasping in horror at the sight of the incoming keyblade, Luna reacted as she took off into the sky to avoid getting struck. Her eyes widdened in awe as the strange sword key made a small crater, demonstrating it's power!
“Oh wow! That was close” Luna panted, having barely dodged the strange creature's attack. Her shield had almost shattered into pieces from the constant strikes!!
The ground beneath the creature, then crumbled into pieces from it's mighty weapon.
Just how strong was this thing?!
Again, she pleaded with the creature, calling out “I am not your enemy!! Lay down your weapon". She spread out her hooves in a gesture of peace towards the being, not wanting to fight it.
"Tch" responded Terra in disgust. Once more, Xehanort was trying to stop this fight. Xehanort had taken..something important from him. He had taken many things that were important from him, and for this; he would pay!!
“Here...goes” Terra growled, aiming his keyblade at the airborne Xehanort, ignoring the gesture. “FIRA” he shouted, a fire ball shooting in an arc towards Xehanort. Smirking in satisfaction at the mini-explosion, Terra sprinted towards Xehanort; keyblade dragging against the ground as sparks flew from the blade.
"I think I'm reaching him" thought Luna, a smile coming to her face as hope rose. The smile vanished just as fast at the sight of the approaching fire ball. "Oh no" she cried out, quickly raising her shield in time as the fire ball collided against her shield.
“Oof” grunted Luna, landing roughly as she shrugged off the effects from her dissipated shield. Seeing the approaching armored being, her saddened gaze narrowed. It seemed she needed to beat it in order to get it to listen. It's anger for this Xehanort, whoever he was, was creating a powerful darkness within the creature. It felt similar to Nightmare Moon in this regard
So be it...she would quell it's anger. She would calm him and remove this energy that was corrupting him.
“Blizza” cried out Luna, her horn firing a chilling snow flake shaped attack at the armor.
Terra leapt into the air, dodging over the attack as he connected his weapon with Xehanort's keyblade. Struggling against Xehanort, he felt surprise at how Xehanort seemed to be struggling against his might, Wasn't he supposed to be all powerful!?
“Errrrgh!! Grrrrrr” Luna grunted, digging her hooves into the ground to push back against the keyblade. It's strength was unbelievable, and was taking a strain on her horn. She needed to resort to magic, taking it head on wasn't very wise. “Blizza Sword” she commanded, her horn forming an ethereal sword made of ice in the air.
If he could smile, Terra would as he pushed back against Xehanort's keyblade. It would seem that whatever darkness that had lended it's strength to Xehanort, had left him. A low growl erupted from his helmet as he started to overwhelm Xehanort.
“W..what” Terra gasped in alarm, finding himself on the receiving end of slashes and thrust from the sudden ethereal ice blade as he blocked and deflected attacks!! Feeling the blade knick against his shoulder pad, Terra collapsed to a knee for a moment, gripping his frozen shoulder pad.
Xehanort, that coward!! Did he think he was not worthy enough to face one on one?! He would pay for that” thought Terra furiously. Shooting his eyes up to see the blade about to slice him in two, Terra acted.
“Stop” ordered Terra, his blade creating an ethereal clock. Time came to a screeching halt for all, save for Terra.
Moving out of the swords path, he thought “Strike Raid”, heaving his keyblade like a boomerang in Xehanorts direction.
"H..How did he?! This creature isn't a unicorn, so how is it using such powerful magic" thought a distraught Luna, struggling to move a single muscle. Shivering internally at seeing the spinning sword key, she gasped when the sudden magic in the air vanished.
“Sweet Equestria” Luna eked, ducking her head in time to avoid having it taken off from the combination of magic and his weapon. Raising her head up, she failed to notice the kyblade coming back towards her, as the blunt edge of the blade rammed against her back; causing Luna to skid across the ground.
“Agggh” Luna hissed in pain, glowering at the being.
“Ignorant cretin!! Thou shall suffer dearly for that” thought her darkness, feeling it threaten to overtake the fight. All she had to do was give in, and she could end this fight in one swift attack...
Luna however resisted, forcing herself up to her wobbly hooves. This wasn't easy, but she wasn't about to use something that would end up hurting her in the long run later.
She would rely on her own power.
Closing her eyes, her horned gathered energy together, forming a deep blue ball. “Lunar beam” she shouted, shooting the ball out into the form of a beam.
"He's down" Terra smugly thought, feeling amusement at seeing the hurt keyblade master. "Yes, feel the same pain that you've caused me" Terra whispered to himself, before running to reach the old man. Unfortunately, he dropped his guard when the lunar beam shot out towards him.
Terra attempted to put up a shield in time; but failed as he was struck. “GAAAAH” yelled Terra, the blast sending him smashing against her fountain. Laying on his backside in silence, he lifted himself up slowly, going to sprint but stumbled to his knees. The effects from the blast were clearly more powerful then he had anticipated.
“I will..” Terra started to proclaim, when Xehanort appeared in front of him and pressed his keyblade against his armored chest. Feeling anxiety fill him up, Terra froze on the spot. “W..w..what” he gasped, when images started to flash in his head.
“Mind Hunt” Luna declared, teleporting herself in front of the living armor and placing her horn against it's helmeted head. In a quick flash of light, she was combing through it's memories, and was horrified to say the least.
It's memories were scatted, shattered and an incoherent mess. What had happened to this thing?! Choosing a random memory in hopes that it would reveal something about the creature she could use to stop it, she paused at what she saw.
Pain..this creature's pain was unlike anything she had ever felt before!! It felt like an ocean of sadness and despair, similar to how she felt whenever she was lonely. She could feel its angst and misery, emanating from having lost something dear to it. Whatever it had lost, it perhaps it was it's source of anger. But she wasn't certain this was the source, nor what it had even lost.
For a brief moment, she could see what looked like the memory of...a courtyard somewhere...a castle floating in the sky. Two people stood in the court yard, Both we're wielding similar weapons to the creature. One of the beings looked young, early twenties...short, messy brown hair, dressed in a traditional outfit..the other was an older fellow in his fifties...long black hair, dressed in similar clothing
The two men were shouting at one another, arguing it seemed. The older creature had collapsed to it's knees, whilst the younger one was reaching out to it. He went to reach the older one when..
“ENOUGH” bellowed Terra, his darkness flaring around him in fury, shaking off whatever attack Xehanort had been trying to pull on him. Panting heavily for a few moments to catch his breathe, he snarled “W..what was..?! What...make me see?!?!”. Gripping his chest where the keyblade had been, he growled “You...won't fool...Xehanort”!
Silently lowering keyblade whilst sprinting, he went to cleave Xehanort in two. He hit air as he found himself delivering a series of thrust towards Xehanorts body, growling as all the old man did was dodge his attacks!
"Who were those two" Luna thought, forced away from the creature. She had peeked into this creature's memories, and had seen something precious towards the creature, whether it knew it was precious or not. Squating down when the creature came to cleave her, she moved herself left to dodge the cleave. It didn't save her however from the flurry of strikes towards her.
“I..I can't keep this up forever” panicked Luna, being forced further and further back away from it's thrust. She kept up dodging and avoiding the creatures strikes, but she feared that she would wear herself out eventually. Thinking quickly, Luna's head perked up at an idea, leaping back away from the creatures sword reach.
“Lunar Mist” thought the Princess, as a dark mist erupted from her horn. For a few moments, the moon was eclipsed. The mist became thick, as it spread itself out and enveloped the garden; blinding any foe who dared be in it.
"Where...are you” Terra bellowed, sweeping the shroud that had taken away his ability to temporarily see. Feeling a looming presences glowering at him, he turned in time to catch a blast to the chest. “Gah” he grunted, stepping back from the tiny blast that struck him. Then another struck him, and another!!
Soon, a flurry of lunar blast were striking against him repeatedly. Acting, he started to strike and send the blast flying away in an attempt to defend himself from the onslaught of attacks.
However, because of the lack of vision, his moments to react were few as eventually he messed up and was sent onto his back, his armor covered in burn marks. Pushing himself, Terra went to respond but was cut off when he started to get struck once more!!
“Lunar Shot” Luna simply said, her horn shooting a rapid onslaught of mini blast like a Gatling gun. The blast themselves weren't that powerful, but being fired at such a fast pace did cause some relevance of pain towards whoever was being struck by it!! The blast would hone in around, and attack from different directions to confused the foe.
Deciding to give it a chance, her horned stopped firing as she stepped back from the mist.
“Your being far too lenient with this thing. Don't stop, your merely giving it an opportunity to pick itself up and strike back!! Is this what you want” demanded the darkness incredulously.
She flinched at the words, knowing that there was some truth to what she said, but that didn't mean she was going to act upon them. “DOES THOU SURRENDER” demanded Luna from outside the mist, not wanting to cause anymore unnecessary damage to this stranger.
"This dosen't hurt" Terra thought to himself, ignoring the pain from the blast. Slowly, he raised his keyblade up towards the sky.
“.....Aero” was the respond, as a massive whirlwind erupted from nowhere. The mist slowly started to spin in place, gathering up within the whirlwind before being sent up into the sky.
Terra silently stared in the direction of Xehanort, the darkness having vanished from his body. He became as still as a statue, not moving at all.
Slowly, he fell to a knee.
"What art thou" Luna whispered as her mist was swept upwards, and away into the sky. Her horn glowed dangerously at the creature, daring it to attack as she watched it slowly fall to a knee.
Luna took this for a surrender, sighing gently. That had been difficult, but she was glad it was now willing to stop and listen. Trotting over towards the creature, her darkness suddenly screamed in warning.
“Look out, you fool” snapped her darkness, as the creatures head snapped up to face hers.
“AGGH” Luna gasped in pain, a powerful shock wave causing her to slide backwards away from the foe. Opening her eyes wearily, she gasped at what she saw.
Terra's armored form had a black, purprlish aura surrounding his being, that seemed to be pushing out darkness in a powerful manner. Slowly, Terra got to his feet, shifting into a stance as he raised his keyblade high up into the air. “...Sonic...Shadow” he stated simply, as he was suddenly gone in the blink of an eye.
“W..what” gasped Luna, looking left and right for the stranger. Where had he gone?! Before she could think too long on it, she flinched from the sudden slice against her shoulder, staggering to the left. “W..what was that” she cried out, when another slice towards her left hoof suddenly appeared.
“He's using his own darkness to accelerate his attack speed” informed an alarmed Nightmare, hissing at the pain she felt from the link between her and Luna.
Searching around in all directions, it proved useless!! Soon, she started to feel the slices coming from all directions, placing up a shield to protect herself. All it did was add more stress and pain to her, as she closed her eyes wishing for it to stop!!
“Let me take control” hissed the darkness in her mind!!
“I said n..” Luna tried to protest, but was silenced when he connected a final time against her shield. Like expected, her shield shattered into pieces; the combined stress from holding her shield and absorbing the blows having drained Luna's strength. Skidding roughly across the garden, Luna tried to get up when she her head was knocked back down.
The creature had planted it's foot on her chest.
“N..No” she moaned in pain, tiredly lifting her head up to meet the armored beings head. She tried to power up her horn to attack, defend herself, anything. But she couldnt gather the strength to do so.
Was this the end??
“...It's over” answered Terra simply, bringing his keyblade down to slay Xehanort when..
“AAAGGGH” Terra spasmed in pain, his armored form crackling from the light beam that struck against his chest!!
Staggering backwards from Xehanort, he glowered up to meet the gaze of the one who dare stop him from finishing off Xehanort. Reaching out to feel what sort of being this was, he gasped. T..this energy!! It felt..familiar too!! A name formed in his mind, as he spoke out in shock.
M..Master..Eraqus??
Gonna read this later
i am a little confused of your use of eraques, you realise he had been corrupted by the light right?
2946570 Oh I know he was corrupted. But I cant very well tell you what it means right now, else I'd spoil the next chapter :)
*Reads description* Yes, yes, yes yes, yes yes yes, YES YES YES YES YES!!! TERRA!!!!!!!
2958621 Yup, Terras in this :)
2958812 I know, it said in the description. fc07.deviantart.net/fs70/f/2012/271/1/9/twilight_sparkle_yes_by_madman32395-d5g678n.gif
2959436 Haha!!! Nice :D. I dunno, I just thought Terra meeting Luna would be an interesting idea.
2959513 It is, oh and I just read the first chapter. It was pretty good, but there were a few things that I saw in my first run through that bothered me. One was that in the fight scene half of the text was italicized, why I don't know, but to me I found it slightly distracting and it made me glaze over the text. I also noticed that in the beginning with Luna, you seemed to have the italicized text there to present a different mind/pony. In a story the point of view stays on a single character for a scene, so everything that happens they experience and react to. For the first scene you didn't push into this because all that Luna's envious side did was whisper dark thoughts and ideas to try to corrupt her counter part, but in the second scene, the fight scene between The Lingering Will and Terranort, you share the point of view between the two fighters when it should either stay within The Lingering Will or Xerahnort in Terra's body. Thirdly, you forgot to put commas before and after someone talks and in the fight scene you put exclamation marks at the end of paragraphs and sometimes in the middle of them in the fight scene which makes it sound as if a third party is watching and commenting on the whole ordeal like one would a baseball game. Generally these should just be periods unless the text is caught together with one of the character's thoughts. You also forget some words in sentences or make some of them awkward which makes the chapter hard to read.
These are all the mistakes I found, but I probably missed a couple, the story's still great and since it's your first story, that makes it fantastic! My first story was WAAAYYYYY worse than this. There are just some things that you need to work on that will iron out as you go along. Two suggestions though, one is get an editor to help point out these mistakes if you haven't already gotten one, I suggest getting one from The Proofreader Group, and the other is an optional one which is to search online for worksheets, tests, and other such things to practice grammar such as verb tenses to further hone your skills.
I hope I haven't been to harsh, I still like the story, I really do, I'm just trying to point some things out so it's even greater so even more people like it.
2959861 Ahh, thanks for the advice. No I don't think you were too harsh. What you said makes sense. Though to explain, the part in the Lingering Will vs Terranort, I did the italics thing intentionally. Since The Lingering Will at the time is just that, Terra's Will and an inanimate object being moved by his will, I thought it would make more sense to distinguish between it and Xehanort (That's why I always said "It attacked" not "He attacked".) Err, i hope that makes sense lol.
Though that second part, yes I need to improve on that. I've been searching, but I can't find a proper BETA. I've had other's look over, and they've caught mistakes yeah, but I constantly worry that not everything has been caught at times.
2959963 The text for The Lingering Will should still be normal then aside from the parts where it talks. It should be no different from the rest of the text because you're still showing the same scene.
2962498 Ahhh, so when it's doing anything other then talking to itself, it should be normal. Yeah, that makes sense. Thank you :).
2962649 Hey, no problem. I'm just happy I could help.
Alright, a few things about this chapter. Firstly, some of the stuff I said about the first chapter is also in here, mainly when you switch perspectives so often in the fight. If you want to continuously change the perspective of the fight make it into multiple scenes of the same fight so it looks more professional or keep it to a single character. Secondly, were all the names of the attacks needed? You could simply state the actions, like when Terra threw his keyblade people who've played the game, which would be most everyone who'd be reading this would guess it was strike raid. Aside from that, good chapter.
2990093 Ahh, the multiple scenes things sure I can do that!!
Though, for the shouting the attacks: lemme explain. I was kinda going for a game feel. Kinda like when in the game when you use a certain attack, the character shouts it. Ex: Sora: FIRA!! *shoots fira ball*. Though for the attacks where they don't shout it out, I have them think it to themselves. I figured it'd be simpler to have them think their attacks to help show what attack their gonna use, so it could help show the reader what their doing.
2990173 Yeah, I guess that makes sense.
2990193 Though thanks for the advice :). Having them think some of the attacks, rather then them shouting all of their attacks is good ^_^.
Otherwise, it'd have a digimon feel lol. Not that I dont like digimon or anything like that.
2990222 It's funny you mention Digimon because I was going to have a digimon crossover with my KH crossover, hint hint, there's only a single Digimon who's going to be going into Equestria and he is as black as ebony with golden eyes.
2990554 Haha!! Lucky guess huh? :). Errr, Black WarGreymon?
2990575 Eeyup.
2990590 Annnnd doone :). Multiscened so to cover more of the fight. Thanks for the advice ^_^
2997685 No problem. I'm just happy I could help.
2997685 MOAR??????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????//
3004203 Very soon :).
Why didn't he use Zanteksu?
I dont mean to be that guy, but you missed a "*you're" near the top
3477020 His what?
Heehee~